He helped her with an anti-diarrheal medication before she was able to feel the muscles of her belly relax and the feeling of purging subsided.

Nicole let out a long sigh then a thought came to her. “Why are we on the same flight Richard? Don’t tell me Eliza invited you as well!” She gasped, eyes spread like saucers.

Richard gave her a blank look like she didn’t make sense. “Is it unbelievable that she would invite me too? We’re mutual Nicole, even though we’re no longer together.”

“So you still keep in touch then?” she bit her lower lip as the real question she wanted to ask begged to be spoken. It wasn’t Eliza she was interested in learning about, rather it was someone else, the girl who’d caused their rift in the first place.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I do. You know Eliza and saying goodbyes, it’s difficult for her.”

Nicole nodded, her lips tugged between her teeth. “Right… so you’re a special guest then, just like me. No wonder the coincidence.”

“What did you think I was here for? That I tracked you to the airport?”

She kept silent.

“That would’ve been romantic but sadly I didn’t. Beijing is my route.”

“I’m also surprised you left your phobia for long distances and came on this journey, you’ve indeed changed a lot in the past few years. What happened Richard?” She smiled at him mockingly.

He threw his head back to look firmly at her sarcastic remarks. “That doesn’t seem like a compliment Nicole, more like ‘oh, what finally got you off your childish fears’ right!”

“No, honestly I wasn’t mocking you but it was a bit childish that you disliked far distances and would throw tantrums if you were made to go on a vacation or somewhere far. I used to hate that about you,” she scoffed.

“I used to hate many things about me too, so we’re on the same page.” He threw a hand up in gesture. “But I had to grow…”

“Did you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her lower jaw made a to-and-fro movement as she contemplated her next words. “I mean, aside from the physical changes I’ve seen in you, I don't buy the idea that you’ve grown. People don’t just change,”

“Neither have you, you know… I thought I was still stuck in my past, being that stupid, careless brat who did things because they felt good and not because they were indeed necessary but you…” he looked Nicole in the eyes, not with anger. “You’ve not grown much I see, aside from your physical appearance, you still hold this anger, this—this resentment towards a past that could’ve been addressed a long time ago but instead you prefer to shut down emotionally and hide from it. That’s exactly what you did two years ago and still running to date,” she had a murderous look on her face, Richard could see he’d ticked her off but he kept going.

“You can’t keep doing that to us Nicole, to yourself! Running from your demons. It never gets things solved. I’ve come to terms with who I am and what I have done but you… you’re still running, running from heaven knows what!” He cried, his chest heaved as he spoke those deep words that had been hidden in his heart. “You never asked me why… why it happened in the first place.”

With trembling lips, Nicole responded. “Why should I when it was obvious you were tired of me? Of us and she was this bubbly, passionate girl who laughed at every one of your jokes and soothed your ego when you needed it. I became a bore,”

“God Nicole! You’ve got it all wrong!” He hissed.

“Yeah, defend yourself then, tell me you were drunk when it happened or—or that she manipulated you or some shit that doesn’t have to do with you because all you do is blame others but never on yourself!” She sighed. “This is why I don’t like talking about the past, I have high blood pressure, and discussions that trigger me are avoided,”

“I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“Yes, just like you had no idea it was after our messy breakup that I developed it. Do you think I’m this resentful towards you because you broke our relationship? You took more than that from me Richard and you still lie about how many times it was,” hot tears hit her cheeks as the memories rushed back.

“What?!”

“I know, okay? Rose told me. She gloated over it so much that I couldn’t get the scenes off my head as much as I tried. It was devastating when she said you both had been in on it for a month without my knowledge and had planned to get an apartment together. Was that why you moved in with her afterward?”

“You threw me out,” he deadpanned.

Nicole chuckled. “Right, great excuse,” she tapped her hands lightly in a clap. “And you see why I hate you so much, Richard. There’s no reasonable reason on planet Earth that’d be enough to justify the pain and shame you put me through.”

Words zapped from his lips at the amount of hurt she held in her eyes. Watching her struggle to contain her emotions was enough of an arrow to his heart already, he wasn’t sure how else to approach the topic without making her cry. Nicole was passionate and feeble when it came to matters like this and he wanted only to tread carefully. “I’m sorry Nicole, I’m so, so damn sorry for being a selfish dick who thought I could get away with anything. I never meant to hurt you Nic, trust me—I never in any way thought of putting us through that shit. Till today every memory of those days has been a blur, a mystery—not that I doubt my actions but I still beat myself up for reasons why I cheated on you. It felt like I was acting out of character, like it wasn’t me but it was—I know you’d say I’m pushing the blame off my shoulders, but that’s not it… I just. I needed what she gave me so badly that I always went back.” He whispered the last part, his words floating in the silence like a wave of water.

“What do you mean by that Rich?”

He stared intently at the condensation around the body of the wine bottle instead of sharing his thoughts with her.

“Richard, what did she do to you?” Nicole asked one at a time, carefully. It took a while but when he finally looked her way, his eyes were filled with unshed tears, of pain, hurt, and conflict.

“She gave me every kind of it, ice, weed, pills—you name it. I couldn’t stop,”
Her heart stopped, not figuratively, like literally stopped for almost a minute. Nicole couldn’t believe her ears.