So, um, I'm just gonna talk about stuff.

Not just goofy stuff like usual. Like, actual legit stuff. So, um, prepare for feels and stuff, I guess.

Also, I'm probably gonna talk about a TON of Soul Eater stuff. I know I already talk constantly about Crona or Soul Eater in general to a bunch of you because I'm such a fangirl, but still, um, spoilers I guess. If you don't know much or anything about the Soul Eater anime or manga, either go look it up and watch/read it or just ignore this thing. Trust me, I'm probably gonna spill A LOT of information on you guys about this and it's probably for the best you know a thing or two about Crona if nothing else before you go much farther.

Okay?

Okay.

So, um, Crona. Precious non-binary bbybean in the anime, tragic psychopath in the manga. I'm basically obsessed with them. They're that kind of character that you just want to hug so bad. Either because you want to comfort them, or because they're just that adorable a person. And honestly, Crona is just the sweetest... whenever they're not trying to become Kishin of course. 😓

But, um... I got other reasons for loving Crona so much.

See, um... I know I haven't really written much on here in a while, or at least not published much besides a few bits of art or some random bull about this or that, and I haven't exactly drawn much lately either.

Life's an a**.

I'm 18 now, near the end of my high school years as of writing this, and, um... everyone's kinda expecting me to just... grow up, I guess. Go to college or something, learn to drive so I can get a dang license, get a scholarship, get a job, etc etc etc.

Been a real creativity killer.

Been a real time consumer too.

And, um, it doesn't really help that I was kinda sheltered growing up. You know, my parents didn't tell me too much about how the world works outside of life at home and all. I've kinda had to figure all that out myself, and I'm sort of indecisive and not the most independent person in the world.

And, um, you know, my mom isn't exactly around to help for sure now. Sucks, I know.

Doesn't help I'm only confident in my artistic skills... which I consider mediocre at best and which my grandpa doesn't seem to have much faith in.

Again... sucks to be me right now.

And so close to the end of the school year too. Lord knows I need some motivation, but everyone is giving me so much pressure it's hard not to escape into my fantasies like I've always done. But nowadays... I can't really afford to do that too much now.

Growing up scares me right now...

So, um, what's Crona- or Soul Etaer in general for that matter- got to do with this screwed up life of mine right now?

Well, look at what Soul Eater emphasizes throughout the anime and manga:

Fear.

And look at the lessons it tries to teach:

How to handle fear. How to acknowledge and *hopefully* conquer it. Eventually.

The characters constantly run into fear, madness, and apparent hopelessness. And time and again, they manage to find ways to at least cope with that fear, if not ouright control or rid it completely.

Fear of losing. Fear of dying. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being weak. Fear of not keeping order. Fear of not being enough. Fear of interacting with people...

Fear of the future...

It's madness. For Soul Eater, that's quite literal. For us... almost as literal.

And Crona... reminds me so much of me.

No, I wasn't abused by my mother... not physically anyway. (Clears my throat) But, um, while Crona wasn't technically sheltered, it's not like anyone taught them much. Besides how to kill, but that's a separate matter. As the anime explains, it's not entirely because they didn't know how to deal with people that made Crona so scared.

It was just that people didn't take the time to deal with them.

And, take it from me, that's kinda like what being sheltered is like. People don't always explain all the important details to you, only what they think you'll be better off knowing.

And, if that's not enough gor you, then take the anxiety Crona feels and shows. Clingy to others, dependent on commands to know what to do, unsure of anything new...

That's kinda like me. I'm not the most clingy person, but I do have a tendency to not want to go alone to a specific area in a huge store without an adult or someone else I trust coming with me so I don't get lost. I tend to need directions in order to do things before I tackle it myself, and even then I sometimes don't understand or even hear the directions because I'm half deaf and/or lost in my constant daydreaming. And don't get me started on how picky I am of an eater. I don't even feel sure if I even have an appetite most of the time.

I'm scrawny as heck, can't always sleep right, tend to hug pillows in order to feel comfortable in bed- you name the constant similarities and I can prove me and Crona are alike.

