I still remember the 12-year-old me sitting there alone on the prayer mat, wearing a big white hijab, with closed eyes, secretly talking to Allah with desperation praying and asking for what my little heart was desiring. I still remember that sparkle in my eyes and smile on my face that day when my prayers were answered. I was amazed. My dua had been heard. I still remember how I ran to my prayer mat, grabbed my hijab again and thanked Allah for hearing my heart.

I still remember the 13 to 16 year old me being lost and confused. Struggling with holding strong to my faith. All these peer pressure, influences and drama made me doubt in myself and everything around me. I still remember having crying nights secretly, feeling alone... Thinking no one would know, not realizing Allah was hearing me again.

I still remember the 17 to 19 year old me filled with regrets, pain and sadness trying to stay strong. Still doing my best, trying to see it as a test. But all these challenges had made it worse. The struggle to hold strong on my faith became more. How could I stay strong if I was falling apart?! How could I go further? I had fallen too many times. How could I stand up again with all these scars? I couldn't do it anymore. Not realizing that Allah had seen everything again.

Just at the moment, I felt I was drowning, I was failing, I was losing... that 12-year-old me came into my mind again. I grabbed my hijab and prayer mat and just like that 12-year-old me with desperation in her little heart... I prayed again... I begged again... I thanked again. My prayers were heard... again.

The 20-year-old me is still struggling. But I believe my faith has become stronger. InshaAllah one day I will remember the 20-year-old me too and maybe my prayers will be heard again and even not... then I know Allah has a better plan.

Sisters and brothers I know it's not easy, I went through it too. Hold strong on your faith. I'm proud of you ❤️

Xxx
A_mystery-writer