Braydon's POV

"With The New Day Comes New Strengths And New Thoughts"
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
Goodmorning Baby. I Love And Miss You And Hope You Find Strength Today."

I wanted so badly to reply to Lyric's text. But I couldn't. She's texted me every morning since Justin died. I hate that I've been so distant when all she wanted to do was to be here for me.

This past month has been so stressful for me. I've never had parents, well ones that actually cared about me. My foster parents only love me for the check they receive from the state.

I got out the bed and went into the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. "You can do it, Bray. Just go to school.", I whispered to myself, looking into the mirror. But I knew I couldn't.

My eye was still swollen from when my "Dad" hit me in the face when his Berreta. This wasn't the first time he's put his hands on me. But it sure as hell's gonna be his last time.

I didn't bother getting in the shower. I walked down the hallway to my little sisters' room. They were still sleeping so peacefully.

"Amaris, Amaryah & Amari! Get up. Get ready for school." , I said shaking them all awake. Amaryah & Amari were 16-year-old twins. And Amaris was 6. My sisters are my foster sisters but they mean everything to me. I love to see the smiles on their faces. But I also love getting on their nerves.

My "Mom" was never home. Always gone before we woke up and home after we've fallen asleep. Well in my case, in bed. I haven't slept lately. My thoughts have been all over the place.

Amaris came into the living room fully dressed. "Braydon, I know mama's not ever here, but where's daddy? Today is my talent show, themed "Dance with Daddy", just as she finished, he walked in the house. "Come on Maris, we're gonna be late.", he said as he grabbed her hand pulling her towards the door.

"Wait daddy.", she said yanking her hand and running back to me. "Bray, aren't you gonna tell me good luck?", she said with her puppy dog eyes. I looked at her for a long time. "Amaris, I wish you the best. Always remember what I told you.", I said kissing her cheek. "A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.", we both said hugging each other. She ran for the door. "You're the best big brother Bray. I love you.", she said before she went out the door. For a 6-year-old, she has her way of making you feel like the best person in the world. But is that enough love?

The twins came running down the steps next. "Damn, we're gonna miss the bus. It's already 7:30 am.", Amaryah said grabbing an apple, running towards the door. Amari didn't say anything, just walked towards the door. How do I say goodbye to them? Amaris was easy, she's younger. She's not really gonna understand yet. But the twins, they will feel this.

"I'll take y'all to school. Come on." I said grabbing my car keys. The entire ride was silent until I pulled up at their school. As they were getting out, I felt my chest cave in. "Twins?", I called out as they both closed the door and turned back facing the car. "Have a nice day. I love y'all okay?", I said getting out the car. I walked around and hugged my sisters.

"We love you too Bray.", they said in unison. "But why are you being nice to us? First, you wake us up on time. Then you bring us to school. Now you love us?" Amari said confusedly. "Y'all know I really love y'all outside of all the pranks I do to y'all.", I giggled a little.

"Yea we know. We love you too. Just don't go kill yourself, weirdo.", Amaryah said laughing. Little did she know, that's exactly what I planned to do. I got in the car and drove back home.

As I sealed the last letter, I finally let my tears out. This is happening. But my sisters, my girlfriend, all of my friends. They will miss me. Wouldn't they? I turned my computer on and listened to the song that I've had on repeat for days.

"And my mind's spinning, this is the line finish
Truth is I don't care how they feel about my feelings
I made up my mind, I'm going out like Robin Williams".

I twirled "My Dad's" Berreta on my finger. The same one he hit me with the other day. It's heavier than I expected.

"But it's too late, I'm sorry, so much weighing on me.
I don't wanna live to see another day, I'm sorry." The song continued as I took the gun off of safety. I sat it on the table and grabbed the blunt I rolled last night.

About 25 minutes of facing the blunt by myself & listening to "I'm Sorry" by Joyner Lucas, I was ready. I grabbed my phone and took my passwords off. I made a list of all my passwords to my social media. I went into A'Lyric's message thread and started on my goodbye letter.

A'Lyric Nicole Keys

When I first laid my eyes on you 4 years ago, I knew I wanted you in my life forever. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but the one I'm about to share with you now, is by far, the worse 😕 One day, 4 years ago, my cousin and I were walking around, up to no good. I saw you for the very first time. But he, my cousin, saw you first. He followed you across the alley and grabbed you. I tried to convince him that raping you was a bad idea. But he had a secret on me that, at 13 years old, I didn't want everyone to know. When I started high school, I saw a face that I could never forget. But I made a mistake when I told Jay I saw you. He forced me to become friends with you, to earn your trust. It was more than just a secret of me being adopted. He put a gun to my head and made me promise not to tell you or he'd kill me. I wanted to tell you so bad. These last two years with you have been amazing. I didn't like you because I was forced to, I liked you for you. You are an amazing girlfriend and a beautiful person I just can't live with this lie anymore and it's getting worse. So A'Lyric Nicole Keys this is my goodbye to you. I'm so sorry. Promise me you'll love me no matter what. Because I love you.
Message Sent 9:47 am

Well here goes nothing. "Dear God. I hope you forgive me for the ultimate sin I'm about about to commit," I said out loud. With all the stress I've been going through, I still prayed to God. Even though, sometimes, I questioned if he gave a damn about me. Why'd he give me such a shitty life? I straightened up my goodbye letters on my desk.

"I used to shine, now I'm all in the dark
I remember I used to tell you to follow your heart
But goddammit, look at you now, it's all of your fault."

I picked the gun back up and put it to my head. Without second guessing myself, I pulled the trigger.