After they came and took Sam's body away, Jessica called a few people, including her mom to tell her that Sam had passed.

"Jessie, I am so sorry. You four should stay over here tonight."

"I think we're okay.. Thanks though."

"Okay.. Well, call me if you need anything. Do you want your father or I to come over and stay with you?"

"No, it's late, you two go to bed. We're fine."

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning. Kiss the boys for me."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, baby."

Jessica hung up the phone and started crying.

"Oh my gosh Sam, you're gone! Where did yesterday go? This doesn't make sense!"

Her phone rang and it was her friend Sarah.

"Hello?"

"Hey sorry I missed your call, the baby was throwing a fit and Evan was dealing with one of McKenna's tantrums. What's going on?"

"He's gone.."

"Oh Jessica, I'm so sorry!"

"Thank you... I just.. I can't believe he's gone."

"It's a shock. He loved you so much, Jessica."

Jessica nods her head and tears start pouring down her face.

"... I know he did."

"If there's anything I can do, please tell me! You know I'm here for you guys, always!"

"I do. Thank you."

***

That night the boys were quiet, so Jessica went in to check on them.

"Samuel?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" Jessica slowly walks in a little.

"I'm fine."

"Do you wanna talk?"

"I just wanna be alone."

"Okay. Well I'm downstairs if you need anything."

"Alright."

Next she checked on James.

"James, are you okay?"

"Yeah.."

"Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay. Are you okay?" He looks at her with concern."

"Yeah.. Thanks."

"Mom I'm gonna help you. You can't do this by yourself. I'm gonna get a job, I--I'll forget about OU, I'm gonna stay here and help you and Michael."

"Honey let's not talk about that right now."

"But I want you to know that I'm gonna help you."

A small smile appeared on her face.

"Thank you."

When she went into Michael's room, he was already asleep, so she went over and kissed his cheek, then went down to the living room.

Jessica couldn't get herself to sleep or even go into hers and Sam's room, so she brought a pillow and blanket downstairs and slept there.

The next morning Samuel came down and made breakfast for everyone.

Michael gently tapped Jessica until she flinched, then said, "Mom.. Wake up so you can eat some breakfast."

"Hm? Oh! Who made breakfast?"

"Sam."

"He did?"

"Yeah, you need to eat something, mom."

"Alright, I'm coming."

Jessica got up and walked into the kitchen. When she saw Samuel standing there, it was like seeing Sam standing there cooking their weekly Saturday morning breakfast.

She paused and just stared at him for a while, until he looked at her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just... You just look so much like your father standing there."

Samuel clears his throat and turns the stove off.

"Eggs are ready. Mom grab a plate."

Everyone stayed silent, the only thing you could hear was silverware hitting their plates.

"Are you boys going to school today? You don't have to if you don't want to. They know what's going on, so I'm sure they can send your work over. Unless you wanna get out of the house, I understand."

"I'm staying home with you. You shouldn't be alone." James said.

"Thanks." Jessica smiles softly.

"I'll stay home too, mom." Michael smiles at her, then turns to Sam and asks, "What about you, Sam?"

"I don't know.. I need to get out of this house."

"That's fine, baby."

A little time has passed, and Jessica breaks the silence.

"A little later today, I'm going to the um.. The funeral home with grandma, so if you guys are staying home, I'm sure grandpa can take you to lunch somewhere."

"That sounds good." Michael smiles.

"Mom, did you need us to do anything?  I mean, we can help you." James says.

"No, that's okay baby, thank you.  The funeral home should take care of everything.  Once that's done, I'll call the church.  Ms. Barbra said everything was covered, but I'm gonna call and make sure.  Oh crap, and I need to call and find pallbearer's!"

"What are those?" Michael asks.

The twins look at Jessica, and she takes a deep breath.

"Um.. Pallbearer's are the guys that are uh.. That carry the-- the casket."

"Oh."

"Yeah.." She looks down and traces her finger lightly on the table.

"Are we gonna do that?"

"No, you and your brother's are gonna be sitting with me. I'm gonna ask daddy's brother's, your uncle George and dad's best friend."

"Oh okay.."

***

After breakfast Jessica's parents came over.

Dorothy hugged Jessica tight, and she burst into tears.

"Honey I'm so sorry! He was a good man."

"Yes he was." Jessica nods her head, then hugs her dad.

"He really was Jessie, we couldn't have asked for someone better for you."

"He was perfect." She looks down.

Albert took the boys out for lunch, and Jessica went to the funeral home with Dorothy, her siblings, Sarah and Sam's mother.

"This ones nice, Jessie."

"Sam hates that color."

"Oh, well how about this?"

