Jessica stayed in the hospital for a few days, and when she was released, the doctor talked to the boys about how to care for their mother.

Jessica still wasn't feeling the best and would get sick every once in a while, but nothing too bad.

The boys would be leaving back to school soon, and Jessica was begging to worry.

She didn't know what she'd do.  She feared going back to taking the medication, even though she wanted so badly not to.

The boys didn't want to leave her, but they had no choice.

By now all of Jessica's family knew about what had happened, and they all planned to help her and Michael out.

"Mom, I feel bad for leaving." Sam says sitting his bags down and walking towards her.

"Me too, are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine, boys.  Thank you so much for everything.  And I'm sorry that you really didn't have much of a break.." She looks down and slowly rubs her hand up and down her left arm.

"Oh don't apologize!  I'm just glad you're getting better." James says.

"Yeah... Me too." Jessica said with sadness and worry in her eyes.

***

"You boys be good." Jessica says giving each one a hug.

"We will.

Stay safe, mom.. Please." Sam says.

"I will." Jessica smiles softly.

George took the boys to the airport and Michael went to school.

For the first time in weeks Jessica was all alone with Grayson.

Jessica felt completely empty and sad.  She hated this feeling, but for some reason, she just couldn't shake it.

Grayson had been fussy all day and it exhausted Jessica.

"Oh Grayson, I don't know if teething is taking more out of you or me!" She sighs.

"Mama wishes that second toothy would hurry up and pop out!" She says holding him on her hip as he screams on the top of his lungs.

"You are getting a bottle and going to bed, little boy!"

Jessica went upstairs and laid him down in his crib, then went downstairs and cleaned up the mess he made with his toys.

The doorbell rang and Grayson woke up.

"Dammit!"

Jessica answers the door and it was a UPS guy.

Jessica gave him a look from hell and signed the paper.  She grabbed the box and slammed the door.

It was something Michael had ordered.  She tossed it on the couch and went upstairs to Grayson.

"Grayson!" She whines.

"Mama hurts!  Mama hurts!" He cries and points to his face.

"Aw baby.. Come here." Jessica sighs and picks him up.

"How don't I have baby orajel?  Oh Jessica you're such a horrible mom.."

The doorbell rings so she goes downstairs.

"Oh hey.  What are you doing here?" Jessica says to Sarah when she opens the door.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing.  Evan's at work and McKenna's at school, so it's just me and little priss today." Sarah smiles at Rhylie.

"Hah!  Hey pretty girl!" Jessica tickles her making her laugh.

"Hmh!  You're such a cutie!  Come in, we're just.. Screaming."

"Screaming?"

"Grayson's teething and I'm a horrible mother who doesn't have orajel for him."

"Jess, that doesn't make you a horrible mother.  Here, have some of mine."

"Ah!  Bless you!  Here, Gray!  Open your mouth."

Grayson opens his mouth wide making Jessica chuckle.

Jessica sticks it on his gums and Grayson makes a face.

"I know it's yucky, but it'll make you feel better.  Say thank you, Sarah!"

Grayson laughs and blows spit bubbles.

"Nice, Gray."

"Haha, it's okay!  You're welcome, Grayson!" Sarah smiles.

They put the kids down and they start playing with the neatly put away toys.

"So how are you?" Sarah asks sitting on the couch.

"I'm okay." Jessica shrugs.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm.." She nods.

"I want you to come to me if you ever feel.. You know.."

"Yeah.. Thanks, Sarah." She smiles softly.

***

One month later.

The past month has been difficult for Jessica.

Her family has helped out a lot, but lately she just wants to be alone.

"Mom, I know you mean well, but I'm okay now.."

"Am I coming over too often?"

"No mom, it's not that!  I'm just saying you don't have to cook for me all the time.  I love it and I appreciate it.. I just.. Well I need to do things for myself.  I hope you understand."

"Well honey, of course I understand!  I'll let you live your life.. I just want you to be okay.."

"I am, mom."

"Alright." Dorothy smiles.

***

"Hey Mikey, how was school?"

"Okay.  I'm going out tonight."

"What?"

"Oh I mean, can I go out tonight?"

"Where, Michael?"

"I'm just going to a friends house for dinner.  Please, mom?!"

"Alright, fine.." She sighs.

The past few weeks Michael has been distant very with Jessica.

She was worried about him but every time she spoke with him, he said school was just a lot right now and it was stressing him out.

Jessica let it go, but she was worried as to why he was being this way.

***

Michael left and Grayson was sleeping.

Jessica decided to go into her room and do some cleaning out.

All of Sam's stuff was still there.  His side of the closet still untouched.

In a month it'll be two years since he past, so she thought it was time to clean up and maybe get rid of some things.   

She opened the closet door and just stared at his clothes.

Her eyes watered and she slowly walked to his things.

She softly touches his shirts that were neatly hung up.

She pulled his shirt off the hanger and brought it to her face.  She took in the scent in and closed her eyes.

"I miss you, Sam. 

I wanna be with you.. I love my boys so so much.. I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong.  Sam I want to be with you again!" She says with tears starting to fall down her cheeks.

Jessica sat down and held his shirt to her chest.

On the ground there was some of his things and a family picture.

Jessica picked it up and a small smile appeared on her face.

It was from summer 2002.

