"What is it?" Asra wondered.

I swallowed, thinking about how I was going to tell him about both of our fathers. Asra watched me patiently, the sound of the waterfall drowning out my nervous breaths.

"Ailia, these cryptic conversations are going to send me grey." Asra chuckled.

I smiled weakly, apologising softly. He seemed to notice my worries because the hands on my back snaked up my spine to push my hair out of my face. He stared up at me, eyebrows knitted together with concern.

"What is it, Tulip?" He whispered.

"Your dad... He..."

His eyes hardened, the steely exterior cementing in his eyes. Asra's expression always turned cold whenever a topic he had problems with arose. His father's abuse was as rough as mine, only instead of my amazing blasé and humour, he turned stoic.

"What did he do?" He growled.

"Nothing," I whispered. "I just... When I was with Azriel, I pretended it was a game, right?"

Asra nodded simply, watching me with that same hardened concern.

"I picked up pieces of information I thought would be helpful, and every time he took my blood, I got a question." I explained, avoiding eye contact. "I would choose them carefully, not making them obvious so I could find out things about myself. Your brother knows a lot of things about many people."

"He is not my brother." Asra spat.

I winced a smile, and when his grumbling finished, I continued.

"It is how I got out of his house and into the town where I grew up. That is where I saw Jeremy."

"Jeremy?" Asra frowned. "Oh, the trainer wolf."

Now I was confused. "Trainer wolf?"

"Yeah, he came to visit after hearing we were upping our training. He is Augustus' top warrior wolf, has been for over ten years. He...retired a few years ago, though."

My eyes widened, not realising this. "He came here, right?"

"He did." Asra nodded. "I sent him home after you came back."

A soft dip of disappointment struck my chest that had Asra asking what was wrong.

"Jeremy... He is in a lot of my dreams." I admitted. "I see him training me, playing with me and being my friend. He was the only friend I had for a few years."

"I thought you couldn't remember anything?" Asra wondered.

"I can't." I shook my head. "But my dreams know more than I do, and this time, I actually remembered them. Since your dad laced my food. I think I have had more. There are flashes I cannot quite grasp, but I remember Jeremy. I remember how he would make me feel, how he would push me to learn. It only clicked into place when Azriel tormented me on my fighting ability."

"He did?"

I nodded. "He kept hinting that I was trained. That no human can fight a wolf so easily as I can without thinking about it. In fact, Azriel told me a lot about myself without actually saying anything."

Asra was frowning, and I pressed a light kiss to his lips to pull him out of the scowl.

"He is not helpful."

I shrugged. "He was to me. As backwards as his mind works."

Asra sighed, shaking his head gently. "What... what does Jeremy, a random wolf, have to do with any of this?"

"Oh, right, yeah. Well, nothing really, it just linked into my thoughts." I laughed softly. "Azriel's questions lead me to Northwood, which showed me Jeremy, and he seemed to remember me. Then, from other questions, plus what I read in your father's journal, I realised you were cursed."

"That easily?"

"Yep." I nodded. "I had a hunch, but I thought your soul was gone. It wasn't until I saw Jeremy that I realised it all linked. I was your protector. You and I have a connection in more ways than one."

Asra's chest rumbled with satisfaction, but I continued, not allowing his no-doubt cheesy words to be spoken aloud.

"So, as your protector, I brought you out of the spell." I grinned. "But I have realised something now."

"What's that?" He hummed, kissing my bare chest.

I shivered, goosebumps pebbling my skin. "Your father... They cursed him too."

"What?"

"He was cursed. They cursed him." I stated. "It was obvious when I had all the pieces together, and then when I saw how you acted like I was nobody to you, I knew it had to be the same. Then I remember what pack members had said; that this was like seventeen years ago when your father went psycho."

"It would make sense." Asra mumbled.

"Right?" I sighed, exasperated. "But it gets even more juicy."

"It does?" He grimaced.

"Yes!" I nodded. "Your father has been this feral wolf on the border of the pack for many, many years, right? Because this curse placed upon him had fucked up his wolf. He lost his mate, mistreated his son and pack, and with barely a string of hope, he gave into his beast."

"You think so?"

"Yes. I think the curse fucked him up that bad, that when reality came back, he couldn't cope." I explained. "But when you became cursed, he magically was okay. He invited me into his home, was calm, collected, making jokes about your mother berating him. He even had the memory of me as a child and had been watching me enough to know I was your mate and not just your protector."

Asra remained silent as I continued.

"So he tried to turn me into a beast, one that I haven't had in nearly fourteen years." I shook my head. "But what he didn't realise was that the curse that weighed him down was getting to you. After that day in your father's cabin, you grew cold. And I realise now that it was the curse eating at your brain."

"He drugged you, Ailia. You just trusted him and ate it." Asra stated, coldly.

I knew he wouldn't get over that.

"It seemed fine and safe." I shrugged. "I had no reason to think he would lace my food."

"He was feral."

"He wasn't when I met him." I admitted. "He even cooked. You were the one who went psycho."

Asra sighed, shaking his head. "Tulip, I vaguely remember those days. A lot of them I spent angry, and I fumed you ate something with no wolf's senses to see if it was poisoned. I remember being mad. I remember thinking that you were trying to fuck me over... I..."

I frowned as his words drifted off, shuffling closer so I could cuddle him properly. He sighed, shoulders dropping as I embraced him. Mumbling comforting words, I reassured him I was okay, and that he was okay.

When I pulled away, I attempted to distract him. "Well, your father's poisoning trick didn't work because whoever erased my memories was strong. But I think I have an idea how we can find out."

