The air was thick with the sticky scent of spilled beer and sweet liquor. Bodies writhed on the dancefloor, hairlines damp with sweat, limbs drunkenly crashing into each other and bouncing off walls and furniture. In the living room, aspiring DJs tussled for the iPod, with each song barely managing thirty seconds before it was switched – much to the dismay of the dancers. In the kitchen it was quiet enough to talk, but vodka had loosened the teenagers' tongues and speech came out in slurred yells.

"Can I get your phone number?" It was one shout straining above many and it was lost and forgotten immediately in the blur of noise, but to seventeen year-old Dan it was a lot more than just three seconds of drunken communication in a house full of talking. It had taken him approximately three months and eleven days to work up the courage to let free those words, and a considerable amount of alcohol. He held his breath, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Well, okay I guess." Callum said. His wide blue eyes were glazed, and Dan blamed the beer for his fumbling response.

Callum was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. He was on the football team, obviously, and had a set of glistening, chiselled abs to show for it. He had sandy blonde hair carefully shaved at the sides to create just the right level of edginess and a nose piercing to show that he was alternative. He wore leather jackets and skinny jeans but, more importantly to Dan, he could quote Shakespeare like no one else. Dan hadn't admitted it to anyone, but Callum had Dan's heart wrapped eight times around his little finger.

"Do you wanna just stick it in my phone?" The words came out so fast Dan wasn't sure if Callum had understood, but he took the offered phone.

"Er, sure." Callum typed quickly, thrusting the phone back into Dan's hands as if it burned. He turned away immediately, pushing past a group of girls and disappearing out of the door, but Dan was ecstatic.

He had Callum's number, finally after all these months. Callum, with the dreamy air of distance and apathy that could so easily have been unbearable if it wasn't for the quiet and intense passion for literature that he was not in the least afraid to admit. Callum, with the periwinkle blue eyes and hair like buttercups in the sunshine. Callum, with the husky voice and the-

"Oi, out of the way, she's gonna chunder!"

Dan jumped hastily to one side as a short girl barged past pulling a friend along behind her and just about getting her to the sink in time.

Absentmindedly, he wandered out into the garden. Should he text Callum straight away, or would that seem too keen? In the movies they always waited til the next day. Maybe it was a politeness thing, to give the other person the chance to blame it on a drunken mistake. Dan tried not to think about what he'd do if that happened.

Callum knew Dan was gay of course, everyone did. He was out and proud, sort of. And he'd never spoken a word to Callum before in his life, so hopefully he had got the message that it wasn't just a social thing. Dan was not interested in being just friends. He wanted to wake up to Callum's broad shoulders each morning and fall asleep to the soft tones of his voice.

Happily, Dan went to find another drink.

****

hey :3 it's dan! you gave me your number last night but you might not remember haha. how are you?

Should he put any x's? Just the one seemed too formal somehow, but would more than that be forward? He settled for two, squeezed his eyes shut and hit send.

****

Every minute that slipped by was agonising. He'd already waited the whole morning holding back from texting, and now he was waiting for a reply. Surely Callum had seen it by now? What was he doing that kept him so busy he hadn't even checked his phone? Was he going to reply at all? What was going to happen on Monday morning at college? He checked facebook again, and his heart sank suddenly as if he had been hit in the stomach. That green dot. Callum was online, but he hadn't replied to Dan's text.

Abruptly, Dan fell into misery. This was it then. Callum was definitely ignoring his text, for whatever reason. He padded barefoot into the kitchen, located a spoon and headed straight to the freezer. This was a chocolate ice-cream from the tub level problem.

****

Dan's phone buzzed and he reached for it so violently that he threw his spoon across the room in the process. It took him three attempts to unlock it, his hands were trembling so much. He could see the notification – one new message, Callum Holland – and he almost didn't want to read it for fear of what it might say.

Hey! yeah, I'm good thanks ^^ how are you? xx

Dan couldn't help himself, his mouth stretched into a wide grin that try as he might he couldn't pull off his face.

