Sunday, December 31

Monika

An alarm blared next to my face, jolting me awake from the wonderful dream I'd been having. Back to the real world, I guess. Sigh. Something was wrong that I couldn't place, but my brain refused to cooperate without either outside prompting or coffee. Fun fact: I might be a bit addicted to coffee. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, I don't know why, but even someone as peppy as me needs a little bit of a boost in the mornings to get there. It doesn't come that naturally.

I opened my eyes, and my mind got the stimulus it needed. First, I was in a bed that I didn't immediately recognize. Second, I was in an unfamiliar room. Third, it was way colder than I like in the room. Fourth, there was an unaccounted-for-warmth right in front of and, come to think of it, all around me, accompanied by the feeling of skin against my cheek and arms. I panicked for a moment and nearly jumped out of bed before my eyes took in the figure I was all wrapped up with and my head – grudgingly – managed to put the puzzle together.

A feeling of warmth and awe and love came over me as I realized that I hadn't been dreaming at all. That was all real? I could hardly believe it, but the truth was staring me in the face. Or at least snoring loudly right next to me, through a wad of my hair that had gotten jammed in his mouth overnight. Geez, the things they don't tell you about sleeping with somebody. Also, now that I think about it, my arm's asleep.

I remembered right then that we had some kind of plans for the day, and seeing how the alarm, which had shut itself off by now, hadn't gotten Ethan up, I figured I would do it myself. I gently pulled away to get my hair free, and then, because I may be the worst romantic in the world, leaned back in and kissed the still-snoring big guy. Sure enough, that was enough to get him awake. It was enough to wake me the whole way up too, because I hadn't realized until then that morning breath was a thing. Oh well. Worth it!

"Good morning, my love~," I said, running a hand along his arm to accentuate my point. He took me in for a moment, then, clearly very sleepy himself, he half-groaned out a nonetheless heartfelt "'Morning, beautiful," before reaching out a hand and stroking my hair. "God, you're amazing," he said. "A guy could get used to this every day."

It's like I could feel my heart melting in my chest. This is mine forever. No game can ever keep me from this again. This is what I've been missing out on and longing for for as long as I can remember, and now it's my life. I could feel myself about ready to cry again, and really didn't want to, so I started talking. While this man was still slowly running his hands over me and playing with my hair. Dammit, but this is nice. "So I remember we had plans today, Ethan, but I don't remember what…."

"Oh, yeah," he answered me, more awake now and with an audible sense of purpose, "we're going shopping. Gonna get you everything you need in one go if we can. Come on, we need to get ready. It's New Year's Eve, so the stores are all gonna be packed, so the faster we get moving, the better. That means we're just going to have to grab something fast on the way for breakfast, by the way."

"Hey, your world, your plans," I said. "Got anything I can wear?"

"Honestly, no, just because I'm way bigger than you. Just wear yesterday's stuff until we can buy you some real clothes. We'll do that first, okay?"

We got up and ready in one serious hurry, before heading out to his car and taking off. The car could not warm up fast enough. Ethan'd given me his coat, which I felt kinda bad about, but even with it, it was still absolutely freezing outside. "Why on earth do you live here?"

"Because it's where I was born, first off. Second, I actually like it here. Sure, it can get bitter cold in the winter, and it can get too hot in the summer, but most of the year is a nice happy medium, and I don't mind the cold anyway. New England is a good place to live. Well, okay, technically, we're in the Mid-Atlantic, but we're far enough north that I always think of myself as a New Englander anyway. Third, I work here for the state. I can't exactly move out easy."

"Bleh. It's still way too cold for me."

"Chill, babe. Or. Well. Try not to, actually." I laughed and tapped him on the arm lightly. "We'll get you a coat today."

Mercifully, Ethan said, the city had finished getting the roads clear in this part of town overnight, so it wasn't too bad of drive, even if I was totally unfamiliar with what driving was actually like. After about fifteen minutes of driving through traffic, we turned up at a huge place called Burlington Coat Factory. "I assume this is the store where we're getting me a coat, yes?"

"Yep. Coats are back this way. Follow me and then go nuts."

