Chapter 26: There'll Be No Living With Her After This

Maddie and Nora sat on a velvet cushioned bench inside the American Adventure Pavilion, with its grand ceilings and less noisy guests. Well, less noisy in the sense that the crowds had moved on after the Voices of Liberty show and the latest audience for the show American Adventure had shuffled into the theater. 
           
They'd been spending the afternoon together after their classes, trying to stay away from the larger crowds, talking about life.
           
"So your family is doing well?" Nora asked.
           
"Yeah. Busy, as usual. Feels like we don't spend much time together, but I understand that we all have crazy schedules. My mom used to make sure we had more time together as a family when we were younger, but I think now since I'm in the campus ministry my dad helps run that it kind of counts as bonding time even though it isn't? I mean, clearly I'm not super angsty about it." Maddie kicked her legs back and forth even though they were long enough to reach the floor. "Once the holidays are here I'll get some more time with them, so that'll be nice."
           
Nora had gotten to hear a lot about Maddie's giant family in the past few meets ups, which had been refreshing compared to her own drama.
           
"I'd seriously love to meet Brook, by the way. I think she just needs to realize that cool college girls besides you also love Disney."
           
"Is that what you are?" Nora asked.
           
Maddie hit her gently. "Okay, I know I don't give off the cool vibe at all, but Abby definitely does."
           
There was no denying that Abby oozed chic. Not that chic was something that could ooze. Describing it that way was just how un-chic Nora was. 
           
"I don't think it would go well. It's nice that you want me and her to get along, but that's her own decision. Neither of us can force her."
           
"You mean like you forced Levi to hang out with us?"
           
Nora winced. "That was different." 
           
It'd been a few days and she still hadn't talked to Levi or Oliver about it. She'd texted an apology about everything, but Levi had said it was okay and their conversation had died. She'd even thought of a Haunted Mansion tombstone inscription for it: here lies Nora's social life, stabbed in the back by her own knife. 
           
It needed to be cleverer, but either way, it was clearly dead.
           
"Still," Maddie replied, "I don't think it's so awful to try. It wasn't bad that you tried with him. From what I understand, I think he's meeting up with Samuel and Kayden sometime soon? That's what they told me, but without giving a date. Maybe the same sort of thing could happen with Brook?"
           
Nora leaned forward, plopping her face into her first. "Maybe."
           
"Can I ask you something?" 

Nora was sure she wasn't going to like whatever it was, but it was only fair to at least hear her out. "Sure."

"Do you like Levi?"
           
She squirmed. "Um...no?"
           
Maddie gave her a pointed look.
           
Nora's hands came together in her lap. "I've never really thought about it. I mean, clearly he's a nice guy, and I get along with him, but..."
           
But she'd been weirdly obsessed with Jack Sparrow, who she also doubted she had feelings for. Not that she'd mentioned that to Maddie.
           
"I mean, if you don't like anyone, that's fine. I don't want to make you think that you have to be in love with anyone, or get married, or have kids. You don't. And clearly this subject isn't my favorite." Maddie shuddered. "But still, it's an important subject so I wanted to ask."
           
"No, I don't mind. It's just..." She bit her lip. "I've had crushes before, but I don't feel like I've ever had something serious? Or even a serious crush. They feel so shallow and underserving of any attention even though they feel big, you know?"
           
Maddie nodded enthusiastically. "That's how I feel all the time."
           
"Seriously?"
        
"Sadly, yes." She groaned, face towards the ceiling. "And I have so many awesome role model couples to look up to, but it stinks because they go on and on about how love isn't a feeling, it's an action. And that's great and I agree, but at the same time then I'm like...how do you know if you're in love? And then if you're just feeling stuff, does it mean it's not real? You know, since a lot of times the feelings fade, especially the longer you've been married and it just develops into something different. Are you supposed to date people you don't have any feelings for whatsoever so you don't get caught up in the butterflies, or someone you only have mild ones for, or what?"
           
Nora froze, never having thought of that before. How was anyone supposed to know who the right person was?
           
"And obviously there's more than one person out there for everyone. Like, what are the odds that there's one fated person out there for you out of billions of people? I guess compatibility is just different between different people, but the point is to find someone who makes you a better person who you don't want to kill."
           
