Alistaire Tejeros
🚨

A normal life.

That's all I want...

But there are days that I just want to die.

"She wants you back." He handed me a vintage-like looking notebook. 

"I told you, no matter how much you beg for me in blood to come back, I. Won't. Come. Back." I turned him down and started walking away.

"You can't never escape what you did, Alistaire. We both know it and it'll haunt you forever no matter how hard you try to hide yourself. You better think about it." 

"It was an accident!" I raised my voice as I faced him again.

Kyvin... We both grew up in an orphanage, both escaped, both ended up in the hands of a same person. Yet, the only difference we have is... We took different paths to survive, on how to live our lives.

Mariin ko na lamang ipinikit ang aking mga mata at humingang malalim. Nakita ko ring iniwan lamang niya ang kwaderno sa isang lamesa. I don't have any plans on taking that with me. I was about to walk away when I heard a loud honk coming coming from outside.

"Oops. They're here. If I were you, I'll start running away," his last words before leaving me inside an abandoned house, looking like a creepy hideout. I managed to get out. Iyon nga lang ay hindi ako umalis agad. I want to know what they're up to. I slowly reached the available window to peek inside.

There, I saw someone being tied up. Later, a woman came in followed by two big men. "Sorry, Alexia Evangeline." My eyes widened and my heart started to race when I heard the name, and finally laid eyes on her. It was her indeed. And the voice of that woman who came in seconds ago was familiar, too. It's the voice I fear the most to hear... Yana Laurel. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali.

"Bitaw! Pagsisisihan niyong hinawakan niyo 'ko!" Pag-pupumiglas ng kanilang dinakip. I remained silent and careful as I observed what was happening inside — obviously eavesdropping, hoping they won't see me. 

At bakit nga ba ako nandito ngayon? I was just about to visit my adopted father's grave when I bumped into Kyvin unexpectedly at doon niya na ako hindi tinigilan. We haven't seen each other for years and I never felt so peaceful after that. Ngunit ang payapang pakiramdam na 'yon ay hindi ko akalaing may hangganan.

They finally left her. At sa maliit na bintana kung saan ako nakasilip ngayon ay pinagmamasdan ko siyang naghahanap ng daan upang makatakas. When her gaze landed on my direction, I immediately hide myself. Mayamaya'y nakakarinig na ako ng tunog ng kahoy na binabaklas, kalabugan, hanggang sa mayroon na lang mabasag at may lumusot na tao sa aking gilid. 

She successfully escaped and it was my chance to follow her. Alexia Evangeline... I never thought I will see you finally in person in such circumstances. 

🚨

I distracted them, helping Lexi to get more time to run away as she could, 'til they lost track of her — us rather. Nakalayo na siya pero mabilis ko rin siyang naabutan at dali-daling hinila upang magtago. "You won't make it alive out there." I covered her mouth and hid ourselves together in a dark spot in the middle of nowhere when we both heard their voices again. 

I can feel her trembling, I can feel her heart beats so fast, I can feel how much she wanted to scream, 'til a tear dropped on my hand. "You and your family, everyone who's close to you, I will let them see how being the young me feels like. I promise you." Those were the last words we heard before we finally let ourselves out from hiding.

"Who are you and why did you save me?!" A gun being pointed at me.

"I'm Alistaire. I knew your brother. He saved me, too." By that, she finally lowered her gun. Doon niya na rin ako sinimulan tanung-tangunin. She even talked like nothing happened lately. Ethan was right, madaldal nga siya. I wonder if I can match that, though. Hanggang sa makarating na lang si Dox. Agad siyang nagtago nang makita ang liwanag ng sasakyan nito. 

"Lexi, it's okay. It's safe," I assured her. Ipinakilala ko na rin ang kaibigan ko sa kanya. There's three of us. Only the other one has nowhere to be found for now. Kasama ko si Dox kanina bumisita sa puntod ng umampon sa'kin. And when Kyvin arrived, I asked him to follow us just in case.

Later that I knew, Lexi was bleeding. Nagawa niya pang magbiro sa kabila ng natamo niya. Nagmamadaling nag-drive si Dox hanggang sa makakita na kami ng ospital. 

Everything that had happened to this was damn unbelievable!

🚨

"Ikaw po ba ang kasama ni Ms. Alexia Diaz?" A doctor finally went out from the operating room. Lumapit ako agad at tinanong kung kamusta na ang lagay ni Lexi sa loob. I tried looking inside but all I see was their big curtains covering her bed. 

"Ikaw po 'yong boyfriend, ano po?" 

Napatingin ako agad kay Dox na bigla ring umiwas sa'kin. What did he even say this time? And to answer the doctor's question, I nod a little. I'm not complaining, though, just a little confused. She smiled widely at me before looking at her patient's chart.

