Chapter Nine
I couldn't look at him in the eye.
I didn't want to remember my nightmare.
I didn't want to hear those words echoing in my ears.
"Amazing work, Shiya. I love it," he says as I continue fiddling with my fingers. They're much more interesting than the praise; yes, they are.
The painting I made consisted of two colors splashed across the canvas: one was red, the other was grey. It represented my chaotic state, where one half belonged to my feelings about love, and the other belonged to all the tears I had shed all this time, yet arrived at no destination to escape from it.
"Do you like this place? This would be one of the locations for our sessions."
I glanced around at the plants; they were definitely creating a peaceful environment, especially with their scents. I loved the feelings of how the flowers bloomed around a person who only has darkness inside them.
"Do you own this place?" I ask.
"No, it's owned by one of my friends. He's agreed to let me use the farm on Sundays. Anyway, today we're going to delve a bit into your personal life. Are you okay with that?" I nod hesitantly, contemplating that my comfort level will depend on the nature of his questions. If he asks about Dalhyun, then no, I won't be comfortable.
"How was the experience of growing up as a public figure from a young age?" he inquires, placing the canvas aside and pulling out a small notebook to jot down notes about me.
"It was relatively smooth; I never encountered much online trolling—"
"Apologies for the interruption, but what I'm trying to ask is whether you believe you kept your private life truly private, or if you feel you exposed yourself to the world for everyone to know?"
I fell into a thoughtful silence, my gaze fixed on my fingers, pondering his question. Though I knew the answer, uncertainty lingered about whether I should reveal the truth.
"No, I don't believe I intentionally exposed myself. I refrained from letting people witness my struggles because they relied on me to be a pillar of strength and inspiration." I said the truth in the end.
"Do you think their perception of you would have been the same as it is now?"
"Again, no. The way people see me has changed, and it wouldn't be the same if I had laid myself out for them to see everything. Everyone has some aspects of themselves they fear judgment for, and I'm no exception."
"You mentioned a change in how people perceive you. Why do you think that is?"
"Because I've undergone a transformation. Recently, parts of me that I want to keep hidden have started to emerge."
"People do evolve, but I understand what you're saying. Fans often struggle when their idol shifts from the image they've always held. It seems like it matters to you how people perceive you."
I nod, affirming, "Certainly. I'm in a leadership position, responsible for a team. Their perception affects their work, and consequently, my role as their employer."
"So, do you think the changes in you have had an impact on how your company operates now?"
I look at him with wide eyes, thinking what the fuck?
"Why pose such a question?" I inquired, bewildered by his line of questioning.
He glanced up from his notebook, his charcoal eyes honing in on me, scanning my alarmed expression. "Don't misunderstand. I'm merely attempting to grasp how you present yourself in public," he explained, pausing to gauge my reaction. "It's noted in your file that you frequently encounter issues with your employees."
My fucking mom, I'm sure she has that documented in my file.
"Why not ask directly then?" I questioned.
"To establish a sense of comfort between us and to obtain the answers we both seek, naturally."
"Answers I want?" I raised an eyebrow, internally marveling at how this guy seemed to understand me without knowledge of my thoughts or feelings.
Leaning forward, he set his notebook on the ground, supporting his arms on his crisscrossed legs, and studied me for a moment before responding, "Isn't that why you're persisting with these sessions? Because I'm guiding you toward answers you need to hear from yourself?"
I remain silent. He is so damn right.
+++
"What does money mean to you?" he inquired, bringing the vegetable close to his nose and taking a sniff. As for the type of vegetable, I couldn't quite discern.
Another Sunday, another session.
"An illusion that brings a smile to someone's face," I replied as he dropped the vegetable into the basket and handed it to the vendor. The vendor, busy staring at me, seemed puzzled by my sunglasses, cap, and mask.
Today, Atharva had decided on a trip to the street vegetable market for groceries. However, as a celebrity, I had to don a rather ridiculous disguise.
"Do you think this man is happy?" Atharva asked as he handed cash to the vendor. I glanced at the vendor observing the Hindu tradition of touching money to his forehead and chest before placing it in his metal box.
"For now, yes. But as time passes, he'll likely desire more and more," I responded, tearing my eyes from the vendor to find Atharva already looking at me. As I swept my eyes over him, I couldn't help but notice his biceps straining against his leather jacket.
"Do you think we work only for money?" I asked to distract myself from staring at him any longer as he began walking ahead, and I followed.
"Kind of, yes. Even if they say do something you love, it often means it makes earning money easier," he explained.
"Do you think we're all greedy?"
"In a way," he answered, leaving me to ponder his not-quite-agreeing, not-quite-disagreeing stance. I wasn't a fan. "Money is something we need to survive. Once we've reached survival, you use it to keep yourself alive, even if it's buying something materialistic like a Gucci purse. It calms your mind, the first step in survival."
Now that's the answer I was seeking. For the next half hour, we fell into a comfortable silence as we shopped for groceries, the prices significantly lower than those online. It felt good to experience normalcy again, to return to places from before my family's wealth changed everything..
It makes me feel that I could be normal again.
But then I remember what I did and what I tried to do.
A MILLION LITTLE THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
Money
Someone who has chosen to make me understand how this world works.
My mother
the painting
A/N
Hello beautiful people!
I just wanna thank rrandommonezz for reminding me about missing out the list of grateful things. And her sweetest comment 🥺
It just made my entire day! ❤️
I absolutely love it when readers drop in the sweetest comments for their theirs and randomonezz was my first ever reader to do so and it meant the world to me!
Thank you so much babe 😘
Love,
Subhi ❤️
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top