I don't have much to say so... hi. The name's Flinn Rider.

Warning: Chaos chapter. Readers beware. I pray you come out sane, but you most likely won't. If you were even sane to begin with which is doubtful.

Remus
I aimed another pea in my rubber band. Right for the target. Okay maybe a little to the left, but that was easily adjustable. A smirk found its way to my face making my totally real and not taped on mustache crooked. I took a slow breath before letting it go. The pea flew through the air, bouncing off walls and pots before finally hitting the thin, probably 150 page, book. The book began falling over, knocking the dominoes down one by one until one fell off the kitchen counter. It landed perfectly on a carefully placed broom that fell over and knocked the end of a toy car that was placed at the top of a ramp. The car did a loopty loop before falling off in the middle of the second loop and landing upside down. It skidded to the next target, the marbles. Once the marbles were hit, they went in three different directions on three very different paths. One went into a marble launcher and was launched across a large distance onto the kitchen counter. Another rolled down a carefully placed path that led straight to the target. The last one rolled down a ramp then landed on the f3 button on the remote, changing the movie from a Disney movie to 50 shades of grey. I heard Roman yell from the other room and cackled. The first marble rolled on the counter and made it to its goal, dropping a marshmallow into my cup of lemonade. This is the best track I’ve made, so far so good. I looked to the last marble that was slowly gaining momentum. Almost there, almost there… The marble made it to the end of the ramp and- 

… Dropped. Straight to the ground. Well screw a t-rex and call me your mother’s three eyed scorpion. 

Bonnie looked up from her project before smirking. She picked up the marble, “You were so close with that one!”

I sighed, throwing my hands in the air, “Close isn’t the goal! How am I supposed to be hauntingly creepy if the contraptions never work?”

“Well you can try to be less obvious about them.” She winked, “I saw you place the ramp for my head so I messed with the slope,” I gasped loudly and inhaled a bug.

After coughing, I exclaimed, “You evil genius!” She let out her evil laugh. I moved a hand to my forehead. “Oh to think we were once close! Like two goldfish in a condom!” 

I heard the tv switch back to the Disney movie in the front room. So much for my evil plan. I took a sip of my lemonade and sat next to Bonnie who had gotten back to work dissecting a touch activated kitchen sink. She had a microscope and was looking at bits of the metal underneath. She had been told multiple times that she could go look on google, but she’s more of a hands-on learner. She has been wondering how they work for months now and they became her greatest foe. We came up with a ploy to steal one and have been working on it for a few months. Until we found one abandoned in a ditch yesterday. So. You know. The plan would have worked but why do it when you just have one? We still have the plan in the back of our heads in case we need to steal anything else though. 

“Learn anything new?” I asked, laying down on my back and lifting my feet and arms into the air like a dead bug. 

“Not much. There’s a sensor that runs through the metal and it’s a different type of metal so the sensors can actually feel you. That’s all I’ve got so far.”  I nodded, sighing. She had started 30 minutes ago so I get why she didn’t get that far, but I still wish she got farther. We need to figure out how to control this technology and take over the world. Or the sally beauty makeup store. I have never tasted better lipgloss.

I scrunch my nose, my mind going back to the marble, “What slope did you put it at?”

“You had it at about 1/8x so I shifted it up to 1/13x.” I sighed, yep that’d do it. It messes with the momentum entirely. I licked my thumb then dipped it in my lemonade and ran it across my forehead, simba-ing myself. She stuck her tongue out at me and I flicked lemonade in her face. 

In response, she had the audacity to reach into my cup and eat the marshmallow. Can you believe her? Rude. “I let you into my house, we broke bread together, grandmama even gave you her cannoli. And how did you repay me? By eating my marshmallow. Wow.” I glanced over to the front room, waiting for Roman to run in or yell something about the reference. Bonnie knew the drill by now and glanced over as well. Silence greeted our eager listening holes that go to our brains. I glanced at Bonnie and shrugged. She stood up and went over to the living room. 

Ugggggggh okay fiiiiine. Reluctantly, I hopped to my feet and followed. 

Roman was sitting on the couch with an empty bowl with what appears to have been ice cream in it. His eyes were hazed as Raya and the Last Dragon played in the background. He was obviously zoned out. Bonnie and I shared a look. She whispered, “Plan A or D?” I grinned. Angel or demon. She should know what I’m gonna say.

“D” She nodded and reached over the couch carefully, then swiped his phone. We quickly rushed back to the kitchen snickering. She fogged up the screen then looked at the most typed numbers. She glanced at me. Hmmmmm a 3, a 2, a 1, an 8, and a 9. I smirked. Got it. 12, 13, 89. Taylor Swift’s birthday. It’s obvious if you know my brother. Plus not a lot of other dates line up with those numbers. I mean, they could but still. Not a lot of celebrities that Roman would go straight for have similar dates relating to them.