"So, Sir, Ma'am Lexi is okay po. Wala po siyang kahit anong sakit pero po malalim ang kanyang natamong sugat. Nakitaan po namin ng bubog ang kanyang katawan and we had to do minor surgery to make sure na naalis lahat ng bubog po sa kanyang katawan. And so far po, Sir, the surgery was successful. I assure you. Nagpapahinga na lang po si Ma'am Lexi. And ito rin po 'yong mga kaylangan niya while recovering." She handed me a prescription. 

After a minute of conversation, the doctor went back to the operating room. A sense of relief washed over me. Thanked God she's okay. Mayamaya'y dinala na rin sa mismong kwarto si Lexi.

"Boyfriend huh?" I immediately get Dox's attention after the nurses left.

"Oh, bakit? Ayaw pa? Alangan namang sabihin kong tatay ka niya. Tsaka, hindi ba siya 'yon? Iyong kapatid ni Kuya Ethan na crush na crush mo? May picture ka pa nga niya sa ilalim ng unan mo, eh. Uy oh, 'kala niya hindi ko alam," he teased.

"Umuwi ka na nga! Salamat sa tulong mo ng marami. I'll treat you next time as my deepest gratitude." I started shooing him away as I pushed his face.

"Sus, Ali, kahit 'wag na. At talaga namang uuwi na 'ko. Alam kong kanina mo pa gustong solohin si Lexi. Tagal mo na 'tong inaasam, eh." Tawa niya.

"Oh, shut up." I rolled my eyes. Matapos mang-asar ay tuluyan na rin siyang umalis. Saka ko na lamang muli natignan ng malapitan si Lexi. I caressed her hair, admiring her innocent-looking face. "Don't worry, you'll be fine."

I smiled and breathe deeply before deciding to go out. The sun is almost up, and I have to get her something to eat when she wakes up. I also need to buy her medicine. I fixed her blanket before leaving the room. Good timing there's a nurse about to check her up. Ibinilin ko na rin muna sa kanya si Lexi habang wala ako. 

🚨

I woke up with a small paper between my fingers. Binuksan ko iyon at napangiti agad nang mabasa ko kung kanino iyon galing. 

I looked at her and smiled more. Lumapit ako sa kanya upang ayusin ang kanyang nakalaylay na kumot saka umupo sa kanyang tabi. You don't owe me anything, but I do. I remembered promising something to someone before he left. 

After being discharged from the hospital, I took her home at the condo for now. I never been at their place and it surprised me that Lexi never been here either. Habang pinagmamasdan niya ang buong paligid ay pumasok ako sa kwarto saglit upang kuhaan siya ng damit. 

"Don't worry, I'm going home soon."

"In that case?" Tumutol ako agad. I don't want her family to think that I did something bad. Wala na rin naman siyang nagawa. May nabanggit din sa akin ang kuya na sa kanilang dalawa ng ate niya'y si Lexi ang pinakamatagal maligo. I didn't expect it would really last for two hours. Mabuti na lang at mayroon na akong groceries at lulutuin na lang. 

Just in time when I'm almost finished with the dish, I heard the bedroom door finally opened.  She looked like a cute little hanger in my clothes... Napailing na lang ako at muling ibinalik ang atensyon sa aking ginagawa, controlling my laughter. 

"I have places to go," paalam ko, leaving my phone with her. I usually don't bring it with me and that's one of Maddox's problems. Bukod pa ro'n, nahihiya akong sumabay sa kanya kumain. Baka hindi ako makalunok. Babawi ako sa susunod. Iyon ay kung may susunod pa...

🚨

"Hi, dad. Guess who I met last night." I sat down in front of the grave. "Remember Ethan? The one who wholeheartedly kept me after you left... His sister, Lexi, I had a crush on since." I chuckled awkwardly as if I'll hear the stone to say something back that'll slap me with reality. "I finally met her... She's... She's so beautiful..." 

From just seeing her on screen to letting us stand in front of each other. Her heart-shaped face and dark brown eyes that matches her long black hair — thick and luscious. Everything is just perfect and now I'm looking like an idiot smiling by myself.

Benjamin Tejeros... I read his name on the grave in my head. If only you were still here, I would love you to meet Lexi, too.

After a little while, I decided to go back. I have no plans for staying long outside. I also have this kind of habit that I will look at my surroundings first before I take a step. Even looking behind as I walk. Ewan ko ba, minsan para na lang akong praning na hindi mapakali sa paligid. 

🚨

"Uh, Ali, si Keira, kaibigan ko. At si..." Lexi introduced a short curly haired lady looking like she came from a party last night and stopped for a moment to look who's with her. 

"I'm Joaquin," he introduced himself. My eyes widened a little and immediately controlled myself from the excitement when I saw who's racing icon is in front of me. I didn't recognize him! Para kasi siyang pusang nakatago lang sa gilid kanina and I wasn't really paying attention. 

I welcomed them. Lexi and her friend went to the balcony for a talk, leaving me with the celebrity I've been a fan for a long time! I suddenly don't know what to do! "Uhm, is there anything you'd like, Sir?" I never had an actor as a visitor before! Palagi lang naman sila Dox at Yvo ang pumupunta rito at hindi na sila bisita sa paningin ko. Minsan parang mas may-ari pa nga sila ng condo na 'to. 

