Gerard and Frank had gotten increasingly domestic over a very short period of time, so much so that they might be described as acting married, but like they were totally platonic, as we all know, so they absolutely weren't married just very good friends who stared at each other's asses and didn't ever fall asleep anywhere but the sofa because then they could sleep together and it not be a thing, because oh yeah, they just got tired and wanted to stay downstairs for like the tenth night in a row, as you do.

Frank was benefiting largely from the fact that Gerard was an incredibly good cook, like seriously, the dude had more artistic talent than Frank had even thought it possible to have, was insanely good looking, and he could fucking cook, and if their relationship was anything more than totally one hundred percent fucking platonic (tm), then Frank would probably have gotten down on one knee and proposed to him right then and there.

Gerard, despite being an arrogant piece of shit, was perfect domestic husband material, and well, Frank was all down for the arrogant stubborn piece of shit side of him, so it really was such an awful shame that they had been cursed with being so terribly fucking platonic.

Anyway, besides the curses of platonic relationships that really ought to be something more, there was the matter of just what Gerard was cooking, which Frank couldn't even describe to a better extent than 'absolutely fucking delicious' which really said a lot considering he was an English teacher, but Gerard was wearing the world's tightest jeans and doing a weird interpretative dance routine as he cooked, which Frank was enjoying more than just for all the opportunities to look at Gerard's ass, he promised, and well, everything was going fucking fantastically: Frank had succeeded not to get hard, and Gerard was cooking some really nice food, and well, it was all great until Gerard got a little too ambitious in his dancing and ended up falling and punching a fucking hole through the wall.

It was at this moment that Frank realised that Gerard had a very quality strong and sturdy house because the impact of Gerard's fist created a really decent sized hole in the wall, and Frank was too taken aback by the result of this to even really process Gerard cursing furiously and clutching his fist, and then he did, and oh fuck, he was bleeding.

"Shit, are you alright?" Frank exclaimed, rushing forward and pulling Gerard into his arms and looking at his bruised and bloody knuckles.

"Fuck, mhm, fuck, yeah, but, fuck, fuck, fuck. Did I ever tell you that I fucking hate walls, Frankie?" Gerard groaned, leaning back against the countertop and looking down at his fist. "Fuck, can you- there are some bandages in that cupboard there-"

"Do you not want to get that looked at?" Frank asked, concern in his eyes.

"Nah, I'll be alright, come on, we've got to sort that fucking wall out we can't spend all day in hospital for them to tell me that I won't die and I'll be fine, just bandage it, will you?" Gerard told him, forcing a smile.

Frank nodded: unsure of the situation, but having no better ideas than to listen to Gerard, because well, seeing as it was his hand, surely what he wanted to do to it overruled Frank's worries. "What are we going to do about the wall?" He asked in an attempt to take Gerard's mind off what he expected to be an agitating amount of pain he was in.

Gerard shrugged, "don't know, I guess we might have to do some D.I.Y., as we are so fucking manly. I think, I don't know what though-"

Frank grinned up at him as he began to bandage his hand up as carefully as he could. "Well, we could just buy some wood or whatever to put over the hole and then put like a painting or a cabinet or something over that, because that sounds a hell of alot easier than actually fixing it."

"That sounds terribly unsafe." Gerard told him, watching as he bandaged his hand, "I'm in." He added, moments later causing Frank to burst into laughter. "Although, if I somehow get injured in the process of mending my kitchen wall then I will actually sue you."

"Gee, it's your fault for dancing around like an idiot while cooking in the first place- oh shit, the cooking-" Frank looked up and turned the hob off before the food could burn, "shit, this is what happens when you're out of action for like two minutes - I'm hopeless."

Gerard smiled, shaking his head, "no, you're not hopeless. Anyway, you really appreciated me dancing around while cooking. I could tell."

Frank only bit his lip, considering the slightly more than platonic connotations of Gerard's words as he finished bandaging his hand the best he could. "Are you sure you'll be alright-"

"Frank, you worry about me too much, I'll be fine." Gerard insisted, "what won't be fine, is having a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall."

"And yes, seriously unsafe and uneducated methods of D.I.Y. is a much better alternative." Frank rolled his eyes a little as he peered at the meal Gerard had abandoned in favour of fucking up his hand and the kitchen wall all in one motion.

"Obviously." Gerard told him, smiling, "and anyway, I'm injured now, so you have to be nice to me."

Frank rolled his eyes in disbelief, "I do not not have to do anything."

"Well, you have to listen to everyone at school fuss over it, because the students are fucking nosy as shit." Gerard told him, grinning a little, "I wonder what they'd say if they found out we lived together, like I think Megan would die-"

"Yeah," Frank laughed a little, "that's why we can't tell her ever, because I don't want to be responsible for a death, obviously."

Gerard saw through that lie immediately and smiled, "you're embarrassed."

"I'm-" Frank exclaimed, not entirely sure what to say.

"It's okay." Gerard smiled, "it's kind of cute."

And well, the homosexuality meter had just gone off the fucking scale.

