Rewritten: 3.19.17

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BAILEY

On Sunday morning, I should have been furious. Olivia had not told me she was taking the boys overnight, nor had she called to tell me that.

Yet, when an unfamiliar gray SUV pulled up in front of my house and ten AM, I felt no anger. Just a quick pinch of annoyance and a little wave of relief. Peter dove out of the car, first, his chatter already audible from outside. His brother followed, stepping carefully from the high platform of the SUV floor. Both were grinning and chatting away.

I stepped away from the window, retreating back into my room. It turned out Lars was right; the story was on the news this morning. The local anchor described it as a "modern day pirate tale". I wanted to punch my TV.

I hadn't told the boys yet. When they asked if Daddy would be home soon, I just told them that yes, he would be home as soon as he could.

They were blissfully ignorant, blind in the face of tragedy. Maybe that was why I suddenly didn't want to be around them.

Their voices grew nearer. The doorbell rang. I sighed and walked back to the front door. Why did they get to be so happy when I had to be so sad?

I opened the door to find my boys on the front step, looking happier than I had seen them in months.

"Mommy!" Peter cried. "Guess what?" When I didn't guess what, he went on, "Aunty Olive took us on a boat! We went treasure hunting! Look!" Peter opened the little brown bag he had clutched in his fist, shaking the contents at me. I didn't look very closely, but I saw a flash of something gold. Plastic coins, maybe.

I looked up at Olivia. She just shrugged and smirked at me.

"We got ice cream," Aiden added.

I opened my mouth and then closed it. These were little kids. No matter what I asked them, I was not going to get a sentient answer. "Okay," I said. "Go take off your shoes."

The boys ran past us into the house, leaving Olivia and I face to face. She continued smirking, her arms crossed. "How cute are they?" she said.

I ignored her. "Where'd you get the car?" I asked.

"It's a friend's."

Leave it to Liv to be as vague as humanly possible. I moved on to a more important question. "What did you do with them? You never really told me."

"Oh, you know." My sister shrugged. "Just let 'em have some fun. That's all. Any news on Corey?"

I could see her changing the subject, but I took the bait anyway. "None. I'm going crazy in here."

"That sucks," Liv said. She looked down at her boots. "They'll find him. "

"No they won't."

"Well, even if they don't, you have to stay strong. You have to remember that losing him isn't the end of the world."

My vision flashed red. I wanted to shut the door in her face. "What do you know about losing someone," I snapped. "You're a freaking kid. Stop trying to give me advice."

She looked at me. Her eyes were uncharacteristically soft for a moment before they went back to their usual guarded expression. "Just trying to help."

I looked her over, thinking about how much she had changed from the teenage sister I used to have who would cut herself when she was upset and argue with our father when she was mad, just to see if he would hit her. She was that kind of a kid. Now, she was still wild and strange, but in a different way. Her energy seemed channeled. Focused. "What have you been up to?" I asked her. "What have you been doing?"

She shrugged. "This and that."

I leaned against the doorway, listening to the boys shout at each other from the other room. "The boys think you're a pirate," I told Liv with a small smile.

She nodded, more serene than amused. "I look like one, don't I?"

"You do." I reached out and touched one of the hoop earrings swinging from her ears. Olivia flinched. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing."

She let me touch her earring, then her hair, then the side of her face. I held her chin in my hand, stroking her cheek with my thumb. I wasn't usually this affectionate with Liv; we didn't even hug when we saw each other anymore. But right now, I was worried about her. I was worried about her and she was standing right here in front of me. Her skin was warm and shiny from the sun, soft under my fingers.

After a second, Olivia pulled away. "Quit look at me like that," she said. "You're not my mom."

For a second, I found myself wishing that I was her mom. If I was her mother, if I had that parental authority over her, I could help. I could fix her. "Liv," I said. "Why don't you come in?"

She shook her head. "I can't. I have to go."

I looked her over again, but this time I noticed something. "What's this?" I asked, pointing to a black sheathe, buttoned closed, hanging off her belt. It was leather, about the size of a carving knife.

Her eyes flashed. She stepped down from my porch stairs. "Nothing. I have to go."

"Olivia!" I yelled after her. But she was gone. She jumped into the driver's seat of the SUV, jetting away before I could run after her. an "I love you" died on my lips.

I sighed, retreating back into the house. The boys were already in their room with the door closed, Peter talking Aiden's ear off while they played some kind of pretend game with their stuffed animals. I walked down the hall and knocked on their door.

"--see his face? His mustache was all mad and he was like, give that back, and I said, no cause I-- did you see? -- I took his gold an' I didn't want to give it back 'cause you can buy ice cream with gold! Maybe that's why he wanted it back. Do you think he likes rocky road? I do. It's like chocolate and toothpaste mixed together!"

Aiden opened the door. Peter stopped talking for a second.

"Hey, guys." I tried to smile.

"Hi mommy! Look at my coins! This one has a star--" he handed me a bronze coin with a star on it "--and this one has an ox!" He handed me a silver coin with a man's face on it.

"That's, uh, that's nice." I sat down on Aiden's bed. He went over to Peter's bed, looking through his own collection of coins. "Did you guys have fun with Aunty Olive?"

"Yeah!" Peter shouted. "We went on a boat and I got to turn the wheel 'cause Aunty Olive says I'm strong -- doesn't ice cream make you strong? 'Cause I'm really--"

"Where'd you get the coins?" I asked.

"We swung on ropes," Aiden answered.

I squinted at Peter. He had nothing to add, which was a rare occurrence. "You swung. On ropes." I repeated. They both nodded. I shook my head. "Okay. Whatever. Have fun." I wanted to go back to bed and cry some more. I was drained from all the social interaction.

After closing their door, I caught one more comment from Peter.

"I wish we could be pirates like Aunty Olive!"