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❝ You're so beautiful it's riddikulus. ❞

"YOUR TOTAL IS $18.44," Charlotte recited to the older woman and her two young daughters.  She handed them their bag of books and their change. "Have a nice day!"

Without Hazel, Charlotte had to work extra at the bookstore. Everyone did.

Without her, it felt as if the whole world was at a standstill, a whole globe of people stuck in quicksand, barely moving along. Family dinners weren't the same, and neither was family movie night. In fact, the whole family wasn't the same.

Charlie had spent more time in her room than anywhere else, besides maybe Teddy's house or school.

Teddy.

Things with Theodore Orion had never been better.

Their friendship had increased to weird, made-up handshake level. Any time they saw each other, they'd have to slap hands and then bump fists and explode, and then wave their fingers and yell the first Harry Potter spell that came to mind.

He was perfect.

Speaking of perfect, the notes were absolutely perfect. Her collection of those miniature, folded pieces of paper had grown in the past months, filling her small wooden box that she had moved to her bedside table.

The box was overflowing with nerdy jokes and quirky pickup lines and lame, cheesy remarks. Like the note she had gotten today: You're so beautiful it's riddikulus. Gosh. What a nerd.

She had to admit, that was a good one. Harry Potter puns and a cheesy remark.  Nerdy, cheesy, and lame, all rolled into one.

It made her blush red enough to camouflage with Spider-Man's suit.

The more days that passed, the more confused she got. Every minute of the school day she was darting her eyes to the person next to her's writing to see if it matched up with the notes.

No luck yet.

Charlie was starting to wonder if she'd even find out who writes her the lovely notes.

Ever since she ruled out Teddy, she had been comparing the notes to his handwriting on the drawing of her he made (maybe just holding onto a sliver of hope that it was him who wrote them). Now that she looked it over, she realized that yeah, his handwriting wasn't exactly like the note-writer's. His handwriting was sloppy, one of the similarities to the note writer's. It was easily mistakable. Just she wasn't positive if it was a perfect pair. It was hard to tell.

(Again, she was clenching onto that thin piece of hope, dangling on the end of the very short string of possibility.)

She was also still hoping that the note-writer was maybe Malcolm, which was slightly impossible, but she could hope.

He had been absent a lot recently, because of...

Okay, there was no way it could be him. He was barely at school! He wouldn't be able to get her the notes.

Charlie created a deep growling noise in the back of her throat and she rubbed her sweaty hands on her jean shorts.

It always lead to a dead end.

The ring of the bell echoed in the small bookstore. Charlotte's elbows were rested on the wooden counter as she glanced up at the costumers, putting on a smile.  "Hi, and welcome to- why are you guys here?"

The two of them walked up to the counter, Teddy giving her a small, awkward wave, Shane winking towards her.

"Wanted to stop and say hello," Shane grinned, waltzing down an aisle. "This place is so cool."

"I'll tell my mother you said that. She's always fishing for compliments about the place."

Teddy smiled at her, pushing his square-rimmed glasses up his nose with his forefinger.  "'Sup."

She raised a hand, as did he, and they high-fived, pounded fists, and exploded out of it. She waved her finger at him and he wiggled his finger at her, Charlie yelling, "Avada Kedavra!" whilst Teddy shouted, "Expelliarmus!"

From the back of the bookstore, Charlotte and Theodore heard Shane loudly state, "Again, please don't do that in public."

Teddy blushed.

"So..." said a flustered Charlie, who was fiddling with the ends of her hair. "What are you guys up to?"

"I wanted to say hi and Shane decided to come with. Also, Malcolm wants to send his hellos."

"Why didn't he come too?" Charlie frowned, licking her lips.

Teddy's neutral expression and Shane's silence answered her. Violet.

She froze. Her chocolate-brown eyes widened and her throat emitted a strange groaning sound. "O-oh, oh, I-I didn't... I forgot, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's fine, Charlotte," Teddy sighed.  They had kind of steered clear of the whole 'Violet' subject the past week.

