In the eerie darkness of the black velvet,
That was spread across the universe,
There lived a moon with a taint..
It was so fragile..
It gave birth to a shooting star..
Whilst the moon was hesitant even to show its face to the Sun,
The shooting star had a strong affinity towards the sun..
Of course,the Sun has its own trace..
Will the Sun and the Moon join together?
Will the Sun share its light to brighten up the the life of the moon and the shooting star?
After all, the light comes after the night..!!

*****************

I was married a few hours ago..

Only I know what Iam going through..

Amidst the starlight is the ever glow of the moon, that mother of the sky whom watched over my beating heart, steady and true..

The full moon shines down on the crystal and seems to blaze there..

It gives me the strength..

And a new hope for a new life..

I can feel the running turmoil and the turbulence in my mind..

Does everyone feel the same?

Or only me?

But definitely no one will have the second thoughts on their wedding night..

Atleast about their wedding..

I can hear my parents talking so excitedly outside the room..

The room..

The room that witnessed all my pain for the past 30 years is going to say a bye..

Finally..

For the past one week, I was drenching in the pool of emotions..

Ever since, I knew what love is, I had always wanted to marry someone with whom I have feelings..

I was in search of a person who could give me nothing but love..

I found too..

But..

Just to enlighten me that the definition of love what I knew was wrong..

Can love be wrong?

Wait..

Is there any definition for love?

No..

It differs from person to person..

It took me years to prove me that mine was wrong..

And now, this is my second innings..

I don't know if this is love..

I hope atleast this should be..

Iam not in a ballgame to accept one more lead balloon..

I've always grown up as a person from my teen, thinking that the hardest point in life is, to find a right person and I assumed that the person would be the fulcrum for my happy life..

I know, the definition of 'right' differs..

But, I somehow or other felt like the more right the person is, the less suffering and mental trauma I would be undergoing in the future..

How to find the RIGHT person?

I had one relationship in the past..

I was happy with my partner..

No..

I was the happiest..

That's all about love, Isn't it?

Is it too much to ask?

No, I felt then..

But now, I can relate that I was wrong..

I ended up being all alone..

With scars and broken heart..

I had very ivory-towered notions, I suppose..

And they decimated and depleted me..

My heart..

I felt lost..

I had to swim against the storm..

I had to fight against a losing war..

It was painful..

It is..

Still..

Every time, when I thought that I overcame the worst,things had gone even worst..

And the things happened when I was with the so called RIGHT person by my side..

I was crushed in the past..

I know, I should not be judged by my past life..

But, experiences are something that moulded me as a person today..

Never ever in my wildest dreams, I thought I would get married like now..

Like every other person, I had dreams about wedding..

My eyes automatically went through my outfit..

The so called wedding outfit..

A sea of emotions went through me..

What if the old wounds affect my new relationship?

What if this fails too?

What if..

What ifs..

They can bring a turmoil inside me..

The home didn't come out of the celebration mode..

One bunch of people came..

One bunch of people went..

All I could hear is noise..

All I could smell is ghee..

Someone entered my room to advice me not to be shy and wanted me to talk to my In laws..

Should I?

I have spoken with them..

They are nice..

What else to talk?

I really have no clue as of now in my mind..

We always choose our Mr/Ms.Perfect through comatose love sketches..

There are reasons..

There may not be..

When the reality takes the charge to paint the sketches, everything changes..

I repeat, everything changes..

I must inveigle myself that marriage is not finding the ideal counterpart..

Am I dreaming too hard?

Will it happen?

Or Am I exaggerating?

I don't know..

The person I have married, the joy, the celebration around me, the ceremonies,nothing is hair-rising for me..

Elders have told me how they fit into a relationship when getting married to a stranger..

I tried to place myself in that position,
tried to envisage my life in that sketch..

But, I pathetically failed..

Iam not that person..

I cannot fit myself into that place right now..

Or never..

Elders..

Gosh..

How did I forget my athai?

My very own athai..

How can I forget her?

Stupid mind..

She was with me during the initial phase of my toughest times..

She gave me all the courage to stand on my legs..

The place where Iam standing right now is because of her..

How much I missed her during my wedding..

"You should not cry..

You should never cry..

Tears will make you an impuissant..

Be courageous and stalwalt enough to face the life..

After all it's only one life..

We have to live, no matter what happens..

You are a paladin..

You are never a loser..

Dont ever feel bad for what happened..

Life is all about accepting the partner and everyone with their flaws..

So, keep calm and concentrate on your studies now..

Lets see what the future holds for you.."

Her words are still lingering in my mind..

And she is not today with me..

She left me..

She left the world 10 years back..

She was fighting with breast cancer..

We tried hard, but couldn't save her..

Life is so uncertain..

And my parents..

Of course, I have to tell about them..

Both of them are belligerent in nature..

Since my school days, all Iam seeing is doneybrooks..

24×7×365

All the day..

All the time..

The only thing that united them is my wedding..

I still dont know how they united together in this thing..

For this thing..

Yet, they did..

After all, they care for me like anyone..

Hmmm..

Am happy atleast something united them even if it created a tornado in my mind and life as well..

So..

What's going to happen next?

Will I navigate through this and enter into a smooth life?

Like others?

Or wi..

My thoughts are disturbed by the opening sound of the door and my little munchkin entered the room and ran towards me to hug my legs..

-Will brew

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