Life unfortunately fucks us all.

Life fucking us all is actually the exact reason you're reading this. But you already knew that.

Before I continue, I have to say I'm sorry. Sorry that you're reading this and sorry that you found out how shitty this world really is when you were only eight. It's the furthest thing from fair, and if I could've, I swear to you I would've protected you from it. But it was hard to do that even before the dead could walk, and pretty much fucking impossible now.

It feels weird writing so many fucks in this. I know you've been exposed to plenty of colorful language and I know you're all grown up. A grown up in a little girl's body. And just like Carmen's stubborn ass, you've thought you were grown since you were an infant. But to me, that's still what you are. What you'll probably always be. An infant. A baby. My baby.

But you're not a baby, and I know that, and I know you don't like being called one. You're stronger and more resilient than anyone I've ever known. You're braver than I could ever possibly be (and I'm pretty fucking brave, so recognize that means something coming from me).

I don't know whats going to become of this world or all the things that once made us human. I don't know if we'll ever figure out a cure or a reason. I think in order to do that, we'd have to put our weapons down for five fucking seconds, which is a pretty big ask nowadays. I don't know what will happen, so I had to write all of it down.

A memoir of things I wanted to say and never did.

Reminds you of Scarlett, doesn't it? Feeling things and never saying them. Or maybe Phoebe, with such a dramatic sounding title. I hope they're both still alive by the time this makes its way to you, if it ever does. I hope you still love them fiercely. I know there'll never be anything that would change that for them, but I hope nothing ever changes it for you.

Honestly, Ximena, I have no fucking clue what the shit I am doing right now. But I just have to. So maybe that'll be your first lesson. The first thing on my memoir. Don't wait around to do shit you know in your heart needs to be done. Do it. I know you're the last person I have to tell this to, but tomorrow is not guaranteed. Ever.

But more than a memoir, this is a story for you. Different than the ones I used to read you before bed time. Darker and full of more horror, yet much more passion than those ones.

I want you to know everything that happened from the minute this fucking world went up into flames that I never told you because I didn't want to harden your heart. Which I know in the back of my mind is inevitable, but I never stopped trying to prevent. Maybe, just in case I'm not around forever, something in it will be useful to you or someone you love. I think there's a good chance I'm writing this more for me than you, but I'm addressing it to you to preserve my stubborn pride and because you're the most important thing in my life. Maybe I just need some sort of tangible proof that I was here. That I lived and I existed and I did things that fucking mattered at one point.

Like I said, none of this is really a good explanation. I just know I have to do it.

So we'll go back to the beginning... I guess? That first day.

The horrible fucking first day.

starring . . . SAMARA WEAVING as
SCARLETT HAWKSLEY // THE SUPERSTAR.
( TWENTY EIGHT.  ♧  HETEROSEXUAL. )

starring . . . ROSA SALZAR as
EVA DE LA CRUZ // THE PROTECTOR.
( TWENTY TWO.  ♧  HETEROSEXUAL. )

starring . . . SOPHIA TAYLOR ALI as
PHOEBE JADMANI  // THE FASHIONISTA.
( TWENTY FIVE. ♧  LESBIAN. )

starring . . . DEVERY JACOBS as
DEVERY HILLS  // THE SECRET SOFTIE.
( TWENTY THREE. ♧  DEMISEXUAL. )

starring . . . JAMIE CHUNG as
LENA CAMPBELL  // THE WARRIOR.
( THIRTY. ♧  HETEROSEXUAL. )

starring . . . ISABELA MERCED as
CARMEN DE LA CRUZ // THE GROUCHY TEEN.
( FIFTEEN. ♧ BISEXUAL. )

starring . . . ARIANA GREENBLATT as
XIMENA DE LA CRUZ // THE BABY.
( EIGHT. ♧  UNLABELED. )

starring . . . RYAN GUZMAN as
SEBASTIAN DIAZ // THE GOOD MAN.
( TWENTY FIVE. ♧  HETEROSEXUAL. )

THE WALKING DEAD CAST as
THEIR RESPECTIVE CHARACTERS.