Charlie stared intently at the wooden counter, wanting to look anywhere but his eyes. "How... How's he holding up?"

"He's okay," he said quietly, resting his arms on the counter so his forearm barely touched hers. She felt goosebumps prick up on her pale skin.

Don't look up, don't look up.

Her eyes subconsciously darted up.

Theodore Orion Higgins's face had to be an inch away from hers. Not even.

His bulky glasses made his eyes look bigger up close. His eyes, so huge and blue, seemed to look endless. Vast and full of endless possibilities, almost like space.

Full of a certain mystery and infinite structure, both a piece of beauty that you could marvel for days on end.

His eyes were such a shade of blue Charlotte thought they were fake sometimes.   Every time she tried to describe or think of the color, she always went back to the ocean. The waves soothing and enticing, a deep shade of blue that left breath to linger. She found herself leaning closer and closer, his eyes luring her in, again, like a sailor being bated in by sirens.

His glasses were nearly touching her pale, pimply cheeks and she could swear, his eyes just seemed to become even more blue by the second. His eyes were so mesmerizing she nearly forgot her name.

Charlotte was vaguely aware of her ajar jaw and her bulging brown eyes and her crazed look and she intensely stared down the boy of waves and stars.

"I want to get these two books but I only have ten bucks on me curren-"

Both Charlie and Teddy leaped up from their heavy staring and Charlotte turned to glare at Shane.

"Oh. Did I....?" he asked, pointing back and forth towards Charlotte and Theodore's horrified faces. "Oh. Okay then. Well, I just need to buy this book and I'll just... Put down this other book... Scoot on out..."

Charlie sucked in a deep breath and bit her lip as Shane placed Mark of Athena on the counter.

"Get on with my life..." he mumbled as she silently checked him out.

"$8.99," she muttered, giving him the change.

He grabbed the book and tapped the cover a couple times, whistling to himself. "So..."

"I'll talk to you later, Charlie," Teddy said, a blush prominent on his face. He gripped Shane's elbow and began to drag him out of the bookstore. "Thanks!"

She half-waved to him and Shane as they walked out of the door.

"Anything for you," she whispered, glancing at the book Shane had put down because of his lack of money.

The title?

'Just Kiss Already'.

That little...

•|•|•

Pungent mahogany blood seeped through his clothes, staining the ground.

His face was so pale, so goddamn pale, and his eyes weren't glowing, weren't shining, weren't shimmering; lifeless and a cold, crushed, faded blue.

The blood just kept pouring and streaming out and Charlotte felt submerged in water, unable to breathe. She was sobbing and sobbing and using her hoodie to stopper the blood but it wasn't working, why wasn't it working, and the blood just kept flowing and flowing and flowing. God, his face was so gaunt. Her shaking hand reached out, slowly stroking his cold cheek, a tear dripping of hers dripping onto forehead, then sliding down his cheeks and over his chin.

"No," she choked out, her vision blurring from tears. "No, no, wake up, wake up! Wake up! No."

Her tears turned to hellish screams as she held his face in her trembling hands.  Charlotte's mouth was quivering and her whole body was wavering like an earthquake.

"Teddy," she mumbled, tears leaking over her cheeks. "Teddy. Teddy. Teddy."

Teddy. Teddy. Teddy. Teddy.

Teddy.

And then she woke up.

Charlie's heart was ready to leap out of her chest. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe and she was fucking terrified.

She dry-heaved into the trash bucket beside her bed, retching and gagging and sobbing and hyperventilating.

He was dead.

Charlotte's fingers flew to her phone, her lungs gasping for air. Her thumbs blindly and frantically pressed on his contact name.

Teddy Orion.

"T-Teddy," she sobbed.  "Teddy. Teddy."

"Charlotte," came his sleepy drawl. He yawned. "What's the matter?"

"You w-were dead, you were dead, and you c-could't... You didn't..."

"It's one in the morning, Charlie," he huskily mumbled. "Go to bed."

"I c-can't!" she whispered in horror, clinging to her blanket and sinking into her pillow.

