Tw: suicidal thoughts, self harm, panic attacks

[Grian]

     Mao had sent me back to Hermitcraft for a day. I had resisted, but he had said that it was the best opinion right now. I was really tired after everything and we couldn't do anything about Sam since we didn't have enough information.

I took a paper from my chest and wrote a quick letter to Mumbo sending it through the messaging system I had built between our hobbit holes a few weeks ago.

I kept looking around. I was so paranoid now when I knew that Sam was free. I knew he was after me.

I fell down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The losses of Irwin, Sherenidy and Leslie had all been Sam's doings, meaning that they had been my faults. I had caused the death of my three siblings just because I hadn't agreed to love someone.

What if I had originally agreed to become his? What if I had originally decided to date him and ignore the fact that he was going mad? What if I hadn't ever left him? Would that have stopped this from happening?

Tears were forming in my eyes and made their way down my cheeks. I just wanted everyone around me to be happy. I didn't want to see my siblings die.

If I died, would that stop Sam from hurting everyone?

A voice inside my head. It's all that was, but I liked it. It sounded right.

I let out a laugh. I slowly felt like I was going mad. The voice in my head grew stronger and stronger.

"They wouldn't care if you died," Xavier's ice-cold voice rang through our head.

"They wouldn't!" My voice was hysterical and cold. I was going mad and Xavier just fueled the fire with his words.

"You can set us free. All it takes is one stab with a sword or a rope around the neck," Xavier encouraged.

I stood up and walked to my storage space. I slowly picked up my enchanted diamond sword and glanced at it.

It hurts only a little.

The voice rang through my head.

I wanted to test the sword before taking my life with it. I placed it against my wrist and let it cut through the skin.

I raised my wrist to look at the bleeding cut and smiled. I wanted more, more blood, more of my own blood.

Another cut, and another, one more, maybe still a bit more, another, no enough, another.

I finished and looked at my wrist. It was bleeding badly and the pain felt nice.

"Are you going to be joining me my little angel?" I froze when I heard the voice.

I slowly turned around to see a young woman faintly standing a few meters away from me. I recognized her, I knew exactly who she was.

Her face was full of hope, but also sadness. Her eyes were glowing slightly and she was looking directly at me. She was holding a Lily of The Valley in her hands.

Tears began to fell on my cheeks again as I looked at her. It had been so long since I had last heard her voice.

"My little angel, c'mere. It's alright! I can make it painless if you c'mere to me," She smiled softly and offered her empty hand towards me.

"Mom...?" I whispered quietly and took a small step towards her.

"Come my little angel," She sang quietly.

I took another step towards her. She would take my pain away, she would help me.

"Grian..?"

I snapped out of my trance and my mother's figure disappeared. I turned around to see Scar standing behind me. His eyes were full of horror as he glanced at my wrist and empty eyes.

"S-scar..?" I managed to ramble.

"P-put that sword down, please.!" Scar whimpered as tears began to fall on his face.

I froze and looked at my wrist. Panic started taking over as I realized what I had done. The sword fell on the ground as I backed away and fell backwards on my ass.

Scar pulled out his communicator and began quickly texting someone as tears began non-stop falling on my cheeks and sobs began raising from my throat.

I was so shocked that I screamed and backed against the wall curling up in a small ball as I sobbed furiously.

Scar stood there helplessly. He didn't know what to do. He stepped a bit closer, but didn't touch me. He started speaking, but I couldn't understand the words he was saying.

     The door, which was on its place surprisingly, flew open and someone hurried to me.

I managed to look up and recognize Stress. She crouched down next to me and started speaking to me calmly with eyes full of worry, but I still couldn't understand a word she was saying.

After a short while she made me drink some potion and bandaged up my wrist. I was starting to calm down, but I still wasn't able to understand what they were saying.

Mumbo and Iskall appeared from somewhere, but decided to stay behind after Stress said something to them. She probably asked them to give me a bit of space before I was more calm.

     Around twenty minutes later I was finally calm. Stress looked at me and smiled softly. She said something, but I couldn't understand the words. I heard her voice clearly, but it was like she was speaking in a language that I didn't know.

"ᓵ-ᓵᔑリ ||𝙹⚍ ∷ᒷ!¡ᒷᔑℸ ̣  ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣..?" I asked quietly.

They all froze and turned to look at me, which made me a bit uncomfortable. I didn't understand why they were looking at me like that.

"∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣...?" I mumbled hiding my face a bit on my sleeves to avoid their glares.

Stress spoke up again, but I wasn't able to understand. At least she was now just smiling softly and her eyes were full of worry instead of horror.

"╎ ᓵᔑリ'ℸ ̣  ⚍リ↸ᒷ∷ᓭℸ ̣ ᔑリ↸ ∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣  ||𝙹⚍'∷ᒷ ᓭᔑ||-" I started, but froze immediately as I realized what was wrong.

"𝙹⍑ ᓭ⍑╎ℸ ̣..." I muttered and tried not to panic again.

Stress said something to Scar, who nodded and quickly hurried away. I didn't know where he went because I hadn't understood what Stress had said.

Iskall and Mumbo were now a bit closer, but not too close. Stress didn't let them closer because she had heard my voices shakiness when I had spoken. She wanted to make sure I didn't start panicking again.

The door opened once again and this time it was Scar followed by the Hermitcraft's admin himself, Xisuma.

