Words: 17,872

The night was cold in comparison to the other many nights in the middle of September that had been pleasant enough to make one want to spend some time outside. What made it worse was the rain falling against the roof and the loud thunder that was silencing the cries of the pregnant man sitting on the bed. Louis was his name, and as he looked up to see Harry, the father of his child pacing back and forth in front of him he only cried louder.

"Now what Louis? What did I do wrong this time?" Harry finally snapped when all Louis seemed to do was cry louder.

"Just leave me alone! Its clear you don't want to be here with us so just leave me alone." Louis covered his eight month pregnant belly feeling his tiny baby boy kicking a few times before he went still hearing Harry's voice.

"I'm out of here, don't bother waiting for me because I'm not coming back till tomorrow." Harry glared at him before he put on some clothes and walked to the door stopping when he heard Louis' voice.

"Where are you going? You can't leave me alone when I'm this pregnant and about to give birth." Louis spoke as he tried to restrain his sniffles failing rather badly.

"Away from you! And please don't be so melodramatic, you have a month left." Harry spat before he opened the door then slammed it shut making the wall next to it shake with the force.

Louis sat there crying and rubbing circles on the side of his belly while Harry made his way to the elevator to get out of there. That night while Louis cried trying to understand what had gone wrong Harry ended up in a party hosted by Liam and Zayn who asked for Louis but were ignored by Harry as he made his way to the kitchen for a drink bumping into Niall on his way there.

Back in their shared apartment Louis made his way to the baby's nursery and grabbed the video camera Harry had gotten so they could make videos for when their son got older. He decided to make another video without Harry there but before he could he grabbed paper and a pen and started writing a letter to Harry where he was finally confessing everything. As he wrote it he couldn't help but remember how it all had started in the first place, how they had ended up where they were with a son on the way who they had planned to raise as just parents who weren't even friends but wanted the best for their son. Now he couldn't just be friends with him, he wanted to be more than that.

~*~

It had started a year earlier when the pair had met when they were paired as roommates in their last year of Uni having being forced to stay in the dorms due to the lack of money. The two had literally bumped into each other and as soon as they made eye contact they had immediately disliked the other with no reason whatsoever. Harry hated the way Louis was always so loud and never seemed to grasp the concept that Harry just wanted him to shut up and stop being so annoying for once in his life. Louis hated the way Harry was always so uptight and never seemed to relax and have a little bit of fun and all he seemed to do was work and study never stopping.

Not everything was fighting and arguing between them when their other friends were around to lighten up the atmosphere. Liam and Zayn had met Louis their first year of Uni and had even roomed together making it the best year of their lives while Harry had know Niall since they were two awkward fourteen year olds. They had all met when Louis and Harry had found themselves sharing a dorm and since then they had all bond over their friday nights when they would get together and play video games and eat take out, each of them putting money in to pay for it.

Four months into the year the arguments just kept getting worse and worse until Louis finally convinced Harry to go to Niall's party as a way to relax and let loose. By the end of the night both drunk men stumbled into their dorm with their mouths attached and Harry's hands underneath Louis' bum as he held him up gently putting him down on Louis' bed. They never remembered who initiated it in the first place but soon Louis found himself on his knees and leaning against the headboard while Harry fucked into him from behind making sure to keep Louis' legs spread open for him. By the time Harry came inside of Louis both of them were too blissed out and tired to realize what had just happened.

The next morning had been extremely awkward for both of them who couldn't even talk to each other much less look in the other's direction. That same night they agreed to never talk about it ever again and it had been working out perfectly fine for them until three months later when Louis started getting sick and for some reason that worried Harry.

Louis was always loud and cheerful but soon stoppped and instead of being loud and obnoxious he would rather sleep all day when he could or spend it next to the toilet. Since then their fights consisted of Harry yelling at Louis to go to a doctor and Louis screaming at him telling him he had no right to tell him what to do and that he wasn't his mother. When he finally managed to drag him to the doctor he had to go in with him to keep Louis from running away but ended up wishing he hadn't when they were told what was wrong with Louis.

Pregnant. Literally pregnant. 

Louis was three months pregnant and it was clear Harry was the father after the messy hook up they had decided to never talk of ever again and now they had a 'little problem' on the way like they both liked to call it. Louis had absolutely refused to have it claiming that he wasn't ready for a child and Harry couldn't agree more. After all, what the hell were they going to do with a child when both of them couldn't go two minutes without arguing.

Without telling anybody they scheduled an appointment to get an abortion after a week of thinking about it and going through the pros and cons finding out that if they kept it, it would only go through hell with parents like them. They were a hundred percent sure about it until the doctor was about to start the procedure, that's when Louis broke and started kicking and screaming to get them to stop until Harry wrapped his arms around him in what was their first ever hug as he whispered comforting words on his ear.

"I- I can't do it! Harry it's our baby, I can't kill our baby." Louis had wailed in Harry's arms

"It's okay, we'll be fine." Harry whispered feeling some sort of relief running through his body because he too had started having second thoughts the minute they had walked into the clinic and had seen all those posters of fathers holding their newborn baby.

"It's our baby..." Louis sobbed putting a hand over his still flat stomach where a new life was growing.

"It is our baby." Harry repeated rubbing Louis' back while the doctor and a nurse smiled a little at them happy to know one more child would be welcomed into the world in six more months.

They went straight home after that where Louis decided to take a nap before the inevitable talk he and Harry needed to have. While he was asleep Harry stood by the door watching him coming to terms that he was going to have a child with the man he sometimes couldn't stand, he was going to be a father.

When Louis woke up and after talking it was decided that they would raise the child together but will never be more than two people trying to get along for their sake of their child which they were both happy about. Telling their families was much more difficult when they didn't even know the other but after the initial shock all of them seemed excited and couldn't wait to meet the baby.

Their friends reactions were entirely different when all they could do was stare at them then Louis' stomach that was still flat as if trying to figure out if they were joking or not. When they finally realized they weren't and after trying to process the news they had hugged both of them telling them they would always be there if they needed something. They had then proceeded to bicker over who was going to be the godfather until Louis shut them up saying it didn't needed one because it would have the best three uncles anyone could ever ask for.

When Louis started showing by his fifth month they were unfortunately kicked out of their dorm when they found out Louis was pregnant and since children weren't allowed in the complex they had no choice but to leave. They had found a two bed one bath apartment big enough for the two of them soon to be three in four more months that they actually liked and wasn't so bad after all the ones they had seen. A few weeks after that they went home happier than ever when they found out they were going to have a son wanting to pick names for their baby.

"So have you thought of any names?" Harry asked Louis as soon as they were back in their apartment where Louis had gone straight to the couch.

"I actually have. I think Caleb is a lovely name. Do you have one?" Louis smiled as he rubbed his baby bump.

He had started wearing maternity clothes specially made for men now that he was showing more and Harry absolutely loved the way the fabric hugged Louis' belly.

"I like Daniel. Do you like Caleb Daniel?" Harry sat down next to him not even complaining when Louis put his feet on his lap and instead started rubbing circles on one of his legs.

"Love it!" Louis beamed and that was it.

Their son had a name.

As the months passed by without any arguments they were pretty content with the way things were going and Harry didn't complained at all when Louis asked him to help him out with something he could do himself but wasn't as satisfying on his own. Starting Louis' fifth month Harry would fuck him on a regular basis with both of them telling themselves that it was for a good cause but soon it stopped being a random fuck for the two of them.

Soon Harry found himself going out of his way to get something special for Louis and would hold him when Louis was an emotional mess. He had to admit Louis would sometimes get on his nerves but a simple smile from the smaller man was enough to make Harry smile. While Harry was trying so hard to hide those feelings, Louis was falling hard for him and it scared him yet he would do anything to keep Harry happy. It was funny how both of them tried so hard to keep it to themselves and were too shy to confess but it was clear to their friends they had fallen in love with each other just by the way they looked and gravitated towards each other.

Everything was okay until Louis entered his eight month and had stopped having sex (making love, like they liked to call it in their minds) with Harry and instead would sleep away from him after they had put their single beds against the other to be closer. Louis couldn't help himself from snapping at Harry for every single little thing and Harry started getting tired of it. They went back to arguing for every single detail which led to their argument before Harry stormed out of there leaving Louis behind and alone. 

~*~

When Louis was done writing the letter to Harry he was sitting on the rocking chair Harry had gotten at a second hand store and had been nervous about Louis not liking it but Louis loved it. He put it in an envelope addressing it to Harry then put it inside of one of the side pockets of Caleb's bag for the hospital making his way to the camera to start recording. He once again took a seat on the rocking chair and started talking, he was finally letting everything out. When he was almost done he had tears all over his face and as he was wiping them away he felt a sharp pain in his stomach making him freeze on his spot. He waited a few minutes and when he felt it again but that time more stronger he started panicking and trying to call Harry.

He started crying when he didn't answered the third time and deciding he couldn't wait anymore he left him a message and headed to the hospital thanking whoever was up there when he found a cab right away. He couldn't help but notice his contractions getting stronger and closer as he wrapped his arms around it and looking at the top of his stomach until he heard the driver talking to him.

"I'm sorry son, we're stuck here. I think there was an accident." The driver said looking back at Louis with worried eyes.

"I- Its okay, the hospital's right across the street. I'll walk." Louis said grabbing his bags then opened the door to get out getting stopped by the driver.

