The time I realised I was insane was an odd one. An amazing one in my opinion. I learned the real me. Sean the mad man. It was a sad and good day a normal day for the old me. know let me explain with this story of how I found the real me

I was really insane I mean mental In my mind. On the out side I was normal but in the inside I was dying. I was killing myself hideing myself from the world. I seemed like a happy go lucky Irish youtuber with good friends and an amazing amount of subscribers. But I was lying I was dying inside. I looked in the mirror everyday and saw a nice looking happy man. I looked in my head and saw a mess a saddening sight that no one wanted see in real life. All my thoughts were kept in my mind and no one knew. I didn't feel insane

I felt lonely

I turned on the camera and started to record "top of the morrin' to ya laddies my names jackceptieye and today I am playing a game called the mad man" I shouted into the camera. The real reason I was called jack was that he was my ego. So It was like I was cosplaying as this person but Sean was the real me. Jack was just that annoying character in a movie or group that everyone loved and never seemed to be mean I anyway. 

As I played the game the mad man It was like my life. Like I was living a lie so i was playing this game and it was just my life. i was relating to a game which you shouldn't relate to. At this moment in time it was hard to act normal and all the images and things in this game were hard to react normal too. "Well guys that was a weird game" I sat in shock and I did my outro badly and not so good because i was stunned by the game itself.

As I was editing well watching this video I just watched it And repeated out loud "is this what my life should be. Am i hiding myself to cope with my terrible self. Am i hiding the truth to make it through is this what my life should really be am i m-" until I was stopped when I heard a beep

Markimoo: we're playing prop hunt drunk wanna play

It took me a while to think if it was a good idea like what if I told the guys my real life and who sean is not jack . no one knew the real me. everyone thought my name was jack. not sean, but not to be a party pooper I thought I will get a drink of Apple juice or something like that and say it is wine or beer and fake getting drunk as telling the others my real self would be horrible

Ceptiguy: yea I guess so I will get it going see you then

We started to film and ten minutes into the video mark was already acting weird pewdiepie was normal and so was cry. I was really quiet "hey jack are you ok" pewdiepie asked "yeah I am GREAT" I shouted hiding my pain inside. We went the rest of it being really boring and not being all off acting and drunk. We were being weird and stuff but i was quiet. After recording I straight up uploaded the content I couldn't be bothered to edit it. I was too tired and for the first time I couldn't care less about the video. Who cared about views or subs I had 10 million who gave a fuck.they were there i might tell them that my dad had died and I was taking a week break so they would stop bitching about the shit content "THERE JUST PEOPLE WHO GIVES A FUCK. ALL THEY DO IS GIVE MONEY. NO THERE GREAT PEOPLE NO THERE JUST THERE FOR GAMES NO THERE HERE FOR ME, GAMES,ME. SHUT THE FUCK UP" I shouted to myself sitting in my living room chair Sobbing.I was at war with myself. The worst thing to try and beat .yourself. There was your heart and your conscious. In my case my conscious would be jack a nice happy person and my heart being Sean the real me at heart thats why it was my heart. Following your heart wasn't always the nice side of you. What was my life now. A lie that's what it was. I used jack my 'character that I was cosplaying' as a disguise that I was happy and loud all the time. That I was lucky and was really grateful for all my success. I thought this jack person would save my life and change my view on life and make me become this jack guy. I wish I was but I wasn't it was all a lie. I was an unhappy asshole who gave no shits about his views and give fuck all about how much subs I had. They were just people who thought my happy side and lying self was funny or made them smile. "WHY IS THIS MY LIFE" I screamed. Everyday I was trying to hide the bad side to me but now I am failing to hide this person who I really am not this jack fellow.

I was trying to be a funny yet hard trying laughing smiling clown that everyone wants to be with and a person with happy wibes

But I really was a sad emotionless lonely man with no one who really knows the pain he goes through everyday.

I had none to help me

There was no one

People wanted to like

The lie

Jack

They wanted jack

They hated Sean

I hated jack

I wanted Sean

Jack was a happy lie

Sean was a sad truth

Sad truths are more worth

then happy lies

This was only me though

I was Insane after all

And crazy

And mad

I was the iconic

MAD HATTER

                                                                  i WAS INSANE

I WAS CRAZY I DID LIE

                                                                                                                     I TOLD TRUTHS

I LAUGHED AT SHIT

                                                         THAT WASN'T FUNNY

                          I ALWAYS WOULD WEAR A HAT

I LOVED TEA

I LOOKED REALLY OFF

                                                      I HAD GREEN HAIR

     AND HALF OF IT WAS GREY AT

                    TWENTY SIX

                                                                                                             I MADE BAD JOKES

                                                          I WAS MAD

                                     AND

I WAS A HATTER

                                                                                             GOODBYE

                              HAPPY LITTLE LIES

                                                                                              JACK

                                                                                                                   GOODBYE THE FUN SHIT

MY SMILE CAN DIE
I PREFER A DEVILISH GRIN

                                                                                                  HELLO

               SAD TRUTHS

                                                                                                                                        SEAN

                     HELLO CRAZY INSANE THOUGHTS

HELLO A DEVILISH GRIN
CUTE SMILES GET PEOPLE TO LISTEN

                                                                                                                                          HELLO HATE

                                AND SADENSS

                                                     AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL

THEY SAID I WAS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON

                                                                                      THEY WERE WRONG

                                      I WAS RIGHT.

                                                                                                        I WAS MENTALLY

PHYSICALLY

                                                                                                       LOVELY

AND I'M GENERALLY INSANE

I WAS AND AM THE

THE....

FUCKING....

INSANE....

CRAZY....

UNCONTROLLABLE......

MENTAL....

SEAN....

THE MAD HATTER