Epilogue Part Two
A/N: Finally, the ending of A Manacled Patient. Thank you so much for the support you gave to this story. Always choose to understand, to choose our words wisely. Let's choose not the be the cause of someone else's sufferings. Thank you for all the love and support for Clementine and Tadeo!
EPILOGUE PART TWO
Kuntentong napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan ang maamong mukha ng babaeng tanging pumuno sa buong buhay ko. Ang magandang mukha niya habang mahimbing na natutulog ay walang ibang dala sa akin kundi kaluwagan ng loob. I have never felt this kind of contentment all my life. Palaging naroon ang pagdududa, hindi ako kailanman nilubayan ng takot at pangamba.
But with her, with Clementine Guinto, I could feel nothing but contentment and happiness. She brings out the best in me. Iyong mga bagay na itinatanggi ko at inaakala kong hindi ko magagawa, ipinakita niyang kaya ko pala. She made it possible for me to trust myself and believed in my capabilities. There's nothing in this world that I would trade off in her place. I don't even think some other woman would be able to leave an impact in my life just like what she did.
My life was nothing but a continuous downfall. Wala na akong nagawang tama sa buhay ko. I did nothing but cause problems to other people, to be a nuisance. I dreamt too high, I became too complacent, and I was so full of myself that I was not able to see the weaknesses that were greater than my strengths. I caused distress to other people resulting in the condition I have now.
Do I regret everything? Kung sasagutin ko iyan noong mga panahong pa na bago pa sa akin ang lahat walang dudang oo ang isasagot ko. But my condition drew me to the woman I love. Kung hindi siguro dahil sa pagtatagpo namin sa ospital malabo na magkita pa kaming dalawa dahil kung ako lang, mananatili akong duwag at takot na lapitan siya.
"Hmm..."
A smile automatically appeared on my lips when Clementine stirred. "Get more sleep, sunshine," I whispered, almost sounding inaudibly not to fully wake her up.
Mapungay ang mga mata niya nang buksan niya iyon para tingnan ako. And I just found myself falling for her cuteness more. Her lids were half open and she repeatedly blinked to help her eyes find focus. "Nasaan na tayo?" halos pabulong na tanong niya.
My smile grew even bigger. My heart felt so full seeing her right in front of me. "We're here."
"What?!" she exclaimed. Her eyes widened in shock and before she could even stop herself, she lightly pushed me back to my seat. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin? Hindi man lang ako nakapag-ayos," aligagang saad niya.
I contented myself with my seat. Sumandal ako sa kinauupuan ko para pagpasdan ang ginagawa niyang pag-aayos sa sarili niya. She rummaged through her bag, probably looking for her makeup. Nang makita niya ang hinahanap, nagsimula na siyang ayusin ang makeup niya na bahagyang nabura dahil sa kanina pa iyon inilagay dalawang oras na ang nakalipas.
"I'd prefer to look at your bare face, sunshine," lambing ko.
I moved closer to her until I was able to rest my chin on her shoulder. "Doon ka muna, Tadeo," pagtataboy niya sa akin.
"You don't need that thing, Clementine. Maganda ka kapag may ganiyan pero mas maganda ka kung wala. Your beauty shines on its own," I reasoned out.
Kung ako ang tatanungin, bare faced Clementine would always look better than her putting color to her face. Maganda siya sa napakanatural na paraan. And with every action she makes, I just found myself deeply falling for her more.
Noon pa man noong nasa kolehiyo kaming dalawa, malayo siya sa akin at nakaw ng tingin lang ang nagagawa ko ay hulog na ako. Ngayon pa kaya na abot-tanaw ko na siya, malapit sa akin, at nahahawakan ko pa. Seeing her this close to me was a dream come true, a long dream I was able to achieve.
Sobrang layo niya sa katotohanan, sa totoo lang. Hindi na ako umasa noon pa man na malalapitan ko siya dahil duwag ako at walang lakas ng loob na lapitan siya. She's too good for me and I know that she deserves more than a dysfunctional and broken man that I am. Kahit ngayon, kung gugustuhin ko lang na ibigay siya sa iba ginawa ko na. I knew that her being with a man that would not cause any problem like I am to her, would be the best for Clementine.
But that would be like taking my own breath away. She became my peace. She's my cure.
Sa lahat ng kaduwaang pinagdaanan ko, pinatapang niya ako. Iyong mga bagay na kinatatakutan ko, pinaniwala niya na kaya ko. Everything in my mind was negativity and doubt. Bilang lang yata sa iisang daliri ang pagkakataon na tumapang ako. I was afraid of a lot of things, rejections, stares of the people, their judgements, and I even fear my own self. Pero isang salita lang ni Clementine, naniniwala na ako.
"Hanggang anong oras ang event?" tanong niya sa akin.
She's referring to the founding anniversary of Osfield Psychiatric Hospital. My brother organized a small event for some of the available nurses since there must be personnels to be left to supervise the patients at the hospital.
"I have no idea. Probably until seven or eight?" I answered, unsure. "Why? Do you have any plans for the night?"
I felt my heart skipping a beat when the moment she turned around to face me, she was smiling happily. "Be with my fiancé? How does that sound?"
"That's the best suggestion, baby," I mumbled.
I didn't think twice. I closed the distance between us by claiming her lips that I've been tempted to kiss. I felt her smile with what I did before enveloping her arms around my neck. I took that as my cue to encircle my right arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me.
"I love you," I whispered, my words holding all my truths.
"I love you, too, Tadeo," ganting bulong niya.