"Let me walk you there, you're in labour and I can't let you go alone." The driver unbuckled himself as he spoke.

"Nono, Its fine. I've been here and I know my way. Thank you." Louis gave him the money he owed then got out not letting the driver help him and headed towards the light to cross the street never seeing the speeding car heading his way.

~*~

Harry found himself sitting in the kitchen away from the noise still mad at Louis and when his phone went off notifying him that Louis was calling he let it go to voice mail. He got irritated when Louis kept calling and turned off his phone going back to the party thinking that as much as he loved him he needed time to himself; that was the worst of his mistakes.

Almost two hours later when the party was over he had spent it sitting on one of the sofas thinking about going back when he decided to turn his phone back on. He felt his three friends sitting next to him as he did so then his eyes widened when he saw the three calls from Louis, one from an unknown number and two voice mails. He looked back at the lads then back at his phone before he played the first message which was from Louis bringing the phone close to his ear.

"Harry I- I think I'm in labour, its t- too early but I'm heading to the hospital. I know you're angry with me but please get there as soon as you can, I- I don't want to have Caleb on my own. I need you to be there...please."

Harry felt the tears threatening to come out since Louis had left the voicemail almost three hours ago and he had probably missed the birth of his own son by now. With shaky fingers he played the next one hoping it was the wrong number for whoever had called.

"Hello, I'm calling from the Royal London Hospital to let you know that Mr. Louis Tomlinson was admitted in a few minutes ago and we need you to get here as soon as you can. Its very important that you do...its an emergency."

As soon as he heard the female nurse saying those last few words he shot up from his spot heading outside to go the hospital ignoring the rest of the boys calling for him.

"Harry what's going on?" Liam caught up to him grabbing him by the arm to make him stop.

"Louis went into labour three hours ago and I missed the birth of my son, I also got a call from the hospital telling me it was an e- emergency." Harry explained with tears in his eyes then got in his car.

"We'll meet you there." Liam called out turning around to go to his car.

The drive to the hospital was agonizing getting there at the same time that the others did noticing the police tape surrounding a part of the street then Harry rushed inside the hospital towards the nurse in the reception.

"I'm here to see Louis Tomlinson. I'm Harry Styles." He spoke trying to keep his voice from shaking trying not to yell at her when she was looking him up in the computer.

"Doctor Bradley wants to see you, its in the maternity ward...the third floor and he's already waiting for you." She said as Harry noticed the strange way she was looking at him before he made his way to the elevator.

They stayed quiet the rest of the way and as soon as the doors opened on the third floor Harry hurried over to a doctor standing in front of the small reception.

"I'm Harry Styles. Are they- are my son and Louis okay? Can I see them?" Harry asked feeling Niall and Zayn grabbing each of his hands to keep them from shaking.

"Your son is a bit premature but he's alive and healthy, right now he's in an incubator where he will stay until what was supposed to be his due date to make sure he's okay and continues developing." Dr. Bradley said.

"Oh thank god." Harry sighed in relief rubbing his hands on his face then look at the doctor again. "What about his father, is my Louis okay?"

"I need to talk to you about that in private." Dr. Bradley looked at him almost as if he was dreading something.

"Its okay, they can listen to whatever you have to tell me." Harry said gesturing to his three friends.

"There was an accident in front of the hospital earlier today...a hit and run involving Louis and a drunk driver that was going over the speed limit." The doctor explained and Harry started feeling his heart beating faster.

"Is- is he okay? Please tell me he's okay." Harry begged feeling his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Styles, Louis passed away a few hours ago. We couldn't do anything to save him and we were running out of time to save the child." 

Harry felt as if he had been punched in the stomach and chest multiple times as the air slowly escaped his lungs and when he felt tears tickling their way down his face is when he broke down crying. He felt arms trying to help him up but all he wanted was to die with Louis, he felt as if part of him was slowly dying and withering away with him.

"No! Wh- why didn't you saved him!? You c- could have saved him!" Harry sobbed fighting against Liam's hold who as well as Niall and Zayn was crying.

"He was already gone when we got to him...the force was too much and he died on impact. The baby was still alive and we managed to deliver him before he could suffocate. Louis did everything he could to protect him." Dr. Bradley explained getting worried the louder Harry cried. 

"I want to see him, I want to see Louis. Please!" Harry sobbed. 

"Mr. Styles listen to me, I know this is hard but I rather you not. Its better if you remember him like he used to be, like the last time you saw him." Dr. Bradley put a hand on Harry's shoulder that he was quick to shake off.

He didn't want to remember the Louis he had last seen when he walked out on him and their son just because of a stupid argument. He didn't want to remember him like that because all he could see was his Louis crying and now he couldn't do anything to take everything back. He couldn't go back to answer his phone when Louis had first called because if he had just answered it then Louis would still be alive and holding their son. The thought made him cry harder almost making him choke when he realized he had taken that away from Louis, he had taken his chance of him holding their son knowing that's all Louis could think about and wanted to do.

"I want to see him! L- Liam tell him I- I want to see him, p- please..." Harry sobbed while Liam held him and looked at him with eyes full of tears and Zayn had a hysterical Niall in his arms trying to calm him down but it was nothing compared to how Harry was doing. 

"Please, just let him see him. Just for a little bit." Liam begged then looked back at a crying Zayn asking for help with his eyes.

"Please, we'll go in there with him but please let him see him." Zayn continued for Liam watching as the doctor looked at Harry chewing on his bottom lip.

"Okay, but...he was badly injured and I was only trying to do what's best for him seeing the state he's in. I'll let him see him but please stay with him at all times no matter what." He said before he motioned for them to follow him.

They walked into the elevator towards the fifth floor that Harry knew very well what was in there then followed the doctor through the corridors until they were standing in front of a double door with a sign on the wall next to it that read Mortuary. When he opened one of the doors the first thing Harry felt was how cold the room was letting out a few more tears escape then started sobbing again when he saw a body on top of a metal table covered by a white sheet. The only thing he could see where his feet with a tag on his right toe and felt like vomiting when he saw the sheet was a bit stained with blood.

"Are you sure you want to see him? He was badly injured and he's...he's unrecognizable." Dr. Bradley asked once again sighing and lifting the sheet up as soon as Harry had nodded.

"No..." Harry sobbed hiding his face on Liam's chest as soon as he saw the father of his child, the man he had fallen in love with in such a short amount of time.

The doctor was about to cover him again when Harry ran to Louis wrapping his arms around him feeling how cold he was as he sobbed into his chest then looked at his face again letting his right hand hover over his face. He wanted to touch him but felt as if he would hurt him seeing his once tan and smooth face marred with red from the injuries to the point that it wasn't Louis anymore.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry." Harry sobbed resting his head on his chest while the others watched him wishing he would just wake up and everything would be okay again but there was nothing they could do. 

"Harry...he's in a better place." Niall wiped away his tears trying to get to him but was stopped by Zayn motioning to leave him alone.

"I want to be alone." Harry mumbled in between hiccups.

"Harry..." Zayn started.

"I want to be alone...please, just for a little bit. I want to say goodbye." Harry started crying again and that was enough for the four adults to leave him alone and wait outside.

As soon as they were gone Harry finally cried louder and like never before holding onto Louis not wanting to let him go regretting ever leaving him alone. He could have lost their son too and he wondered if it was a punishment for him, having to see his son every day and remember that he was the reason Caleb didn't have his father. He stayed there crying until he started shivering unable to keep himself from doing it then looked at Louis before he kissed the top of his head.

"I'll t- take care of him, and h- he will know you're his daddy a- and that you love hi- him so much. I l- love y- you." Harry whispered as he shivered before he covered him once again and left the room looking back one more time before he closed the door.

"Where's my son?" Was the first thing Harry asked as soon as he was in front of the doctor.

"He's in the maternity ward in the NICU but only one person can see him for now." Dr. Bradley started walking back to the third floor and Harry felt more tears in his eyes seeing how far away Louis was from their son.

He was already dead when their baby was born and never had the chance to meet him, hear him cry much less hold him and Harry would never forgive himself for that. He would never forgive himself because he was and will only be the one to blame for the rest of his life and even after his own death.

When they were on the third floor Harry was taken into another room and told to put on scrubs then was disinfected and finally let in where there was a single incubator in the middle of the room. As soon as he saw Styles-Tomlinson written on the label on one side of the incubator he started silently crying again as a nurse watched him with sad eyes and left him alone with his son. The baby was tiny and was wearing the tiniest light blue onesie that was still too big on him as well as the tiniest white hat but that didn't stop Harry from loving him with all he had.

"I'm so sorry baby. Daddy loves you wherever he is, he will always love you." Harry whispered seeing him moving his tiny arms around before he yawned opening his tiny mouth into the shape of an o.

He was allowed to touch him through one of the holes on the side of the incubator watching as he squirmed for a bit before settling down. Harry smiled a little when he put his tiny hand over his as he moved his head around frowning when he started whimpering before letting out tiny weak cries.

"Is he okay?" Harry turned around to look at the nurse that was once again in the room making sure everything was okay and the baby was doing well.

"He's fine. This is his first time crying and that's good, it means he's doing well and you got to hear his first cries." The nurse smiled while Harry only nodded turning back to the baby lightly patting his little tummy.