"Y-you were dead," she mumbled with a hiccup. "You were dead."

All she could imagine was his limp body, the maroon blood oozing out. His dead eyes, no longer the happy-go-lucky, sparkling, bright blue. The ocean, frozen in a state of blankness, suspended in mid-wave. So real. So real.

"Teddy, Teddy, I need you," she sobbed hysterically, trying to be quiet because she didn't want to wake up her parents, but she couldn't help but let ugly sobs out. "I need you. I need you, Teddy. You were dead, you were dead, you were dead."

It was one of the only dreams she could remember what happened, and she was terrified. Trembling uncontrollably, crying beyond belief, rocking back and forth.

It was a good thing the walls were nearly soundproof. Her loud tears and noisy hiccups and anguishing screams would keep up the whole house.

Charlie just kept mumbling 'Teddy' or 'I need you' whilst sobbing horrifically.  He kept shushing her comfortingly, trying to calm her down.

"I c-can't," she stuttered. "I can't."  She was thrashing and trembling, the image of him laying dead on the ground haunting her sight.

"Charlie, take a deep breath," he said soothingly.

"I can't, Theodore," she shrieked, trying to keep her voice down. "Why don't you get that?"

The other line was silent as her tears kept falling.

And then the call ended.

She was frozen in shock for a couple minutes, never thinking that Teddy would end a call on her while she was in hysterics. He hung up on her.

Her tears became thicker and her breathing got worse, her head squished into her pillow to muffle her sobs. He was dead. He hung up. He was dead.

It was about five minutes later and she was still sobbing. The dream was haunting her, along with every other horrific thought of anything that could ever possibly happen. Her siblings, Hazel specifically, her parents, Malcolm, Shane...

And then a creaking sound stopped her from making her choked hiccups.

It was coming from the fire escape stairs besides her bedroom window.  Her tears were still steadily flowing over her cheeks, but she tried to keep silent.  The creaking was getting louder and louder, closed and closer. Charlotte tried to hide under her blankets, drying her still-flowing tears and praying it wasn't a murderer.

And then the creaking stopped.

(Along with her heart.)

Charlotte was trembling under her blanket. Her hands were clenched into fists, trying to control the shaking.

That was when she heard the knock on the window.

What the hell?

It was dark, so she couldn't tell who it was. But she had an idea...

Climbing out of her bed, pulling down her XXL t-shirt she used as pajamas so it covered her bare legs. She tiptoed over to the window, her bottom lip quivering and her heart shaking.  Silent tears were still racing down her face, a competition to see who would reach the ground first.  She peeked quietly out of the window.

It was him.

She speedily struggled to unlatch the window, opening it as quick as possible.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" she whispered in a stumble. She wiped her tears on her sleeve and stared big and wide into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"You needed me," he whispered, his black hair messily waving around in the slight breeze. He started to climb through the window, and she helped him through, holding onto his slightly muscular arm and dragging him over the windowsill.

He finally fit through the window, and silently jumped up, dusting off his gray hoodie.

She didn't even realize that tears were still dripping out of her eyes. It was silent as the two of them stared at each other, a million thoughts flying through Charlie's head. He drove here? For her? At one in the morning?

All of her questions faded when he wrapped his arms around her.

It was a Deluxe Teddy Hug.

His hands were by her waist, warm and comforting, his head stuffed in the crook of her shoulder. She was frozen, tears still trailing down her cheeks. She was completely ignorant to the fact that she was in just a shirt and underwear.

He was squeezing her close to him, not letting any air in between. Tight, but not painfully tight. Just right. That's what Theodore was. Just right.

His hug was so welcoming and supportive, holding her up as she sobbed onto his gray hoodie, whispering soothing words.

"You were dead," she broke down. "You were dead, and I couldn't do anything about it."

If Teddy was frightened by the fact she dreamt about him dying, he didn't show it. Instead he pulled back, lifted his index finger, and carefully wiped away a long row of tears that was currently sliding down her face as she held her breath the whole time.