AS DESCRIBED as
THE REST OF MY OCS.

BOOK ONE OF THREE.
ACT ONE, when hell first swallowed the earth.
chapters 1 — ?

playlist.

HIGHWAY TO HELL . . . ac/dc. / MAD WORLD . . . michael andrews & gary jules. / LEAD ME HOME . . . jamie n commons. / SOLDIER . . . fleurie & tommee profitt. / THE END OF THE WORLD . . . skeeter davis. / BLOOD // WATER . . . grandson. / KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR . . . guns n' roses. / HOAX . . . taylor swift. / EVERYBODY DIES . . . billie eilish. / YOU ARE THE WILDERNESS . . . voxhaul broadcast. / TROUBLE . . . cage the elephant. / CAN'T PRETEND . . . tom odell. / FIRE ON FIRE . . . sam smith. / CAN'T CATCH ME NOW . . . olivia rodrigo. / SINKING MAN . . . of monsters and men. / THE PARTING GLASS . . . hozier. / SIGN OF THE TIMES . . . harry styles. / TO BUILD A HOME . . . the cinematic orchestra.  

trigger warnings . . .
physical, mental, verbal, and emotional abuse. s*xual abuse and coercion. r*pe. swearing and strong language. mature content and sexual themes. mental illness. weapons, gore, violence, murder, and blood. terminal illness and hospitalization. addiction. alcohol and drug use and abuse. underage drinking. su*cide, su*cide attempts, and su*cidal ideation. self harm. eating disorders and starvation. torture and kidnapping. death.

credit . . .
I DO NOT OWN any rights
to twd, it's plot, or it's characters.
i only own my own characters & my own plots.
ALL OF MY characters and plots belong to me.

dedications . . .
to anyone who has ever loved this show or my
silly little stories, and to anyone who sees
themselves within the characters of a memoir
of things I wanted to say and never did.
also to annie, since she told me to publish this ; )
gracefulinfiniti
and also hollxe1 and surfcurz cuz they're my ride or dies <3

and also to toxicsoulss who was the first person
to inspire me to write a twd fic when she said i'd be
good at it. ILY

cam speaks . . .  

oh boy... I've really done it this time.
another story that I don't have time to write is
my fav form of irresponsibility ; )

welcome to a memoir of things I wanted to say & never did everybody!! I am so grateful you're here!
I'm going to try and keep this first a/n short,
but there are a couple things I wanted to say!

if you've read any of my other stories, you might
recognize how different the whole layout & vibe
are of this one. i am trying something new, and I
think a lot of things about this story are going to
differ from all the my previous ones. for example, eva (one of the main characters) is going to narrate
it (sort of)

also, many MANY of the characters listed above
in this intro are not going to come in until wayyy
later. i just wanted to get their little sections set up
now : )

it is going to get REALLY REALLY dark. it is the
walking dead, so it's pretty natural for it to be
like that. that being said, I urge you to consider
the absurdly long list of trigger warnings
mentioned above and prioritize your mental
health. if something really graphic/big is
going to happen, I'll put something in the
beginning of that chapter, but also please keep
in mind many of these things will be sprinkled
throughout. take care of yourself first always!

lastly, if you are racist, homophobic, sexist,
biphobic, transphobic, or anything else like that,
scram! this is intended to be a safe space where
all are welcome & free to be exactly who they are!

thank you so so much for taking the time to look
at this story, and i hope you'll stick around! idk
really what I'm doing with this one yet, but I
THINK ITS GONNA BE FUN!! love u all!

xoxo, cam

started: 12/24/22.
finished: tbd.

© COPYRIGHT, @-DREAMINGG
a memoir of things I wanted to say and never did.
all rights reserved.