Chapter 5

Dreams and Reality

It was raining hard. The droplets of water pounded down upon every surface they could touch, thoroughly soaking everything. The wind made the trees sway, making them look as though they were liable to fall any minute. Sirius walked through the woods in human form, seemingly walking along like anyone else would, except for the fact that he was the only thing in the vicinity that was dry.  Not to mention, he was almost invisible to the eye.

His wand held aloft, he'd conjured an invisible bubble-like structure that not only repelled the rain, but it had the added benefit of keeping him warm as well. He'd cast a Dissilusionment charm, knowing that should anyone see him, they wouldn't be able to for the most part. While his situation was considerably better than the creatures in the woods, Sirius was in a particularly sour mood.

He'd found several posters of himself in Diagon Alley that morning, tacked up on every surface imaginable. In his haste to get a wand, he hadn't noticed the presence of all those posters, but he'd seen them now, his own face, shouting, holding up his placard like it was a huge check. He was astounded at his behavior, though he knew it's a while before he gained his old mental state if that was possible. 

Though who could blame him? Losing everyone he loved, losing the trust of the people that he respected most. At that last thought, the face of Minerva McGonnagal flashed into his mind. Minnie. Practically everyone thought he'd betrayed the Potters, since none but a few knew that he'd changed the Secret Keepers, to make sure that word didn't spread around. He shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts. 

But they kept coming. He remembered when he himself had decided to change the Secret Keepers, despite James' and Lily's own hesitance. He'd persisted, saying that Peter would be far less obvious as one than himself. That was true, but Peter was most certainly not one to trust with the information, as he now knew. The first thing that little rat did was scurry off to Voldemort and point him straight in the direction of the Potters. 

He knew what Peter would say if confronted about that. He'd either lie, saying that it was Sirius who was lying, and he, Peter, was innocent. That wouldn't work for him though. Everyone knew him to be dead. He'd have a right difficult time explaining in court why exactly he'd hidden from the world for 12 years, and not only that but as a rat. Or, he could lie yet again, say that he was imperiused or something. 

That wouldn't be the first time he'd done something like that either, Sirius thought darkly. It had happened in their 6th year, or 7th, but he wasn't too sure. His Azkaban stay had definitely left an impression on his memory. James had a watch back then, one that was quite ridiculous, it being a Mickey Mouse watch. He'd been disappointed, but he'd loved that watch. And then Peter had stolen it. He'd kept it hidden for the longest time, then was found out by them, and had the audacity to say that Voldemort had made him do it. Sirius hadn't bought it. He might have believed it more if Peter said that the devil himself was responsible. 

James had thought. The irony definitely wasn't wasted there. The person who had trusted Peter when no one else did was now a victim of that mistake. Not to mention Lily, and Harry too, who, based on what he'd seen in Privet Drive, had gotten stuck with Petunia and that walrus Vernon Dursley. He couldn't help but smirk. Dursley had been so frightened of him that he simply referred to Sirius as "the homosexual". Not to mention that he'd somehow thought all wizards were that way, increasing his fear of them even more. It had been hilarious.

Sirus continued walking along, lost in his thoughts and memories. He kept on walking when he saw it. Or him, for that matter. A magnificent stag, standing regally in a clearing off to the side, staring directly at him. For a moment, Sirius thought he was hallucinating. "Prongs?" But he knew when the stag turned around that he'd simply sawn what he wanted to see. Prongs was the most impressive stag he'd ever seen, not that he'd seen many, but this one didn't have that aura that Prongs seemed to emit. Not to mention, Prongs honked more than any deer in the world combined. 

He fell to his knees, defeated. Seeing a stag that looked so much like Prongs, yet wasn't was heartbreaking. Suddenly, a small brown rat scurried along, heading for a small hollow in a tree. Sirius lunged for it. That was Peter. No way could that not be Peter. This rat was the fattest one he'd ever seen, and there was only one rat that could look like that. Just as he was about to reach it, the rat transformed, turning into Peter Pettigrew, who had an unconscious James by the collar, holding a wand to his neck. Then, in front of his own eyes, Peter melted away, leaving him holding James. His alternate self began to speak the words, "Avada Keda-"

"NO!"

Sirius woke up, shouting and flailing, only to find himself laying on the forest floor, staring up at a tree, which he assumed he must have been laying back against. He continued to lay there, his heart racing. It had been extremely realistic. 

The worst part of the dream was that it wasn't hard to tell what it meant. Peter had been responsible for the Potter's deaths, but in a way, it was he, Sirius, who was the real mastermind behind the whole plan, and it was he who was responsible for the Potter's deaths. A tear rolled across his cheek. It had been so long since he'd cried, he'd told himself that he couldn't do that in front of the dementors. 

But now, he was alone. He wouldn't have preferred it that way though. Back in their Hogwarts years, if he'd had any sort of nightmare, it would have been James, his wand alit, peering over at him, asking him if he was okay, and then walking Sirius down to the common room to have a cup of tea, where they'd just sit, most of the time not even talking, but James' mere presence would have made everything better. 

What he wouldn't give just for a chance to see him one last time.