I practiced some warm-ups before my audition started. 

Saying I was nervous would be the understatement of the century. I was absolutely, downright anxious to the core. Could barely think in a straight line. 

I mean, getting to understudy for Lydia would be huge. It was a crazy opportunity that I could never pass up, and knew that I'd never get again if I screwed this up.

So I had to be perfect. 

Which was the problem. 

I was trying to calm down my shaking hands and racing heart when they called my name and motioned for me to come into the room they were holding the auditions in. I took a deep, quivering breath before making my way into the room, wringing my hands to keep my mind off of them incessantly shaking.

I stood in front of several of the creative directors and other people in charge of overseeing casting, and tried not to pay too much attention to their unwavering stares. The last thing I needed right now was to have a panic attack in the middle of my audition. 

Because that probably wasn't too in-character for Lydia Deetz. 

One of the people at the table in front of me motioned for me to begin, so I closed my eyes, gathered my thoughts, and let it all go as I started to sing....

XXXXXXX

I made my way down the city sidewalks to the Subway station, deep in thought. I was going to be an anxious wreck until I got the results from the auditions back. And, if I was being honest, a part of me was scared to get those results back. Partly scared in case I didn't get it, but also partly scared in case I did. I was worried I wouldn't be able to measure up in the role. Worried I'd mess it up, or ruin the show somehow. 

I knew these were just intrusive thoughts, deep down, but on the surface they seemed like very real and very logical problems to me in that moment. 

I sighed and rubbed my face tiredly. I just needed a good nap, that's all. Maybe I'd feel better when I woke up. 

I stepped into my apartment, careful not to wake my sister who was snoozing on the couch after a long day of school. Her birthday had been about a week ago, so she had had a hard weekend of party shenanigans with me and some of her newfound Juilliard friends. Not to mention a long week of school at college. 

I set down my bag and keys, going into my room and flopping onto my bed. I sighed. I closed my eyes, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. My mind wouldn't shut off. I sat up, scrolling through Tiktok and Instagram, feeling restless and anxious, no surprise. I heard a knock on my open door and looked up to find a refreshed-looking Lizzy standing in the doorway. 

"Hey, I've made pizza and queued up Vivo... I know how much you love that movie."

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Liz. I really appreciate it. It'll be a good distraction."

She smiled and nodded, turning and going back into the living room. I heaved myself off of my bed and followed her, grabbing a couple of slices of pizza from the kitchen before plopping onto the couch next to my sister. She pressed play on the remote, and immediately the lively music of the film starting playing happily through the speakers on my tv. I smiled, already feeling the worries and problems of the day fading away into the back of my mind. 

Because as long as I had people like my family and friends around me, it wouldn't matter what other people or my own intrusive thoughts had to say about me. Because they made me happy and made me feel worth it. 

And that's all that mattered. 

*****************************************************************************

*AUTHOR'S NOTE* 

Hey, all! I want to sincerely apologize for the super long wait on this book update, it's been a hectic life lately for me lol. 

I just moved to my college town a few weeks ago, and classes have started, and I'm only just now getting into a groove of things. But, having said that, I'm hoping that I can have a better schedule and be able to post way more frequently. 

I promise the next chapter is going to be longer, and I cannot wait to share what else I have in store with all of you! Thanks for sticking around, and I'll see you in the next chapter! Thanks for reading! 

Ciao, bellas! 

~Smol Emo