"Thank you, I-" she hiccuped. "-I needed that."

He nodded briefly, his glasses sliding down his nose.

"Aren't y-you supposed to b-be at work?" she whispered, trying to steady her breath.

"I quit," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I have other things I'd rather be doing."

"Like sleep?" she offered.

He glanced at her. "Something like that."

It was silent. Silence forced her into thinking. Thinking drove her to bad thoughts. Thoughts of Teddy, dead in the road, blood seeping and dripping and o-

"Malcolm's had a crush on you since that theater camp you went to with him, you know," Teddy quietly blurted out, interrupting her horrific train of thought.

She took a seat on her bed, the blankets all messed up, flung everywhere. "Wh... R... Are y..."

Her mind was a mess and she closed her eyes. Why the hell was he throwing this new information on her?

He shrugged. "I have a feeling you don't want to think or talk about it."

"Shh," she mumbled, secretly glowing with admiration.  "Whisper."

"Sorry."

"It's okay," she whispered with a small smile, her tears dry. It was embarrassing to cry in front of Teddy, but he made her feel safer somehow.  "So did you come here just to hug me?"

He paused. "Well... I don't know. I just kinda drove here the minute you called."

Charlotte's heart fluttered. He did?

"If you're up to it, would you want to have a mini sleepover? I have two sleeping bags in my closet. Plus, with you next to me, I'll probably-" she lowered her voice to a hushed mumble. "-be able to fall asleep again without having dreams of you dying."

He smiled. "Sure."

Together they silently laid down the sleeping bags side by side next to her bed. They also slapped down a couple of pillows.

"My family is full of sound sleepers, but just in case, I would wake up before my parents see you because who knows what they'd do."

"Understandable," he nodded, climbing into the left sleeping bag, Charlie sliding into the one on the right, the one beside her bed.

They were facing each other in the sleeping bags. All curled up, nice snd cozy, glancing at each other ever so slightly.

Theodore took off his bulky glasses to sleep, something he hadn't done at the sleepover.  This was the first time she'd seen him without glasses.

She knew she was obviously staring. Staring at the sparkling ocean eyes she'd come to know and love. Without his glasses on, he looked much different. Freckles were hiding on his nose that she couldn't see without glasses.  His eyelashes were so long and curled, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more prominent. She frowned.

"Are you okay, Teddy?" she whispered, reaching out and tracing the dark shadow beneath his eyes. His skin was smooth and soft, and she had a flashback to when she kissed his cheek. It was smooth and soft then, too.

"Yeah, I'm alright, Charlie," he murmured, closing his eyes with a humph.

"Thank you for doing this," she said quietly, pulling back her finger and just staring at the boy of stars, skies, and sorrows.

He smiled, cracking open one eye. "Anything for you, Charlotte."

It was like she was in a dream when she leaned over and kissed his right cheek, his pale, freckly, smooth cheek. Her inability to sleep was probably making her do this. She was acting on impulse; she was too tired to think. Her lips were pressed to his cheek lightly for a couple seconds before she pulled away.

Licking her lips, she blinked up at him. His mouth was ajar in surprise, and his hand darted to his cheek. 

Charlie smiled at his expression and snuggled further into her pillow.

She felt asleep staring at the ocean.

a/n

dedicated to Aoioa527 for the gorgeous cover on the side, i freaking love it man

how was this chapter? like or dislike? how about that cheek-kiss? teddy and charlie's handshake?? also shane's back, whoohoo!!! that sly bastard. things to improve this chapter? what'd you like most/least?  comment your thoughts!  vote if you liked it :-)

pretty long chapter, eh?

*needs to be heavily edited tbh*

im currently in maryland, whooo!! at virginia, the hotel we stayed at was awesome, except some people there were really weird. some lady pulled a banana out of her bra and another swore at her five year old son. idk but the accents were funny.

so until next time!
sophie claflin out

ps. i cant believe this is the twentieth chapter already wtf

GOALS:
lmao i forgot to do this before
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