Ten minutes of browsing later, I'd come up with a beautiful white quilted parka for winter and a dark, really faded blue-grey button-down for fall that complemented my hair. Ethan gaped a little when he got a look at me in them. He was really cute about it, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having that effect on him. I just smiled and winked at him. If he was like that now, then he was going to lose it when I got into some real outfits later. Especially with some of the nice things, surprises really, I had in mind….

We went up and paid. The clerk sounded like she knew Ethan, actually, and asked about me while she was packaging up the fall coat. Again, I won't lie – I beamed a little every time he confirmed I was his girlfriend. It just felt so good, you know?

And then I actually looked at the receipt on the way out the door and saw I'd just spent well over a hundred dollars on just these two things.

"Ethan. Don't we have a budget? You should have stopped me before I spent that much money…."

"Hmm? I mean, yeah, we technically do have a budget, but you're not likely to hit it. We're not poor, Monika. I know, the apartment doesn't look like much, but I live way below my means. I used to be really poor, so I'm really frugal about myself, and my hobbies are cheap, and my job pays good. We've got a lot saved up in the bank. Don't buy a twenty thousand dollar 8K TV outright without asking or anything crazy like that, but you can afford to go wild today."
"I… okay. Are you sure?"
"I promise, hon."

Ah! The warm-and-fuzzies just wouldn't stop coming today, and it wasn't just the lining of the coat I'd just gotten. We? Hon? My heart, my brain, and my stomach were all racing against each other. Speaking of which…

"Hey, Ethan, I'm getting super hungry. Can we stop somewhere?"

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Duh! Me too, actually. How do you feel about pancakes?"

"Never had them, remember? Only thing I've ever actually eaten are cupcakes, plus last night's food, even though I know about other stuff. You're showing me everything. But sure, I'm down to try everything, ahahaha!~"

He gave me a bit of a weird look at that, then said, "IHOP it is! We are gonna fill you up with some quality American pancakes today."

Ethan and I pulled into the restaurant, went inside, ordered drinks, by which I mean I didn't even think about it before getting a mug of coffee, and then had a good look at the menu. I couldn't believe the sheer variety of things you could eat. There really was so much there. And the whole world is like this? I took a moment to compose myself, before I lost control of my emotions again.

I think he noticed me struggling a little bit, because he picked that moment to strike up conversation again. "I'm curious about something," Ethan said. "I know you're a vegetarian, but I'm not right now… I just like bacon too much, you know?" He laughed.

"Yes, I get that. I don't remember it being an easy transition. I think. Ah, just assume any time I say anything that it's based off of whatever I was programmed to know, okay?"

"Right, I get that. So I wanted to know, are you okay with me ordering meat when we're together? I know you're not veg for moral reasons, you're just an environmentalist… which, me too, but, you know, baby steps, but I just wanted to check."

I was more and more confirming my original suspicion I'd pulled a winner. Not that I wasn't already in love with the guy or anything, but that was just the foundation, weird foundation that it was. No, Ethan was excellently building something on that foundation, even if, as I suspected, he had no idea what he was doing. Any girl would have been lucky, I thought, but he picked me! All these beautiful people around me, and he picked me when he could.… I felt my mind drifting in a dangerous direction there and abruptly forced myself back to the topic at hand.

"Yes, of course! I might pick on you a little, maybe try and get you to eat a little less, but I'm not going to get mad at you for getting that meat lovers' omelette I know you've been eyeing up, ahahaha!~ You do what makes you happy, okay?"

So that's what visible relief looks like.

I looked back down at the menu and my head spun again. How the heck did anyone ever decide anything in this society with this many choices? Ah well. May as well play it up for cute points.

"So, Ethan," I said, "would you terribly mind doing me a biiiig favor?"

He looked at me cautiously for a second. Clearly, he's recognized that I'm dangerous when I'm being cute. Smart man. "What's that, dear?"

"This menu is too big. How's a poor overwhelmed girl to make up her mind?"

"Oh my God, Monika," he groaned. I just giggled at him.

"Are you actually asking me to pick something for you?"

"Yes. Yes, I am." I smiled sweetly.
"You are actually the worst. Okay. You know what I always wanted to try here, but never did because I just like their omelettes too much? They've got these New York cheesecake pancakes…."

"You had me at cheesecake."