"Try twelve, thirteen, eighty-nine." She nodded and unlocked the phone. We're in. I took the phone from her tentacles and immediately went scrolling through his pictures.

Selfies. Selfies. Oh is that something else? Nope, selfies. Oh and a few with his friends. Awww none with me. How tragic. "Hey Bonnie, say cheese." She squinted with her eyebrows raised, mouth pressed in a line. I snapped 20. "Sexy."

"What a coincidence, so are you!" She smiles, eyebrows remaining raised.

"Ayyyyyyyeeeeeee!"

"Ayyyyyyyeeeeeee!" We exchanged finger guns before looking back at the phone. "Hmmmm wannaaaaaaaaa prank call?"

Bonnie shrugged, "Whatever you want to do."

I began scrolling through the contacts. Ah there's the nerd, the goth, the dad, and the parentals, me, Sawah, Han-the-man, Mary with a stick up its a-

I paused. Who's the orange sick emoji? Ya know, the this: 🍊 🤒.  I glanced at Bonnie.

"Do you know a sick orange?" She tilted her head.

"I know of an annoying orange." 

"Pfffft I'm calling them."

"But what will we say?" I winked at her.

"Exactly."

"Ah of course! How silly of me to question it!" She clapped, grinning.

I pressed call on the mysterious contact. I put the phone on speaker and placed it between us, grinning from ear to ear.

"Nashville crematorium you kill 'em we grill 'em, how can I help you?" Bonnie and I froze. That… What now? 

I slowly blink before responding, "I'd like to reserve a time."

"We're open from 11:11pm to 4am. They're mostly just walk-ins." I put a hand over my mouth to repress the snort that threatened to escape. 

"I thought it was only right to warn you about the large order that I was putting in place. How many barbecues do you do per night?"

"Depends on the size." The voice seemed to put a hand over the speaker before calling to someone, "How long does it take to cremate a full human body??" Bonnie snickered and a sigh could be heard by the other person in the room.

"Why do you need to know- wait don't answer that. I'll go look it up." The voice retreated.

The main person turned back to the phone, "Sorry for the hold up. Our calculations were mixed up so we'll let you know soon. How large is the order?"

I looked at Bonnie, "About 3,000" she said, shrugging off the number.

"Ah yeah, we can definitely do it in a night."

"Just for curiosity sake, how much does it cost to cremate that many?" She asked, a smoothness added to her tone.

"Roughly a cat that is friendly to me and rude to everyone else. Plus an orange. They're our company's signature fruit."

"Seems reasonable." 

"It really does-" the person broke out into a coughing fit before clearing their throat.

"Bless you," Bonnie blessed.

"I feel blessed."

"What a coincidence, that was my very goal!"

"No wayyyyy!" I snorted.

"Oh by the way, do you offer therapy?" Bonnie questioned. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Depends on how much you're willing to pay," the person quipped back.

"3 goat."

"Add an octopus tentacle and you've got yourself a deal."

"I'll just give you a whole octopus, I've actually got one right here."

I cackled, "Okay daddy." She rolled her eyes.

"Not anymore." Bonnie grinned, "They're your daddy now."

"I can work with that."

"... I don't know what I just signed up for, but I'm in." The voice said. 

“Ooo! Ooo!” Bonnie bounced, “Can I be the flower man?”

“Sure,” The voice replied, “It’s not every day I marry a customer. Might as well have it be a stranger.” I cackled.

“Wait, before I forget, pronouns?” I asked.

“He/Him. You?”

“He/Him and my friend is she/her. I can’t wait to wrap my hand around your-” my thoughts were interrupted by another voice.

“What are you doing on the phone?” A loud female sounding voice cut in.

“I’m talking to my future husband..?” the guy said with a hint of hesitance. How dare.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping. Why didn’t you tell anyone you woke up?”

“Ummmm…… because being alone is nice?” The other voice sighed.

“If you want to be alone, you could have asked. You need to take your meds.”

“Uggggghhhhhhhhhhh I don’t want tooooooooooo. They hurt to swallowwwww."

“Hey,” I started, “It’s practice for later when we’re together.” The guy snorted.

“What?” 

“Oh uh, nothing.” My future husband shook it off. “I’ll take the drugs. Then can I continue the call?”

“You’ll have to call them back later.”

“Ugggggghhh okayyyy. I’m just gonna say goodbye.” The woman sighed again.

“Alright, but be quick.” I heard a faucet turn on.

“M’kay.” His attention turned back to the phone. “I gotta go, but the wedding is still on. Put us on a group chat and we’ll come up with a date and time.” I laughed.

“Okay hottie. Send a pick when we do it too.” I heard him laugh which soon after turned into a cough. “Kay now go take your drugs you sexy beast. I’ll see you in the bedroom later, you addict.” I grinned. Bonnie made a fake gagging noise. 

“Fine, fine. Byeeeee.”

