"Falling Masks"

By sak_kmy

Title 8/10

I like the title. It gives a sense of mystery and it still gives readers insight into the twists and turns that unfold within the story.

Cover-4/5

The cover is very professional. All of the elements work together and create something with visual appeal. Well done to whoever made it!

Blurb-4/5

The blurb is quirky and interesting! I love how you've given a preview of the story in a different way than usual and it pulls the reader in before the story has begun.

Plot-17/20

I think what's really great about the story is that it isn't conventional and there's a lot of surprises, so you never know what's coming next.

One thing that I noticed is that a lot of the chapters don't flow smoothly from one to another. This sometimes makes it feel like everything is happening at once. There are certain areas where you could extend the scenes and action.

Sometimes the plot and surprises within it, tend to happen a little fast.  Let the story unfold by giving implying the action that's about to happen. Make the reader work for the information; don't just give it to them otherwise it becomes to easy. 

I can tell, even in the book's early stages, that the plot and events are very well thought through. 

Characters-17/20

Eve

I really like your main character. She's dramatic, spunky and unpredictable which only makes the story more interesting.

"The Ex-Cop"

The mysterious bad boy with a past! I love the nature of his character!

David

The brother is my favourite character. I think it's because he's a lot like my own brother and there's a firm  relatable aspect to him because you've described and developed him well.

Overall

It is very early in the book and there's still lots of time for the characters to develop.

I do however think that you need to develop in Eve the same way that you did with David. The readers need to connect with her from the start. Sometimes she's one dimensional because the motivation for her actions aren't clear. You need to work on forming a bond between her and the reader by giving more clues into her personality.

Overall the characters are diverse and interesting, they just need to be refined. 

Grammar and Spelling- 12/20

The grammar needs lots of work because the expression is a little confusing. This is unfortunate because the story is really interesting!

Writing Style-3/5

The writing style is very poetic and lyrical and it works well with the story being told. At the moment it's not flowing as nicely as it could because a lot of the sentences don't make sense. This can be fixed with editing!

I recommend taking more time to describe your scenery and locations. Often the events are simply being stated. I think that's also why it feels like things are happening a little too fast. It's important to describe the landscape and characters to paint a picture in the readers head.

I think because of the lack of description, it becomes unclear as to what's happening in the action and it gets a bit confusing. The reader needs to be grounded in the fictional reality to relate to the story that's being told.

Originality-4/5

The book carries a very definite sense of individuality. You did give me some personal background when you first told me about the story and the authentic, unique story-line is very clear when reading! 

Overall Intrigue 4/5

The story is very intriguing and unpredictable. You're never sure what's going to happen next. There is some work to be done but it's a very good read!

Well done!

Total: 73 /100