March 9th.

It was Thursday afternoon, the boys were home, and Jessica had cooked dinner for them.

Grayson was being whiny and wanted to be held while Jessica was eating.

"You're being a mess, do you know that?"

He smiles and Jessica laughs, "You do?

Grayson, one year ago today daddy put you in my tummy!" Jessica smiles at him.

"Mom, we're eating!" Sam says.

"Heh! Well it's special! Daddy wanted you so bad, baby boy.."

The boys get quiet and Jessica rocks Grayson.

She takes a deep breath and looks to the boys.

"I have to get back to work."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't want to, but I have to."

"What are you gonna do with Grayson?"

"Either my mom or your father's mom.  I hate leaving him, I really really don't want to, but I have no choice." She pouts and looks down at his smiling face.

***

The next day Jessica felt a sadness no matter what she did.

It had been a year since Sam was diagnosed with cancer, and was told he only had two weeks to live.

"Mom, can I get you anything?  Are you hungry?" James asks.

"No baby, I'm fine.  Thanks."

"You haven't eaten all day, are you okay?"

"Mhm." She nods.

"Okay.. Well Sarah's coming over.."

"I remember."

"Alright.. Well.. Do you want me to take the baby?"

"He's fine in his bouncer, thanks."

"Sure."

James goes over to Sam and says, "Mom doesn't look too good, Sam.. She seems really upset."

"Yeah, I know.  I mean, it's a bad day for all of us, but she does seem really bad."

"What do we do?"

"Maybe give her some space?"

"Maybe."

"Sarah's coming over, I'm sure she'll make her feel better."

"Yeah."

***

"Hey honey, how are you?"

"Okay." Jessica answers with sadness in her eyes.

Grayson starts crying loudly and Jessica sighs.

"He's been so fussy today."

"Babies can sense when their mommy's are upset, and that effects their mood."

"That's true.. I'm really trying not to be sad, but it's hard.  These next two weeks will be so difficult..

Thinking about all the last time stuff.. We had some good moments, but most of those last two weeks were horrible.  Sam was in so much pain, and to see him go from a once strong, happy, care free man to a sickly, weak and frail thing in just a matter of days.. That's something that haunts me.. I just keep reliving it in my head over and over again and I can't stop. Seeing his sick face and touching his weak shaky hands.. Ugh I hate it!"

"Jessica, I'm so sorry.  I don't know what to say.. Just know we are all here for you." Sarah touches her hand.

Jessica looks down to their hands, then looks into her eyes and says, "I know. Thank you."

March 23rd. Sam's one year anniversary.

The closer it got to Sam's anniversary, the more depressed Jessica became.

She was distant from everyone as well. Sarah wanted to take her out for a little while, but she wasn't in the mood to do anything.

Her days were spent in the house with Grayson.

He brought light into her darkness and kept her busy.

The boys are busy with school, basketball, and their friends, so they have been out of the house a lot.

That morning they got ready for school, then came down to grab some breakfast.

"Moms not down yet?" James asks.

"No.. Maybe we should go check on her."

"We should. She hasn't been herself these last two weeks.. It's hard on all of us, but.. I don't know, it's like she's lost."

"I know."

Meanwhile upstairs.

Jessica laid in bed with Grayson sleeping peacefully next to her.

She didn't get much sleep, not because Grayson kept her up, but because her mind wasn't letting her rest.

All she kept think about was how much Sam will miss, and how much he has already missed.

Grayson was such a happy baby, the happiest out of all four of them, but she felt so sad for him not having a dad.

The boys have a big game coming up in a couple weeks, Sam would have been so excited for them. 

Then quickly after was prom and graduation. 

The proud moment she and Sam talked about since the day they were born was coming so soon, and the fact that he wouldn't be there there by her side was crushing.

The moment they'd take to kiss and congratulate each other for raising such amazing boys, was gone.

Grayson was asleep peacefully in the bed with Jessica, while she sobbed silently.

James lightly knocks on the door and Jessica quickly wipes her eyes.

"Hey mom.. Can we come in?" He says slowly opening the door.

"Sure.. Come in.." She sniffles.

"You okay?" Sam asks as they make their way to the bed.

"I'm fine." Jessica fakes a smile.

"Mom.."

"Shh, don't wake him!" She says in a loud whisper as she looks down at the sleeping baby.