I'm good! how's the hangover? haha xx

-

Feels like a herd of giant caterpillars that are all late for work in my head. some night, huh? Xx

-

Hahaha yeah, it was pretty good :) what time did you get home? Xx

-

Not till like, 3am lol, what about you? Xx

-

I must have left before you, didn't see you though haha like 2.30 xx

-

Awesome ^^ soo what are you up to? Xx

-

Not much haha, just watching tv

Dan erased the message angrily. He needed to remember who he was talking to. This wasn't your average acquaintance making situation where you use as many hahas as possible to ensure the conversation stays light-hearted and polite, this was Callum Holland, resident Shakespeare expert. Dan needed to impress him, not just be ridiculously generic for the sake of not offending him. He needed to start being witty and intelligent. He blinked. Well, maybe not straight away, but he was sure it would come to him.

Battling my demons over daytime tv, yourself?

Was that too much? Maybe that was a little too heavy, they'd never spoken before after all.

Battling dragons and eating cereal, yourself? Xx

-

Fending off some puny cereal eating human who keeps poking me with a pointy stick xx

-

Dan snorted. He had to admit, this wasn't anything like what he'd expected Callum to sound like over text, but he was pretty funny.

Maybe we should just settle our differences and share the cereal xx

-

Not hungry, already ate everything you had in the cupboard sorry xx

-

Dammit xx

-

Then I flew away to the lonely mountain for a nap xx

Ps did I ever tell you I can fly?

I also speak 7 languages

-

Seriously?!

-

Yeah! My mother runs a drug cartel and she travelled all around the world with me while I was growing up, we learnt together xx

-

Hahaha ok xx

-

I'm being serious, I've never admitted that to anyone before :(

I don't know why I decided to tell you really

Considering we only just started talking

But you have that look about you

Like I could tell you anything

Did I tell you I have a twin?

He's in mexico

He's on the run

He killed a man

Actually, I killed a man, but he took the blame on account that we're identical and he wanted me to be able to go to university

Why aren't you replying?

Is this too much in one go

I'm still really drunk from last night I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm admitting all this :( :(xx

-

Hahaha maybe if you'd said france I'd have believed you, but mexico? Try harder xx

-

I think I'm in love

-

?

-

This Mexican girl I met

In mexico

Oops sorry I'm a lesbian forgot to tell you

-

Haha ok who is this? Does someone have your phone?

-

I didn't do a very good job of this did I? and there was so much potential. sigh. I'm a dude, sorry mate

-

??? well yeah you're a guy, what else would you be? what's going on? are you messing with me?

-

Oops I thought you thought I was a girl

-

Why would I think that ????

-

I'm really sorry but you've got the wrong number

I was trying to be funny

It didn't go well

I just assumed you were a guy who'd been harassing some girl in a club so she'd given you a fake number to get rid of you so I was going to play around a bit

But you didn't respond like I thought you would and we ended up talking so I panicked and just tried to weird you out because I couldn't admit it was a wrong number, you'd have been like why tf were you talking to me

Omg

I messed this up so bad

I'm sorry

-

Hahahah wow I was so confused

No worries man

:)

-

I'm sorry about the guy from last night :( you can do better! Have a nice day and sorry about your morning being weirded out by some socially inept stranger haha xx

-

Dan put his phone down on the table and slumped miserably into the sofa. Well, that was a hair raising ten minutes. So, Callum had given him a fake number. Monday was going to be unbearable.

****

*

I'm just going to vent to you because you can't judge me if you don't know me and I feel like I owe you some sort of payback for saturday

So they guy who I thought had given me his phone number right

He told literally the whole college that I had a crush on him

And he doesn't want to do the play that the drama department have been working on for literally months anymore because we're both in it and he said he 'doesn't want to lead me on'

Literally what a dick

I don't know who you are but if you own a large knife now's the time to let me know

-

That sucks :( I don't have a knife but I have a lightsaber, I can come and avenge you if you want?

-

Yes please.

You don't actually have to reply btw but I hope you don't mind me texting this number

-

Nah it's cool, tell me all your problems ^^

How old are you though? no offence intended but you sound like you could be kinda young so I feel a bit weird

-

I'm 17 haha you?

