After the fiasco on Saturday night, Brenna had sworn off dating. Her little sister came to see her the following afternoon.

"I'm still recovering, so let's just watch a movie." She was fine physically but seeing Brown again had put her in a funk.

Mia was happy to chill. "So Bren, how was the hospital? Were you scared?"

"No, not scared, but it freaked me out. Do you think I could have laid on my floor for days with no one noticing?"

"No! Come on. Don't think like that."

"When I asked the doctor, I could tell he thought it was strange I don't have anyone I speak to every day. Do you?"

"Um, yeah. I live with Mom and Dad."

"And Aidan lives with Sage, so it's just me, the old maid with her cat."

"Oh, get over yourself! You're not old."

"I had the worst date last night."

"I find that hard to believe, because you've had some pretty bad ones." Brenna rolled her eyes, even though her sister was right. "So tell me about this doctor."

"What doctor?" Play dumb.

"The one who has you worried because we don't talk every day."

"He's the doctor who works in the ER."

"Is he single and cute?"

"I didn't ask for his Facebook status."

"Maybe he's on Facebook. Let's look him up." Mia pulled out her phone. "What's his name?"

"I don't want to look him up!"

"I'll figure it out." Mia tapped on her phone.

"Stop! Mia whatever you're doing just stop!"

"Come on. For once in your life have some fun." She scrolled and kept saying things like no and maybe. "Okay. There are some possibilities here. I ruled out some, because you would have told me if he was old... er. Of all of them, the one I think is the best looking is this one."

Mia held out her phone and on the screen was a professional headshot of Brown. Under the Emergency Medicine heading was his face and Noah P. Gentry, MD and his bio. She wasn't sure what she thought his name was, but Noah surprised her. It was a fine name, but she expected something different.

Mia smiled like she had after she returned from meeting Sage for the first time. "I'd say this is him, since you can't pull your eyes off the screen."

Brenna was ready to argue, but Mia was busy on her phone again. "Oh poo! He's not on Facebook."

It didn't surprise Brenna. She knew nothing about him, except he was a good kisser and went to dinner on Saturday night with his mother, but she couldn't imagine him posting pictures on Facebook.

"Oh well, you'll just have to get sick again. Maybe you'll slice your finger or something. Get a knife!"

"Don't be an idiot. You cut yourself, you're the one who likes him so much."

Brenna also knew he wasn't working, because he worked the night before, but she wasn't sharing her information.

"He's closer to your age, although older guys are more mature. His bio says he graduated from medical school at Brown. Good school."

Desperate to change the subject she asked Mia about her job and listened to everything her younger sister hated about her position.

"Update your resume and look for something else."

"I know it's what I have to do. Did I tell you one of my co-workers has been hitting on me? It would have to be a cold day in hell before I sleep with him."

"Mia!"

"Sorry, it's true."

Brenna had met a few men she felt the same way about and Saturday night Nolan was one of them.

"Hey Mia, how old were you when you you-know for the first time?"

"Had sex? How do you know I have?"

"Well, um, I just thought. You are twenty-five."

"Jeez Bren! Lighten up. I was in college and we all know how old Aidan was with Kay-La."

"Oh man, she hated me." It was mutual, Brenna didn't like her brother's summer girlfriend either. "College?"

"Yeah, remember I went with Owen. What about you?"

"Yeah, college too." She lied. "But I wasn't very good at it."

Mia laughed. "You're too serious. If the guy gets off, then they think it's good. The first time was awful. I was glad I had a few drinks. You must know some guys are better than others."

"I don't want to know how you know all this." She was getting sex advice from her little sister. The one thing to stay with her was Mia's first time was awful. Even if she thought it was awful, Brown or Noah got off. Seeing him had brought back all her old insecurities.

Brenna met her BU roommate for dinner after work. Molly was a physician's assistant at Beth Israel Deaconess.

"I had food poisoning. It was awful. I thought I would die."

"Whatcha get it from?"

"The doctor said it was probably a salad bar."

"It was bad enough you saw a doctor?"

"Yeah, I spent the night in your ER."

"Oh, honey. That's awful. I'm sorry. So who was your doc?"

"Gentry." She hoped she sounded casual.

"Lucky you!"

"You know him?"

"We see patients in the ER. He's friends with one of our surgeons. Dr. Brooke calls him the monk. One day, he teased him about being a thirty-three-year-old virgin. It embarrassed me to overhear. He couldn't really be a virgin. Plenty of women at the hospital would volunteer to change it, if he was."

Brenna couldn't say he wasn't a virgin and shrugged as if indifferent to the subject of their conversation. Feeling somehow strange, she ignored her internal warning.

"Are you one of those women?"

"Hell yes! I would trip the light fantastic with him. He's in my dreams already."

Brenna vowed to stop talking about Noah Gentry. She had recovered from her illness and survived the memories which had resurfaced. She needed to move on.

So much for moving on, the following evening, he texted her. What did he want to talk about?

He arrived carrying a white paper bag and handed it to her. She peered inside and saw a quart of ice cream.

"What kind?"

"Chocolate. I figured it was a good bet."

"It's a little stereotypical though."

"If you don't want it, I'll take it home with me."

He was so serious and her family thought she was the serious one. "I'm kidding. I love chocolate!"

His shoulders relaxed. "You can have some now or after I leave."

"Did you want some?"

"Only if you want to share. I brought it for you."

Shaking her head, she took out two bowls. The man wasn't a jerk. The ice cream had softened and was easy to scoop. She handed him a bowl, and they quietly tasted the creamy treat.

"So you wanted to talk to me, again?"

"I didn't do a good job apologizing."

"Why? You said you were sorry, and I said okay."

"You didn't."

"I didn't, what?"

"Accept it. I never should have gone so far. I knew you had too much to drink." He paced.

She sat down on a stool at her counter, hoping he'd stop moving. "Okay, if you want to talk we'll talk. Why did you?"

He stopped and looked at her with a slack jaw. "Why did I? Because after I kissed you, I didn't want to stop. I should have." He bowed his head.

"Hey Brown, have you really felt guilty all these years?"

Looking up at her with his brown eyes, he sighed. "Yeah, I tend to be a pessimist and expect the worst."

"Great doctor you must be." She reached out and shoved his shoulder. He didn't crack a smile. He was way too serious.

"I trust my training. I meant personally."

"Listen, give yourself a break. If it wasn't you, it would have happened that fall at BU."

"But you were only seventeen!"

"Almost eighteen. I'll admit it was awful, well because first times are supposed to be that way. Then you jumped off me and threw me out, so I knew it was really awful!"

"What? No! I freaked because I saw the blood. I had no idea. I thought you were older and experienced." His voice trailed off. His face was drawn, and his eyes looked dull.

Brenna didn't want him feeling like shit over something that happened years before. Sure it was not exactly what she imagined for her first time, but she had some bad sex since then, even sober. Mia made it sound so easy, but Brenna's standards were higher. She was looking for something she had yet to find and it probably didn't exist.

"So is it because of me they call you the monk?"

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