The baby continued crying until he calmed down when Harry started rubbing the top of his tiny head being careful not to hurt him remembering how it used to relax Louis.

"I promise you I'll take care of you and I will always love you baby. Papa will always love you sweetheart." Harry continued talking to him until he was told he needed to go finding out he had been there for more than an hour.

When he walked back into the waiting room feeling numb and tired the first thing he saw was a crying Jay rushing over to him just as he started crying again seeing his mom and Gemma also there until he felt his left cheek stinging then saw her looking at him as if he wanted to kill him right there.

"You're a murderer! You killed my son, its your fault he's dead!" Jay was hysterically crying then started hitting Harry as much as she could while he let her as he sobbed knowing it was true and he deserved it.

"Jay calm down, calm down!" Liam rushed over trying to pull her away struggling as he did so while Zayn tried to help and Anne and Gemma watched horrified unable to move.

She only cried harder hitting Harry across the face where blood started coming out on the scratch she had made on it then fell down on the ground unable to stop crying while Harry did the same. He scooted backwards towards the wall until his back touched it bringing his knees to his chest hiding his face on them while Jay screamed at him as she was being pulled away. He felt Niall's arms around him then Gemma's and his mom's crying louder the more Jay screamed as she sobbed in a way that only a mother could after losing her child.

"Don't touch him, he's a murderer! He killed my son! My only son is dead because of you!" Jay screamed leaving Harry a mess when Liam and Zayn managed to take her out of the room.

"It wasn't your fault baby, it wasn't" Anne hugged him trying to understand Jay but couldn't after the things she had yelled at her only son.

No, she's right. I- I killed him mom...I- I never answered my phone wh- when he needed me and n- now he's gone and its all my fault." Harry looked up at her as his green eyes showed how much pain he was in.

"You didn't know." Gemma said rubbing his back.

"And now Caleb doesn't have his daddy." Harry muttered before he started crying again.

"Mr. Styles?" A nurse slowly walked up to them crouching down in front of him holding a white envelope.

"Yes." Harry managed to answer eyeing the white envelope.

"I found this in the bag for the baby that Mr. Tomlinson had for him. It has your name written on the front." She said with sad eyes giving it to him then left after Harry had taken it seeing his name written on the front in Louis' messy handwriting.

His mom, Niall and Gemma left him alone as soon as he started opening the envelope and felt more tears rolling down his face as soon as he saw his handwriting.

Harry,

I've never been one to actually sit down and write letters, much less letters like this one but right now this is the only way I can  tell you everything without getting interrupted and without chickening out like I always do.

We started off really bad and right now we're not exactly content with each other and its not the right time to tell you, at least not like this but I have to. Who would've thought that we, who started off really hating each other and always arguing are now going to have a baby together. Believe it or not this baby is a blessing to me as I'm sure it is to you and I cannot wait to have our little baby boy in my arms and give him all the love I have reserved just for him. I can't wait to hear him cry and hear him calling me daddy and calling you papa.

That's not the only reason I wrote this because I know how much you love our son, I can see it in your eyes whenever you feel him kick and when you talk to him and even just about him to anyone who's willing to listen. I've been wanting to tell you this but I could never find the words to do so. I don't know when I started feeling this way but it happened. I love you Harry, I love you so so much with all I have and I hope that when you read this you feel the same way.

Love, 

Louis.

After Harry was done reading he stared straight ahead never taking his eyes off of the white wall in front of him trying not to think.

"I love you too, Lou. I feel the same way." Harry murmured hoping that Louis could hear him wherever he was.

Harry was forced to go back home when due to hospital rules he wasn't allowed to stay with his son and when he had tried to claim Louis' body he was told Jay had already done so setting him up in tears again. He refused to let anyone stay with him that night and as soon as he was alone he went straight to Caleb's nursery that he and Louis had worked on for months because Louis wanted it to be perfect and a nautical nursery was what he wanted..

The room was small but it was big enough for the baby to be comfortable in and as soon as Harry opened the door he stayed there leaning against the wall looking around. The room was painted blue with a white crib pushed against the wall to his left and above it three different sized boats that Zayn had painted along with sea waves of a lighter blue underneath them to represent their journey. He remembered how Louis had begged Zayn to paint them and at the end Louis just fell in love with it especially when Zayn had written Caleb's name on the white sail of the bigger boat and had added anchors on two of the bigger boats along with red flags at the top and a monkey holding a spyglass on the bigger boat.

To his right were a few white shelves with a few teddy bears and toys as well as a rocking chair and a changing table with shelves underneath it where Louis had put brown baskets to keep their son's stuff organized. He just wanted to cry again when he noticed the empty blue frame Louis had put there a few weeks ago intending to put a picture of the three of them as soon as the baby was born.

He crossed the room stepping on the blue rug and sat down on the rocking chair taking a teddy bear holding it against his chest when he noticed the video camera had been moved. He wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks wondering how he still had any left and walked to their bedroom- now his, only to get his laptop and as soon as he had plugged in the video camera he started watching all the videos.

It had been his idea wanting to have something for their son so he could see what it had been like while Louis was still pregnant with him. The first one was when Louis was four months and he couldn't help but grab Louis' pillow and hug it against his chest as he watched all of them until the very last one or so he thought. He furrowed his brow when he noticed a brand new one that had been recorded just a few hours earlier and he cried louder when he saw Louis on the screen. He was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing when he left him alone and he was talking to their son like always.

Hi baby, papa isn't here right now so its just you and me for now. I'm only a few weeks away from delivering you and I can't wait to hold you, I'm sure papa can't wait to hold you either. I love him you know, but I don't think he feels the same way. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I love him and I hope that after that he stays with us so we can raise you like a proper family, maybe give you a brother or sister later on. All I want is for him to feel the same. I just want you to know that I love you Caleb and no matter what happens I will always love you baby boy. You are my little blessing and I love you so much, always remember that sweetheart. I love you Harry, I love you both." 

Harry kept looking at the screen seeing how Louis was trying so hard to stop the tears from falling then sobbed when Louis froze wincing a bit as his hand went flying down to the side of his stomach. He watched him get up with difficulty with his phone already in his hand and as he turned off the camera he said his last words, ones that Harry would never forget as his entire body shook from the sobs making it almost impossible to breathe.

"Looks like you want to get out of here now. I can't wait to have you in my arms." 

That night Harry fell asleep with Louis' pillow in his arms and wrapped around his favorite blanket trying to escape the nightmares that will forever haunt him. The last image he had of Louis laying down on a cold and hard metal table with his heart no longer beating and an empty womb without the child he waited so long for but never got to hold would forever haunt him.

The next two days were a blur for him between visiting his son in the hospital and wanting to see Jay to talk to her. It had been like a slap to the face when he wasn't allowed to go to Louis' funeral and instead watched from a distance and well hidden from anyone's eyes how they buried him as he cried trying to keep his sobs in. He stayed there until everyone was gone and when he was sure no one was still lurking around he slowly made his way to his grave carrying the flowers he had been holding for a long time now. He knelt down next to the grave letting his fingers trace Louis' name then the beloved father and son inscription at the bottom of the headstone.

"Your mom didn't let me come before but I'm here now. I just want you to know that I do love you and I will always love you no matter what. I'll take care of our son so don't worry about him wherever you are. I have to go now to see him...I'll always tell him about you. I'm sorry love...I know its my fault you're here and I will never forgive myself. I love you, Lou."

Harry left the flowers next to the others then left the cemetery going to the hospital where he was allowed to see Caleb for a few hours before he had to go home where he would only go straight to bed. As the weeks passed by he was a complete mess never bothering to clean his apartment until his mom would clean it for him and force him to shower. He had stopped eating and instead worked until he was exhausted not wanting to think and so he would have extra money knowing babies were expensive. When Caleb was going to finally go home Anne had cried because that was the first time he had seen Harry smile at least a little almost a month after Louis' death.

~*~

"What do you mean I can't take him home!? He's my son, I'm his father. I have the right to take him home with me." Harry shouted while his mom tried to calm him down.

"I understand that you are his father Mr. Styles but you cannot take him home. Mrs. Johanna Tomlinson has filed sole custody for the child, we just got a notice and I'm so sorry but you cannot take the child until the hearing where a judge will decide what the best interest for the child is." Dr. Bradley said giving him a sympathetic look.

"Why is she doing this to me?" Harry slumped down covering his face with his hands feeling his eyes stinging with tears.

He understood Jay was still grieving like he was but couldn't understand why she would want to take the only thing he had left of Louis. Jay used to adore him and think he was the perfect man for her son and would be the perfect father for Louis' children but now he knew she hated him with all she had. She blamed him for Louis' death and he agreed with her, he was the only one to blame.

Harry was allowed to see Caleb one more time and went home feeling numb and when they got there there was a man in a black suit knocking on his door. He left them a letter from the court with a date for the court meeting. The days passed by and Harry had used all that time to get as much evidence as he could to show he was a fit parent capable of taking care of his child. When the day arrived Harry, his family and friends made their way to the court and they actually had to stop Harry when he saw a police officer holding his son. Jay was sitting on the other side looking straight ahead and Harry just wanted to strangle her.

