Lydia

Irritation had flared inside Lydia as another pin jabbed her head. She winced but the maid artfully and painfully arranging Lydia's hair didn't notice. Lydia stared at her reflection, watching as her wild mane of hair was tamed.

As the girl was finishing, the door to Lydia's rooms opened and a moment later Vienna walked into the washroom. In a pale pink gown, she looked ethereal. Her auburn hair was half pinned up and half loose, the thick waves spilling over her shoulders. Lydia looked away from her sister, she highly doubted Vienna felt the pain of the pins in her hair. It was rare for anything to hurt Vienna.

"You may go," Vienna said.

The maid curtsied and departed. Vienna replaced her behind Lydia, taking the final lock of Lydia's hair and securing it to her head. Lydia watched her sister's steady hands and calm expression. Was she really so calm? How could she be? Lydia wanted to tear off her dress and it wasn't even her betrothed she would meet tonight.

"Are you not nervous to meet Prince Zavier?" Lydia asked.

Vienna didn't respond right away, keeping her focus on inspecting Lydia's hair, making sure everything was perfect. Was that really concern for my hair that keeps her silent or hesitation? With Vienna one could never really tell, she had control. Lydia inwardly sighed. Unlike her.

Finally, Vienna met Lydia's gaze in the mirror. What Lydia saw in her eyes made her pause. There was a quiet light there, but not a light of apprehension but of excitement.

"I know it can seem strange to marry someone I don't know, but," she said a gentle smile coming to her lips. "I have an honor that many aren't given."

Lydia eyed her sister skeptically. "I know it's said Prince Zavier is handsome, but I can't say marrying him because of that would be called an honor."

Vienna laughed and it was a sound that spoke of a light, content heart.

"No," she said. "The honor is in being able to put thousands of lives before my own." She touched Lydia's hair. "It's an honor to know that this marriage alliance will be for the good of the kingdom. What greater honor is there than serving the people I love?"

I accept. Those words filled the room around Lydia. They were delivered with a strength that came from the voice of her sister. From the memory that she'd dreamed of the night before.

It was spoken for her father, who gave his life to serve his kingdom. For her mother, who had already walked this path, marrying a man she barely knew and becoming a great queen. For Corwin, who would have made a great leader. For Reen, who wanted to find better ways to help the people of the West Isles. For Vienna...who unflinchingly put the needs of the kingdom before her own.

Still, Lydia reminded herself to keep breathing. Even though she spoke the words, she wanted to steal them back. I'm sorry, I've made a mistake, I can't do it. I love someone else. I want to be with someone else.

Lydia didn't look behind her at Wilder. She couldn't because she knew what she would find: her heart breaking.

"Very well," King Thayer said. "Isla, when will you leave?"

"We'll leave with the evening tide."

"That doesn't give us much time to get all we need," Raif said.

"Then we should get moving."

The statement seemed to mark the end of the meeting as people began to rise. Lydia stood without realizing it. I accept. I accept. The words rang in her head, a death toll. She tried to banish the notion but over and over the words repeated. She needed air. She needed to get out of this room, away from the presence across the way. A presence she'd grown close to in the past weeks but now felt leagues away from her.

"Excuse me," she murmured, turning away from the group and turning to Wilder.

Seeing him was harder than she could imagine for he showed no emotion at all. He stood tall with his hands clasped behind him: a soldier's stance. He bowed his head to her in deference. It cut Lydia to the core. She couldn't do it, she couldn't.

Holding the edge of her dress, Lydia escaped the room, using the door to the balcony. Knowing it was better but wishing it wasn't, Wilder didn't follow her. Lydia moved along the terrace, not knowing where she was going but needing distance. Already she felt his absence. I accept. I accept.

Eventually, Lydia stopped at the corner of the terrace, staring out on the palace grounds without seeing it. Instead, she saw the new path she'd set her life on. But in some ways, she hadn't been the one to choose it. The men who'd attacked and killed her family were the ones to set her down a different road. The king of the North Isles who wished for her family's death was the one who decided to throw Lydia's life off course.

For a moment, knowing she'd made at least one decision that was her own and put a little control back in her hands felt freeing.

But it was a choice that diverted Wilder's life with hers. The sweetness of having a little control was made bitter with the thought.

Soft footsteps neared Lydia and for a heartbeat, she pictured Wilder but knew the strength and command in his steps. This sound wasn't that. When she glanced back she felt surprised at seeing not only the Queen but Isla. Only then did she realize that Isla made no sound as she walked. How did a pirate walk so soundlessly? And why? No matter the answer it would help her with her task of spying.

Queen Gigi stopped before Lydia, her eyes tinged with concern. Gently, she held Lydia's arms.

"You brave girl," she said.

Brave? How was she brave? If she wanted to be brave she'd find Wilder and run away. That felt like the bravest thing she could do. Even if it was also the most selfish thing she could do.

"Though it might be hard to believe," Queen Gigi said. "I know the burden of sacrifice you face." She dropped her hands. "I am Eldin. I come from a line of horse trainers, though my mother is the daughter of Lord."

She smiled sadly. "I once thought Court was a wondrous place, more wondrous than the open spaces and freedom of endless roads."

She waved her hand as if dismissing a very long story.