-

Ryan's official quest for the day (tm), was a little more interesting than the previous one which involved taking Megan's knife off of her, which he had originally thought impossible, but had in the end, somehow managed to accomplish.

The quest of the day was however a direct consequence of the confiscation of Megan's knife, because Megan just didn't let things happen easily, like Ryan could have a nice easy time in life, but Megan just wasn't going to let that happen, especially when she could get a fucking chainsaw out of it.

Megan had already decided to christen her chainsaw Emilie's Hair, and was considering holding a proper christening for it, but she was concerned that it might rust if she poured 'holy water', whichtotallywasn'tadollarbottleofwater over it, so maybe she'd just have to reenact the stable scene from the nativity.

She'd be Mary, the chainsaw would be baby Jesus, Ryan could be Joseph, not that she'd ever, ever consider marrying him, and they could get Muddy to be one of the pigs in the corner of the stable because she already looked enough like one.

They did of course need some shepherds and some wise dudes, which stumped Megan a little as they walked to the local unbranded generic D.I.Y. store (tm), which stocked the world's finest motherfucking chainsaws, and Ryan went on about something involving the custard he'd thrown at his geography teacher at lunch that day, which Megan was having a lovely time ignoring because her nativity scene headcanon was indeed far more important.

Megan had priorities - you couldn't blame her.

Also Ryan had this habit of boasting endlessly about the most pathetic of accomplishments, and the two had been friends for far too long for her not to be tired of it by now. In fact, she'd probably gotten tired of it by about the second time it had happened, but Ryan didn't have to know that.

Anyway, she was busy trying to think of three very wise dudes - she was going to consider Mr Urie, but he was easily the least wise person she knew, so he could be a shepherd, and this guy called Kameron Blankclaws could be the second shepherd because he really looked like a sheep and was therefore just naturally going to be better at communicating with and looking after the sheep. The third shepherd would have to be this guy called Sam who she'd dated in middle school, which was easily the biggest regret of her life because the guy was a potato on legs - really big legs, because he was quite tall, but anyway, she kind just wanted to laugh at the image of him wearing a towel on his head, as that was obviously the true shepherd costume.

She came to realise that she hadn't actually mentally appointed any wise dudes, and took a moment to think of the most wise and respectful person she knew, which was obviously herself, but she was already in this as Mary, so she'd have to go for Mr Way, and then Mr Way would get lonely so Frank could be another second, and then the third wise dude could be Michael Clifford, just because she wanted to be given gold by Michael Clifford because then it was a bit like he was her sugar daddy, even though the gift would be for the baby Jesus- the chainsaw, Emilie's hair.

Frank would obviously bring the Frankincense, and Gerard would obviously be the only person pretentious enough to actually know what the fuck Myrrh was.

Megan took a moment to question just what the fuck a chainsaw, or the baby Jesus could possibly do with gold, Frankincense, and whatever the fuck Myrrh was.

Speaking of it, she wasn't exactly sure what Frankincense was, but from the parts, 'Frank' and 'cense' she was imagining a bottle containing a liquid which allowed you'd to sense Frank Iero from several miles away, a bit like a gaydar, but specifically for Frank, so basically a liquid extracted straight from Mr Way's brain.

Because they were gay as fuck.

And had gotten gayer, as Megan had suspected, but she just couldn't quite pinpoint exactly as to how, but something had occurred and the levels of homosexuality had reached an all time high. If only Ryan gave the slightest fuck because she'd love to consult his gaydar. It was such a shame not having one.

It wasn't that Megan was straight, she was just Michaelsexual, in that she only gave a shit about Michael Clifford and it had been written in the stars, and everyone else could fuck off, except Mr Petty, but he was like her mistress, just someone to flirt with casually as Michael wasn't in her general vicinity currently, which was indeed a distressing reality which Megan had to deal with everyday.

Megan indeed had a lot of problems and most of them related directly to the fact that Michael and her weren't actually married yet, which was very harsh on her. She wondered if she should make Michael be Joseph and leave Ryan to be a wise guy, but he really wasn't very wise, but she had to at least respect him for stealing Mr Urie's I.D. so they could go and buy a chainsaw illegally, because there was all that bullshit about not selling power tools to minors.

Megan of course deemed herself very responsible, and should therefore have her own personal chainsaw, of course Ryan was very irresponsible and very much so a bad influence on her, for instance, he had stolen Mr Urie's I.D. which was an actual crime (tm), and something Megan was very disappointed in for, thankful, but disappointed.

Because Megan was a good girl, because she really wanted to be daddy's favourite, daddy being Michael Clifford, not that Megan had a blatant daddy kink, she was just low key kind of shit, and there may be hints of a daddy kink, but they do not need to see the light of day in vivid description and therefore the subject will be changed and you may kinkshame Megan Clifford as you wish.

Bare in mind that she was just about to come into possession of a chainsaw, so thinkshame before you kinkshame.

Anyway, they did actually arrive at the unbranded generic D.I.Y. store (tm) at some point in time, and with Mr Urie's I.D. and a shopping cart, the two made their way inside, to act very responsibly and not like children, only for Ryan to suddenly grab the cart from Megan and use it to go flying down an empty aisle.