-

19 :) that's ok, not illegal. carry on

-

Maybe I'll just seduce you instead to make him jealous

-

Are you hot? I'm okay with that

-

Very. What's your name btw?

-

I am Sparta

No, striker

Iron man

Batman

Or Phil, if you prefer

-

I'm going with Striker

-

Good.

-

Where are you from?

-

Manchester, you?

-

Reading haha this is kinda cool, randomly connecting with a stranger across the country

-

We should fall in love and get married

-

It's a deal. So are you gay then?

-

Bisexual ^^ you?

-

Yeah I'm gay. quite a coincidence haha

-

Kinda is huh. So, Daniel, tell me about this boy who so cruelly deceived you

-

His name's callum

He's a dick

Apparently

Obviously I didn't think that before I texted him/you

-

List all the bad things about him

It'll make you feel better, I promise

-

Well. Where do I being

*begin

He's kind of pretentious

And up himself

So arrogant actually

But in a bad boy way

I think that's part of why I liked him

He wears leather jackets you see

-

*adds leather jacket to shopping list* carry on

-

He knows a lot of Shakespeare

-

*+ the complete works of Shakespeare*

-

And he can sing

-

Yeah

That's a lost cause

We'll skip that one

Anyway, I thought you were supposed to be listing the BAD things

-

Ok ok

He's mean to people he thinks are below him

Like stupid people

I can't stand that, actually

He's so contemptuous around people he thinks are stupid

Even though most of them aren't stupid, they're just not academic

He uses a lot of long words and when people don't know what they mean he explains it really scathingly, you know?

God he's such an asshole

Why did I ever like him

Thanks

I should be paying you more

You're good

-

It's on the house just this once because I was mean to you on Saturday

-

Haha nah that was fair enough, I probably would have done the same

Maybe wait till they ask for nudes

-

Then send them a picture of your left nostril

-

Exactly

-

Is it really awful now at college with this guy

Sorry to bring it up again

You don't have to talk about it

I just remember things like that happening and it was the worst

-

Yeah it is because he's playing the victim

He's all sad

Like 'I don't want to hurt him'

'no I can't walk down that corridor because dan's there and he might see my face and cry :/'

-

God he sounds awful

You should spend all day tomorrow texting me

Tell him I'm your boyfriend

Then when he asks why you wanted his number you can act all horrified and be like 'I wasn't interested in you'

Stress the 'you' too to make it extra offensive

-

That's actually a pretty good idea, can I do that?

-

Yes do

-

Excellent. I'm going to bed now but I'll talk to you tomorrow. Night striker

-

:)

-

****

*

****

Good morning boyfriend

-

Hey sexy

-

We had some really great, hot sex last night right

-

Right. Especially when you did that thing with the plunger. Like woah

-

Omg

I'm not showing him that

I'm trying to get him to read over my shoulder

So it doesn't just look like I'm saying it to save my wounded pride, you know?

Say something cute

-

Bunnies

-

...

-

I like your butt

-

Still no

-

I like your ears

-

Um...

-

Fine

Jesus

Hey baby

Your floor is hard as fuck

But I'd lie there for hours just to spend five minutes in your bed

Also

Um

I didn't get much sleep last night

But that's alright

It was worth it just to see you move the hair from your eyes and smile like you do

-

Are those song lyrics? They sound like song lyrics

-

...maybe

But it's okay it's a really indie band he won't know it and he'll feel attacked because I'm more poetic than him

And you said he likes Shakespeare

-

Okay keep going he's right behind me

-

How long is your hair? There are a lot of lyrics about hair

But it's about a girl with long hair

So it might not work

-

Not long enough. Try something else

-

There's only one place that I want to be

Home with you

So I can hear you breathe

-

A bit too intense for a tuesday morning english lesson

-

For god's sake. Ok.