Jessica was pregnant with Michael and the twins were almost three.

***

June 2002.

"Mama!  Where we going?!" James asks as Jessica gets him dressed.

"Daddy and I are taking you and your brother to the water park!"

"Yay!  We gonna swim?"

"Yeah!"

"And I gonna swim too!  And Michael gonna swim too in your belly, mama!" Samuel rubs the center of Jessica's stomach.

"He is!" Jessica giggles and holds her side.

"Hey babe, need any help?  The van is packed and everything is ready." Sam asks walking into the room.

"No, we're just about finished here." Jessica smiles at Sam.

"Alright, ready to swim, boys?" Sam smiles.

"Yeah daddy!"

"We gonna get on the big slide that goes like this?!" Samuel moves his arm up and down.

"Ah, maybe in a few years!" Sam chuckles.

Jessica smiles and says, "Boys go tell you grandparents we're about to leave and daddy and I will be right there, okay?"

"Okay mommy!" The twins run out.

Jessica sighs and looks at Sam.

"God you're gorgeous."

"Stop I look like a whale!" She makes a face and throws herself back on the bed.

"Oh stop it right now!  You are so gorgeous and you look even more gorgeous with a big ol' belly!" He says sitting beside her and rubbing her stomach.

"Thanks.."

"I can't wait to see you in your itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini!" Sam's smile grows.

"I'm not gonna look too great with your son trapped in my uterus!" She laughs.

"Jessica, you are beautiful and no matter what you are ALWAYS GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL!"

"Sam.."

"Yes?" He smiles.

"You're full of it."

"Heh!  Come on, tubby." Sam grabs her hands and pulls her up.

"Woah daddy, you strong!" They hear a small voice come from the doorway.

They turn and see the boys standing there.

"Who was that?  Was that Samuel?!" Jessica asks as Sam tries holding his laughter in.

"Yeah mommy, it was!" James says.

"You little booger!"

"You can't catch me!  You can't catch me!" Samuel run as fast as he can Jessica chases after him.

***

Once they are settled at the water park, Jessica lays out.

"Oh I'm so worn out already!"

"It's okay baby, I can take them."

"No, it's their first time to a water park, I wanna be with them!  At least for a little while."

"Alright.  Boys, we're gonna play for a little while, then let mommy take a break to rest for a little while, okay?"

"Why she needs rest?" James asks lifting up his little hands.

"Because the baby makes her sleepy."

"Cause he going like this?" James kicks his legs and punches his arms in a quick motion.

"Exactly!" Sam laughs.

Jessica took her cover up off and Sam smiled at her in her blue bikini.

"Seven months looks good on you, Missy." He gets closer and holds the sides of her belly.

"Well aren't you the sweet one?" Jessica smiles and taps Sam's nose.

Sam chuckles and pulls her to him for a kiss.

"EWWWWW!!" The boys make a face and cover their eyes.

"What?!" Sam asks as Jessica laughs.

"That's gross!" Samuel says.

"Yeah!  Dis-Gus-Ting!" James adds.

Jessica laughs and looks at Sam.

"Look at them acting like they're big boys!"

"Uh, we are big boys, mommy!" Samuel gives her a look.

"Oh I'm sorry!" Jessica giggles.

***

Jessica thought back to that day and started to cry.  She wanted something; anything to take the pain away.

She went to the Sam's liquor cabinet that hasn't been opened since before he died, and even when he was alive it was barely touched.

She grabbed some vodka and poured herself a shot.

Jessica was a light person and she isn't a drinker, so the shots quickly got to her.

A few shots later she felt no pain.

***

Grayson woke up and started crying, so Jessica stumbled up the stairs and went into his room.

"Whaaaat?" She whines.

"Mama!"

Jessica picked him up and tripped backwards.

"Woah!  *Sighs*  Go to sleep!" Jessica raises her voice.

Grayson's lip quivers and he starts crying.

"Ah fuck!

Come on, stop crying you're fine!"

Grayson wasn't used to his mother being this way.  He wasn't used to the smell of alcohol on her breath, and it made him even more upset.

He stopped crying and Jessica past out on the floor of her bedroom.

The next morning she woke to the bright sun shining through her window.

She grabbed her pounding head and got a sick feeling in her stomach.

She ran to the bathroom and got sick.

When she came out, she went to Grayson's room and he was still asleep.

Suddenly she remembers that she never saw if Michael had made it home safe.

"Michael?  Michael?!" She says banging on his door waking Grayson.

"Oh my God where is he?!

Michael!" She yells.

Jessica runs to grab the phone and calls him but for some reason the phone wasn't working.

"God dammit!  Where the fuck is he?!"

She gets her cell phone and sees a few missed calls from George, so she calls him.

"Hello?"

"George!  Where's Michael?!  He didn't come home last night!" Jessica cries.

"He's with me.  We tried calling but you didn't answer."

"Fuck!  Why didn't you call the house?!"

"It says it was disconnected."

"Oh shit!"

"Are you okay, Jessica?"

"No I'm not okay, George!" Jessica hangs up on him and throws her phone.

Jessica grabs Grayson and takes him to the kitchen for breakfast.

"I'm sorry, baby.. I wish things were different.. You don't deserve living with a mother like this.

I don't deserve you.. I don't deserve any of you." She cries softly.