There was a time when I fell

I fell hard into a black void of confusion

And I couldn't pick myself back up

"I feel empty."

Was the first line I had ever written in my journal

While my tears stained the dusty pages

"I'm tired of wearing a mask."

Was the next

As I "smiled" up at my friends

and bit down on the desperate cries for help that writhed in my stomach

and blinked away the hopeless tears that no one could see

and crawled so deep within myself that soon I could not even remember the little girl that

I used to be

I spent months perfecting the mask that refused to disappear

The mask that wouldn't let me reach out for help

And the mask that told those around me that I was "Okay"

The same mask would laugh at me every day

It laughed as I cried myself to sleep

And it laughed even as I poured my feelings onto that page

Each day, I could see myself fading

And all I could do was watch and grieve for that girl

That I knew I would never be able to get back

It didn't take long before I stopped fighting

I quit struggling against the mask

And I quit reaching up for the surface that always was so tantalizingly close

"I'm drowning." I wrote. "I can't breathe"

And I knew by then that the light had faded from my eyes

and the joy in my smile had vanished

So much so that I abandoned the little girl I once was and opened my arms to the darkness

Ignoring the shrill cries from that girl as she faded, begging me to help her back

So that we could live on together and forget these dark times

And at that same time I saw a hand from the surface reach towards me

Bathed in light and warmth, it reached for me and I walked towards it

The girl's cries grew louder and louder, laced with hurt and despair

As I grasped the hand that was surrounded by light, the little girl's voice broke

I turned once more to see the girl collapsed on the ground, tears staining her cheeks

and one arm reaching for me

I could see her despair at being left alone

Stranded in the darkness where she had been buried by that mask

And begging me to bring her with me

Before I could act, the hand pulled me up out of the darkness as the little girl faded from view

I broke from the surface where more tears were shed

And the mask was s h a t t e r e d.

I came to realize that I was not the same person

And the little girl that I once was had been left for dead.

And a new girl had taken her place

A new girl who was wiser, brighter, and stronger.