Wow, so..... this is embarrassing. I've basically blipped off the grid for like,,,, eons now with my last updates being like "oh I've got the next chapter written up, I'll have it typed up and posted within the next couple of days!!"

......yikes haha

Anyway, hi, all. Thanks to those of you who have stuck around through the tumble weeds lazily blowing across the ghost town that is my profile as of late 😭

Thought I'd hop on and give some life updates, as well as some info about the futures and updates for my works, as well.

Since I last updated, I had green hair and had some issues, but nothing close to what they are, now. (I'll include some recent pics and things at the end).

Boy where do I even begin.

Okay, I'll start at the beginning of my sophomore year. So, August of 2022. Gosh that's crazy to think it's been only not even a year yet feels like it's been like 5. Anyway, yeah, we'll start back in August of last year.

On second thought, let me back and start a bit before that in the summer of 2022. Essentially my mom encouraged me to look into getting diagnosed in order to help me better understand my mental health as well as have access to better resources to cope with my mental issues and so on. I'm extremely thankful and lucky I had the privilege to be able to get diagnosed, as I know so many people don't have that luxury.

Anyway, I went, met with a psychologist for a "therapy" type meeting, then went back and met with an actual psychiatrist who was able to do some tests and talk further with me. He determined that I had clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, social phobia, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I was put on meds to help with the ADHD and anxiety, starting with a low-dose, natural medicine that wasn't a controlled substance and would be easier to get than like Adderall or Ritalin. So that's some context for some stuff that happens later, that way it makes more sense.

At the beginning of the semester, my aunt who I'm staying with and who's like my second mom, told us that the floorboard were squishy and that wasn't normal. She and my uncle were working day and night to try to find out what was happening, when eventually it became apparent that a water line had burst somewhere in the house and the water had leaked up under part of the floor.

They eventually found the faulty pipe, but by that time we had also learned that the entire floor was going to have to be ripped out due to water damage.

A day before school started, my uncle never came home after leaving for the day.

The pit in my stomach was insane, yall. Literally couldn't eat, sleep, drink, focus, anything. I was worried like crazy because I didn't know what was going on; no one would tell me anything.

While this is happening, we are told we are going to be moving out and into an Air B&B in a week because the water damage extended to 3 feet up the walls on the ground floor and they were going to have to completely gut basically the entire downstairs floor and replace everything.

A couple of days go by, and I am then told that I couldn't take my dog with me, because instead of a small house the insurance company promised us, we would be staying at a nearby hotel for a couple of days until they COULD find a home.

A couple of days into moving my life into the small living area of a hotel room, I was told we would be living there for 6 weeks.

We ended up staying indefinitely.

For about 9 weeks, I was living out of my car  and the living area of a hotel room. I can't count the number of times I have stepped out of the elevator onto my floor and was just hit by a palpable wall of weed smoke. The room always smelled like marijuana, and soon all of my clothes constantly smelled like weed. I didn't get much sleep while I was there; the constant music from upstairs coupled with the constant lights from the police brigades in the parking lot made sure of that.

As all of this was happening, my uncle turned out to be a complete liar and he and my aunt were and still are going through one of the nastiest divorces I've seen. It really took a toll on me. And especially on my classes. I had been having a hard enough time bouncing from medicine to medicine, none of them working and some making me extremely sick to the point where I was having whole-body tremors and black-out spells during class and had to leave.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS NEXT PART!!! ⚠️

I nearly committed suicide in October. I was going to overdose on my ADHD medication and just didn't think I could do it anymore. I was beyond exhausted on every level and just didn't see a way out.

Luckily my friends and family were able to talk me out of it and bring me through to the other side, but it's been rough.

⚠️END OF SENSITIVE TOPIC⚠️

To backtrack just a bit, near the beginning of the semester, I hadn't been able to make it to one of my astronomy class meetings, since I was moving my stuff from my house into the hotel. I explained the situation I was in and the reasoning for my not being there on the class group chat that had been set up, and my classmates assured me that they would relay any information about assignments to me. I thanked them, and kept chatting back and forth with this one person in particular.

I was up doing homework, but at this point it was nearly 1 in the morning. The person that kept chatting with me ended up private messaging me since he didn't want to keep blowing up everyone else's phones in the group since it was 1 in the morning lol. We made small talk and he even offered to bring me energy drinks or coffee if I were to need it.

I thought it was super sweet, but I was also a little suspicious because any time a dude started talking one on one with me like this unprompted usually ended badly. I was also just finally starting to be satisfied in being single and learning to love myself and my freedom from worrying about having or finding a relationship.

Well. I'll tell you how that went.

This past Friday, the 7th, was our 6 months. And let me tell you guys, never in a million years did I ever think I would ever be as happy as I am with this man.

I was with my ex boyfriend for longer than this, and yet Justin (my boyfriend now) seems to know me on such a deep level, and has even been to Disney with me and my family. (It was literally such an awesome trip, I was so happy he got to come).

But yeah, he's literally been the thing helping me hold on and push through this whole time. I never thought I'd be this happy and find someone who I can TRULY be myself with, and who made me feel safe and at home. Because up until this point, I had a crippling fear of intimacy with anyone. I guess because my other relationships have ended with my exes ex-communicating and acting like I don't exist anymore. (Which honestly in certain cases, is probably a good thing). But yeah, he helped me overcome that fear and I'm just shocked by the progress I've made in letting myself trust another person how I trust him.