"No, it's okay. I'm good." He smiled. Goodness, I might faint... 

"Please, it's been a pleasure to meet you in person, Sir De Vera. I'm a fan! Veracer!" I feel like a kid wanting to jump in happiness meeting his hero! 

"Oh, you do? Glad to hear it! Thank you!"

"You're welcome, Sir. Sir Primo was creative for coming up with that fanbase name. A-and you're also friends with Kenzo Monteza, right? I'm also a fan! How are they? Oh, sorry. I was asking too much. Hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

"Oh, no. It's okay. It's not every day I got to meet someone who admire me and the people I'm close with, and those two are both doing fine. Just busy with some stuff. Nice to meet you." He shaked my hands. I don't wanna wash this...

"Alistaire." I introduced myself.

"Nice to meet you, Alistaire. Promise to tell Primo and Kenzo about you." 

And that was the start of the conversation, ending up with wine glasses in our hands. I glanced at Lexi's direction, and they seem having fun in their own world at the balcony so I gotta enjoy mine here, too. I feel like I'm in an exclusive meet and greet right now!

"So, how's living with your girlfriend?"

Doon lamang ako napalingon muli kay Sir De Vera. "Huh?"

"She's your girlfriend, is she?" She is, only in my mind, haha... Her brother would probably haunt me to my sleep because of this...

"Oh, sorry. N-no, she's just, uhm..." I took a glance at her once again. I wanted to say yes but who am I anyway. "She's just a friend of mine. She's just staying for a while because of some events, hehe." I forced a smile. "Eh, kayo po ng girlfriend niyo? Kamusta?" I changed the topic and immediately realized that sounded like I was so curious about his private life and I suddenly felt awkward. 

"Who? Keira?" He pointed using his empty glass. "Oh, she's not. I just accompanied her here. She's also a friend." Saka siya nagsalin ng panibagong wine sa kanyang baso at ininom iyon. Later that I knew, we're both staring at those ladies we both labeled just friends. 

"Bagay po kayo," putol ko sa aming komportableng katahimikan.

"Kayo rin," he unconsciously replied. Friends, huh? We just met today, and it felt like I've known him for years that I can sense we're both lying.

Mayamaya'y lumapit na si Lexi rito kasama ang kanyang kaibigan, nagpaalam na rin silang uuwi na. I once again thanked Sir De Vera for having a little drink and for showing up unexpectedly in our unit. He even lent me his calling card, offering me if ever I wanted to join his team.

It didn't leave my mind even after they left. Of course, I wanted to. Who would turn down a good opportunity, right? But, as much as I wanted to try new things, it's just not safe for me out there. I just know it.

Since then, everywhere I go, danger follows. If life will let me reborn, where I can just breathe normally like others do, it'll be easy for me to move, to do things, to live a life at peace. But well, I guess I was really born to be unfortunate, haha. Fuck it. 

I was zoning out when I heard loud noises coming from the small library. I immediately put my book down and went there only to see Lexi being buried by a little pile of books. She stood immediately when she saw me. 

"A little minute getting a book for someone won't hurt my time." There, I reached the book she's been, I bet, dying to reach for a minute ago before some unwanted books fell on her. Napansin ko ring may pasa siya sa kanyang braso. Goodness, how badly did she want that thing from top? 

"So, how's the book?" I started to tease her when I noticed she was stealing glancing.

"Ang pog— posibleng happy ending sila." Ang pog? Ano'ng pog? Pogs? Can't help but laugh. 

"They didn't end up together. It's tragic," I spoiled her. I took all the time to read every book here, she can't fool me now. "I thought you're already done reading because you keep glancing at me. Kitang-kita ko kayang nagnanakaw ka ng tingin. Everything you say will be used against you." 

"Oh, eh, bakit mo rin ako nakikitang tinitignan ka kung gano'n? Tinitignan mo rin ako, 'no? Guilty!"

That almost caught me off guard. She has a point and I'm not denying it.  "Ang ganda mo," iyon  na lang ang huli kong nasabi at para akong binunutan ng tinik nang tuluyan na akong makalabas mula ro'n. I got carried away! 

🚨

I guess this is goodbye now. I enjoyed every minute I got to spend with her for a while. I watched her ran to embrace her siblings. I can't help but smile seeing them like that. I bet their parents and Ethan are smiling down at them right now too, knowing they're finally with each other again. 

On some days, I wondered, how does it feel to have something like that, too? 

"Let me introduce you to my family." I was about to drive. "Please, just this once." And no matter how much I refuse; she was so persistent. Ethan didn't tell me this about her. Until I finally said yes to her request. I don't know what to do. I never been into a girl's family gathering before. 

The moment I sat down with them at the dining table, I never felt so comfortable around people. Well, except Dox and Yvo, of course. I didn't even realize I was really starting to tell how my childhood went. Yet, some things remained filtered. 