I pressed hang up and looked at Bonnie. “I have never been more turned on in all of my days.” Bonnie rolled her eyes with a smile. 

“I’m glad we can find your soulmate.”

“I don’t even care what he looks like at this point, I just know he has a sexy hot personality and I’ll nail him to a wall all the same.”

Bonnie blinked slowly, her mouth in a line. I could tell it was her ‘are you kidding me’ expression. “Well alright then.” I cackled. I love it when I unlock that expression from the Bonnie database.

The phone pinged, drawing our attention. It was from Logan. I mean, who else would this be in my womb sharer’s phone.

NERD📘👔: Roman, I hope we can still meet up later today to discuss the issue with Patton.

I glanced at Bonnie and shrugged. “Here, quickly write down the orange’s number while I reply,” She whipped out her phone and typed it down as I responded.

GAY_DISNEY_PRINCE 👑🎶: Ah yeah, totally calculator breath. What about him again?

I turned to Bonnie, “Does this look good?” She read it over.

“It sounds like your brother.” She shrugged. I sent it.

NERD📘👔: Are you telling me you forgot about the ghost incident?

I’m sorry ghosts? My brother’s life just got a heck of a lot more interesting. 

GAY_DISNEY_PRINCE 👑🎶: Of course not, Nerdy wolverine. How could I? I actually just checked and I don’t think I can make it. Can you text me about it instead?

NERD📘👔: I’ll just call you.

The phone started ringing. I screeched and chucked the phone across the room. It hit the back of the couch with a thunk and Roman looked up. He saw his phone ringing on the floor then glared at me.

“You took my phone?! Really?!” Bonnie and I shrugged. It’s not like I could keep it a secret forever. Or like we were trying to keep it a secret. He’s just dense. He bent down and scooped up the device before answering. 

“Hey hardware noggin, what’s up?” He paused, listening. “What? Oh OH. Remus had my phone! I can’t believe him! I’ll be over right away! Centerville park? Yeah, I’ll make it. Mhm. Shouldn’t take more than… ten minutes? Oh come on, have more faith in me! Fine. Okay, I’ll be there. Bye.” Roman spared one more glare at us before putting the ice cream away, turning off the tv, and dashing off. I guess he’s going to go get ready. I turned to Bonnie.

“I wish we got to play with ghosts.” I pouted.

“It is interesting… I wonder if we could dissect it and harness it’s powers then use it to rule our interdimensional planes.”

“I would screw all the cats.”

“Ah. And I would prevent that.”

"You would try."

"And succeed. Do not doubt me."

"Ughhhhhhhhhh why are you like this?"

"Why not?"

"Because the elephant is too large to fit in the mini fridge."

"But no cause you see, we steal Gru's shrink ray from Despicable Me and we'll win."

I sighed, "You're not wrong."

"I am never wrong."

"Yes you are."

"Name one time when I was wrong."

"When you left the microwave in the kettle for six hours."

She sighed, "That wasn't me being wrong, that was the popcorn bag being confusing! Imbecile!"

"Ah, right, right. Forgive me."

"Hmmmmmmm… I don't think I can." I slapped a hand over my forehead and fell backwards.

"You stabbed me where it hurts. Right in the small intestine. I trusted you and you stabbed my crapping tube."

"Yes. Yes I did."

“Then you rubbed soap all around the inside.”

“No, no, I rinsed it out with soapy water and then put hand sanitizer in it! I’m not a monster.”

“Oh the paiiiiiin! The agonyyyy!” I clutched my stomach. Well, not where my stomach was but where my intestines are. Of all the cat mingled horse-bees, she had to use soap and hand sanitizer. She knows how it irritates my skin. So much pain!

The door opening and slamming shut again drew our attention from our antics. I looked to Bonnie.

“What do you think they mean by ghosts?” She chuckled at the sudden topic change but obliged me.

“They could mean actual ghosts. I mean, Logan’s in on it and he’s pretty logical,” I nodded.

“HMMMMMMM” I hmmmed. “Wanna investigate?” She grinned.

“I thought you’d never ask!” She jumped up, disregarding the sink as she threw her bag over her shoulder. “Where should we start?”

“I remember overhearing my brother talk about the Davis house. We can start there!” I grinned, bouncing on the balls of my feet. My bright green crocks squeaked against the wooden floor. She nodded.

“To the Davis house we go!”

2876 words!

I hope you all enjoyed the Chaos chapter! It was a nice little break from the angst and drama in my so humble opinion. Let me know if you also have a friend like Bonnie. (I added her in with her permission and because I realized how fabulously she would get along with Remus) I may have posted in honor of it being her birthday today. I'm gonna go finish making her bread and crap because you gotta make bribery food for friends so they have no choice but to love you even though they'd willingly do so anyway. I'm the best. So anyways, I love you all! Stay fabulous sisters, brothers, and non binary others! Peace out!

💖 Maybay4