"And Christians are supposed to not get divorced, right?" That sounded pretty impossible.
           
"Unless someone cheats on you or is being totally toxic or abusive, yeah. And obviously most Christians aren't good at that or believe that since our divorce rate is just as high, if not higher, than people who aren't Christian, which gives us a bad rap. I mean...and being with someone for life is a big thing to ask, but also people usually jump into marriage too soon and don't get advice on if they're a good couple or think over it or the fact that even a year from then, they could change a lot. Not to mention that you're supposed to work on your marriage and spend time together still, which a lot of couples don't do as the years go by. Not that I blame them, with the stress of jobs and kids and life making it hard to have that."
           
"Good job, Maddie. Now I'm panicking about the inevitable depressing future of my potential marriage to whoever."
           
Maddie tugged her ponytail. "I didn't mean to cause that. It's just always on my mind, even though I'm not with anyone. Because love isn't this bottled formula. It's different for each person and each couple and I just don't want to get it wrong."
           
Nora placed her hand over Maddie's. "Hey, God's got it, right? We mess stuff up, but he doesn't. It'll be okay."
           
Maddie smiled. "Look at you, learning."
           
"I have a good teacher."

Maddie hugged her. It was nice to have a friend who she could talk to about all sorts of stuff without feeling guilty. She couldn't do that as easily with Levi. 

"I have to go meet with Abby to plan small group, but I'm so glad we've started meeting up more and that you come to our group."

"Me too. Thanks for not giving up on me."

Maddie beamed. "I'll see you in a few days."

Nora sat for a while after Maddie left, trying to get her thoughts organized. She didn't really know what love was. It was more than a feeling, sure. It was a decision to love someone no matter what your feelings said, yes. But what else? And if Maddie, with her amazing parents who'd been together for like thirty years and knew so many other couples with similar steady relationships, couldn't figure it out, how could she?

Maddie mentioning the possibility of Nora liking Levi was like the brakes on Test Track—sudden and slippery, making her jar against the seatbelt keeping her locked in. She loved Levi, but being around him didn't make her stomach swoop like the Tower of Terror did, or make her think about the future, or make her want to kiss him.

And, without permission, her mind strayed to Oliver. She didn't know Oliver well, and it seemed like half of her time with him involved one of them being irritated with the other, but at the same time she loved their witty back and forth banter, how easy it was to be with him (when they weren't fighting), and just who he was as a person—protective, loyal, and, if she was honest, passionate. Everything he loved, he loved with everything. She saw that in his new friendship with Levi, his relationship with Sarah, and even with herself. 

But it didn't matter if Levi didn't stir her heart or that Oliver had a better chance at doing that, did it? And it's not like they were the only options in the world. And it's not like she even had to have her love life figured out right this second.

Still, it was on her mind and she liked knowing as much as possible. Taking the wisdom of others, so long as it wasn't bad advice, would make handling relationships at least a little bit easier, right? They'd still be hard, but at least it would give her a fighting chance.

You know, if she was ever in a relationship.

The only thing she did know for sure was that she was done making Jack Sparrow into something he wasn't. Maybe he had more of a connection and trust with her than all the girls that salivated over him, but was she any better? She hadn't been giving him any sort of say in the matter. Not really, even when he constantly said no. It was selfish of her. And why hold onto a relationship that was hurting both of them? She had plenty of other people in her life that loved her, that she knew the actual names of and could do life with. She was sure Jack did, too. He would be better off without her constantly forcing her presence on him.

Still, it was hard to let go.

Levi struck a pose, making sure not to blink as the PhotoPass Cast Member snapped away the last few shots before their meet and greet time ended. It'd been a pretty typical day, which he wasn't sure if he was happy about or not. He missed Nora, but at the same time he couldn't face her right now, pirate hat or not. 

He wanted to be truthful with her, but every time he tried it somehow got ruined one way or another. Considering how bad he was at being assertive, he always lost his steam whenever something threw him off his groove, which resulted in another wave of doom and gloom, not to mention Nora was still left in the dark. 

It needed to stop.

He'd been working with Oliver on a sure fire way to tell her, but he kept thinking about how anything could go wrong at any given time. Like they could be parked in a car and someone could still crash into them. Or they could be in a completely abandoned place and someone would still probably walk in on them. Something would happen—he just knew it.