We went shopping for a little after having a meal. Even accompanied them back home. When everyone was busy, I decided to be on my way. I want to know them more. But as much as I wanted to, like what I've said, everywhere I go, danger follows. Isa rin iyon sa mga dahilan kung bakit kahit sa mga kaibigan ko ay hindi ako gaanong sumasama sa paglabas. 

I started driving away, without any word with Lexi. But I thanked them all for welcoming me. Thank you, Ethan. I finally met them. 'Til then, I hope we can meet again. 

If the universe won't forbid, I hope I see her again.

🚨

It's been one week since that day I met the whole Diaz family, and it felt like I'm missing them already. Most of all, her. There isn't a day I never thought of her and how she was here inside this unit minding her own business or causing herself a little trouble with the books. 

Tuwing pumapasok ako sa library ay hindi ko na maiwasang mapangiti na parang siraulo. Pero minsan nahahaluan ng hiya kapag naaalala ko ang aking sinabi no'ng gabing nandito pa siya. Anyway, so what? I'm just saying the truth. 

Alexia Evangeline. I was wondering how are you doing right now?

"Huy, kanina ka pa tulala r'yan. Tara na't nagugutom na 'ko." Kalabit sa akin ni Maddox dahilan upang mabalik ako sa wisyo. 

"You just ate a burger an hour ago." 

'Isang oras na ang nakalipas, malamang tunaw na 'yon."

Made sense. I let out a deep sigh before fixing my things back in my bag and started to head out from the campus with him. He was heading somewhere so we went our separate ways. I finished starting my car and about to leave my parking spot when I noticed a guy looking at my direction through my side mirror.

Good thing my windows are tinted from the outside. He can't see me looking back at him. I tried familiarizing his face pero hindi kaya ng aking mga mata iyon dahil medyo madilim na. Sinimulan ko nang magmaneho at tinignan kung susundan ba ako ngunit hindi naman. I might just be assuming things. 

"Good evening. Sir Alistaire. Mayroon pong naghahanap sainyo kaso sabi ko ho ay nasa eskwelahan ka pa. Hindi pa po umaalis at mukhang hinihintay ka pa po sa unit niyo. Magkasunuran lang po kayo ng pagdating. Hindi ko rin po akalaing maaga po kayo makakauwi eh," bungad sa akin ng lalaking nasa front desk nang makapasok na ako ng lobby. 

"Do you know who it is?"

"Uh, Lexi raw po ang pangalan." 

Parang nabuhay bigla ang aking sarili nang marinig ko ang pangalan na yon. "Okay, thank you, Sir." I bowed a little and smile, then went on my way to the fifth floor. The security wasn't lying. She's here. She's really here!

"Gusto lang kitang bisitahin. May dala ako para sa'yo!" Angat niya sa kanyang hawak. Whatever the reason is, I'm so glad to see her again! The universe really didn't forbid it, huh? 

"Let's eat?" yaya ko na at nang tanggihan niya iyon ay bigla kong narinig ang pagkalam ng t'yan niya. Oh please, it's only a week since we had dinner together and it felt like years already. And I can't guarantee if there'll be another next time. I don't want to push my luck too much. It might humble me later.

🚨

"Niloloko mo lang yata ako, eh! Wala ka talagang Instagram!" She looked so frustrated. Before giving her my phone, I removed my Instagram account on it para hindi niya ako mahanap agad. Pwede ko naman talagang sabihin agad, gusto ko lang marami kaming pinag-uusapan kahit minsan ay wala na lang din talaga akong masabi. 

I may not be really a guy who talks a lot, but believe me, I'm trying to match her energy. "It's almost sundown, anong oras tayo aalis?" I tried opening a new topic. She invited me to another family dinner and to accompany her to buy a new phone. 

It was my fourth time spending dinners with them and noticed that Liam cling to me more often than Lexi. Huh, looks like I'm winning hearts here. Napa-download din ako ng games sa phone dahil sa kanya. Hinayaan ko na muna siyang laruin iyon nang puntahan ko ang kanyang ate na abala sa kanyang bagong biling phone na pink. 

I'm not also a type of person who took photos a lot but when she asked me to, no matter how shy I am, tiklop ako. Mayamaya'y ibinalik na rin sa akin ni Liam ang phone at pumunta sa kanyang kuya.

Again, Lexi was busy taking photographs of the sky and it was a pretty good chance to photographed her, too. Little did she knew; I already know her Instagram and I was just waiting for the perfect timing be in her account. 

Paano ko nalaman? Nakita ko lang naman na naka-tag siya sa mga ibang posts ng Kuya Ethan niya. Thank you again. And I guess this is the right time to finally send her a message. Glad she didn't make her account private.