Anyway, speed running this next bit.

Around Halloween, I actually got to see Beetlejuice the musical live in New York before it closed, also got to see my art piece on the Marquis wall (it's the piece with Beej hovering over the set), and happened to run into Alex Brightman after the show (he didn't stage door that night) and got to give him a drawing I had done. (Ignore how bad I look in this photo, I was trying not to cry and piss myself)

Chopped my hair into a mullet (literally one of my fav haircuts I've ever gotten) and am super happy with my style lately.

(Ignore my weird pose/face, my friend took a screenshot of one of the video rants I had sent to her😂)

Got into the graphic design program at my college (which may change if my mental health doesn't improve).

Went to Disney with my family and boyfriend. Got to ride Cosmic Rewind and it's definitely topped Aerosmith's Rock n' Rollercoaster as my fav Disney coaster. Also got a crap ton of Figment merch bc he's my fav and I love him.

(Crying at my brother's expression behind me 😂)

(Not only did they pull a Mike Wazowski with the watermark over my face, but I also look goofy as heck while Justin's over here lookin like he's in Top Gun 😭😭😭)

(Lol me and my sister on the bus to Hollywood Studios. Everyone was unnerved by the gender-swap filter 😂)

Started having frequent panic attacks in big crowds and when stressed out. Talked to my therapist and after talking about my symptoms of day-to-day things, as well as hallucinations I have regularly, and have a high likelihood of having high-functioning autism, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. I'm not officially diagnosed for any of these, but I'm hoping to meet with my psychiatrist to discuss getting diagnosed and getting help with what I need to. So haven't been doing super well in that regard in particular, but doing my best.

And then finally, my baby boy Bandit (who when I last wrote was a little over a year old and around 85 pounds. He is now just over 2 years old and about 170-80 pounds haha. He's a big ole teddy bear who own my whole heart.

(Some extra little funny ones below)

(Me tattooing my friend with my tattoo markers lol)

Now, what about my works?

Well, I'm not going to pretend they're going to be updated any time soon. But I'll try to go through them and give you at least an idea of what I'm intending to do in coming updates.

"A Perfect Broadway Cover-Up (Alex Brightman/Beetlejuice x Reader)"

I still fully intend on updating this one! I actually have a bit of the next chapter written, but am just slow pumping this one out, I don't want to give away the reveal too quickly but don't want to bore you guys with fluffy "lard" (as my favorite English tutor so lovingly called the unnecessary bits in writing 😂).

But yeah, I still really love the premise and idea behind this story, and plan on picking it back up after the semester ends.

"The Devil on My Shoulder (Beetlejuice x Reader)"

Whoooooo boy this is one of my personal faves. This one was almost becoming like a personal diary with me just inserting Beej into my everyday life, and it was just so easy to write. I also fully intend on continuing this one as soon as I can. I really really enjoy it, like I said.

"Time Ends (Sequel to Timeless)"

This one's a little more tricky. I have a hard time updating this one a lot of the time just because the story is very complex and a little slower on the uptake. I still plan on continuing and hopefully finishing it out when I have more time after the semester ends, but we will see for sure if that's the case. The updates for this one are definitely going to be slower.

And then finally:

"Twisted Timelines (Kuzco x Reader)"

Y'all, imma be honest, this one started as an off-the-cuff on a whim kinda fic, and I think the lack of updates kinda tells that for a fact 😭

I just literally have no inspo at the moment when it comes to that story, which is why it is currently on hiatus until further notice. I'm really sorry for all the people foaming at the mouth in my comments, I know how badly you guys are wanting and anticipating the next chapter, but I just got nothing for you at this time.

Do I plan on continuing it?

Yes.

When?

No clue. When I have more inspiration for it. One day when I got nothing else going on (which is rare, but it does happen on occasion) I'll binge The Emperor's New Groove, the sequel, and then the tv series, and maybe that'll help get the creative juices flowing, but until then we all just gonna have to work with the 4 chapters that are available right now 😭

Again, I apologize for the delay and the not-so-stellar news, but I promise it'll be worth it in the end.

Because that's what I want to present to you guys, quality works that aren't rushed or scuffed just because I'm trying to push stuff out on a schedule or super quickly or whatever the case may be. I'd rather take a little more time (or a lot more time... 😳😅) to produce something that I'm proud of and that I know you guys will love, then quickly pump out garbage that I know I could do better at and that you guys are disappointed by.

With all that having been said, I am semi-dormant on here for the time being, and haven't even touched my notifications tab in god knows how long. I am still on a somewhat-hiatus on my other social medias until the semester has ended, as well, but a little less so on some of those other social medias.

If you'd like to keep up with me as well as see some current art and other projects I'm working on, please feel free to follow me there!! I'll list what I have and what my tags are on each (ignore the slashes, I'm preventing Wattpad from thinking I'm tagging any accounts lol):

Instagram: @/jazzy_tapper_art

Twitter: @/JazzyTapper

Tumblr: @/jazzytapperart

Hive: @/jazzytapperart

Discord: @/JazzyTapper#3262

YouTube: @/JazzyTapper

Thank you guys all so much for sticking around even after all this time, and for those who are newcomers, welcome! I look forward to interacting with you all soon!!

Until next time, my lovely people!

~Smol Emo