PROLOGUE

Everything started that night. I walked in from the bar, drank too much, got on the stage and sang songs, and as soon as I got off I kissed a man I never knew. It was a joke, but not a funny one.

First, I guess I should get back to what happened that morning. And who I am...

Or should we never mind who I am? Because I can give anything for that too.

That morning, I set out with a small suitcase and hitchhiked to Bodrum. I wanted to leave everything behind. I wasn't scared because I had nothing to lose. Even if one of the people I hitchhiked to and got into his car cut me up. In fact, that was tempting now. I was bored, I swore to put my old life behind me. I was so determined, I erased everything in and left it behind. Furthermore, I even picked a new name for myself on the way.

Lâl.

That was my name now. Starting a whole new life with a brand-new name. It's like choosing your life when you're born. None of us can do that, can we? We can't choose our family. We may choose our profession, but we can't choose what kind of life we're going to be in. I did it. I've crossed the boundaries of a little courage, and I've done it. Like I said, I had nothing to lose anymore. Or so I thought. The feeling of giving up that steel armor was tremendous. That's exactly what I was in.

I came to Bodrum. I had nothing in my pocket but a dime. My little suitcase, a few pennies of money and I... It was enough to start life from scratch.

I went to a small boarding house. Cheap and small. I paid cash. First I took a clean shower and got dressed. I left my suitcase at the hostel, and I've been spuming all day in Bodrum. Why Bodrum? I didn't know either. İn fact it wasn't the place I wanted to see the most. I hitchhiked, and toured where they went with the people who picked me up. So there was no particular reason. There were no plans. Only people who had to plan every step of their life could understand how this was unique freedom. You're not taking responsibility for anything. Or you move on, not caring about your responsibilities. It is invaluable to experience the unbearable lightness of both situations. I think it's something everyone wants at least once in their life. Going to a place where no one knows you, changing your name, even traveling all over the world like this. It was a crazy dream, that's right. But I gave up enough to put it all behind me. And I was happy. I didn't have any plans in mind.

Later in the night, I walked into a bar in Halikarnas. It was a place I was curious about because of the *Halikarnas Balıkçısı. I thought it would be fooling not to come all the way to Bodrum and go to Halikarnas. There was nothing holding me back. I was free.

You're free now, Lâl. You can do whatever you want. Your new name and new life are waiting for you. You don't have to be careful about anything. You don't have to measure and weigh anymore. No one here knows you enough to be reprehensible. Relax. Be relax.

I told myself a drink at the bar. I took my notebook out of my bag and I wanted a pen from your bartender. It's a to-do list before you die. I think it was a list that everyone should make. There's been some things that we've all been through, so let's not kid each other while we're at it. There was a lot of things in me that I couldn't do. I couldn't because my previous life wouldn't let me. I looked at the list.

No.7 - Hitchhike to a city.

I just crossed out a point. It all started with taking a step. I looked at the list. There were so many things I wanted to do... I thought, what can I do here? In between the things I listed, there was a point that said 'Go to a stranger and open up to them'. One more thing we all want to do. Most of us want to chat with foreign people without being judged. At least that's what I wanted so much, because I've been criticized a lot in my previous life. Regardless of looking at themselves, people always judged. Nobody's going to hold the mirror to them, you know. But I didn't know if this talk was something I had to do at the bar. It looked more like something you could sit next to an old aunt in the park and do.

Found! I think I can do that. To go on stage and sing. I wasn't even sure if I sounded good, but who cared? I was going to do that. I went on stage and told the guy who played behind me what song he had to play, ignoring the eyes that were turned on me. After a few seconds of looking at me in a daze, when I picked up the microphone like nothing had happened, he adapted to the situation. Like everyone else, a man was listening to me in the private lodge in the dark corner of the bar for a short time. He frowned as if to say, "What's this crazy maniac doing?" He answered his ringing phone and went out talking for a while. I was dancing and singing like I was lost. It's like I've forgotten myself. It was true. I'd forgotten about myself. There was no sign of me before. I just released my outlier body stuck in a different body. I didn't know when that man came to the front row and sipping his new drink from your bartender to watch me with the same ridiculous expression. Like everyone else, he didn't understand what I was trying to do first. And the other people in the bar, aside from the stupid dance figures I made, I think they'd be happy to listen to the song I was singing. That's all I could tell from their faces. I continued to sing my song in a more pleasant way, as if it had encouraged me.

As the song was about to end, I thought of another item on my list.

No.12 - Kiss someone you don't even know!

Was I really going to do that? I wasn't myself enough to think about it. As I frantically jumped off the stage, I walked up to that man who was sipping his drink with a casual attitude like everyone else.I call him lord of darkness. It was funny, but it was harmonious. Someone dressed in black in the lodge in the darkest corner of the place. What was I going to say, a Pink Panther or something? I lingered so much, I was dizzy. I didn't even question what I was doing. I was acting my way. One step and I fell on his lips like I fell into his lap. Because he was unprepared, the drink in the lord of darkness spilled on us. And he was surprised. He was so motionless for a few seconds. I was tasting the lips of this man I didn't know without caring about anything. For some reason, shortly afterwards, he responded to this kiss in the harshest way. All this was like cut-out fragments of a dream, blurred in my mind. Was I going to remember tomorrow? It was a mystery.

When I left the foreign handsome man's lips, I walked out of there with my bag on the bar stool in heavy steps without saying anything. Even if I vaguely heard someone say "Follow him!" behind my back, I didn't care. Maybe I wasn't told. I was in such a careless mood and I've never felt freer in my life. I don't know what they've done to me all this time, but it was the first time I'd been myself.

Interesting.

I knew it was weird, but I felt free of all my fears and reservations. It was unlikely to be able to explain what that meant. You know how you're afraid to swim and when you go on top of something you're afraid of and have success, you get an amazing taste of relief and self-confidence... It was something like that.

But I wasn't learning to swim, I was learning to fly with my own wings.

...

*

AUTHOR NOTE: Hi Guys! My English is bad. But it's been my dream for a long time to do it. I'm trying to translate my story "Halikarnas'ta Bir Gece" into English. I hope you like it. Have fun.

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