"Yeah, that ones nice... Jesus Christ, this wasn't supposed to happen!" Jessica covers her face and starts crying.

Sam's mom rubs her back and Jessica says, "We wanted to have another baby!  Sam brought it up a couple weeks ago, and we were gonna try to have another one." She cries harder.

"Oh my gosh.. I'm so sorry, Jessica!" Anne says in a tearful voice.

"I just want him back.  How am I supposed to do this alone?  How do I go on with life without him?"

"We're here for you, sis.  We all love you and the boys, and we're gonna make sure that you never have to worry about anything.. Because that's how Sam lived his life.. He never wanted you to worry about anything Ever!" Jane says as she kneels in front of her and holds her hands.

Jessica nods her head, then leans forward and hugs her sister.

***

Jessica looks at all the caskets and can't believe that she's having to pick out her husband's casket so early in life.

She looked down and for a second her mind played tricks, and she saw Sam in it.

"I can't do this.. I--I gotta get out of here."

Jessica had a dazed look in her eyes, as she ran out of the room.

George followed her out and called her name.

"Jessica!  Jessica, wait!"

"No I can't do it anymore, I'm gonna be sick!" She breathes heavy and looks around while holding her stomach.

"Jess, calm down."

"MY HUSBAND IS DEAD!  He's gone and he's never coming back!  I can't do this, George!"

I know, Jessie.. I know that you could just die right now, but Sam would want you to be strong.  Right?"

"I can't."

"Yes you can." 

"I can't!" She sits down on the ground and starts crying."

George sits beside her and holds her in his arms.

"I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry." He said as he cried with her.

George knew that there was nothing in the world that he could say to make her feel better, so he just held her and let her cry.

***

Later that day Jessica got home and started laying out some new clothes.

"What are you doing, mom?" Michael asks.

"Laying out your daddy's clothes.  This is what he's going to be buried in."

"Oh.. 

*Sniffs* Something smells good, what's grandma making?"

"I don't know, why don't you go see." Jessica gives him a small smile.

Sam's brother was on his way to pick up Sam's clothes, so Jessica ironed the brand new clothes, and hung them up.

"You're gonna look so handsome in this, Sam."

She gently caresses her hands over the clothes, then says, "Wait, something's missing!"

She runs upstairs, then stops when she gets in front of their bedroom door.

Jessica has avoided going in since they took Sam, but she wanted to grab his favorite cologne.

She opened the door, and an instant sadness hit her.

She stood there for a while, then slowly walked in.  

*Sighs* "We had a lot of good memories in here, didn't we, Samuel?

You were a good man.. A great father and husband.. Went to church every Sunday.. But could you get dirty in the bedroom!" She giggles.

Jessica sat on the bed, then laid down and grabbed his pillow.

She took a deep breath in and hugged the pillow that still smelled like him.

"I miss you so much already, baby."

Jessica laid there for a few minutes, before she went into the bathroom and grabbed the cologne to spray his new clothes.

"Oh this smells so good.  I always loved it when he wore his scent."

***

A couple days later.

Jessica slipped into a brand new black dress, then did her hair and her makeup.

Even though she wasn't in the mood to do any of that, she wanted to make herself beautiful for Sam.

He loved her without all that fancy stuff, but she wanted to do it one last time for him.

Seeing Sam's body for the first time in the funeral home made it all a hundred percent more real.

Jessica stood at the back of the room with her boys and couldn't make herself walk up to the casket.

"I'm going.. I just need a couple minutes..."

"Take all the time you need, mom." Samuel places his hand on her back.

Jessica looked down and closed her eyes, as moments from their lives came back to her.

"Are you okay, mom?" Michael asks.

"I--I'm fine... Let's go."

They slowly walk up and see Sam.

First Jessica's eyes went wide.

Seeing him like that was too much for her.

The two older boys just looked down at him with tears in their eyes, and Michael shed a single tear, then quickly wiped it away.

Suddenly tears started to pour down Jessica's face and a sob escaped her lips.

Her sons sat her down and comforted her.

"Thank you boy's for being so great.. I don't know what I'd do without you.."

At the end of the night, Jessica stood up to thank everyone for coming, but before that, she walked up to the casket by herself and placed a few pictures from special times in their lives, and a note beside him.

Jessica touched his hands, and his face, then kissed his cheeks and brushed her hand over his hair.

"At least you didn't get the chance to lose this beautiful head of hair... Your hair was everything to you, wasn't it, baby?" She smiles as she cries.

"Oh Sam!" Jessica breaks down in a loud cry.

Her boys stand up to comfort her.

Samuel stood on her left, with his hand on her back, and James stood on her right, with Michael right beside him.  Finally Jessica stood up, and gave each one of them a hug and kiss, before telling them that they could sit back down.