"Dude, you're overthinking it. Just say it," Oliver kept saying.

Levi was past the point of caring one way or another, which probably wasn't going to translate well in telling her in the first place. His mind had started retreating into that same drunken tiredness from a few nights ago, most likely overwhelmed and shorting out from the amount of lying. It made him say things he wouldn't normally say without even thinking of the weirdness of it all.

"Do you ever want to kiss her?" Levi asked Oliver in the middle of his rant/pep talk.

"What?"

Levi blinked at him. He shouldn't have to explain. "Nora."

Oliver shook his head minutely, as if the question was offensive. "No."

Levi stared.

"Okay, maybe. I don't know. No? No." His head shaking increased. "Look, this is about you, and telling her the truth."

Levi propped his head up. "Sometimes I've thought about it. But then I'm basically repulsed with myself, so I'm really not sure how I feel about it."
           
It seemed like all of Oliver's muscles took turns flexing or flinching in some way. "Why is this what we're talking about?"

"Because I can't stand talking about telling her anymore."

"Then tell her and I won't ever have to mention it again, Levi."

"You do it."

"You have to do it."

"It's not like I don't want to. It just never works out."

And then Oliver's face shut down with a ferocious frigidness that made Levi lean back in his chair and promise to tell her within the week.

Which brought him here, at work, where he was unsuccessfully ignoring his problems, glancing to the left and right whenever he could to see if his favorite person was going to come visit him, even though their last interaction had gone so horribly wrong.

He only had a few days left before Oliver was going to do whatever Oliver was going to do as punishment for not telling Nora. He probably deserved it, whatever it was.

The last family of the day left, leaving him almost sagging with an interesting combination of relief and disappointment. He was about to start walking towards the off stage area when he heard, "Wait!"

Nora rushed to him, out of breath. Something was wrong. Levi could see it in her expression, the way her lips were set in some sort of grim, stubborn pout. The way she kept blinking. He wondered if she was about to cry.
But he had no idea what to say, not with the PhotoPass photographer and Sarah lingering so close by.            

Nora stayed where she was, as if she was going to follow him back to the Cast Member off stage entrance. 

Sarah elbowed him to get moving. He almost stumbled forward, clearing his throat as he approached her. "I've got to get back to the Pearl. You're welcome to walk with me, if you like."

Nora nodded, falling into step with him. A silence he'd never known between them began to build.

"You look like you spent a night in Tortuga," he commented. "Everything all right?"

She took a shaky breath. "Yeah." 

Nora was never shaky. 

"Nora, you really shouldn't lie to a pirate." He wondered how he could make her feel better. He wasn't exactly allowed to touch guests, except for the smallest gestures or hugs. And he was walking and Sarah was about eight feet behind them, most likely grumbling that he'd brought her along and that they were walking so slow when it was the end of both of their shifts. 

"I'm sorry. I must sound like some freakish fan, always coming to visit you all the time. I just really wanted to know you. And you know it's not to gloat about knowing Jack Sparrow or for some sort of perks or anything like that. And I know the code. Which is why I wanted to just put things out in the open. And then I'd stop bugging you, I swear."

It was so weird, how she seemed anxious around him. Flustered. Did she really like him as Jack that much? She'd told him the other day that she didn't like him anymore. So why was she here, doing whatever this was? 

"Do you remember when Barbossa took the Aztec gold, ignoring the tales of the cursed?" His voice was low. "I just feel I should warn you. I don't reckon the pirate life agrees with you, Nora." 

"It's not as if you're always captain, even if you go around telling everyone you are," she murmured back.

"I tell the truth quite a lot, but I lie just the same." He raised a brow in warning. He was lying to her. "You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly."

"I know. That's why I'm giving up." She gave him a weak smile. "Not that I had a chance to begin with. I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I'm not going to try anymore. I won't be stopping by to visit. You'll have your freedom."

By this time they'd gotten to the Cast Member entrance, tucked into foliage. Sarah had stalked past them half a minute ago, clearly done with their conversation, leaving them alone.

Did he tell her now? Did he go back, change into his guest clothes, and come back out as Levi? He wanted to. He really did.

"I just feel you'll be disappointed." It was the most honest thing he'd told her as Jack. The most Levi thing.

Her eyes were full of faith. "I don't."