I hungerly claimed her lips one more before finally letting her go. Pero imbes na lumayo, nanatili ako sa ganoon kalapit na distansya mula sa kaniya. Kung puwede nga lang na kandungin siya para mawala na tagala ang pagitan namin ginawa ko na. But I know for sure that Clementine wouldn't like it.
Kaya roon tayo sa magugustuhan ng boss.
"Buti pa ang Osfield may anniversary." Matunog akong bumuntong hininga at isinandal ang ulo sa balikat niya. "How about us, sunshine?"
Nang-aasar na tinawanan niya ako. "Of course wala tayong anibersaryo, Tadeo, You just showed up one day proposing a marriage to me. Ni hindi mo nga ako niligawan o inalok man lang na maging nobya mo."
My face distorted in annoyance. As much as I want to celebrate an anniversary, or even just a monthsary, it wasn't possible. We never had the proper courting stage. I never gave her that. I never asked for permission. Diretso agad sa pagpapakasal dahil alam kong doon din naman tutungo ang lahat.
"But I don't need you to court me, though," she spoke again.
Nangunot ang noo ko. "Bakit naman?"
"Sayang sa pera lang iyan. Ilagay mo na lang sa bangko para sa hinaharap. Mas matutuwa pa ako kung gano'n ang gagawin mo."
I smiled proudly and planted a quick kiss on her neck. Still the old Clementine I knew from college. Matipid, at hindi basta-basta gumagastos para sa mga bagay na hindi naman kailangan. Ilang beses na rin niya akong pinagalitan sa mga paggasta ko nitong mga nakaraan. Especially those luxury items I bought for her and her family. Most especially to the amount I spent preparing for our upcoming wedding.
I want her to experience the best wedding in her life since it's once in a lifetime. But Clementine wants it otherwise, and I have nothing left to do but to obliged.
"Puwede namang simplehan, bakit kailangan pang bonggahan?"
Those were her exact words that never left my mind. She has always been like that, practical and would always put things that were more important that the luxurious life she could give to herself.
Mas hinigpitan ko pang ang yakap sa kaniya nang maalala na naman iyon. After that day, I promised to give her and her family everything I've got. Kahit sa anong aspeto. Ibibigay ko sa kanila.
"I could stay like this all day. And I would never dare complain," bulong ko sa tainga niya.
I inhaled her scent and planted another kiss on her neck. After years of being away, I found myself being a clingy man to Clementine Guinto. Sino ba naman ang hindi? She's not just beautiful on the physical aspects but her heart is, too. She's real. She's a woman with determination that even though I pushed her away multiple times, she still chose to stay by my side.
Hinarap niya ako ng may ngisi sa mga labi bago bahagyang pinausli ang nguso na para bang may itinuturo. "I doubt it, Tad. Your left hand would never remain still for a long period of time. Tinginan mo, kinakalat na ang laman ng bag ko."
Agad na nakuha ko ang punto niya. I, of all people, must know what she meant. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang itinuturo niya kahit na mas gusto kong halikan ang mga labi niya dahil sa pag-usli no'n kanina.
I cleared my throat to remove whatever's running on my head. I tilted my head downwards until I was finally able to see the mess my left hand was creating. Malikot na kinukuha ng kaliwa kong kamay ang mga gamit sa loob ng bag ni Clementine at inihuhulog sa sahig ng sasakyan.
Naiiling na nag-angat ako ng tingin sa babaeng mahal ko na matiyagang naghihintay sa gagawin ko imbes na pangunahan ako. May malokong ngisi sa mga labi na hinalikan ko siya nang mabilis sa mga labi bago bumalik sa sariling puwesto.
Just like what I do for the past years, I held my left hand and put it under my legs to stop it from moving. Nothing has changed in the way I managed it like how I did it before. The only difference now is what I think and feel whenever I see my hand act up. Hindi tulad noon na inis at iritasyon ang nangingibabaw sa akin, kalmado na ako. Wala nang mga negatibong bagay sa isip ko.
Unlike how I looked at it before, as if I wanted to cut it apart from my body, I could stare at it the whole day and watch it move on its own without having any thoughts. For as long as I knew that no one would be involved, I could manage on my own.
It was clear to me that alien hand syndrome has no cure. Not even therapies would stop it. But having it for years I began to learn how to live with it. Wala na rin naman akong magagawa. Hindi ko naman puwedeng putulin ang kamay ko. I have no other choice but to live with it. That's the only way to survive this life that I have.
"Let's ditch, Tad," she suggested.
Mabilis na napangisi ako. "Good suggestion, sunshine."
Without a word, she went out of the car only to move to the driver's seat. I remained seated at the right corner at the back. I wouldn't dare to drive. Baka ikapahamak lang naming dalawa. The driver who drove us here was already at the party.
"Where should we go, honey?" she mischievously asked, looking at me through the rear mirror.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Anywhere? I'm good enough that I'm with you."
Nangingiting bumaling siya sa manibela bago pinaandar ng tuluyan ang sasakyan.
My eyes remained fixed on her, watching her every move, fascinated by her beauty, and drowning by the drug of love I have for her.
Komportableng sumandal ako sa sandalan habang pinagmamasdan pa rin siya. I couldn't think of a better word to describe what I feel aside from the word happiness. Just one sight of her, everything feels like it's in the right places. We could never be certain of how the world would work for me for the coming days. But as long as I'm with her, I could surpass all the challenges. With her beside me, the rough nights would turn into a peaceful paradise.
Years of being manacled by fear and years of being chained physically and emotionally... I am finally free.
WAKAS
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