"But I realized my home was with my family, wandering. But to protect them I had to choose a different life." She gazed out on the grounds but with a distant look in her eyes like she saw a whole other would. "I was seventeen when I made the decision and for the sake of my family, I would not change it."

Lydia wished the story reassured her, gave her a sense of peace for what she decided, but it didn't. Standing before her, Queen Gigi fit the mold of Queen. From the slight tilt of her chin to the soft hands that lay folded before her. Lydia couldn't picture a girl who hadn't wanted to live this life.

Lydia shifted her eyes to Isla, wondering about her presence here. Clearly, a life at Court wasn't something she knew. Kiera had spoken of Isla's burden of taking on a crew. But caring for a crew and caring for a kingdom felt vastly different. And even if she'd taken that challenge on, she wasn't alone, she had her husband Raif.

Isla tilted her head and Lydia had the odd feeling that Isla understood where her thoughts were taking her. Lydia felt embarrassed for thinking so little of someone else's trials. But still, how would their lives compare.

"I thought you left," Lydia said.

Isla smiled slightly. "I planned to but Raif pointed out that I knew a little something about responsibility and duty."

Duty. A truth that felt like a metal collar locking around her neck.

"I can't tell you, Your Highness, that I know what you face," Isla said. "I took over my father's ship when he died. That is nothing compared to a kingdom, I know." Lydia flushed with knowing her thoughts had been so easily read. "But what that challenge taught me is that you are not alone. There are people around willing to help, you simply must learn to see them."

All Lydia could see was Wilder. The countless times he'd been there for her. Held her when grief felt overwhelming. Talked her through panic. Fought to protect her. Simply sat with her to keep her company.

Wilder, who had looked at her with expressionless eyes.

Her heart seemed to break all over again.

She swallowed, holding back the tidal wave of emotion that threatened to drown her.

"Thank you for your kindness," Lydia said.

She looked between the two women. Two women who could not have been more different in appearance but yet had the same quiet sense of strength. Something Lydia wished she possessed right then. But she didn't.

"Excuse me," she said and fled.

She didn't know where she went, she wandered without thought because her thoughts were too chaotic. Time drifted away as she drifted from garden to garden and room to room. She kept moving, not wanting to be found, not wanting to see the sympathy or respect in others' eyes. She wanted to be alone with all she'd lost, alone with the memories of her family, needing them to comfort and remind her why she chose to say those words.

Wrung out, Lydia returned to her suite of rooms. The light had shifted from morning to afternoon to early evening. She knew she should feel hungry but she didn't. She felt hollow.

When she stepped into her sitting room, she stopped. Wilder rose to his feet slowly as if he might frighten her away. All the pain she thought she'd buried in the hours of wandering rushed back, fresh as a stab wound. Wilder watched her, holding everything inside. Lydia broke.

"Please," she said, crossing to him. "Please don't push me away."

Wilder thawed but dropped his eyes. Lydia glanced down and saw the small pack laying in front of the settee. She took a step back, afraid.

"Are you running away?" she asked, ready to tell him that she would go with him.

"No," he said. "I'm going with Captain Isla to spy. I know the way through the Whispering Forest and a route into the palace. I can help get the knowledge we need." He let out a breath. "You will be safe here at the palace. I spent the day learning the security measures they have and it's good. And...I know that your...that Prince Zavier will look out for you."

Lydia closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and hiding her face in his shoulder. "Please don't hate me."

Wilder tensed then softened, embracing her.

"I will never hate you, Ly. But I must go."

Lydia closed her eyes, wanting to hold him until he was convinced that it was better to stay here, with her.

"I can do more for you on this journey than I can by sitting around here."

"But I want you here."

Wilder let go of her but Lydia wouldn't relinquish her hold. Slowly, Wilder detached her arms around his neck and lowered them. She gazed up at him, wanting him to stay, wanting him always close to her.

"You made the right decision, Ly," Wilder said, though his voice was strained. "And I have to leave. The ship sails with the tide."

Wilder released her arms, bent down, and picked up his pack, slinging it onto his shoulder. He strode to the door and all Lydia could see was how this was exactly how he would have looked weeks before when he set out to train. She'd known then that their lives wouldn't be the same. But she'd still held the hope that their paths would cross again. It was what made her kiss him back.

"Wilder."

When he turned back, Lydia wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He held her for a heartbeat. But then he broke away.

He bowed and without looking at her, slipped out the door.

When it closed, Lydia pressed her forehead into the hard wood and whispered. "Please come back to me."

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BY THE STARS!! 😭 What is happening?!

*dramatically collapses to the floor* oh it's all falling apart!!!

Tell me I'm not alone! Or tell me you believe that there is hope! 👑⚔️🛡

*sniffles* Isn't it just annoying when the author decides to do something different. I mean we all knew where this was going, but no! The author had to go change her mind.

😡 I really don't like her and I think I'll ignore her for a whole week as punishment.

Do you believe there is hope? That there could some how be a happy ending?

Yes.

No.

I've given up trusting that Joy will do anything I want her to.

Personally, I have the utmost faith in myself that it will turn out how I planned it to...unless my characters do something they shouldn't then well we're all screwed.

Royal decree: vote, comment, follow