I sent her the photo I took at the roof deck last time. I'm calling it an "opportunity photo", and now, I'm already at her message request. Of course, I wouldn't forget about this:

@staireraej: btw utang mo haha

@lexilinediaz: gAGO HAHAHAHAHA

And that was the crispiest reply I ever received. Saka ko lamang din nakita ang Instagram story niya kung saaan litrato ko ang naroon. I clenched my fist and bite it. Wow, Lexi, you have no idea how you're making butterflies go wild.

🚨

Rather than renting a room, I offered to let their sister move into the condo instead. A little meeting filled the dining table last time 'til Lei and Liza approved. Now, I'm here at their house on a Sunday to pick Lexi and her things up for the move. 

"Hindi mo bet?"

"M-maanghang lang. Pero masarap naman." I raised my thumb up, pilit ding pinipigilan ang pag-ubo. We ended up eating at samgyupsal and it was really my first time. Madalas ako yayain nila Dox at Yvo ngunit tumatanggi ako dahil may makakakain naman ako sa unit.

Yvo eats whatever is on the plate — always up for anything, likes to try new things. While Dox was influenced by someone because like me, he's not really into korean stuff. And I guess like him, I might get influenced eating this by someone, too. Anything on the table but the spicy ones, though.

Then there's two men arrived unexpectedly on the table. "Nice to meet you, Yvo." Lexi greeted him. "Ano nga pala ang sasabihin mo?"

I glared at him when he looked at me. 'Wag kang madudulas. They knew about her even before meeting her. Ngumiti na lamang si Yvo saka nagpatuloy na sa pagkain. Kasabay no'n ay hindi namin batid na may kasamang masamang balita kung saan hindi na nawala sa isip ni Lexi hanggang sa makauwi kami. 

Base rin sa mga kwento ni Kuya Ethan noon tungkol sa kanya, kahit na marami ang kain ni Lexi sa umaga o tanghali, kakain pa rin ito sa susunod na oras. She loves food that much and I'm starting to get worried when she was all quiet and stuck on her phone for almost all night. 

"P-pwede ba akong makisuyo? Pwedeng pakisabi kay Yvo, balitaan niya ako sa nangyayari?"

"Makakarating." 

And that's what I did. 

🚨

I asked Yvo where the address of the house he was talking about, and I went there straight after class. It was looking like a damn mansion outside! Sa sobrang taas ng gate ay siguradong hindi talaga sila malolooban. I parked my car near the big fountain. Finally, I reached their doorstep.

"Buti't hindi ka naligaw," bungad sa akin ni Yvo nang patuluyin niya na ako sa loob. "Ella's upstairs. She'll be here in a minute." He's wearing an apron, too. 

"It's okay, I won't be long. Lexi just wanted to give her this." I handed him a basket of fruits. "Pinapasabi rin niya kung pwede, balitaan mo siya sa nangyayari sa kaibigan niya." Binigay ko sa kanya ang Instagram ni Lexi. Iyon lang naman ang mayroon ako sa kanya. At kagaya ko rin, wala ring Facebook si Yvo.

"Don't worry, Lexi gave me permission to give it to you. Oh, and don't tell her friend that she knows about her pregnancy."

"Okay." He nods. "Sure. No problem. Thank you for this. Pero bakit hindi ka magtatagal? I just cooked lunch." 

"Yvo?" I wasn't able to answer his question when we heard someone's voice. Agad ding nagtungo roon si Yvo kaya naman naiwan ako rito sa sala pero hindi rin nagtagal nang puntahan na nila akong dalawa.

"Ali, this is Ella. Lexi's friend," he introduced. She doesn't look pregnant, well maybe because she was just only two months. Nakalimutan ko iyon saglit at nag-abang na malaki na ang t'yan nito. I felt a little excitement in me because that'll be the first baby in our group. 

Hindi siya nagsasalita at parang kinakaliskisan pa ako hanggang sa, "Parang nakita na kita..." paniningkit ng mata ng katabi ni Yvo. 

"Ako rin. Ngayon lang." 

She tilted her head, familiarizing me again 'til it snapped. "Aha! Ikaw 'yong nasa Instagram story  ni Lexi! Naikwento ka na rin niya sa'min! Jowa ka ba niya?!" a hint of excitement and being a little intrigued in her tone. 

"N-not really." 

Tumango-tango lang siya at mukhang nagpipigil pa ng ngiti. Napatingin ako agad kay Yvo at mabilis siyang umiling sa'kin, sinasabing wala siyang kahit anong naikwento tungkol sa amin ni Lexi.

"Nga pala, I'm Jaja. Iyon ang tawag sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko. And since you might have a good connection with Lexi and a friend of a good man here, I consider you as my friend as well." She smiled widely as she lent her hand for a shake. 

"I'm Ali." 

"Nice to meet you, Ali! Uh, si Lexi, kamusta na pala siya? N-nabasa ko iyong text niya sa'kin kagabi. Sorry, I wasn't able to reply," saka huminahon ang kanyang tono. "Sa'yo na pala siya nakatira."

"Don't worry, I'm taking good care of her," I smiled.