He never knew a heart could be so full and so heartbroken at the same time. 

"You're the one who gave me the courage to be here by myself, Jack. That made me feel I wasn't alone. That someone wanted me here," Nora said. "Thank you for that. I can sail on my own now."

"Nora—"

She threw her arms around him, causing him to almost stumble. Before he could decide to return it or not, she'd removed herself, giving him one watery smile before disappearing towards the Adventureland exit.

He stood still for too long, watching her go. He could wave at the moment as it passed him by, or he could take what he could, and give nothing back.

Levi rushed backstage, descending into the utilidor, washing his face quickly and changing, grabbing his stuff. It took over ten minutes even hurrying as fast as he could, racing to where he'd left Nora, back in his guest clothes.

This was the real deal. He wasn't going to blow telling her this time, no matter what happened.
He'd be honest. She deserved that much. He couldn't keep this going forever. And the longer he did, the worse of a friend he was.

He passed that gray morality area a long, long time ago.

His eyes hesitantly searched for her as he emerged. No one was around. 

Levi pulled out his phone, unlocking it. Staring at their text conversation. She'd sent a message about an hour ago with a picture of her with security behind her. "Guess who's home? If you're getting off, you should meet me."

He lowered his phone, tapping his index finger against the locked screen, his stomach all nerves. He texted her. "You still here?"

She replied quickly. "Leaving for the day, actually. Sorry."

"Are you still here?"

A picture of the hub appeared.

Levi tore off, slowing down every time he saw a Cast Member, always the rule follower.

Freaking Jack Sparrow could get away with running, but Levi couldn't. 

He had no idea how he caught up to her, but he found her. She must have been dragging her feet as she left, because she was only halfway down Main Street.

His feet pounded to a halt, startling her to turn around. He instantly put his hands on his knees, trying to get his breath back. God, he was out of shape. Sure, he could be on his feet all day, walk all day, but running in Florida humidity? 

"Nora."

"Um, hi?"

He was sweating, trying to get his breath back, his head down as he tried to get it together, mentally and physically.

"Are you okay?" she asked, hesitant.

"No. Yes. I mean," he panted, "I need to tell you something."

She said nothing. She was really in a bad mood if she was this quiet. And it was his fault.

Levi straightened for the first time since catching up to her, feeling as if the words out of his mouth may as well be a noose around their relationship. He opened his mouth, took a breath—

"You."

His face contorted in confusion. "Yes?"

"You." He'd never seen her furious before, but it was obvious in the redness of her face, the sharp set of her eyebrows. Nora reached up, poking his upper lip hard.

Instead of skin, it landed on his mustache. His mustache that he'd forgotten to take off.

"You." The word had grown into a tempest. She stood there, hands balls into fists, shoulders trembling, looking ready to slap him on Main Street of all places.

Levi ripped the mustache off, the adhesive smarting and sticking to his fingers. "That's what I came to tell you."

Her face was all disapproval. "Oh really? Because you couldn't have thought of a better time to tell me?"

Her voice was raising. Other guests and Cast Members were giving them looks. He knew better than to ever tell a girl to quiet down, and instead said in a hushed voice, "I should have told you, but I didn't think it'd get this involved."

Nora stared. "Levi, we've been hanging out for months, multiple times a week. How is that not getting involved?"

"I know, I know. It was really stupid. And by the time I thought to tell you, you announced to me that you liked the guy."

Her cheeks turned pink. "So it was perfectly fine to lie to me before that?"

"Of course it wasn't! But," he lowered his voice again, mortified, "I didn't want to lose you. Ever since you first started visiting, you were my favorite. And so I wanted to get to know you more. And I should have told you, but the rules are pretty iffy on guest interaction outside of the costume and it sounded stalker-ish—"

"You think? God, Levi. It's like it was all fake now. How do I know you weren't acting around me as Levi?"

"I wouldn't do that. I'm just this awkward, introverted guy who has no idea how to talk to women."

She stared. "Are you kidding? Your job is to be attractive."

Heat rushed into his neck and ears. "No, my job is to be him." He couldn't even say his name. "And I'm not that guy, Nora. Which I'm sure you've figured out. And I tried warning you. I didn't want you to have false expectations." 