"What's that?" He wondered.

"One dream I had of Jeremy was after the dinner I had with my mother and Darius' parents." I began. "I told him what was happening, and he seemed distraught, spluttering that he couldn't come anymore. That we couldn't be friends. He left, and I know that was the last I saw of him. I think Jeremy knows who erased my memory, and the fact he now lives in my childhood home cements that."

"So, you want me to bring him back?"

"No, I want to visit him." I admitted. "I want to go to Northwood again."

Asra grimaced. "Tulip, I just got you and you want me to send you to another town?"

"You'd come with me, obviously." I rolled my eyes. "How far away is it?"

"For a wolf, a day." Asra shrugged. "We can go in the airplane if you'd like?"

I grimaced, remembering the metal tube death trap from before. Asra's face lightened with a soft laugh.

"Not every mechanical box is a death trap, Tulip." He chuckled.

I scowled at his teasing. "Elevators can snap at any moment, cars can just crash, and planes can fall out of the sky, Asra!"

His smirk broadened, and he squeezed me so tightly I squawked like a bird.

"I've missed you."

"I've not been anywhere." I laughed. "I am right here."

"No, no, I missed you. This amazing light."

I huffed when he released me. "That's because your big ass blocks all the sun."

He shook his head, smiling. "You brighten all the darkness, Tulip."

Despite the cheesiness of his confession, I turned to putty. I melted in his hands as he brought me in for a kiss, the bond, and my heart burning with adoration. When he pulled away, I pecked at his nose.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you, Tulip." He murmured. "As much as I need to say I love you more, I need to say this more."

"Why?" My eyebrows furrowed. "I haven't done anything."

"There is a lot of have not's right now and not enough what haves," Asra mused, confusing me. "You have done so much for me, Ailia Thorne. So much for the pack."

"I have?"

"Yes, for one... You brought me out of that horrid place." Asra murmured.

"That was because that is what I am meant to do." I grinned.

He shook his head, securing his hands around my cheeks so I couldn't look away. My eyes widened at the sudden heat beneath his gaze, unable to move.

"Asra..." I whispered under his intensity.

"I know I am not one to express myself, Tulip. I know a lot of our relationship is fun and games, but I need to get this off my chest before I combust."

"Muscles are pretty explosive." I whispered.

His lips quirked. "They are. But this one is big."

"May need a bigger toilet." I mumbled.

His eyebrows furrowed with confusion before he shook his head with laughter. "Ailia, please. Let me do this before I wuss out."

An alpha wuss? Kind of want to see that.

"When I was cursed, I had no control." He began, a sad tone in his voice. "I hated everyone and everything, but most of the time, it was like I was sleeping."

"Asra..." I mumbled, shaking my head. "You don't have to..."

"I heard you calling me. I felt you touch the bond." He continued. "I lost my sanity, Tulip, I felt myself slipping and there was nothing I could do as it took over. There were flashes. Fleeting moments where I noticed things weren't right, but how they controlled me always won. Except this time. When you were on the brink of death, nothing else mattered. Nothing but you."

My eyes closed, heart racing with a hot warmth. I never felt so honoured, and admittedly bashful, that I could break him of the curse. It was like something out of a fairytale.

I planted a soft kiss on his peck, smiling. "I barely did anything."

"You believed in me Tulip, when everybody else thought I had turned psycho." He shook his head, his chin rubbing my hair. "Everybody thought Azriel killed you. The pack was in turmoil thinking the luna was dead and believed it made me psycho. Your scent disappeared, leaving only your blood in the prison cells. I never should've put you down there, but I..."

I hushed him when his voice broke. "It's not your fault. I knew it wasn't you. I believed in you, Asra. Don't beat yourself up."

"I should've been stronger."

My heart softened. "You are strong. Always. It is not your fault."

"You got hurt, and sick, because of me."

"It's not your fault."

"You nearly died because of me." His eyes watered.

"It's not your fault."

"Tulip..."

"Asra..." I cooed. "Don't."

My voice was a whisper, but he dropped his head, eyes closing with defeat. I sighed softly, wrapping my arms around his head and pulling him close. Embracing him so tenderly, I felt the bond blossom from the attention. It was slowly healing. Piece by piece, it was joining us back together.

I tipped his head back, planting a gentle kiss to his mouth. "It's not your fault."

Asra swallowed, his eyes a stormy sky at the heart of the ocean. "Okay."

I knew he didn't full believe me yet, but he had unknowingly just opened up that part of his mind, his soul to me. I felt its warmth, felt his truth and his worry. Step by step, Asra was coming back to me and he was changing as a man. It must've really upset him for him to become teary and open up to me so much.

Staring down at him with awe, I noticed a single stray tear. I kissed him once more, cementing my adoration into his skin as I claimed the stray. He chuckled softly, pulling me flush into his chest. And there we stayed, as neither of us was ready to be apart just yet.

*****
What an odd week
As a long time fan of One Direction, it has been bizarre.
I will keep it short and simple.
I hope that Liam is at peace and that his closest and nearest come together to support each other. As a mother it kills me inside to think of his parents.
I hope that the people affected by his loss may heal, and that comments that have come to light do not affect how they grieve.
Liam has been a big part of some many peoples lives growing up, and it will be a shame to forget all of that because of what became of him.
We all suffer in various ways, but we have to come to terms with our minds, understand what our soul wants... the consequences of our actions, and how we live our life are more important that you first realise.
Think. Heal. Grow. Care. Love. Embrace. Accept.

don't let your suffering be in silence. Everyone out there is suffering somehow.

Mental health matters
Take care of yourself