"Also, thank you for saving her that night. Ingatan mo rin ang sarili mo." 

"Will do." 

And that was a start of a good lunch. Kagaya ni Lexi, sinabihan rin niya akong huwag sabihin ang sitwasyon niya ngayon sa kanya. Napatingin ako agad kay Yvo dahil kakausap lang nila kahapon. Well, that was not unexpected. We didn't know they are friends. Kahit kami ni Yvo ay nagulat. I'm just hoping he doesn't say a word about yesterday too. Now, we feel like we're criminals disguising ourselves from the cops. 

I decided to spend my free time at their place 'til it was time for me to pick Lexi up from her university. Ang dami ko sanang gustong ikwento sa kanya ngayon ngunit hindi pwede. Anyway, she can trust Yvo with it. I can assure Lexi that her friend is in really good hands. So as she.

🚨

"I don't have plans on liking you." 

"Hindi rin naman kita type." Ouch. 

"And so am I." I fired back immediately when she had no idea how much I do. You are my type, you parrot. I'm busy reading about Juvenile Delinquency and almost jump from my seat when I suddenly heard her voice behind me three minutes ago. She always does this. Nawala na rin ako sa focus nang simulan niya na akong daldalin. Mas lalo na nang may muntikang magdikit sa aming dalawa! 

"Bike." Bigla na lang iyon pumasok sa isip ko matapos ang hindi ko inaasahang halos paglapit ng mukha namin sa isa't-isa. In order to get away from the awkward situation, we went outside for a ride kahit hindi naman talaga ako nagba-bike tuwing gabi.

I really don't know exactly where to go! 'Til I remembered there's a carnival around the corner. And there, we enjoyed the whole night like nothing happened back at the unit. And when we got back, I ended up again in her Instagram account. So was she. Only, not in my Instagram story, but in my dump account. 

The pictures always ended up here, like a secret photo album of us, or more likely an album about her rather.

@staireraej: sweets

And that was the picture where I'm looking at her. The light was kind of dim that she didn't notice my eyes were locked on her as I hide my smiles behind the cotton candy I was holding.

All I want was to bring her back home safely and I won't be seeing her again after that incident. Who would've thought that I would be spending the holidays with her and her family? A lot did happen, na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Kagaya na lamang nang pagsandal niya sa aking balikat ngayon.

I met everyone important in Lexi's life, even the ones that are no longer here. As I was looking at the grave in front of me, there's this little voice inside my head promising something... I will look out for her. I want to keep her safe just like how the people around her do. Now that we're living under the same roof, I will take care of her just like how her brother did to me when I had nowhere to go. 

I can't help but smile as I watch her lay her head on my shoulder. Lexi, I promise, everything will be put into places, and I won't let anything, or anyone hurt you. 

🚨

🗨️ To: Parrot
Omw

💌 From Parrot:
Ingat miss ka na ni liam

🗨️ To: Parrot
Miss him too

💌 From Parrot:
Eh ako?

HAHAHAHAHA

Kung alam mo lang. After Christmas, I spent the rest of the days with Yvo and his, I don't know, his wife? Dox used to visit there too, at ngayon ay sabay na kaming papunta ngayon sa kanya-kanya naming destinasyon.

"Fuck, ang traffic! Kanina pa ako hinihintay ni Fresia!" reklamo nitong kasama ko. He's also worried the cake will melt on the way. "Kating-kati na 'ko ibigay 'tong regalo ko, oh! No'ng pasko pa dapat 'to, eh!" He looked at the human-sized teddy at the backseat. "Ikaw? Ano nga palang ibinigay mo kay Lexi no'ng pasko?" 

"Highlighters, boxes of inks for her printer, and A4."

"Wow, dude! Nagiging bookstore ka pala kapag in love?" Malakas niyang tawa. 

"I prefer giving her something she can use." 

"Ah, kaya pala binibigay mo na rin ang sarili mo sa kanya." Ngisi niya pa.

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"Nagagamit ka ni Lexi. Driver ka niya, cook ka niya, bodyguard ka niya. At higit sa lahat, kaibigan ka niya." Pang-aasar niya.

"Fuck you." I rolled my eyes and honked the car horn when the traffic started to move but the car in front of us didn't. I only tasted peace and quiet when Dox finally left. The roads were getting busier and busier, it made me arrived late. Nakasabay ko pa ang kaibigan niya. Solene, if I'm not mistaken, that was her name. "Akala ko hindi ka na makakaabot sa countdown," bungad sa akin ni Lexi nang makarating na rin ako sa wakas.

Everyone was so excited counting down, and when the fireworks started to fill the night sky, the happiness around follows. "Happy New Year, Art." She smiled sweetly at me, and that was the first time I ever saw how soft her eyes were when looking at me. And I will do everything to protect those. 

🚨

"She's already had a ride home." I interfered with their conversation.

"Wala naman akong masamang balak." And he doesn't sound sorry at all.