"And now I don't have any expectations. What did you think was going to happen? I don't even know how you feel about anything! I literally came to say goodbye to you forever because you've been driving me crazy!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how to interact with you. I should have told you."

Her hand came to her forehead. "And Oliver knew. He knew this whole time."

A smarting of protectiveness flung its way into his words. "Don't blame Oliver. He wanted me to tell you myself. And I kept trying, I swear I kept trying, I was going to tell you on Sunday—"

"Months after we've met!" She flinched at the loudness of her own voice, switching to a whisper yell as other guests looked over, "I've told you I liked him and you didn't say a word!"
"I was going to tell you now. I ran to come here and tell you, I swear."

"I know. But for the time being, I can't trust you. How could I trust you, after that?" She blinked a few times, wiping at her eyes with her arm. "Look, this is a lot to take in. I need time to think about it."

Levi took a deep breath, expecting more.

Expecting worse. She said nothing else. "Okay."

"Don't text or call or anything. I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk."

He heard the unspoken words, If I'm ever ready to talk. His heart sank. "Okay."

She gave him one last final look, sad and disappointed, before following the tracks to the front gate.

Levi looked after her, wondering why he hadn't summoned the courage to tell her the second they'd met. Wondering what would have happened if he had.
         

Nora hadn't gone home. That would have been the smart thing. Sure, she'd left the Magic Kingdom, and she needed to be in a quiet place to think, but it felt wrong to leave her happy place at such a dire moment. 

So she went to Animal Kingdom and sat along the Gorilla Falls Exploration Trail, which was basically the quietest place at Disney. Fortunately, it was a cooler evening and it was open until sundown, which was fast approaching. Most other guests were in other areas in the park, already done watching the animals for the day. The Cast Members stationed nearby who normally gave educational talks on the animals seemed to know she needed time by herself and didn't bother her, trying to instead give her some space as she watched the gorillas go about their late afternoon.

It was awful that she wished Levi was with her.

She wasn't as mad as she thought she'd be. She'd cried on the way over here in the car, but it was probably more about her own stupidity than being lied to. And she was mad at him. How could he be friends with her and not tell her he was Jack Sparrow? He'd known who she was this whole time and hadn't said a word. He'd just kept it to himself every time he'd met up with her, every time he'd texted her, every time she went to go see the infamous captain. Was he that oblivious to how she'd felt about him as Jack before she'd told him?

But it was stupid, falling for a character. Why would he have guessed that she liked him? Or at least continued to pursue him despite how stupid it was. But no, she just had to think of ridiculous things like how Peter and Wendy over at Disneyland had gotten married in real life. Yes, dreams came true, but that didn't mean you should bet that the meet cute is going to turn into something magical. Magic happened, but it didn't usually happen to you and it wasn't always trustworthy. Real life was more than magic.

She should have just fallen for Levi. Levi, with his cute little smile, his quiet presence, his kindness. But even that wouldn't have helped her in the end because he was the one who had lied. He hadn't been trying to keep up his professional persona as Jack when he was Levi. Instead, he'd hid it. Knowing how obsessed she was with Jack, he only ever hinted that it was a bad idea to like him. And why? Because he didn't actually like her back? 

It was even more mortifying, thinking that he probably didn't like her as more than a friend. He obviously didn't like her enough as a friend to even tell her the truth, so why would he have a crush on her?

Then there was Oliver, who made her want to scream. Stupid, perfect Oliver, with his sudden friendship with Levi. Who had lied to her about Levi being Jack Sparrow. Oliver, who maybe had a crush on her, but still seemed to look out for Levi first, for whatever reason. Which she was glad about because Levi needed friends more than she did, which made her more angry that she cared so much about his well-being when it felt like he didn't care about hers at all.
She looked up at the sky. This was seriously worse than crushing on Jack Sparrow, because at least that was just some one-sided crazy Nora thing. The stupid boys just had to make everything this much more complex after she'd tried untangling her own mess.

"Oh, sweet gorilla friends, you are so lucky you aren't driven apes," she muttered as she watched them wander about without a care in the world. 

With that, she began walking, done with Disney for today. Done with Levi and Oliver for who knew how long.

Bugga, am I right?

That was a long chapter. Let me know what you think in the comments! And thanks for reading this far <3

Question of the Chapter: If you could meet any Disney character (actor or real) who would it be?

-Flips