"Mom, come down for breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"Please." Michael looks into her eyes with a sad expression.

"I'm okay.. Thanks.."

"Mom, I know how hard this is on you, but dad would want you to take care of yourself and be healthy." James says.

Jessica looks at him and cries.

"Mom.." His heart hurts for his mother.

He holds her in his arms and she sobs.

"I have tried so hard not to be this way!  I'm the mom, I'm supposed to be strong for you boys!  I've been a horrible mother these past two weeks and I'm so sorry!  I just can't get myself to be happy and want to get out and do things.. I love you all so much and I know it's not just me.  I know you're hurting too, and I'm sorry!"

"Mom please don't apologize!" Sam rubs her arm.

"We understand.  We've all dealt with dad's death differently.. I know you're hurting and I feel bad that we haven't really been there for you."

"You boys have done so much for me."

"We love you, mom."

"I love you too."

Jessica chuckles and says, "Sometimes I feel more like the child than the parent.. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!" James tightens the grip on his mother, and shakes her, making her laugh.

"Oop!  You woke little man!" Sam looks over at Grayson stretching his little body out and smiling.

"Look at him smiling already!" Jessica says.

"Well why not?  It's a beautiful day, isn't that right, Gray?" Samuel picks him up and walks to the window.

He opens the curtain and let's the sun shine through.

Grayson baby talks and flails his arms around.

Jessica chuckles and Sam walks over to hand the baby to her.

"You want mama?" He asks as Grayson smiles big at Jessica.

"Hey buddy!

*Smiles*

You're so happy!" Jessica wipes her eyes and gives him a kiss.

"Grayson.. I think..

There's someone I want you to meet."

She looks to the boys and they nod.

***

Jessica got dressed and put Grayson in a cute little outfit.

The boys skipped school, and drove Jessica to the cemetery.

When they get there, Jessica took Grayson out of his car seat and they walked over to Sam's grave.

"You're gonna meet your dada." She smiles at him with tears in her eyes.

James laid a blanket out on the ground and they all sat down.

"Grayson.. This is your daddy.." Jessica voice was shaky.

"Can you say hi?" She says in almost a whisper.

Sam rubs her back and Jessica does her best to fight back tears.

Grayson smiles and bounces his arms up and down.

Jessica kisses his head and softy cries.

Samuel kisses her head and they all stay silent.

"We miss you, Sammy.. I'm a mess without you, baby."

"She's doing good, dad.  We'd be lost without her." James adds.

Jessica smiles softly and Grayson leans forward, so Jessica lays him on his stomach and says, "You wanna do tummy time with daddy?" She smiles.

Grayson giggles and hits the ground with his hands.

"You usually don't like tummy time, but today you're all smiles, aren't you?"

He giggles and Jessica softly runs her hand over his head.

Grayson looks at Sam's headstone, then looks right above it and smiles.

The look he had in his eyes was the same look he gives Jessica.

"Whatcha lookin at, baby?" Jessica asks.

"You know, they say that babies can see Angels." Michael says.

"I know.. *Smiles* I think that everyone I see him smiling at the ceiling or the wall.. He's smiling at his dada.. Right baby?"

Grayson makes a cute baby noise and laughs.

"What are you laughing at, silly boy?" Jessica says in a cute voice, then kisses his head.

They watch Grayson just hypnotized, and suddenly he rolls to his back.

"What?!  Hah!  Where did that come from?  You've never done that before, baby boy!" Jessica says.

Grayson laughs and Jessica picks him up.

"You're such a strong boy!" She kisses his cheek.

"Heh, I think Grayson likes this place!  Last time we were here, your water broke!" Sam says.

"I know!  That's right!  I think he does like being with daddy!  You chose this place to let everyone one you were on your way!" Jessica kisses him.

They sit there for hours, just hanging out and talking about anything.

"Mom.. I miss the Saturday morning breakfast's we used to have with dad."

"Me too, Michael." Jessica looks at him with a sad expression.

"Why don't we start it up again?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know it's different now.. Life is different.. But that doesn't mean we can't have our same family traditions.  We'll make or pick up breakfast and eat with dad every Saturday morning.  Grayson's here now and we have to keep that tradition going.. For him and us."

Jessica smiles softly and tears form in her eyes.

She reaches over and pulls him closer before kissing his head.

"I think that's a great idea, baby boy."