I paced around the living room thinking about the kiss shared between Dalhyun and me—an hour ago. I've been pacing around the house since then with my music playing in the background.

I wanted to call Tani, but I knew better than to disturb her with her studies. I had even tried Ethan but he hung up after saying, "I'm fucking busy!"

I knew what he was doing that kept him busy, I could hear the fucking moaning. But I just hoped that he wasn't shagging random boys again and had a genuine boyfriend this time.

'Cause if he is doing one-night stands again, I'm going to beat him into a pulp.

I sighed sadly as I wondered who else I could call. Then suddenly the thought of my brother came to my mind and I smirked. He can surely help me even though he doesn't like talking about boys with me.

I immediately grabbed my Mac book from my room and FaceTimed him. I waited till he received the call and I saw a very shirtless, sleepy brother of mine, "what!" He roared annoyingly.

"My eyes!" I exclaimed dramatically as I covered my eyes with my palms, "please put on a fucking T-shirt, Sid!"

I heard him grunt as I heard some shuffling, "you can look now," I peeked through my fingers to check if he is really covered then wriggled a bit and removed my palms from my eyes. "So why did you call?"

"First, why were you still sleeping? It's like what? Noon over there..."

He groaned, "it's a weekend for god's sake. After such a tiring week I deserve a good night's sleep."

"Justified reason," I nodded, "so what I'm about to you tell is very important. And you're not supposed to tell this to anyone, anyone means no one."

He rolled his eyes, "what happened my dear dramatic sister?"

"So—Wait What? I'm not dramatic!" He just gave a look saying continue—before—I—murder—you—through—FaceTime. "Anyways... I kinda have a crush on someone..."

"Tell me something new," he yawned dramatically.

"Fine, you're not interested, right? Then I'll tell Tani that you were the one who gifted her the anklet!" I pretended to cut the call as his eyes widened and he begged me to not do so.

"I'm sorry Okay? Please tell me what's the matter. I know you don't discuss your crushes with me, so something is wrong."

"Well... it turns out that the person who I'm crushing likes me back."

"Dalhyun likes you back?" He exclaimed.

"Yeah—Wait I didn't tell you that I like him."

He rolled his eyes, "who are you kidding? It's obvious that you like him. But the guy has bad taste if he likes someone like you."

"Fuck off, I'm gorgeous okay!"

"Yeah—you're the most ugliest person I've ever seen." I knew he was teasing me but the smile which had adored my face had, now dropped as memories of my seventh grade came rushing back to me. When he would say the same sentence like he genuinely meant it.

I think he saw the drop on my face as his eyes widened, "shit! I'm so sorry! I swear I was just teasing you! I didn't mean it!" He continued rambling as I took a deep breath and returned back to my smiling face.

"It's fine, I know you're just teasing me." I gave him a lip-tight smile as he looked at me with guilt. "Anyways! Back on the topic, we were on!"

"Listen, I know that I made your life very difficult back in our childhood but now, I realised what a mistake I did and I won't be committing it again. I'm just trying to make us a normal sibling relationship by teasing you, please don't take it to your heart. I genuinely love you the most in the world and for me, you're the most beautiful girl. Even more beautiful than my—whoever—would—be—my—future—wife."

I laughed as I smiled cutely at him, "I love you too brother."

He smiled back, "so... Dalhyun! How do you know that he likes you?"

"Uh... he might or might not have told me..." I trailed off as I bit my lip.

"Wha—" he acted as he choked on air, "did he just—he didn't—he didn't kiss you right!"

My eyes widened as soccers as I shouted, "no!" I knew better than to tell him that I just lost my first kiss an hour ago. I'm pretty sure that he would fly here and punch the hell of Dalhyun—he wouldn't care that Dalhyun is older than him. His manners would just disappear here.

Sid squinted his eyes at me suspiciously, as I tried to keep a straight face. "Fine," finally he broke the stare as I sighed in relief in my mind, "So what did you do when he confessed? Did you confess back?"

I nodded hesitantly, "I did. I was the one who confessed first. Ethan and Tani encouraged me to at least confess. It was like, they didn't want me to keep on wondering if he ever returned it so I confessed. Then he told that he realised his feelings when I told his true identity to him, which was way before I indirectly warned him, to not develop feelings for me."

"What the actual fuck are you doing Shiya?" He exclaimed, "you can't just go and tell someone that, 'hey! Please don't start liking me!' And even if you did such a stupid act I'm surprised that his feeling didn't wary. That means he genuinely likes you."

I shrugged not knowing what to say upon that, but I know that I didn't look stupid when I warned him. "I guess?"

"So what are you planning to do with this... feelings between you two?"

"I—I don't know. I mean I don't want to date right now and he is a celeb, for god's sake. It would hamper my studies if I decide to get together with him despite promising. So either way we both... are just not possible right now."

He nodded in understanding as he remained silent for a while like he is thinking something, "look, if you both genuinely like each other no one can stop you both. Not your promise to mom or him being an idol. Or the age difference between you too. Nothing will be able to stop you both."

Why does everyone keep saying the same thing to me?

I sighed, as I mumbled, "I know we're not meant to be the why should I do this?"

"I heard you," He sang, "look, you're not Lord Shiva who can change fates. So the only solution You've is to stay patient and go with the flow. But I would suggest that you talk with mom, she would be the best person to guide you through this."

I sighed, I didn't want to walk about boys with mom. Especially when I'm not independent yet, especially when I promised something.

"You might want to wait for more... 2 years till you're settled with your career considering you want to immediately start working in the company after you graduate. One year more till you graduate then 1 year more till you're perfectly settled down. Yeah, that sounds like a plan."

"But I—how would you expect us to be just friends after we both know that we like each other..."

He sighed, "look if you want to continue your plan then you would need to talk with him. Don't keep him in the dark about what you're thinking."

"Just... don't make him feel special then leave just because you can't date right now."

It reminded it of a quote said by Dalhyun himself, "You can't just come into someone's life, make them feel special, and then leave."

I don't wanna do this, I don't want to break his heart.

I cut the call as I kept my head between my palms as millions of things ran through my mind. Dalhyun is a very special person to my heart and I don't wanna break him, he doesn't deserve a broken heart.

And from a person like me.

Now all I wanted to do was write more million reasons in my book and that's what I did. Removing my necklace, I walked towards my wardrobe remove my book and unlock it with my pendant.

Time to write down my feelings towards him.

+++

Hi, it's me,
I'm the problem it's me.

Sounds fit for the chp doesn't it?

The climax is approaching
👻