This one's my favourite but I'm not sure how to make it work

I'm gonna have to mix it up a bit, bear with

That shirt looks better on you than it ever could on me

You looked so beautiful last night

Let's just go home

Choose your favourite record and I'll choose mine

We can drink evening coffee just to pass the time

Then it gets a bit saucy maybe

-

Don't worry I did it

You should have seen his face

Thank you <3

-

Any time. Helping defend the world from assholes one lyric at a time

-

You're much cooler than him anyway

-

I agree. Still haven't bought that leather jacket yet though

-

That's okay, you can have mine. I bought it to impress him but it looks really stupid on me

-

I've never worn a leather jacket before, idk if it'll suit me

-

Well what do you look like?

You don't have to answer that if it's weird

-

What do you think I look like, based on how I talk?

-

Four arms and snakes for hair

-

Not far off

You have brown hair

And you're small maybe?

-

Hair yes, small no

-

Tall but skinny then

-

Yeah

You're tall too

I don't know about hair but I just sort of pictured you as tall dark and handsome

Sorry

-

That's pretty accurate

I have black hair

Well it's dyed but that's not important

-

That's ok, I straighten mine so we're both fakers

-

I straighten mine too oops

-

Do you have tattoos?

-

Nope

-

Dammit

-

Sorry I'm not very badass

Not like callum </3

-

That's ok

I think he was too badass for me really

I was kind of intimidated by him

That's no good for a relationship

-

You're right it's not

Me on the other hand, I'm great. I'll play Mario kart with you while he's out doing drugs

-

Deal Pokémon cards, not drugs kids

-

My mantra

-

I have to go the teacher is giving me evils

-

Ciao ^^

-

****

I'm on my lunch break but none of my friends are in uni rn so I'm sitting in the café on my own like a loser :)

I figured I'd text my boyfriend so as not to seem so lonely

-

What are you eating?

-

Tuna and cucumber sandwich

-

Rate it out of 10

-

7 fish

The cucumber is too thin

It's gone soggy :/

-

That's no good, no one likes soggy cucumber

-

Ok I have devoured the soggy sandwich, bye boyfriend

-

Bye striker

-

***

I'm eating alone again :))

Egg and cress this time

-

White bread or brown?

-

Wholemeal

I prefer white

But it's all they had

The cress is soggy too :( :(

Everyone can see how lonely I am help

-

Now you're not eating alone

Hello

This is what I look like ^^

-

Omg hai

You're not 50 that's good

Ok I'm trying to take a selfie walking down the road and everyone's giving me weird looks

I might wait till I'm back in my room

I didn't have any toast to hold so here is a sock :3

-

Well hey there

This might be creepy but you have really nice eyes

-

You have nice hair!

-

Literally straightening it right now haha

-

Nice ghd's :P

Did you change?

-

Yeah I'm going out, toast and jam was fuel

-

Have fun!

-

***

10/10 sandwich

-

:(

-

Oh no. is that just-add-water macaroni cheese???

-

Yes. I have made a terrible mistake

-

I'm so sorry. It's the worst. I hate cheese anyway, but it doesn't even taste like cheese it tastes like fake cheese

-

Yes !! like quavers or cheese crisps in the worst possible way

-

I'm so sorry, do you want half this sandwich?

-

Pls

-

****

IMPORTANT!!!! Do you like dogs?

-

Yes???!! Of course

If you don't like dogs you are inhuman and/or probably a robot

-

I made a friend on the way home

It broke into the school grounds somehow haha

-

:O :O :O

Take it home

Mail it to me

-

I tried but the owner spotted me and now I'm in prison

-

I'll bail you out

-

Thanks

-

***

Daaaan

I'm bored

Uni is so boring

Weekends are the worst

You feel so cooped up in your tiny room

But there's nowhere else to go

And you can't just watch tv 'cos you don't have a tv

But you can't go anywhere or do anything because you have no money

And also you know you probably should be writing some essay

I'm bored

Entertain me

Daaaaan

DANIEEEL

Fine

Enjoy your busy life full of things

See if I care

You're so annoying

-

How do you know I'm annoying if you've never met me

-

I can tell

My spidey senses tingle

-

You're the one sending me a hundred texts while I'm at a family lunch and getting me into trouble

-

Oops

I'm not sorry though

It worked

You're here

-

I'm hiding in the toilet but now I have to go otherwise they'll think I'm taking a shit

-

Ugh

You're the worst

Dan

Dan?