"Uhm, I just quickly want to thank everyone for coming.. and for the support you have given all of us.  We really appreciate it.

Please keep Sam's lovely mother in your prayers, as well as Me and my boy's.  This has been an extremely difficult two weeks, for us, and I just want to say.. Boy's.. your dad would be so so proud of you all.  He always was.

To my baby.. Sam, I will love you forever.. You will never ever leave my heart.  God gave me you...

and I am so so happy that he did.  Thank you for your love and for our boys.. My love for you will never die." 

***

The next morning Jessica wore a dark blue, almost back dress that Sam loved her in.

"You look beautiful, mom."

"Thank you, James."

"Mom, eat something, grandma made breakfast."

"No, I'm okay, thank you."

"Please!" 

"Honey, I'm not hungry."

James sighs and Jessica kisses his cheek.

"I'll eat something later."

***

The last couple days James has shed a few tears, Samuel has held it in, and Michael tries to distract himself by playing around with his cousin's.

Today Jessica could tell, was going to be different.

This was the day, they were officially going to be saying goodbye to Sam.

There was no way of preparing any of them for this.

When it came time for the last viewing, Jessica watched everyone go up to the casket and leave through the side door.

She bent over and covered her face, as she broke down in tears.

Samuel rubbed her back, and James kept telling her that it was going to be okay.

Michael stared straight ahead and didn't move a muscle.

Jessica looked up and saw the boys that Sam had coached through the years.

Some were the twins age, and some were Michael's age.

The younger ones all wore their team jersey's in honor of their favorite couch.

A loud and uncontrollable sob filled the entire room.

Albert went over and sat beside her, and held her in his arms as she cried into his chest.

Suddenly something came over her, and she had this strange feeling that they wouldn't let her see him she didn't do it right now.  Jessica broke away from Albert and yelled, "I WANNA SEE HIM!  I HAVE TO KISS HIM!  LET ME SEE HIM!  LET ME SEE HIM!"

"Sweetie, you're gonna go up there after they finish.

"NO I HAVE TO GO!  I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!!!!" Jessica sobs as Albert grabs a hold of her.

Her knees go weak and she falls to the ground.

Dorothy tells Albert to let her be, and Jessica lays down on the ground as she cries.

"SAM!  COME BACK TO ME BABY!  I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!"

The room was clear and everyone had given them their privacy.

Jessica went over and threw her body on Sam's.

"Wake up!  Wake up!  Wake up!  Wake up!" They all hear in a muffled sob.

"Oh my Samuel!  I can't take this!  I know you wanted me to be strong, but I can't... This is too much and I need you back, baby!"

Samuel looks away and tries not to cry.

Michael stared with wide eyes, and James cried with her.

"Sammy! Sammy!  Sammy! Oh my Sammy!" She screamed.

"I love you, Samuel Shepard." She said in a whisper, before she gave Sam one last kiss and walked out in George's arms.

When she saw the closed casket with the flowers on top, she cried even more.

"Jessie, let me help you into the limo." George says.

"Stop it!  Let go of me!  FUCK!  I can't do this, I can't breathe!"

"Jessica, calm down and breathe." Dorothy tells her.

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down!"

"Sweetie, listen.. we know you're hurting, but breathe.." Albert steps in front of everyone and tries calming her down.

The boys were terrified.  They had never seen their mother like that before. 

At the cemetery Jessica sat in the middle of her three boys as the pallbearer's carried her husband in.  

Samuel wanted so bad to stay strong for his mother, and not shed a tear, but inside it was tearing him apart.

James put his head down and cried into his hands.  Jessica rubbed his back, then stood up and went over to the casket.

"God gave me you, and you gave me the world.. now fly with the angel's, Sammy." She bends down and kisses the casket, then sits back down and takes deep breathes trying to stay as calm as possible.

When they start to lower the casket into the ground, Jessica puts her head down, when she hears Michael shout, "DAD!" He jumped up and Jessica grabbed his hand.

She pulled him towards her, and he sat on her lap.

"He's gone, ma."

Jessica wipes his tears and in a shaky voice, she says, "... He'll never leave us, baby."

***

Hey, I'm really sorry this is so depressing, but I've been wanting to do this for a while.  I promise to add some happiness in there, but if you're looking for a funny book, then go read, "Two Fools in Love" lol.

This chapter means a lot to me.  Next month will be thirteen years since my uncle passed away, and I've never shared my reaction with anyone else.  When it was time to say goodbye, I thought, Oh my gosh, I'm not gonna get to say goodbye, I have to do it now, or I lose my chance.  How do I get up there and get through all those people.  It's horrible.  Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying this book.  I have a lot planned for it. :)