But, there's something in particular that Crona- shy and timid as they are- has taught me recently.

Now, shockingly, I've only been a Soul Etaer fan since October of 2020, which given the light Halloween vibe of the anime is rather ironic. I became a fan of the series through Crona, and I found Crona when the YouTube channel Death Battle did a video with Crona fighting Venom. I'll put the video here so ya'll can watch it too.

Almost immediately, I fell in love with Crona. Adorable, timid, a nervous skinny mess- I'm a sucker for such precious characters. 😍

Anyway, so as of right now (April 19, 2021) I have been a Soul Eater fan for... (looks up when the Venom vs Crona death battle was uploaded) 6 months apparently.

D**m I've really fallen for this anime. XD

Anyway, um, everyone who knows anything about Crona knows their infamous line of "I don't know how to deal with this!" And, well, yeah that can sound like me sometimes- especially these last couple of years at high school and life in general.

But, as it turns out, there's another line they're infamous among fans for saying that, somehow, had evaded me until recently. And man, I'm glad it didn't come before now.

As it turns out, fans know quite well that Crona is also known for saying something that is actually referenced a bit through the next few episodes following Crona first saying it. At first I thought his was just a philosophical quote someone associated to Crona, but after seeing more such art featuring the line. It wasn't until I watched the episode where Crona says this line that I realized that, in all it's mysterious ways, there may have been a reason way the universe might have kept this line away from me until recently.

By know you're probably dying to know what he line is.

"Do you know where the real Hell is?"

"It's in your head."

Heh... in my head...

No one told me I can't get a job. No one told me there was no way for me to get into college. No one told me it was impossible to drive. No one told me my art was too mediocre to get a good art job.

I told myself that stuff. In my own personal Hell that is my head.

I find it interesting Crona says this line while they're still thought to be the villain in the anime. I find it more interesting that Crona repeats this to Maka and that the Red Devil plaguing Soul also briefly says it.

And if there's anything connecting Crona and the Red Devil at all, it's the shared want of falling into madness- not because they can't handle life, but because they don't feel strong enough to deal with the fear- and it's their own personal Hell in their heads that tell them that, if becoming the bad guy is the way to go about becoming strong enough to overcome fear, then so be it and hand me souls to do that with.

That little line, such a truthful realistic line for a abused neglected sweetheart to say, is that final piece I needed to know just why Crona makes for such a wonderful friendly character and yet such a compelling and absolutely tragic villain for me.

They're not crazy because they really wanted to. They're not dependent on others because they don't understand social cues. As true as all that is, it's not what drove them to do the things they did in the anime or the manga.

It was because Crona told themselves giving in to madness was the only way fear can leave them alone, can be dealt with. They believed, in whatever Hell that happens in their head, that becoming Kishin was the only way to deal with anything.

Yes, Medusa told them and trained them for that. Yes, Ragnarok certainly didn't protest that idea and he certainly enforced it was best at times. But who ultimately decided it was what was best and true for them?

Crona. Crona chose to believe it, and they did. And he knew it. He chose to believe them and believed Madness was the only way to deal with people.

Up until Maka proved to them otherwise.

Which made their villainy and bittersweet sacrifice in the manga all the more heartwarming AND heartbreaking.

And, hehe, again, I chose in my personal Hell to believe I couldn't get anywhere.

But hey, if Crona can figure out how to ignore that part of the mind, then maybe me and others can too.

And that's why I love this precious person of an anime character so much. They just too relatable for me to ignore. And it's just one more reason for me to want to hug them so bad. XD

And, you know, this is a pretty big deal for me. I mean, I hadn't really felt THIS close to a character emotionally since I pronounced myself as a Raven fan. Raven is just as human as you or me, and yet she has her own Hell to put up with... just like us. And, as it turns out, so does Crona.

So, yeah... Crona's a pretty big deal to me... They should be for anyone going through God knows what if you ask me...

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I'll try to make more content, but with everything going on, I can't promise I'll have too much time to spare for these things until I get my deserves for worrying so much about my life. Just don't think about forgetting me before I become famous, okay?

Cheers. 🐉