Everything was a blur for Harry only paying attention when he had to talk feeling Jay glaring at him and once he was done he walked back to his seat. When it was Jay's turns to talk she only spoke foul things about Harry and how bad he had treated Louis the last day he had been alive. By the time she was done talking, Zayn had to hold Gemma back while Anne hugged Harry. When the judge came back after making his decision Harry was literally holding his breath praying for Caleb to stay with him because he wouldn't be able to take it if he was taken from him.

"Mr. Styles, Mrs. Tomlinson. After reviewing all evidence I've made my decision." The judge spoke looking between Harry and Jay.

"Based on what I've heard and the evidence I've seen I grant full physical custody of Caleb Styles-Tomlinson to Johanna Tomlinson. Mr. Styles you are in no shape to raise a child; however, you do have the right to visitation rights. Case closed." The judge spoke leaving Jay smiling and Harry struggling to breathe.

He watched with tears in his eyes as the officer handed his son over to Jay who hugged him close to her chest while the baby cried. It was clear he wasn't comfortable in Jay's arms but at that point Harry couldn't do anything. He quickly walked to the front getting her attention as she glared at him and pulled the crying baby away.

"Wh- Why are you doing this to me? He's my son." Harry cried feeling Liam's hand on his shoulder.

"I lost my son because of you, its only fair you lose yours." Jay glared at him before she walked away leaving Harry alone hearing his son's cries fading away.

A few minutes later he took off running with no direction while the others shouted at him to get back until he couldn't hear them anymore. He ran until his lungs and legs started burning and by the time he stopped he realized he was in the cemetery right in front of Louis' grave. As soon as he saw his name engraved on the stone he burst out crying falling down next to it. 

"Are you okay" A female voice asked with worry etched in it. "Was he your friend?"

Harry looked up to see a young girl no older than fifteen standing next to him, she was wearing jeans and an old shirt. Her long blond hair was pulled back into a high ponytail and her blue eyes reminded him so much of Louis'. She seemed to be genuinely worried about him as her eyes flickered between the grave and himself before settling on him.

"He was...I loved him, and we had a baby together." Harry found himself talking unable to stop just wanting to vent to someone who didn't know the real him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure your baby will be happy with you." She smiled.

"No...I messed up, he died because of me and now his mother took my baby away. I don't have anyone else to blame for myself and I just wish I could go back and change it all. I wish I could go back and stay with him when he needed me the most, I just want to go back where everything was okay." Harry sobbed.

"Do you really mean that? You really want to go back, you would do it all over again but this time the right way if you had another chance?" She asked kneeling down next to him putting a hand over his shoulder.

"I would do anything, I just want him back." Harry looked at her in a strange way when she smiled.

"Go home, its getting cold and you need to rest. The weeks to come by are gonna be difficult but everlasting...that's if you put effort into it." She smiled once again before she got up and left leaving Harry more confused than ever.

He stayed there for almost an hour crying and begging Louis to forgive him and when he finally got home he was freezing to death. He took a shower and went to bed before looking inside the nursery quickly closing it hoping his son was okay then went to bed thinking that he wasn't going to give up so easily. He was going to get his son back even if it was the last thing he would do and wasn't going to stop until Caleb was back in his arms and sleeping in the nursery Louis had taken months to set up and decorate to perfection.

That night Harry tossed and turned crying in his sleep as he dreamed of Louis and their son, he wanted it to stop but the more he moved around the more intense the nightmares would get. He dreamt of the last things he had said to Louis up until he was laying lifeless on a cold metal table and their son was nowhere to be found. He dreamt of Louis standing in front of him holding their son and looking back at Harry with blank eyes as he blamed him for everything that had happened.

Harry started breathing harder until he couldn't take it anymore and woke up drenched in sweat as he looked around noticing Louis' side of the bed was unmade and used wondering when had he rolled over to his side until the smell hit him. He sighed knowing it was probably his mom or one of the guys that were making breakfast then got up to the bathroom to do his business, wash his hands and face and brush his teeth to at least try and look presentable. He made his way there stopping in his tracks when he heard that voice he had missed so much, the voice he still listened to on his phone every time it would get too hard without him.

"Fucking hell! I know baby, daddy can't cook but be glad we have papa to keep us from getting food poisoning."

Harry held back a sob thinking he was still having those nightmares remembering how he had screamed at Louis after hearing him saying that exact same thing. Remembering when he had walked into the kitchen finding it a mess and Louis flipping a burnt pancake with one hand holding the spatula and his left one on his lower back.

When he walked into the kitchen he stopped when he saw Louis standing there trying not to freak out when one side of the pancake was slightly burnt and the other still uncooked. Louis looked at him and if it wasn't because he knew Louis was dead and had been for a month then he would've laughed when his blue eyes widened and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish trying to explain the mess.

"Surprise?" Louis gave him a hesitant but mischievous smile and that's when Harry broke.

He ran to the smaller man and fell on his knees right in front of him wrapping his arms around his middle as much as he could kissing his belly as much as he could. He cried harder when he heard Louis turning off the stove and seconds later felt his fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp knowing he was staining his own blue loose shirt that Louis was wearing.

"Harry what's wrong, why are you crying?" Louis asked getting worried when Harry sobbed even harder. "Haz, you're scaring me."

"You're here...you- you're here. You're not gone." 

"Of course I'm here, where would I go? You're making him get all excited and now he won't stop!" Louis couldn't help but giggle and to Harry it sounded like heaven.

"Don't leave me. I lo- please don't leave me again." Harry kept crying.

"Harry you're seriously scaring me. I never left and I'm never going to leave until you want me to. I was just trying to surprise you with breakfast so we can make up...I don't like it when we're angry at each other." Louis said trying to help Harry up and after he did he grabbed his hand to take him to the living room then made him sit down on the couch.

"I just...I just thought th- that after our fight last night you we- were going to leave." Harry quickly explained himself not knowing anymore what was real and what was not.

"We promised each other to make this work for Caleb and it would be really selfish of me to leave just like that and not try and work it out." Louis said putting a hand on Harry's cheek smiling when Harry leaned into his touch.

"You're here..." Harry couldn't help but say it unable to look away from Louis' eyes having missed them and just having missed Louis.

Now that he was right there in front of him he wondered if it all had been a dream and this was his reality or if this was just a cruel dream. Louis grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the messy kitchen and it would've pissed off Harry before but now he didn't cared as long as Louis was okay and there with him.

"Now stop being weird and make breakfast while I clean, I'm starving and remember that if I starve then so will the baby." Louis said grabbing a wet rag to wipe the counters covered in flour.

"Yes sir! Now, what do you want to eat?" Harry asked opening the fridge to see what else they had to eat.

He grabbed the orange juice and the gallon of milk wanting Louis to pick what he wanted then put the milk back when Louis immediately went for the orange juice.

"I want pancakes with lots of fruit and whipped cream, please." Louis told him as he cleaned the kitchen and kept drinking straight from the gallon of juice.

"There are cups in the cabinet Lou." Harry chuckled when Louis rolled his eyes and continued drinking.

Harry was flipping a pancake grabbing his phone to check if he had any messages when he noticed the date as two weeks earlier from when Louis had died. He silently put it back in his pocket and continued making breakfast. By the time he was done cooking Louis was also done cleaning the kitchen then made him sit down to eat.

"This is really good." Louis said after he had swallowed his food knowing how much Harry hated it when he talked with his mouth full.

"Thanks."

"Can we go to the store after this? We still need to buy a car seat for the baby." Louis asked and Harry looked down remembering how Louis had ended up going alone to the store to buy it himself.

"Yeah! We'll go right after we finish eating." Harry agreed wanting to do it right this time around when he had been given another chance.

They ended up going to Babies R Us and all Harry did was smile when Louis got distracted looking at the baby bassinets even though they already had a crib and they couldn't afford it at the moment. Since Louis had  to stop working due to the pregnancy Harry had been the only one bringing money into the house and with their baby coming in a month they needed to save every penny.

Louis couldn't stop looking at them and running his fingers through the handmade blue bedding as he smiled and that's when Harry decided to fuck it. He told Louis to wait there for him because he had to go to the bathroom and once he was alone in another aisle he started counting how much money he had smiling that for once he had enough and also enough to afford a stroller that he just knew Louis also wanted. He smiled because now their baby would get brand new stuff and not already used like the crib and the rocking chair.

"You look happy." A cheery voice he knew so well startled him making him jump a little.

"You." Harry dropped his wallet and quickly bent down to pick it up.

"Me. I hope you do things right this time, Harry Styles. I don't give out chances just like that and you're lucky he's here." She said never losing eye contact with him.

"You mean you...what's your name? You did this? Then...it wasn't a dream?" Harry stumbled over his words as the tears began filling up his eyes.

"Kenya, my name is Kenya. Don't mess up again, Styles, I'll be watching you." Kenya said before she walked away just as Louis walked into the aisle looking for him.

"I thought you were in the bathroom." Louis sighed slightly annoyed putting a hand over his lower back already feeling the faint ache that came with standing up for a long period of time.

"I was. Guess what?" Harry smiled walking closer to Louis wrapping an arm around his waist to help him walk guiding him back to where the bassinets, car seats and strollers were.

"What?" Louis smiled too unable to control himself.

"We also need to pick a stroller and a bassinet." Harry informed him.

"Harry..." Louis stopped walking to look at Harry loving how he was a head taller than he was when it used to annoy him before he fell for him like a fool. 