Ugh

I hate you

-

***

*

Everyone still thinks I have a boyfriend

I told them you live in Manchester but now they want to see pics

-

Haha ok I'll take a super-hot boyfriend selfie

What have you told them about me?

-

Well all I knew was that you had black hair

So they asked if you were emo and I said yeah hahah

-

Lol ok here is emo phil

/striker

-

Nice

Thank you <3

That hoodie looks comfy btw

-

It really is. smells nice too.

-

I told them it was mine and you're borrowing it because it smells like me :)

-

Omg

Wow

It's funny because my friend was in my room while I was taking that and she asked who it was for and I said my boyfriend hahaha

-

Show her a pic

Tell me what she says

Hi ^^

-

She says you're cute

(you are btw)

(oops)

-

You're cuter ^-^

-

Oh stop it you

Typical dan

What are you like

-

:3

Haha

Really though we should find out things about each other

Let's play 20 questions

-

Okay

-

***

This Christmas tree is bigger than the house

It's not even December yet!!!

-

Lonely sandwich time again :(

-

Eating together again. Does this make this a date?

-

;)

-

:O

-

literal boyfriends

-

-

omg
you're so cute help

-

***

Look what I bought!!! Result of 20 questions

Basically I wanted to impress you

But also I'm so happy I found someone who loves muse as much as they deserve

-

Well hey there

Look I found a one point colour filter on my phone

Look dan

Look how arty I am

-

I'm too busy looking at how cute you are

-

Are you flirting with someone you've never met before young man

Did your parents teach you nothing?!

I'm just words on a screen

I could be an android

-

Idc, you're a cute android

-

Wanna have hot robo sex?

-

I'll bring the oil

-

***

Happy Christmas boyfriend!

-

Omg

Happy Christmas :3

My family always insist on going out for dinner

Festive toilet selfie

-

:O :O

I wish you were my real boyfriend

You're really hot

Help

-

This might sound weird but can I call you? I'm so bored I want to stab myself with a Christmas cracker

+ I want to know what your voice sounds like

-

.Call ended: Striker. 1 hour 11 minutes.

-

Good luck with the itchy jumper and happy Christmas again!! <3

-

****

Do you think it's weird that we've been texting almost every day for 6 months now but we still haven't added each other on facebook

I had to tell all my friends that you didn't have one

They still think you're my boyfriend btw

-

Same lol

Do you want to add me?

My name's Phil Lester

I promise I'm not 50

-

Ahh that's where I was going wrong, I was looking up striker :/

-

Striker is my secret agent name

-

Ok I added you

-

I'm going to message you

We're really taking this relationship to the next level ;)

-

****

.Call ended: Striker. 28 minutes.

-

Thanks, sorry about that

-

Don't be silly, call me any time okay? And punch that dude in the oesophagus, you hear me

-

<3

-

****

-

....

Dan no

-

It's too late for Dan. You're next. Love, Brian the furby

-

****

Ugh sorry skype cut off

Uni wifi is the worst

Sleep well <3

-

****

.3 missed calls: striker bae.

-

Phil?

I tried to call you back but you didn't pick up

Are you ok?

-

.Call ended: striker bae. 27 minutes.

-

You have to give me credit, it could only happen to me

-

You literal spoon

Make sure you do go to a&e though

It could be infected

I'm on the way to Manchester right now to avenge you

-

Squirrels beware, I hear dan killed a mountain troll with his bare hands

You should come visit me though

-

I should

-

****

I don't want to go to this lecture save me

-

There's a girl on this bus with hair like yours J

-

You're the worst

-

****

Geeet ooon skyyyyyypeeeeeee

-

****

.Call ended: striker bae. 1 hour 51 minutes.