Stress spoke something to him, probably explained the situation. They all kept looking at me with worry, which made me kinda uncomfortable, but I tried to ignore it.

Xisuma crouched down next to me and started speaking in a language I could understand, "ᓵᔑリ ||𝙹⚍ ⚍リ↸ᒷ∷ᓭℸ ̣ ᔑリ↸ ᒲᒷ?"

I nodded without saying anything.

"⊣𝙹𝙹↸. ᓵᔑリ ||𝙹⚍ ⚍リ↸ᒷ∷ᓭℸ ̣ ᔑリ↸
ᒷリ⊣ꖎ╎ᓭ⍑?" He inquired.

I shook my head as an answer and he nodded slightly.

"ᓭℸ ̣ ∷ᒷᓭᓭ ℸ ̣ 𝙹ꖎ↸ ᒲᒷ ∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣  ⍑ᔑ!¡!¡ᒷリᒷ↸. ╎ ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リꖌ ||𝙹⚍ ᓭ⍑𝙹⚍ꖎ↸ ⊣𝙹 ⍊╎ᓭ╎ℸ ̣  ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ᒲᒷ↸╎ᓵᔑꖎ ᓵᒷリℸ ̣ ᒷ∷'ᓭ ℸ ̣ ᒷᒲ!¡𝙹∷ᔑ∷|| ᓭᒷℸ ̣ -⚍!¡ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ᓭᒷᒷ ∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣  ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ꖎᒷᔑ↸ ∴ᔑℸ ̣ ᓵ⍑ᒷ∷ ⍑ᔑ||ꖎ╎ᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リꖌᓭ ᔑʖ𝙹⚍ℸ ̣  ||𝙹⚍∷ ᓭ╎ℸ ̣ ⚍ᔑℸ ̣ ╎𝙹リ. ╎⎓ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ 'ᓭ 𝙹ꖌᔑ|| ∴╎ℸ ̣ ⍑ ||𝙹⚍," He spoke.

"ᔑꖎ∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣," I nodded. I noticed how he got surprised after hearing my fluent Galactic. Apparently he hadn't expected me to be so good at it.

"ᒲ⚍ᒲʖ𝙹 ᔑリ↸ ╎ᓭꖌᔑꖎꖎ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ℸ ̣ ᔑꖌᒷ ||𝙹⚍ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ," He said giving me a soft smile before turning to say something to everyone else.

      Soon I was already walking through the Main World with Mumbo and Iskall.

I was the one leading the way, which was pretty funny since they were supposed to be the ones taking me there, but the HQ was closed today in Leslie's memory and the medical center had been temporarily moved elsewhere.

We made our way to the Main World's hospital and sat down on the waiting room. I was feeling really empty and hardly focused on my surroundings, but I was able to feel Iskall's and Mumbo's pain when they looked at me.

Soon I noticed how they turned to look at someone and I raised my eyes to see a short haired blonde Watcher, Yenny.

My friends couldn't see the expression on her face because of her mask, but I was a Watcher and I knew how to read my siblings faces behind the masks, so I was able to see how terrified she looked when she saw me sitting there looking all empty and lifeless.

She quickly hurried to us and asked something in English. Mumbo and Iskall told her something and she nodded before helping me up. My friends stayed in the waiting room while I was guided to the medical center's place.

Yenny sat me down on one of the resting spaces beds and looked at me with pain in her eyes.

"𝙹⍑  ̇/ᒷꖎ... ∴⍑|| ∴𝙹⚍ꖎ↸ ||𝙹⚍ ↸𝙹
ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣..?" She whimpered. Her pain was real, she was about to cry.

"ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⍊𝙹╎ᓵᒷᓭ ℸ ̣ 𝙹ꖎ↸ ᒲᒷ ℸ ̣ 𝙹.." I whispered quietly and looked straight into her eyes.

"𝙹⍑ ʖ∷𝙹ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷... ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷||ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リ⊣ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ ᔑꖎ∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣ , ∴ᒷ'ꖎꖎ ᒲᔑꖌᒷ ᓭ⚍∷ᒷ ||𝙹⚍'ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ ⎓╎リᒷ! ╎ℸ ̣ 'ᓭ ᔑꖎꖎ ⊣𝙹╎リ⊣ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ʖᒷ ᔑꖎ∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣!" She cried and carefully wrapped her arms around me.

"╎ ℸ ̣ ∷⚍ᓭℸ ̣  ||𝙹⚍..." I managed to mumbled before the exhaustion took over me and my eyes began slowly closing.

I had been holding myself awake for over an hour now and I was really tired, but now I was on my sister's arms and finally felt safe enough to close my eyes for a while knowing that she wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, or she wouldn't let Sam get me. She would take care of me and everything would be alright.

I wished I had gotten a chance to apologize to Mumbo, Iskall and everyone else, but looked like I had to do that later. I really had worried them badly, which now made me feel bad as I slowly drifted to sleep letting my body fell unconscious on my sister's arms.

Words: 1812

(A bit of Griangst)

(Explanation: Xavier is connected to Grian's emotions. He usually can resist them, but when Grian stared feeling really bad and let his emotions take over, it fed Xavier negative energy and he lost control. Sherenidy once warned Grian about Xavier and his emotions because if Grian loses control it will affect Xavier too and Xavier will start following Grian's emotions like now he was fueling Grian's negative thoughts without being able to control it)