"Its okay, Lou. I checked and we have enough to afford them." Harry was quick to wrap his arms around Louis' waist not being able to get closer to him since his baby bump was in the way.

"Really? I just...I don't want you to spend so much money when we're barely getting by. I promise you I'll get a job as soon as I can but right now lets not spend too much." Louis said resting his head on Harry's chest wondering why Harry was being too affectionate.

"Lou...I can see you really want them and I want you to be happy. Remember when you had that freak out last week because you don't want the baby to be away from you? You said there was no way in hell you were going to let him sleep in another room when he's been inside you for so long and it was going to be hard. And then you started crying because you have always wanted to take walks with him at the park but you don't have a stroller." Harry rubbed his back.

"Yes but-"

"We're getting them. C'mon, lets pick the ones you want." Harry kissed his temple making Louis smile and feel the thousands of butterflies in his stomach- and that time it wasn't the baby.

They ended up getting the bassinet Louis had been looking at and a navy blue car seat with a matching stroller that Louis had deemed good enough for their baby. When they got back home Louis fell asleep on the couch with a plate of pickles dipped in peanut butter on top of his stomach and The Walking Dead still playing on the tv. Harry walked in after taking a shower ready to join him and instead ended up carrying Louis to their bed making sure he was on his side then stayed there just watching him losing track of time.

"Why are you watching me sleep? S' creepy...you're creepy." Louis muttered looking at Harry then started rubbing his eyes.

"I'm not creepy." Harry defended himself.

"Yeah yeah, stop standing there like a creep and lay down with me." Louis smiled.

Harry quickly lay down behind Louis wrapping his arms around him loving how cute Louis looked when he was being the little spoon. He nuzzled his face on the back of Louis' neck then kissed it before closing his eyes feeling Caleb kicking a few times before he stopped after Louis had gently told him to quit it.

"He never listens to me like that." Harry pouted even though Louis couldn't see him.

"That's because he loves me more, I'm keeping him warm and feeding him after all." Louis smirked.

"Yeah, but I put him there."

"And I'm growing him." Louis stated.

"You're right, he's all warm and comfortable in there all thanks to you." Harry once again kissed Louis on the back of the head.

"Harry? Is everything okay?" Louis asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Harry started freaking out on the inside wondering if he was already fucking things up and instead decided to play dumb and like he didn't know what was going on.

"Its just- don't take this the wrong way but you're being overly affectionate when you're usually not and like...you're spoiling me. We definitely do not need a bassinet, Caleb already has his own crib." Louis chewed on his bottom lip waiting for Harry to start yelling at him.

They had been fighting for a while now and a fight at the moment was not what Louis really wanted since he was having a good day so far and he was happy when Harry was happy. He tensed up when Harry sighed and got up while Louis silently kissed the great mood goodbye and instead got ready for Harry to start arguing just like he sometimes did.

"I just want the baby to sleep here with us for the first few months of his life and I know you do too." Harry gave him a knowing look.  

"I do but we need to save money." Louis insisted.

"Okay, we won't buy water bottles anymore and instead we're gonna buy a water filter pitcher. Water bottles are too expensive anyway." Harry finally said letting himself smile a little and walked closer to Louis laying  down next to him again.

"Its late, we should go to sleep." Harry mumbled.

Louis nodded and when Harry was asleep he slowly got up and went to take a shower coming back half an hour later to find Harry moving around and whimpering in his sleep. He quickly got under the covers and as soon as Harry's head touched his chest he relaxed and fell asleep again holding onto the fabric of Louis' shirt. Louis stared up at the dark ceiling as it was being illuminated by the headlights from the cars driving by wondering what was wrong with Harry then smiled a little when he snuggled up closer to him resting a hand on his belly.

"See that baby boy? Papa loves you. I wish he would love me too but as long as he loves you then I'm fine." Louis whispered as he rubbed it stopping when the tip of his fingers touched Harry's then slowly put his hand over his.

He smiled when Caleb kicked against their hands a few times before he stopped when Louis started humming a lullaby. A few minutes later Louis fell asleep content with where his life was going, he was going to have a baby with the man he had fallen in love with and to him it was just perfect. 

~*~

"So you're how many weeks again?" A woman asked Louis while he tried to reach a can of tomato sauce all the while trying not to lose his patience wondering where the hell had Harry gone to.

"Thirty four weeks." Louis sighed finally reaching the can then put it in the cart trying to get away from the nosy woman.

"And your parents are okay with this?" She raised her eyebrows. "Are they okay with having a son who can get pregnant and got pregnant by who knows who?"

"Excuse me?" Louis stopped walking and turned around to glare at the woman. 

"You heard me son. Are your parents fine with having a weirdo for a son? Won't the kid be weird looking?" She said gesturing to his stomach making Louis tear up and hide his belly from view with Harry's jacket until he felt warm arms around his waist.

"I would really appreciate it if you stop talking to him that way and don't call him son you leech. Were yours okay with having such a bitch for a daughter?" Harry glared at her keeping an arm around Louis' waist.

"How dare you!"

"How dare you make such disgusting remarks about my family! Now do me a favor and get the fuck out of here before I lose it." Harry nearly shouted then grabbed the cart and Louis' hand walking away from there.

"She was such a bitch." Louis sniffled as they walked towards one of the check out lines.

"Don't listen to what she said, Lou. You know your parents and my own parents love you and our baby." Harry hugged Louis as soon as they were waiting in line.

"It still doesn't make it hurt any less." Louis continued crying on his chest glad that he could hide his face.

"I know love, I know and it shouldn't matter because she's no one in your life. All that should matter to you is those who you love and love you." Harry kissed the top of his head making Louis fall in love with him a tiny bit more.

"You're right." Louis sighed pulling away as he wiped away his tears.

"Now what do you say if we go home and I bake you a cherry pie?" Harry brushed the hair out of Louis' forehead smiling when Louis furiously nodded. 

~*~

"Is it ready?" An impatient Louis waddled into the kitchen with his shirt up rubbing his exposed belly making Harry coo at him.

"You have to let it cool down or you're gonna burn your tongue again like the last time." Harry said putting the freshly baked pie on top of the counter away from Louis' reach.

"Okay...ugh, my feet are killing me. I'm gonna go sit down for a bit." Louis waddled back to the living room.

Almost half an hour later Harry walked into the living room holding two plates with cherry pie and two forks chuckling when Louis squealed making grabby hands at the plate. He kissed Harry's cheek then started eating it as if nothing had happened leaving Harry looking at him like a blind man seeing everything for the first time.

"Sit down." Louis said between mouth fulls trying to move to leave some space for Harry.

As soon as Harry was sitting Louis leaned on him and rested his head on his left shoulder and continued watching The Hunger Games until he got bored and started squirming. It continued for a while and out of nowhere he had migrated to Harry's lap eating his pie after he had finished his own when he had stated that he and the baby were still hungry.

"Harry?" Louis mumbled after the movie was over and they were watching a shit show they didn't know the name of.

"Yeah?" 

"Lets fuck." Louis shamelessly demanded looking up at Harry through his long eyelashes.

"Okay!" Harry said already flustered. The things Louis did to him.

Harry was the first to take his shirt off while Louis got up taking his sweatpants off then his briefs leaving himself completely naked from the waist down and all Harry could do was stare with dark eyes. He barely managed to lift himself up to pull his jeans down to his knees then sat back down on the couch not caring that his bare ass was touching the fabric. Louis walked away then came back and straddled Harry handing him lube and a condom not wanting to make a mess.

Harry took his time opening Louis up not wanting to hurt him while Louis kissed up and down his neck turning him on more and more by the second, just having Louis naked on his lap was enough to get him hard and ready to go in the blink of an eye. When Louis was ready he put the condom on making sure to use enough lube and leaned back letting Louis position himself then without warning he lowered himself on Harry mumbling a quiet fuck.

"You feel so good." Harry groaned closing his eyes then opened them again to look at Louis placing his hands on his hips. "Take your shirt off."

"No, the baby's gonna get cold." Louis started moving up and down then in figure eights watching how Harry playfully rolled his eyes forgetting about convincing Louis to take his off knowing he wouldn't.

Louis stopped moving and held himself up on his knees letting Harry do all the work leaning against him as much as his belly would allow it and rested his head on his chest noticing Harry's pie on the side table. Just as he was about to grab it Harry hit his spot dead on and continued doing it while Louis tried to stay still trying to control his breathing.

"Fuck, right there!" Louis' eyes fluttered shut trying to keep himself from making too much noise then gave up getting as loud as he could just like Harry liked it.

That's one of the things Harry liked about Louis, he loved how vocal Louis could get when he was really enjoying it. He loved that he was the one to cause those amazing noises. When Harry started thrusting faster Louis grabbed the plate and started eating what was left of the pie while Harry watched him already used to it. When he was done with it he dumped the plate next to them and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders leaning closer until their lips were mere inches apart gasping when Harry leaned closer closing the gap between them and kissed him.

They kissed for  a while until Harry went still and came into the condom followed by Louis who didn't even bother stopping his load from staining Harry's chest or his shirt. Louis stayed leaning against him not making a noise and Harry wrapped his arms around him never moving them until Louis started squirming and Harry helped him by pulling him up to get out of him.

"M' tired." Louis mumbled looking up at Harry with sleepy eyes.

