Alright so I'm not sure if this is the healthiest mindset.

But lets start from the beginning.

When I was young I used to be scared of dying that I would try not to think of it. But when I did the though would haunt me at night and wouldn't leave my head for a few months. 

I would always dread sleeping because I know at night I would think about death.

Here is how it would go in a nutshell.

What happens when I die?

No think of something else.

What if I die.

What if my friends died

They won't, think of something else quick

What if my family dies

what if everyone dies before me.

I don't want to die

What happens after death?

Will I go to heaven?

Will I go to hell?

I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die.

Yeah so this thought process happen often when I was young. It really did scare me to the point I would cry.  I never really told anyone about it now that I think about it.

I never really tried to just close my eyes and sleep. Cause when I did my brain would be keeping me up like usual.

I guess it became a habit cause even now I cannot sleep early easily.

Well actually part of the reason might also because of my constant nightmares when I was young but that's a story for another time.

*Ahem* anyway.

I learned at a young age that I should just keep myself busy until I sleep.

I used to read books late into the night, literally would fall asleep reading.

Later on I learned I could listen to audiobooks to go to sleep, of course if you take this method it takes a couple nights of getting use to but after that it's fairly easy to go to sleep while listening to a audiobook.

After that I just tried listening to books.

It helped that I could focus on the books instead of the thoughts.

My dad didn't like that I had to listen to something at night, he finds it unnecessary.

"How did people without technology sleep?" was the main argument.

we've gone past that phase and now I listen to music.

Well anyway.

Your not here for the backstory so i'll get into it

How I'm not afraid of death

Sorry it took so long to get to this point

So again like I said in the beginning of the chapter. I'm not sure if this is the healthiest mindset. But it did help me greatly

When I was young I always thought I was the main character. That's why I was so scared of death.

Then I had the realization that, I don't have to be the main character.

 (if you guys want me to make a chapter on how on earth I got to this I will if you want)

Crazy I know, but I realized that I am just a side character. A insignifigint  mob character

I'll just live my life as a side character, helping the main characters.

I don't know.

But not being a main character, it just gives me peace.

Mabye cause it's not the death of a main character, but a side character?