Megan shook her head at him before asking if she could have a go.

"So where exactly are the power tools, Ryan?" Megan asking, looking around at the rather dull planks of wood which surrounded her. "Because I do not care about twelve inch hardwood-"

"Megan, I told you, don't make fun of my abnormally large penis." Ryan let out a dramatic sigh as he glanced up at the twelve inch hardwood and took a piece down, positioning it next to his crotch before lifting up to a ninety degree angle. "I live a hard life."

"You when someone says Mr Urie." Megan rolled her eyes, causing Ryan to flush and put the twelve inch hardwood back on the shelf, only somewhat embarrassed, because for the most part, Megan wasn't wrong.

The two continued down the aisles until they arrived within various shades of paint; Megan's face lit up with glee, "oh my god, I finally found Muddy's foundation," she exclaimed, picking up a tub of bright orange paint.

"I do think she literally uses this to fill in her eyebrows though." Ryan pointed to a tub of black paint.

"Don't worry!" Megan exclaimed, "I've found what we need to get rid of them," she gestured to a tub of conveniently placed slug repellent, which was for some reason in the paint aisle, because this was a D.I.Y. store organised for terrible jokes and not logic, as they all were in the real world.

The two eventually found the power tools aisle amidst the sea of fucking planks of wood and like garden sheds and fucking kitchen sinks and whatever else shit you see in D.I.Y. stores, leaving Megan the happiest she'd ever been in her entire life as she caught sight of a particularly large chainsaw.

"Oh my god, Ryan, do you know those like stick on gems? I could get them and make them spell out 'Megan' on the blade!" Megan exclaimed with entirely too much excitement, but whatever, Megan was happy, and being her friend, Ryan was happy for her, as he glanced at Mr Urie's I.D. and furiously adjusted his fringe to make it look shit so he could look a bit more like Brendon. He'd probably need to buy an extra forehead to pull it off perfectly, but there was this cashier who looked like they did not give one single fuck and probably would sell it to them without I.D., like the kind of asshole who would sell an axe to a twelve year old, like oh my god, who the fuck would do that?

Ryan was of course disgusted by the mere thought of it as Megan began to talk to the chainsaw like it was a cute puppy and not a power tool. Megan was definitely special, by all means of the word, but Ryan had set half her hair on fire and the were still friends, so he would have to put up with her sweet talking a metallic blade that she may or may not be planning to stick into Muddy next week.

It was then that Ryan decided to glance around casually as Megan started to call the chainsaw 'baby girl', which was definitely breaking point, and he was about to grab his twelve inch hardwood and knock her out with it, to make her fucking stop, but then as he spotted something he realised that he might not have to do anything to knock her out.

Because if Ryan Ross was not mistaken, then down the aisle at the other end of the store, were Gerard Way and Frank Iero, looking particularly domestic as they looked at pieces of hardwood.

He considered pointing them out of Megan, but she was getting out her phone to tweet Michael Clifford a picture of her chainsaw, so he thought he better leave her to that for a moment, and he chose to focus in on the two teachers who had definitely not just met coincidentally, because they were walking around together, and that was one cart they had, and-

Ryan stopped himself, realising he was beginning to sound like Megan.

"Meggy?" He kept his voice low, waiting for her to look back up at him, "okay, be discreet but you might want to look down that aisle." He gestured towards Mr Way and Frank.

Megan let out a muffled scream.

Ryan took the chainsaw from her and put it in their cart, along with the slug repellent that Megan had insisted on buying to throw at Muddy and see if it would work, because he didn't fancy having his leg sliced off as Megan tried not to scream.

"Are they here... together?" Megan exclaimed in disbelief: her voice only somewhat hushed.

"That's one cart." Ryan told her, raising his eyebrows a little.

"Ohmygod- that's... Frank's wearing Mr Way's shirt. I've seen Mr Way wear that shirt so many times and before Frank even was at this school and now Frank is wearing it. He must have been at his house to get it- and they're buying wood- and..." Megan trailed off in disbelief, taking matters into her own hands and leaving Ryan with the cart by the power tools to creep down the aisle and hide behind the end of an aisle, positioned just so she could hear snippets of their conversation.

"So you think this will do?" Frank asked, gesturing to the wood.

"Yeah, I mean, I guess it has to, our house isn't going to mend itself." Gerard said the words which finished Megan off: our house.

Ryan wondered what he was supposed to do with someone who had just fainted onto the floor of a D.I.Y. store as she eavesdropped on her art teacher and english teacher.

Ryan, of course, knew expertly how to wake Megan from the grave, and took her phone from where she'd left it after tweeting Michael, and played Permanent Vacation at full volume, the sound of Michael Clifford's voice startling quite a few people around them, but waking Megan instantly with a look of shock, and eventually a middle finger at Ryan as she figured out what was going on.

-

i don't know what the fuck this chapter was don't even ask i love u guys vote and comment if u'd like !!!!