"You have to shower first and then you can go to sleep." Harry began running his fingers through Louis' sweaty hair.

"I don't want to...you can't make me." Louis whined snuggling closer to Harry.

"I'll help you."

They ended up showering together and after Louis was warm and comfortable in their bed he fell asleep not waking up until the next day.

The following week wasn't eventful at all and was spent with Harry working as a teacher in a private school while Louis stayed home sometimes spending time with the rest of the boys whenever they visited.

"Is Harry working?" Niall asked taking a seat on the couch right after Louis had let them in and Louis couldn't help but blush when he saw Niall sitting right where Harry's bare ass had been the week before.

"Yeah, the kids are testing and he has to stay longer." Louis sighed taking a seat in between Niall and Zayn.

"How are you and the baby?" Liam asked from Niall's other side.

"Baby's fine. Me, I'm gassy and craving pickles with peanut butter." Louis said then looked at Zayn with puppy eyes and pouty lips. "Could you please go get me some, dearest Zayn."

"Fine, but just because I love the kid." Zayn got up heading to the kitchen. 

"How are you guys doing? i mean with the fighting..." Liam asked.

"We haven't argued that much in like a week, I don't know if this is good or bad...we basically have five weeks until the baby gets here so I'm guessing no fighting is good." Louis said as he rubbed his belly where his baby was moving around, probably stretching.

"That's good Louis, Harry told me you guys are doing great so don't worry and just focus on growing my nephew." Niall smiled. 

Louis nodded then smiled when Zayn walked in with a plate full of pickles and peanut butter giving it to him. They watched with slight disgust how he was enjoying them way too much but found it cute how we would rest the plate on top of his belly. Harry got home a few hours after they had left looking extremely exhausted but felt better when he saw Louis wearing his biggest hoodie and trying to cook him dinner. He ended up loving the mac and cheese Louis made him and after they took a shower they went to bed where Harry got ready to do it all over again.

"You're so warm." Louis mumbled one saturday night from where he was sitting on the couch with Harry's head on his lap.

"I'm literally buried in blankets." Harry said trying to kick them away but Louis just held on to them tighter.

"I'm cold...and the baby won't stop moving." Louis sighed.

"I know, I had my face pressed against it and he just kinda kicked." Harry looked up at Louis then down at his stomach lifting the hoodie up. "I hope you don't kick papa when you're born...or poop on me, poop on daddy all you want." Harry cooed then kissed it on the spot right next to his belly button.

"Hey! Don't tell him that asshole, that's mean." Louis playfully smacked his shoulder.

"Its just poop." Harry shrugged trying not to laugh then said nothing when Louis leaned down to kiss him and as fast as he had done that he went back to watching the tv and eating ice cream leaving Harry looking up at him with a tiny loving smile.

Soon enough the two weeks were up and Harry couldn't help but be nervous and very careful around Louis knowing he couldn't let what had happened happen all over again. He loved Louis way too much to let him die just because he had been stupid and hadn't answered his phone when Louis needed him the most. Louis was already thirty five weeks along and moodier and more emotional than ever crying over the littlest things ever. Sometimes Harry would find it cute how he would cry when watching a sad movie until he would go and hug him until he calmed down.

"Are you okay Harry? You've been fidgety ever since you woke up." Louis worriedly said looking at Harry who was sitting on the table eating his breakfast while he prepared him his lunch for the day.

"I'm okay Lou, I'm just tired and I have to stay late again." Harry sighed but he was only nervous because it was once again the middle of september when he had lost Louis.

"Did- did I do something wrong?" Louis chewed on his bottom lip after he was done packing Harry's lunch.

"Of course not. You did nothing wrong love, I'm just tired and I want to stay here with you and the baby but I have to work...we need the money." Harry sighed getting up to hug Louis who immediately hugged him back.

"Okay, baby and I are gonna be here waiting for you." Louis smiled letting go.

After Harry left Louis tried to tidy up their apartment ending up with his lower back hurting and his feet aching like a bitch. A while later Louis found himself rearranging Caleb's room wanting it to be perfect for his arrival in five weeks. He started with dusting his furniture then followed with refolding all his tiny cute clothes and finally he changed the bedding to one with tiny cute boats. He was falling asleep in his bed while the tv was playing some sort of music video when he heard someone opening then closing the door. He looked at the clock seeing it was almost seven just when it started raining and Harry opened the door to their bedroom looking more annoyed than ever. 

"Are you okay?" Louis asked watching him remove his tie then his coat.

"I'm fine." Harry sighed taking a seat at the foot of the bed to take his shoes off. 

"No you're not. Tell me what's wrong." Louis tried to get up struggling for a few minutes before he finally got up and took a seat next to Harry.

"I said I was fine! Stop annoying me for fucks sake, that's all you do all the damn time!" Harry finally snapped.

Louis' eyes started watering and when he managed to get up and go back to his old spot was when the dam finally broke and he started crying feeling so sad all of a sudden. He started sobbing when Harry completely ignored him and went to take a shower and by the time he was done Louis had calmed down and was talking to the restless baby trying to get him to settle down but no matter what he did or said, the baby just wouldn't calm down.

"Would you just shut up! I spent all day hearing all the loud kids who wouldn't shut up and all I want is peace and quiet." Harry yelled then got under the covers next to Louis trying to get some sleep.

"That's not my fucking fault, if you can't take it then what are you still doing there." Louis rolled his eyes reaching to turn off the lamp wincing when Harry sat up and glared at him.

"Because you're the idiot who got his ass pregnant and now I'm stuck here with you and the kid." Harry spat and he knew he needed to shut up when Louis' eyes filled with tears but he was angry and tired of everything.

"Then what the fuck are you doing here! You're a fucking asshole." Louis wiped away his tears and lay down on his side with his back to Harry completely ignoring him.

Harry rubbed his hands on his face then turned off the light trying to fall asleep but couldn't when Louis started crying again. He tried to ignore him but when Louis kept crying and trying to keep quiet he finally had enough and got up turning the light on seeing him struggling to sit down with his stomach getting in the way.

"Now what Louis? What did I do wrong this time?" Harry finally snapped when all Louis seemed to do was cry louder.

"Just leave me alone! Its clear you don't want to be here with us so just leave me alone." Louis covered his eight month pregnant belly feeling his tiny baby boy kicking a few times before he went still hearing Harry's voice.

"I'm out of here, don't bother waiting for me because I'm not coming back till tomorrow." Harry glared at him before he put on some clothes and walked to the door stopping when he heard Louis' voice.

"Where are you going? You can't leave me alone when I'm this pregnant and about to give birth." Louis spoke as he tried to restrain his sniffles failing rather badly.

"Away from you! And please don't be so melodramatic, you have a month left." Harry spat before he opened the door then slammed it shut making the wall next to it shake with the force.

Harry made his way out of the apartment into the elevator closing his eyes as soon as the door had closed then opened them again when it abruptly stopped and the lights started flickering on and off. He looked around with wide frightened eyes nearly having a heart attack when he saw Kenya standing right in front of him wearing a neutral expression.

"Know I only give out one chance, never two. You had your chance Styles." Kenya said then grabbed his hand and all he could see was a park and plenty of children playing around.

"What are you..." Harry trailed off when he saw an older version of himself looking at one child in particular.

It was clear that he couldn't get any closer to the child after what had happened that day when Jay had won custody. She was standing in front of him looking down at his son while he was looking back at her and it hurt just to see how much he looked like Louis, it was clear he had inherited his mischief and innocence.

"You don't know him and he doesn't know you. The only parent he's ever known is Louis from the pictures Jay shows him and the stories she tells him but he's dead after all. She never talks about you and all he knows is his father died when he was born but knows nothing about his other father, to him it is as if you abandoned him and wanted nothing to do with him." Kenya explained then let go of his hand where Harry found himself stuck back in the elevator.

"B- But that's not true, I- I never abandoned him." Harry started hyperventilating.

"I guess it doesn't matter." Kenya sighed.

"I- I need to go back." Harry said trying to get out then started freaking out when his phone started ringing seeing it was Louis noticing that almost a whole hour had passed.

"Hello?" Harry answered with a shaky tone.

"Harry, I- I think I'm in labour. Its too early...just please comeback, Harry please comeback. I'm scared, I'm so scared...I don't want to lose him."

Harry started crying harder when Louis started sobbing loudly as he looked around finding that Kenya was once again gone and in her place was a note on the floor right where she had been standing.

'This is your last chance.'

"Stay where you are, I'm coming Lou." Harry said hearing Louis mumble a tiny okay before he hung up and the doors to the elevator opened it just to have him press on the button to take him back to his floor when the doors opened in the lobby.

When the doors opened again he ran to his apartment and opened the door hearing Louis' cries from the nursery making him run over there. He found him on the floor next to the rocking chair with both of his arms wrapped around his stomach begging their baby not to die. Harry wondered if this time it wasn't Louis the one he was going to lose and that thought was enough to send him to tears once again.

"I'm here love, I'm here." Harry knelt down next to him pushing his sweaty hair out of his forehead then kissed it before he slung the bag over his shoulder and picked Louis up into his arms.

"Its not time yet. Harry he can't be born now...he's going to die." Louis sobbed hiding his face on Harry's chest feeling him moving too fast almost as if he was running and confirmed it when Harry's heartbeats and breathing increased.

