Jackson's POV

It had been two days since I last spoke or met up with her. I didn't even know why I got cold feet all of a sudden but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her till I sorted my own mess out. I felt like a coward but I couldn't help it, I freaked out. She did text me asking me how I was, but I didn't even have the nerve to reply.

Right now, I was in my room just laying in bed. I came back to the dorm straight after work because my mind wasn't in the right place and I just felt so lost. I needed to get away from everyone. My band mates were still out so I had a bit of peace and space to think otherwise it was usually very noisy when everyone was home.

Deep down,I knew that whatever happened was already in the past but I suppose the distrust that I developed for people, for feelings sort of lingered.

~~~Flashback~~~

It was already our third month anniversary since we first started dating and I was so excited to see her. I bought her flowers on the way, hoping to surprise her.

When I reached her doorstep ..well.. Let's just say I was the one who was on the receiving end of the surprise instead. Her place has been completely evacuated, a sign put up on her front door with the advertisement showing it was up for sale.

I picked up my phone and dialled her number immediately, impatient as I waited for her to pick up.

'Yeah Jackson?' She answers nonchalantly after a few rings.

'Where are you? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?'

'Oh I'm so sorry baby, it was a last minute thing and because of my busy schedule, I seem to have forgotten.' I felt a pang of hurt in my chest but I ignored it.

'I got a call for a movie project in LA and I had to leave immediately but don't worry love, I'll be back before you know it. Love you always. I'll call you later. Bye. '
And she hung up the phone.

She left. She left without even telling me. And she didn't even remember our anniversary. It's okay, I tried to console myself. She's a busy woman and maybe with her hectic work and tons of projects, she just had too much on her shoulders to remember minute stuff like that. Yeah. That was probably it. And I was still a trainee at JYP so I wouldn't know how busy being an actress or idol could be like. I tried to be optimistic even though I felt slightly hurt.

Days and weeks went by, and I had noticed the small changes in her already. We still talk and skype whenever we were free but I would get to talk to her only for a few minutes or so and then she would excuse herself saying that she had work.

I came home one evening and found Youngjae and Yugyeom, my fellow trainees and good friends sitting on the couch and watching something on the laptop.

'Hey guys.'

'Oh Jackson! Hey...ermm.. How was your day?' Youngjae asked me nervously.

'Uhh.. It went well?'

'Oh yeah? That's good to know bro. We're so glad.' Yugyeom commented, seemingly a bit fidgety as well as he was playing on the hem of his shirt with his fingers. It was something he usually did when he was nervous.

'Is something wrong? Are you guys alright? '

'Well..uh...how do we say this bro, I think there's something you should know.' Yugyeom says quietly.

'Know what?'

'Well it's sort of about Jiyeon.' Youngjae adds hesitantly. They were the only ones who knew about my relationship because at that time, they were the only closest friends I had next to family.

'What about her?'

'Well I guess it's better you see it for yourself.' And they made space for me to sit and pushed the laptop towards me.

My gasp was caught in my throat, my stomach twisting in a knot as I saw a picture of Jiyeon kissing some guy. I immediately opened the article and read it, dread coursing throughout my entire body as I took in every word. It stated something about their new movie,the guy being her co-star, but apparently she denied all rumours saying that they were all false accusations and that they were just good friends.

But..Do friends kiss each other like that off screen?

'I'm sorry bro.' Yuyeom looked at me with pity.

'Nah it's okay. Maybe they really aren't true as she said. She wouldn't do such a thing. I should have a little faith in her rather than believeing all the media out there who are always trying to throw some dirt or the other on famous people.' I tried to smile and hide the fact that I felt as though my heart had been crushed after seeing the article.

They looked at each other with sad knowing looks on their faces, not buying my act.

No, I didn't want pity.

'Maybe you should rethink this relationship Jackson. From our point of view, she doesn't really seem to care about you. And we're saying this because we love you like our brother and we don't wanna see you get hurt.' Youngjae said, putting his hands on my shoulder.

'It's okay guys. I appreciate your concern but I don't wanna be that guy who stupidly believes every rumour out there and only point fingers. I trust her.' But a part of me doesn't even know if I should believe my own words anymore.

'I'm feeling a bit tired. I think I'll go get some rest guys,' I told them as I turned to go towards my bedroom when Yugyeom called out to me again, 'No matter what, we're always there bro.' I smiled at them and was glad I had met such caring friends. They made me feel less homesick, since I was so far away from home.'

When I reached my room, I contemplated on whether I should call her or not. I knew that if I didn't get this off my chest, it would keep haunting me and I'd keep thinking about it. And being the person that I was, I'd rather get things over with soon than keeping it pending. I meant what I said earlier to them, but I just needed to hear it from her so that I could have a peace of mind. I needed to know if my heart was in the right place.

So I dialled her number and waited anxiously for her to pick up.
'Hello babe. You're calling early today. I'm still at the studio.'

'Hey Jiyeon. I'm sorry but I just needed to know something. I think you already know...It's about the article today?'

'Do you have that less trust in me that you'd believe such things? I thought your love for me was more than that.' She said with hurt laced in her voice or I thought that's what it was. 

'You know I trust you with all my heart but I just want to know the truth behind the pictures..that's all.'

'Well you don't have to worry about anything babe, those were all just rumours and fake photographs, you know I love you right? I would never even dream of hurting you or being with anyone else other than you. That photo was from our shoot for the movie itself anyways, the media just had to twist it around.'

I breathe a sigh of relief on hearing that. Maybe I was worked out about nothing at all. Maybe all the intense training was also getting into my head and my mind was on overdrive.

'Okay, I believe you. I love you Jiyeon.'

'I love you too baby. I have to go now, they're calling me back on set.'

'Okay sure.' And she hung up the phone after saying good bye.

I got into bed and felt a little bit of the tension leave my mind, realising I had nothing to worry about at all. I guess I shouldn't have doubted her or overthink about stuff too much.
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It's been four months and I was finally getting to see her again today. To say I was excited was a complete understatement. She was done with the shooting and finally coming back to Seoul. I made sure I looked decent enough to go pick her up from the airport. I wore my best semi formal attire and bought a large bouquet for her as well.

Ten minutes later and I was waiting at the exit gate with the rest of her fans. I was eagerly waiting for her, my heart was beating so loud and my happiness knew no bounds just at the thought of being with her again.

Suddenly screams erupted from all around me and I knew She had finally arrived! I tried to soothe the few creases on my shirt and fixed my hair as I looked towards the gate..the bouquet ready in my other hand.

But what met my eyes the next second made my heart tear into pieces as I tried to digest the scene in front of me.

There she was, my so called girlfriend,in the arms of another man, kissing each other in front of the cameras, looking like a happy couple.

Suddenly I felt so stupid. Suddenly the bouquet in my hand didn't matter anymore as I let it drop to the ground..getting trampled immediately by the surrounding people as they pushed their way to get a closer glimpse of her. I was numb. All around me, everybody were cheering and screaming her name.  Nobody would ever hear the sound of my heart shattering even though it felt like it was throbbing loudly in my own ears. Nobody would ever notice the silent tears running down my cheeks as I slowly walked away.

'I guess I was only a fool.'