Two months have passed since the last time we saw each other and it didn't end well. "Magkaklase kami," sagot niya sa tanong na hindi naman para sa kanya. And hearing that made me feel like there were horses racing inside my chest. Itinanggi ko ring magkakilala kami.

Hindi na niya kaylangang makilala pa. Hindi niya na rin kaylangang malaman pa. That guy was already in my past and I'm trying my best to get rid of him. I don't want any traces of him in my life anymore. I will do everything to erase it... And the person behind the memories that kept haunting me.

They're... They're monsters.

Hanggang sa makauwi kami ay binabaliw nila ang isip ko. Nawalan na lang ako ng gana kumain. I can't and I won't let them near me again, nor Lexi. Lexi... I'm afraid...

"Alistaire! Fine, I will let you get away this time. But one thing for sure, whoever you're with... Will be in danger as you."

Those words... A kid will never forget those words. And when I met Lexi, she left those kinds of phrases too. Only in different words but it only means the same. I didn't realized that 'til I lost Ethan. And that was the number one reason why I barely hangout with my friends. I don't want to put them in the same grave as me.

I sat on the floor, trying my best to calm myself down. Please... I just want to be surrounded by people I love. Don't take them away. I just want to live.

Tears started flowing down my cheeks as I grasped some air — 'til I finally came back to my senses. Inihiga ko ang aking sarili saglit at huminga nang malalim. Nang maging maayos na ang aking pakiramdam ay nag-ayos na ako ng sarili saka inatupag ang kaylangan kong gawin.

I went back to the living room, surprised that Lexi was not in her room yet. Kukuha sana ako ng tubig ngunit hindi ko na lang itinuloy dahil nahihiya ako sa kaniya dahil kanina. I gathered myself up again and was about to explain things when suddenly a paper airplane landed in front of me.

I don't know how to make one, so I just crumpled and threw it back to her like I was aiming for the basketball ring. After seconds, it landed back on my desk again, asking if I was mad this time. Susulat sana ako ulit nang mawalan ng tinta ang ballpen kong gamit.

Nagmadali akong pumuntang kwarto upang maghanap ng panibago. Napasapo na lang ako sa noo nang wala na akong makitang ballpen na itim o pula man lang ang tinta. All was left was a ballpen with pink ink. I shrugged as I looked at it. It's her favorite color anyway. Nang makalabas ako ay nakita kong hawak niya na ang papel. I sneak behind her and laugh when I saw what she wrote. 

"I'm not mad." I took the paper from her and write down my answer, crumpled it, and gave it back. And all this time, I thought she was mad at me because of how I acted lately. And I should be the one explaining myself. Nagtaka ako nang siya ang gumagawa no'n. Anyway, I love listening to her yap, though. It's like music to my ears, haha. 

🚨

"Why did you bring her with you?!" 

[Dox: Huy, hindi ko siya sinama, 'no! Siya ang nagpumilit at sumunod sa akin. Malapit na kami sa unit niyo at nauuna siya ro'n ngayon.]

"What?! What do you-?" I didn't finish my sentence when I heard a doorbell. 

[Dox: Mukhang nand'yan na. Haha.] I rolled my eyes and turned off my phone. Napakamot na lang din ako sa ulo dahil wala na akong magawa. Shira Yu, from Hospitality Management. She has a crush on me since I don't know when. Huminga na lang ako ng malalim bago lumabas. And why the hell I feel like Lexi will kill me anytime now?

I can feel her death glares without me looking back at her sometimes. We didn't say a word to each other the whole day not until I heard him talking to Kyvin, asking if they can go together. "Where exactly?" I butt in to their conversation. He heard me, and I don't mind her being irritated now. I'd rather prevent things than sorry. 

That's also the reason why I waited for him the next day and gave him a warning. I punched him —  hard as I could. But that punch wasn't enough, and it wasn't just about Lexi. I want to do more than just that, but he should be thankful I can still control myself. 

"Tumatapang ka na ngayon, Alistaire. Huh." He scoffed. The side of his lips was bleeding. "I never thought there would be a day you'd lay hands on me."

"Look, I don't know why you keep showing up now, but whatever your plans are, leave Lexi, her friends and family out of it." 

"Oh?" He laughed. "I see... Don't worry, Alistaire. You can trust me." Hawak niya sa aking balikat na aking agad na hinawi.

"I heard that too many times before from you, Kyvin, and it was all chaos in the end. Just go and live a fucking life without dragging anyone to hell with you," mariin kong sambit. Ngumisi siya at unti-unting lumapit sa'kin.

"Stop projecting things on me, Alistaire. I know who you are." 

"Just leave!" 

"Or what? You're going to kill me if I won't?"

"Gustuhin ko man, but I'm not like the rest of you." I started walking away. Mahigpit akong napahawak sa baril kong dala sa aking bulsa nang tuluyan nang makalabas ng parking lot nila at sinimulang maghintay kay Lexi. Hindi na rin ako nagulat nang makita ko silang magkasamang lumabas ng campus.