"No he's not, he's not going to die." Harry firmly said getting into the elevator and harshly pressing on the button for the lobby.

He spent those few minutes trying to comfort Louis and as soon as he was out he took off running wanting to get to his car fast thanking one of the people that lived in the building when he rushed over and opened the door. They shivered and Louis cried harder when he felt another contraction making him hold onto Harry tighter.

Once they were in the car Harry tried to get there as fast as he could but also trying to be safe wanting Louis, the baby and himself to get there in one piece. He was starting to lose his patience as he waited for a red light to turn green when Louis stopped crying, moved a little then started freaking out calling for Harry to help him.

"My- My water broke!' Louis started crying louder managing to make Harry even more nervous.

"We're almost there."

When the hospital came into view he took another route from the one he knew Louis had probably taken and soon enough they were right across the street sighing in relief when the light turned green. He lightly pressed on the gas gaining a bit of speed when he saw the car speeding his way about to hit them. He slammed on the brake managing to put an arm on Louis' chest to keep him from going forward and the seat belt from hurting his belly just when Louis screamed.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked trying to even out his breathing and trying not to cry when he realized that must've been the car that had hit Louis.

"Just get me there." Louis mumbled then bit his bottom lip feeling another contraction that only kept getting closer.

When Harry parked the car he rushed over to Louis' side and picked him up into his arms running to the hospital's main entrance ignoring the wetness in Louis' lower half and the ruined seat in their car. They were taken to a room where they started preparing him for an emergency c section as soon as Harry had explained while Louis screamed at Harry.

"No! It's not time yet. Harry please tell them it's not time yet." Louis begged as he slapped the nurse's hand away who was trying to insert an IV into his hand after Harry had made him change into a hospital gown.

Harry didn't say anything and instead held his hand when he tried to bring his knees closer to his chest as much as his belly would allow it then took deep breaths following the nurse's instructions. When he finally relaxed one of the nurses lifted his gown up making sure to keep his lower half covered for an ultrasound making Louis stop struggling just to look at his and Harry's baby. When the nurse was done another one strapped a Doppler around his belly with a belt to monitor the baby's heartbeat.

"We need Dr. Bradley. Emergency c section, patient is Louis Tomlinson and is thirty five weeks along." A nurse said and all Harry could do was run his fingers through Louis' sweaty hair trying to calm him down.

"Its not time yet, Harry please." Louis continued begging and looking at him with wide blue and frightened eyes.

"Sweetheart I need you to relax, your blood pressure is a bit high and that's not good for your baby." A nurse said in a motherly voice but it only freaked Louis out even more.

"Love, you need to relax. It will be okay, everything's gonna be okay." Harry leaned forward giving Louis a kiss right on the lips wanting to tell him how much he loved him but it wasn't time yet.

"No...he's too small. I needed you there and you left...I- it wasn't my fault I- I got pregnant. I don't want to lose him." Louis hiccuped while Harry wiped away his tears.

"I didn't mean it Lou, it was no one's fault. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Harry repeated burying his face on the side of Louis' head before he looked at Louis straight in the eyes. "We're not gonna lose him, he'll just be a little premature but he'll be fine."

Louis was about to answer when Dr. Bradley walked in and checked Louis before he told the nurses to take him to the OR then instructed another one to get Harry ready.

"No! Harry please don't let them take him!" Louis started freaking out.

"Son, if he doesn't calm down we're gonna have to sedate him." Dr. Bradley looked at Louis then at Harry watching how Harry got closer to Louis.

"If you don't calm down they're gonna sedate you. Don't you want to be awake when he's born? Lou, we planned this." Harry whispered and relaxed when Louis closed his eyes then nodded letting the nurses take him after he was sure Harry was going to get there in a few minutes.

When Harry got there he was quick to go sit next to Louis and hold his hand glad that there was a curtain separating them from what was going on. When Dr. Bradley made sure Louis couldn't feel a thing he started with the procedure and it only made Harry more nervous when he saw another doctor and more nurses waiting in the sidelines.

"Harry...I'm scared." Louis whispered feeling Harry's hold tightening.

"He'll be okay, our little Caleb is going to be okay. You'll see." Harry whispered but at that point he didn't know who he was trying to convince anymore, Louis or himself.

He hummed a tune he made up and what felt like hours later he saw a nurse carrying a bundle in a white towel and what worried him was that he couldn't hear their baby crying at all. He tried to keep Louis from seeing them but was too late when Louis looked the way he was looking and his eyes widened. Nobody said and just watched a male doctor who they assumed was a pediatrician as he checked if he was okay then nodded to the nurse standing next to him.

"You can hold him but just for a little bit, we need to take him to an incubator." She said and placed the baby on Louis' chest.

Louis was quick to lift his head up and get a better look at the baby he had been carrying for eight months and when he did he started crying and his heart broke at the sight of the innocent and breakable baby. He only got to kiss his tiny forehead watching Harry doing the same before he was taken away by the nurse leaving him empty.

"He wasn't crying. Why wasn't he crying?" Louis desperately asked to no one in particular.

"He was born five weeks earlier and his lungs are weak, he needs to be in an incubator until he gets better." A nurse responded.

When Louis was taken to a recovery room he waited patiently for Harry until he got back telling him he had called their parents and the rest of the boys then sat down in complete silence just waiting to hear from their baby.

"What if he dies?" Louis' voice trembled as he stared at his belly that looked smaller than it had been before.

"He's not going to die...he- he just needs to stay here until he gets better but he's not going to die." Harry was quick to say getting closer to Louis where he grabbed one of his hands noticing how cold they were.

"I was about to head out on my own when you wouldn't answer your phone, I- I thought I was going to have to do this alone." Louis confessed just as the tears flooded his cheeks and only cried louder when Harry wrapped his arms around him careful not to hurt him.

"I didn't mean any of what I said, you and the baby are the best thing to ever happen to me." Harry kissed the side of his head then started running his fingers through Louis' hair when he leaned on him to be comfortable.

"Maybe its best if we just go our separate ways, I don't want to raise our son in a place where his parents are going to be fighting all the time. I grew up like that and it was awful...I- I don't want this for Caleb." Louis avoided Harry's eyes and even though it hurt to be away from him, he only wanted to do what was best for their son.

"So you think that him growing away from one of his parents is better? Tell me how is that better for him? I grew up like that before my mom married Robin and it was awful." Harry said using Louis' own words.

"Harry..." Louis sighed and rubbed his hands on his face before he continued. "For some reason you hated me from the moment you met me and I don't know why. I tried to be your friend but you always pushed me away so what makes you think this is going to work out. Look how you get when you're stressed out. You lash out at me for no reason...now imagine how you're gonna get with a baby around. I thought that we could work this out but what's gonna happen when you or I meet someone else." 

"I don't want anybody else." Harry took a step back. "And i don't hate you...at first you were too loud for my liking but I got used to it and now its part of me. You can't just make me believe we were going to be a family just to take it all away from me. You can't take our son away from me. Louis please." Harry begged.

"And what happens when you find someone else? Someone you really love...what's gonna happen to Caleb and I?" Louis asked afraid of the answer.

"That's the problem Louis. If you leave I know I will never find someone else, I- I will never fall in love again." Harry finally confessed feeling how he was slowly losing everything.

"What?" Louis' heart skipped a beat just wanting Harry to repeat what he had just said hoping that he had heard things right.

"I will never fall in love again because I'm in love with you, I love you and if you leave i know I will never find someone else and love them like I love you." Harry said drying his tears and when Louis refused to look him in the eye he turned around and left not wanting to hear Louis telling him he didn't loved him back.

When he was outside Louis' room he leaned against the wall wondering if Louis not loving him like he had done before was a punishment for what had happened. He wondered if that was what he had to pay in order to get him back, if that was what he had to give up so Louis could be fine and happy. 

"Harry! How are they doing?" 

Harry heard Liam's voice and looked up to see all three boys rushing to him.

"Louis is doing fine and Caleb is in an incubator in the NICU, he's too small and...he didn't even cry." Harry said in a monotone voice feeling the exhaustion catching up to him.

"What happened?" Zayn asked.

"It was my fault...we were fighting and I just left, i think that's what caused him to go into labour earlier than he was supposed to." Harry sighed.

"Can we see him?" Niall asked then all three walked in after Harry nodded and had knocked on the door.

He stayed outside for almost thirty minutes trying not to fall asleep when he saw Jay, his mother and sister walking into the waiting room about to ask about Louis until Gemma spotted Harry and motioned for the others to follow her.

"Harry, dear what happened?" Jay asked and Harry found himself trembling after what had happened before.

"He went into labour earlier than planned and it was my fault, w- we were fighting and i just left...I'm sorry." Harry started crying when everything finally caught up to him.

"Don't cry sweetheart." Jay was quick to hug him feeling him relaxing a bit. "How are Louis and the baby doing?"

"Louis is fine...he's with the boys right now and Caleb is in the NICU, we're still waiting for the doctor to tell us what's going on."

"They're going to be okay, sweety." Anne rubbed his back while Gemma gave him a tiny comforting smile.

Harry waited outside with the boys and let the girls see Louis until they walked out telling him Louis was asking for him and with shaky hands he walked into the room. Louis had his eyes closed and very prominent dark circles under his eyes from how tired he was, he opened his eyes when he heard Harry clearing his throat.