Have fun at the party <3

-

****

I'm going to have to agree

Pretty darn good

-

You eat a lot of sandwiches

I thought you weren't supposed to be able to afford to buy food like that at uni

You live off stale bed and forage in the bins

-

Well yes we do a fair bit of that too

But when i'm feeling particularly lonely I have to find comfort food

-

I should go to Manchester uni next year

Then I won't let you be lonely

-

What subject are you doing?

I'll be in my last year

But pls yes

-

I think law

I don't really know

Manchester's really good for law though

-

It is

It's supposed to be so hard though

-

I haven't been to any open days or anything yet

-

You can come visit me at uni, I'll give you a proper tour

-

I can't tell how serious we are about this

-

I think at this point it would actually be weirder not to ever meet

-

I think you're right

-

I usually am

-

Your mum

-

Skype?

-

With your mum? Sure

-

****

'why are you so smiley, phil? It's a 9am lecture. You're not supposed to be happy'

'skpyed dan for 6 hours last night and he fell asleep on cam. It was really cute'

'how long have you guys been together now? I think you should get married'

It's official

My friends ship us

-

****

Danieel

How afe you ???

I'm ggod

:))

We fjnisjed 3 wjole botrless lol

-

Go home phil you are drunk

-

I a at home!!! We habn't legt ttet

I spillrd beer on myself

It looks like I peed

-

I think you did pee, phil. You should clean that up

-

I diddnt! Pee

I would kno if I had peed Daniel

Because I still need to pee nkow

I'm going to pee

-

Good luck

-

I missed

A girl told me I was pretty bur I told her I habe a boyfried

Have I taken this too far

It was bc all my ftiends are here and they all think I'm with you so the'yed have got mad

But she was pretty

I turned her doen for you

<3

-

Aw bae

I'm prettier than her

-

You are probably

You're relly pretty

You have really lobg eyelashes

I might actually have a crush on you

Idk

We'be nere met

But like

I feel like if we did

I'd marry you

-

Let's meet then

-

Ok

Dan?

-

Yes?

-

I want to touch your skin

-

Um..

-

Nt in a weird way

Like your face or something

It looks rlly ptetty

You have nice lipes too

Nice everything

You're nice

-

So are you

I like your eyes a lot

I feel like skype doesn't do them justice

And since you're drunk I can admit things

I feel like you smell nice probably

-

I want to smll you

-

Same

-

It hurts when we skype

Like I can see your bed and your blanket and our armsm

And I just

Want to be there

I wnt to know what your arm feesl like around ne

So bad

-

Same

I'm not drunk I'm not allowed to be saying stuff like thi

-

Ok they're making me go out now

Bye boyfriend <3

-

Bye phil

-

****

-

I want to get skype on my phone so I can carry you around with me always

-

That would be cool, let's do that

You can skype me in your lectures if they get boring

-

You can skype me while you're peeing

-

Ew

It's downloading

-

Ha my phone is faster than yours

-

Stop calling me!!!

I haven't figured out how to mute it yet

I'm in a lesson

-

Are you doing lots of learning

-

No I'm texting you you nugget

-

Bad

You won't get into Manchester if you don't study

I'm going

And I'm not talking to you again until you've done that coursework

-

You're mean

Oi

Phil

Philllll

We can skype now

OI

That's mean

I am going to do it

I just need moral support

It would motivate me more if I could see your cute ass face

Or your cute ass

PHIL

I'm not writing a single word until you skype me

Only has to be 5 mins

Just to put me in a good mood

So the writing will be better

Because I feel shit

Phhhhiiiiiiilllippppppp

-

:)

Ok I'm writing now

Bye <3

-

<3

-

***

wake up

i'm going to keep calling until you do

the birds woke me up its not even 8 but i've never felt so chirpy

that skype sound is going to get real annoying real soon

-

-

i'm so hungover

it's 7.45 i hate you

-

*****

4 weeks

-

<3

-

****

***

1 week and 14 days

-

So, 3 weeks

-

...

No that makes it sound too far away

-

<3

-

****

-

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

-

****

* * * *

****

I miss you

-

I love you

-