"Hey Shiya bun," I hear him say, the old nickname he used to call me before he started making my life a living hell. 

"You never told me the reason you had started to bully me in school." I asked as I opened my eyes looking the BMW passing by, maybe I would get the answer to that tonight. 

"hamara school ek number ka chutiya tha (Our school was one hell of a place.)" I laugh at his use of words, no matter how old he gets, my brother never fails to use the local Mumbai language. "I learned it way too soon that if you want to survive in that place you need to be tough. I was bullied till you entered secondary school, you know." 

My head snapped towards him in shock. I never realised he was bullied, when he used to come back home with bruises all over his face, hands and chest, he used to say that he had a fight at school and our parents were way too busy to take care of him. 

"Every time I came home with bruises you used to follow me around asking if you could help me take care of it and when I used to deny, you kept checking if I tended them myself. Over the time I started hating you so being so sweet and taking care of me when everyone around me was mean and ignorant." 

"Siddarth, we only had each other when we were kids. And I am your sister, of course I would take care of you. That was my moral duty." 

"I know, but you took care of me 'cause you genuinely wanted too." He replied. "Then after you entered secondary school, one of those days my bullies started talking shit about you, that's when I finally snapped. I punched the hell out of them and they finally stopped. And it became my defensive mechanism, to make others suffer when they just stood by the sidelines and watched me get punched, thrown down from heights, have shit thrown at me." 

I gasped, his was worse than mine. 

"Then I heard some guys talk about... troubling you, I will use the easier word than what they had used. I couldn't understand how could I protect you from them. I wanted to keep you close so that they don't near you but at the same time I hated you. Because unknowably you took care of me, it was because of you that I escaped their grasp. The thought that I couldn't do anything all those years but suffer and sudden you name is taken and I am out of control." 

"Bhaiya," I whispered my voice breaking as I looked at him through blurred vision, but I knew he was smiling. The fact that my brother loved me so much that he started loathing me is beyond my understanding. 

I had heard that once you love someone so damn much you start resenting them for the smallest of things. I never thought it would be happening with me. 

"So then I decided that if bully you, it would keep them miles away from you at the same time I would be able to protect you and not let you come to close so that my thoughts are not clouded. And it way too late to realise that my method was wrong so I kept going." 

"Atharva had mentioned something about you both being each other safe space when you realised what you were doing was wrong." I say, remembering that Atharva is a strange mystery that makes my skin crawl in fear and give rise to tingles in parts which could only be named as pleasurable. 

My brother nodded, "Sawla came into my life like a strong force which created ripples that changed me for good." 

I start laughing so hard that my brother looks at me with shock and confusion. "You sound so gay. You do realise that you're my dating my best friend right?" 

My brother twists his face as in to say that he is disgusted at the mere thought of that. He opened his mouth to say something when someone else spoke up, "I always knew that you've had hots for me!" 

Both of us turned around to find Atharva standing there with a smirk on his face. He starts walking towards us, as Sid bhaiya replies, "Oh please, I would rather do autopsy than have hots for you Sawla." 

Atharva laughs as he points his thumb over his shoulder, "All of us are famished that's why you both need come soon."

My brother nods saying, "We will be there soon, you guys start ordering." Atharva glances at me for fee seconds titling his head to ask me of everything is okay. I smile and nod as he smiles back then turns around as walks back inside. 

I keep staring at his retrieving figure, when two hands hand on my shoulders which causes me to glance back at my brother. "Look, I am genuinely sorry for just springing up Dalhyun on you. But I swear my intentions were pure, I just wanted that smile back, I wanted see you happy especially when I am reason you keep suffering. I just wanted to end that cycle."

"I know bhai, but I have changed and so has Dalhyun. We can't just jump back on where we left--I left him." I sigh as I smile sadly at him. 

"Just answer this one question then," he says looking extremely serious which has my heart stopping for beat but his question has me gasping for breath.

"Do you truly love Kim Dalhyun?" 

+++

I think bout ever single detail of tonight's dinner as I drive back home leisurely, and surely Mumbai's traffic doesn't make it easy for me to be patient. 

Seeing Atharva and Dalhyun together was extremely weird for me, even thought it shouldn't be because I don't have anything going on with either of them, but I can't say that for sure. I have had my moments with both of them. 

Atharva was all similes and talky which was very unlike him because he usually keeps quiet and to himself. But I knew for sure that smile is genuine, unlike his mastered art of fake smiles. 

Whereas Dalhyun kept quiet, just answering things when asked to him. Whenever he tried to smile, he failed. I could see that he was uncomfortable but I couldn't understand. He has met all of them, he knows what they are like. Then why? 

Is it because of Atharva? Did he say something to him? 

Ethan and Tanishka struggled to keep all us engaged, Whereas my brother just stuffed his mouth with food and continued to talk to Atharva. 

When the dinner came to an end, we all stepped out as Ethan sticked to my side talking and whispering about the men. He first simped over Atharva, about how he already knew him. 

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, when did I talk to Atharva about Ethan? 

He then he cried about how hot my brother looked in his shirt, he went in graphic details about how his chiseled... ew, I can't even complete that sentence. 

Then he landed on Dalhyun about how he was all smiley before he and Atharva met. So it's established that Dalhyun was so silent was because of something Atharva said. I thought it would be the other way around but this is new. 

After parking my car in my designated spot, I exit and stretch my neck before heading towards the elevator. I can't wait to take a hot shower and fall asleep cuddling to shiloh. It's been a while since I've given some attention to the little fella. 

What date is today anyways? I wonder as I click on my watch, the time popping up as a projection. I groan looking how late it is, too bad it's a Monday tomorrow. 

When I walk out of the elevator, I see him. 

Resting against my front door, he sat on the floor, his eyes peacefully closed. from the depths of his being, weariness washed over his, they cast a shadow upon his features, momentarily dimming the light that resided within. 

And yet, even the amidst the shroud of exhaustion, he was beautiful.

He was Kim Dalhyun after all. 

What is he doing here? 

I didn't want him see him anymore, especially after my talk with my brother. I didn't deserve to him anymore. 

"Falling in love is not a sin," Atharva's words echoed in my head, "it's a curse. A beautiful torturing curse laid upon us." 

This man in front in me is my curse, a curse my therapist is lifting off from me.  

A Million Little things I am grateful about:

Ethan's Humor and Friendship

Lessons from my past

My brother's protective instinct for me