"Have the doctors said anything?" Louis asked purposely avoiding looking him in the eye.

"No." Was all Harry said before they heard a knock then the door opened revealing Dr. Bradley and the same doctor that had checked on their son.

"Harry. Louis, how are you feeling." Dr. Bradley asked.

"Okay. Is my baby okay? Can I see him?" Louis asked already getting desperate from the lack of information.

"This is doctor Zeider's, he's the pediatrician in charge of your son. He'll go over some information you both need to know but first I want to check you're doing okay." The doctor said and after he was done Dr. Zeider's introduced himself.

"He was five weeks premature and at the moment he's too weak to breath on his own as well as eat without losing weight. We are feeding him through a tiny tube at the moment but overall he's doing great, a little bit on the small side but fine nonetheless." Dr. Zeider explained.

"When would we be able to take him home?" Harry asked before Louis could.

"We usually keep them until their due date but if he gains the necessary weight to stay warm with no help as well as breath and eat then you can take him home before. He hasn't cried but that's because his lungs aren't fully developed yet, I'm sure he will later on. He's a very active baby already and you'll be able to see him in a few minutes if you want."

A few minutes after both doctors had left Harry helped Louis into a wheelchair with a nurse's assistance then she took them  to the NICU where she made them get disinfected before they could see their son. Louis started crying as soon as he saw the tiniest baby inside the incubator and harry couldn't help but notice that he was wearing the same clothes he had been before he was given another chance. A tiny light blue onesie and a white hat same as before but this time he had tubes connected to him and had his eyes closed yet he was still moving around a bit.

"You have to get better so you can go home with papa and I. I love you baby boy." Louis said as low as he could seeing how the baby squirmed and his face scrunched up a bit almost as if he wanted to cry but no sound came out making Louis cry harder.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry." Harry hugged Louis from behind.

"He can't even cry!" Louis burrowed deeper into his embrace unable to take his eyes off of their son.

They were able to stay for a few more minutes before Louis had to go back to his room where he fell asleep with Harry next to him. When everyone had gone home for the night except Harry, Louis woke up looking around for him relaxing when he saw him asleep on the recliner. He looked at him and thought about what he had told him earlier then eyed the bag he had brought for him and the baby seeing the white envelope peeking out a bit.

He thought about what Harry had told him earlier that day thinking long and hard and after a few minutes he reached for the bag glad that it was close by and grabbed the envelope putting it on the night table close to Harry. He went back to sleep hoping for Harry to read it and still want to be with him after it, all he wanted was to give their son a home and a family.

When Harry woke up the next morning way too early for his liking he looked at Louis who was still sleeping then noticed the white envelope on top of the night table with his name written on it and slowly picked it up. He was afraid to open it scared that it wouldn't be what he had read before but ended up doing it and when he was done reading he was smiling unable to stop.

Harry,

I've never been one to actually sit down and write letters, much less letters like this one but right now this is the only way I can  tell you everything without getting interrupted and without chickening out like I always do.

We started off really bad and right now we're not exactly content with each other and its not the right time to tell you, at least not like this but I have to. Who would've thought that we, who started off really hating each other and always arguing are now going to have a baby together. Believe it or not this baby is a blessing to me as I'm sure it is to you and I cannot wait to have our little baby boy in my arms and give him all the love I have reserved just for him. I can't wait to hear him cry and hear him calling me daddy and calling you papa.

That's not the only reason I wrote this because I know how much you love our son, I can see it in your eyes whenever you feel him kick and when you talk to him and even just about him to anyone who's willing to listen. I've been wanting to tell you this but I could never find the words to do so. I don't know when I started feeling this way but it happened. I love you Harry, I love you so so much with all I have and I hope that when you read this you feel the same way.

Love, 

Louis.

He closed his eyes still holding onto the letter falling back asleep only to wake up a few minutes later when he felt a presence in front of him. He opened his eyes to see a happy Kenya already looking at him then she looked back at Louis before looking at him once again.

"Louis and that baby are your present and your future, take care of them...no one is as fortunate as you are." Kenya said.

"I will, after all I went through I won't lose him again...I won't hurt him again." Harry whispered.

She smiled again then left leaving Harry looking at nothing just when Louis began stirring and seconds later opened his eyes looking around the room. His eyes settled on Harry then widened when Harry got up not knowing what to expect until he wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head.

"We'll make it work...I love you." Harry said holding onto him never wanting to let go ever again.

"You read it?" Louis asked and when he heard the small yes he smiled. "I love you too, have loved you for a while now."

Harry pulled away and leaned forward to kiss him, it was nothing but their lips touching and that was enough to know they were going to be okay.

Louis was released from the hospital a few days later and had cried a little when he had to leave Caleb behind but Harry had promised him they were going to visit him as much as they could. The hospital allowed Louis to spend almost all day with his baby while Harry worked in hopes that the baby would get better by being close to his father. When Harry would get done with work he would drive straight to the hospital getting food for Louis on the way there and would sit with Caleb so Louis could eat and by the end of the day it was almost the same. Louis crying at the empty crib in the nursery and empty bassinet in their bedroom and Harry comforting him as much as he could.

"He's getting bigger." Louis commented as soon as he and Harry got to the hospital two weeks after Caleb had been born.

"I think we're gonna have to get him bigger clothes." Harry wrapped his arms around Louis' waist hooking his chin on his left shoulder.

Caleb had his bright blue eyes open looking and squirming around and was wearing white footie pajamas and just when Louis opened his mouth to say something they heard the tiny whimpers that soon turned into full loud cries. 

"Is this his first time crying?" Louis asked Angela, the nurse in charge of his son.

"Full crying yes, he had been whimpering all morning." Angela smiled. "Dr. Zeider's said you both could hold him for a bit, he's starting to regulate his temperature by himself and is gaining weight instead of losing. If he keeps getting better i think you would be able to take him home in a few weeks or so." 

"Hear that baby, you need to get better so you can go home with us." Louis cooed at him.

Louis got to hold his baby for a bit and was allowed to feed him and after Harry had held him too he wouldn't stop talking about his first ever experience feeding him. Harry smiled and hugged him close to him rubbing his back while Louis caressed the baby's now chubby cheek with the pad of his thumb.

Three weeks later Caleb was allowed to go home and the first thing Louis did as soon as he stepped into their apartment was show Caleb his room then the whole house with Harry walking next to him. By the time he was done it was time to feed him and while Harry made something to eat Louis took a seat on the couch in the living room feeding their son until he was done and after he burped him he put him in his crib making sure to take the baby monitor with him.

"I think I should get a job soon." Louis commented as soon as he had taken a seat in front of Harry.

"Louis...who's gonna take care of Caleb? He's still too small to take him to a day care and I don't feel comfortable with strangers taking care of him." Harry said.

"I know but I can't let you pay everything by yourself." 

"I don't mind Lou, you can get a job after the baby's older but for now I feel better going to work because I know you'll be here with him." Harry reached for one of Louis' hands smiling when Louis intertwined his fingers with his returning the smile.

After they were done eating Louis helped Harry with the dishes while he got Caleb ready for a bath and later that night they gave him a bath together. When he was warm and comfortable in Louis' arms he fell asleep after he was fed, burped and softly rocked until he fell asleep then Harry put him in his bassinet going straight back to bed with Louis.

"I love you Lou." Harry mumbled against the back of Louis' neck then let go for a bit when Louis turned around to face him.

"I love you too. Took you long enough to say it...loser." Louis playfully rolled his eyes kissing Harry's chest.

"But you love this loser, this loser loves you and lets not forget that you have a baby with this loser...you loser." Harry tightened his grip around Louis until he started squirming.

"God you're like a human heater." Louis continued squirming until Harry kicked the covers away and got comfortable in his warm arms.

"Didn't hear you complaining before and your feet always get cold." Harry mumbled slightly flinching when Louis tucked his feet in in between Harry's legs.

"That's why I have you so you can warm them up." Louis shrugged it off.

Harry chuckled then kissed Louis' forehead seeing he was half asleep and by the time he was completely passed out Harry got up to check on their baby. The tiny creature they loved so much was asleep with both his tiny arms raised up by his head where he could make out the soft light brown wavy strands of hair with the glow of the nightlight. He grabbed a blue and white hat the baby had been wearing earlier and carefully put it on his head to keep him warm and after checking if he needed a diaper change then rearranged his blanket he went back to bed. He stopped when he heard the tiny whimpers and saw him moving his tiny head around before he went still, yawned and was once again asleep.

When he was back in bed with Louis he couldn't help but be thankful for that second chance after he had messed everything up. He held him closer still afraid that he might disappear if he let go and would go back to being his psychedelic silhouette, something unreachable yet comforting and hard to be away from. He grabbed Louis' left hand looking at his ring finger wanting to one day be the one to put a ring on it then marry him but for now he was content with their relationship. He chuckled when Louis pulled his hand away and brought them down placing them in between their chests snuggling closer to him.

He looked at Louis' soft expression then lightly kissed the tip of his nose wanting to do everything with him, he wanted to grow old next to him. He wanted to have as many versions of Louis and himself as he could running around their home and a dog playing and chasing after them. He wanted to spend many birthdays and Christmas's together as a happy family where he would never go a minute without telling Louis how much he loved him.

The End