this year - it started up so well

and damn, I really wish I could say 

that it all stayed this way 

but I stumbled and fell

the truth is, life is a chaotic mess, not some 

fancy piece of aquarelle

you can't lock your past away 

I think that's what

I realized that today

it's still there, no matter where 

a constant shade of pale grey

"time heals" - at least that's what they say 

but the mirror tells a different story

one of faded hope and tainted glory

one of secret tears and still-present fears

"what if I'm too much?"

"what if I am not enough?"

it's still there

and in one way or another 

I think it always will be

you cannot lock your past away

and what I realized today

is that there will always be bad days 

that life is full of ups and downs 

life is like the sky 

different each day and night 

but there will always be hope for light

and even if it's not, I guess I'll also be alright 

believing a lie

[this year - it started up well

it won't always be, though 

and that's okay, I hope you know.]