Agad akong umiwas kay Lexi nang makauwi kami. I need to calm myself down and put the gun away. There's too much bothering me that even a warm bath doesn't help — made me resort to drink wine instead.

As I was busy distracting myself on the phone, a sudden airplane suddenly landed on a very weird landing spot. Nilingon ko kung saan iyon nanggaling at nakitang nakabukas ang kwarto ni Lexi. She really has a cute way of a conversation starter. 

Halos hindi ako patulugin no'ng mga nangyari. I even lied having allergies because of how red my hand was. I ended up reading a book to have my peace of mind back when she suddenly knocked, asking if she could sleep in my room. 

Of course, she's very welcome here! A half thank you to the broken aircon I guess? Abala ako sa pagbabasa nang mapansin kong tahimik ang paligid namin. Lexi being quiet is something I'm a little scared about. When I turned around, I saw her already holding a polaroid. 

"Huy, bakit ka may picture ko?!" Hiningi ko sa kuya mo, bakit? The ten-year-old me already liked you that time until now! And of course, I can't say that! Hindi lang iyon ang nakita niya, pati picture ko rin. Sinadya ko talagang ipagtabi 'yon, para kunyari ano... Basta! 

"Behave." Tinago ko na sa side drawer ang litrato. Hiyang-hiya na rin ako. I hope she doesn't see right through me. Because if she does, who knows what will happen next. I don't want to ruin everything here you know. I'd rather keep this feeling towards her than lose what we have now.

🚨

"Sama mo sa picture mo no'ng bata ka para may kasama siya ro'n sa drawer mo." She handed me the polaroid and I did before I took a shower and prepare myself to go out for a shoot. This is also the reason why I asked her if she have plans for today last night. At para mas sulit, hindi ko ginamit ang sasakyan ko para mas makasama ko siya ng matagal and that I can focus on her more than the road. 

Everything went well 'til Valentine's Day. 

"Wow, flowers and dinner date ang plano ngayon. Parang perfect time 'to para aminin na 'yang nararamdaman mo." A stupid suggestion from a friend. 

"That's not even easy to do." I sighed. Palibhasa kasi nakaamin na siya sa gusto niya. 

"Pero may balak kang aminin sa kanya?" 

"Wala." 

Malakas na tumawa si Dox. He was so eager, pushing me to do it or I'll lose my chances. Ang yayabang ng mga 'to porket may mga kinakasama ngayon. Yvo was with us but was hurry to get home. He doesn't want his wife to worry so much. It's not good for a pregnant woman he said. Dox doesn't stop yapping 'til we reached the unit. Hinatid niya lang ako saka na rin siya umalis dahil may date siya. 

"Alexia, I'm home." I went straight to the kitchen to get me some water. I even noticed the box of chocolate. Gusto ko na ngumiti pero ayokong magpadala sa mga iniisip ko so I checked it 'til I saw the handwriting. It wasn't Lexi's. 

"Lexi, where are you? I'm already home." I called for her again. 

I checked the balcony and she's not there either. The last one is her bedroom. I knocked at the door, but no one answered. My patience left me for a while and worry started creeping in me when I didn't saw her even inside. That's already the third place I can find her in this unit and it's very unusual not to see her anywhere.

I started calling her many times but she wasn't answering either. What the fuck? "Please, pick up." Parang lalabas na ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba nang biglang mag-text sa akin si Dox na nasa iisang club sila.

Mabilis akong nagtungo ro'n. Kung ano-ano na rin ang pumapasok sa isip ko na nangyayari sa kanya ro'n. Tapos nalaman ko pang ayaw niya ipaalam sa'kin na nandito siya. Really, what the heck is going on? 

"She even brought you a box of chocolates." 

"Those aren't from yours?" 

"Kay Shira galing 'yon." 

Glad I didn't touch it, haha. I know you're handwriting, Alexia. Saka na lang din ako nakahinga nang makasama ko na siya ulit. Nang makarating na kami sa parking ng condo ay dahan-dahan ko na siyang inalalayan upang mabuhat ng maayos. Kasabay no'n ang paglaglag ng iilang gamit mula sa dala niyang maliit na bag.

I picked up the crumpled paper first and about to throw it when I noticed there's writing in it. 

"Ali,

Some says it's not nice to bottle the feelings up while the others say some things are better left unsaid. Well, I'm choosing the first one and taking the advantage of alcohol to confess everything,

Alistaire, I like you and I didn't know how it happened. It's just that. Stupid, right?

Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ipapaliwanag and I'm ready to whatever and wherever this confession will lead me to... Or us? Idk. I don't know any way of telling you this either and I'm not good at confessing. I never done this before and I never been into someone.

I'm sorry."  

Napatakip ako agad ng bibig matapos mabasa ang lahat ng 'yon. It felt like I can do a hundred backflips! Well, seems like I'm not the only one here... Oh, please do. Fall for me, Alexia. I will gladly catch you.