Today was boring, but a nice day out. The weather wasn't bristiling hot, like usual, so, it felt nice to walk. Today, I made my body look nice, with a black plaid flannel, a black tank top underneath, black button-up leggings, and a belt to adorn the waist line. I wish I wasn't so curvy, it makes me so anxious on what people are thinking about me. Martin happened to be out of the classroom at the same I was, and, I enjoyed his presence for those two minutes. He's really tall, so, hugging him is like hugging a tree. I'm 5'1" and he's almost 6'3". Zaine is only 5'8" or 11".  I don't remember, but goddamn, I'm so short! :( Zaine sounded sick today, so I told him to drink tea with honey before bed and in the morning if it got worse. I get very anxious for him.  I don't know why. Everyone told him a blowjob joke, but I was the only one who showed concern instead of saying a joke. I hate waking him up, just so I can tell him about my day. I hope I don't sound too clingy to him, he had me make this promise, so I'm just trying to fulfill it. I don't think he understands my fully anxiety, but his anxiety is different from mine, so I guess it's fine. He doesn't have to understand me 100%. I only require about 45% to 50% of knowing me. He's trying to understand how I think though. It's clear that he is puzzled about how I put my thoughts together, and how I feel or create things. It's odd, to say the least. How I think.  It's like a large puzzle, but I feel like I'm missing pieces, I just don't know what. I'm only fourteen, so, of  course I don't have all my pieces, right? I don't want my story to end short. I want a story where I can tell my children, then my grandchildren, and maybe my great grandchildren. I just hope I can live a long, healthy life. Going back to the topic of Martin, I really do think I've fallen for him, but of course, I can't tell him. He's stressed out as it is, but, he mesmerizes me with his hugs, his gentle features, and his softest touch. I can't seem to get enough. I love it all, so much. Anyway, I feel like I'm not doing ok but I'm trying to hold my walls up. I have steel this time, so watch out, Anxiety!!

-Nikki Greul