A few minutes of playful banter later and our food came out, and… I can't put into words how good this stuff was. I felt myself starting to get overwhelmed by this world again. Luckily, it's literally impossible to be upset when you're scarfing down cheesecake like you've never had it before, which, in my defense, I hadn't. Ethan, of course, just smiled and chuckled at me when he saw it. I can't say I blame him.

After we polished up breakfast, he took me to our next store. This one was a bit of a surprise for me. I assumed that today's shopping would be all necessities, but this was different; this one said Verizon,and was a lot smaller than the Burlington Coat Factory was. Ethan opened the door for me and led me inside by the hand, and I just gaped. This boy was getting me a phone. I may not have known much, but I knew this wasn't cheap. Especially since he made a beeline for what I'm pretty sure was the most expensive phone in the store. I tried to protest, but he just put a hand on my shoulder and assured me it wasn't a problem. And so I ended up walking out of the store the slightly-reluctant-but-also-awestruck owner of a brand new Note 8.

"You're spoiling me, you know. I'm not complaining, but I'm starting to feel guilty."

"Oh, I'm absolutely spoiling the crap out of you and I know it. But A., you deserve it, and B., seriously, I am the least spendy person of all time." Ethan took a deep breath, like he was trying to decide how to phrase what was coming next. "Listen, I make 32 a year as a high-level clerk for the state, plus full state benefits, and I'm union so my job's pretty damn safe, and yet I live in a pretty shitty apartment in an iffy part of town with an old car with no dependents with cheap hobbies. I put most of my take home into savings. Believe me, that cash was going to rot in a savings account until the day I died probably otherwise. You're not going to bankrupt me with one day of shopping. I promise."

I won't lie, I felt a lot better.

"Now, we're off to get you some proper clothes. Not that you're not cute in my old stuff, but I know that's not how you like to dress. To TJ Maxx!"

...I liked the sound of that.

"Also, I thought of something while you were picking out coats and I totally forgot to do it until just now, but lemme get some good music going. I think you're gonna like this." Ethan pulled out his phone, hooked it in, and queued up something.

"How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean, by providence impoverished, in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?"

He grinned at me. "I remember you talking about your love of rap…."

"This is… different from what I'm used to. Ahhh, but I like it. Wait. Is this a rap musical?"

"Yes. Yes, it is. It's called Hamilton. It's a dramatization of the life of one of the US's Founding Fathers by a guy from New York named Lin-Manuel Miranda. You would not believe how popular it got. Like, presidents and ambassadors and Supreme Court justices started showing up in the audiences."

"This is incredible…."

And then he started rapping, or singing, or whatever the heck it was, along.

Oh. Oh. Goddammit, I love this boy.

#############################################

Predictably, this TJ Maxx was absolute paradise. I'm pretty sure I spent the better part of two hours in there picking out most of a complete wardrobe. Some good pants and sweaters for winter and rainy days, sure, but the main draw was for the rest of the year. I'd never been surrounded by so many beautiful dresses and skirts in my whole life, of all the styles and colors and patterns you could imagine. And the shoes! Boots and heels and flats and slippers and everything for every occasion! I'm pretty sure I could have died happy in that store.

I let Ethan help me pick them out and see me trying them on, too. When he wasn't just staring at me in what I can't really call anything but awe, which did wonders for my self-esteem by the way, he actually had pretty good taste. Although he did caution me to take it a bit slow, since this wasn't the only store we were going to. We grabbed a quick bite to eat for lunch at some fast food place – you'd be surprised how good those salads can be, actually – and then moved on.

Anyway, he wasn't wrong about the next store. The next place Ethan and I hit was called Target, which he told me was for general goods and clothes. Sure enough, I got a good set of things, especially shirts and underwear and some flattering jeans, to finish out my full set of clothing, plus a dresser to put it all in, and all the other stuff a girl needs. Oh, and makeup and hair care. Not that I was vain or anything, or at least I like to think I'm not, but I was going to die – probably strangled by my own hair – if I had to go another day without beauty supplies.

And good coffee! Listen, one of Ethan's biggest flaws in my book is that he is not a coffee drinker. He occasionally gets himself a mug in the mornings, but he puts so much cream and sugar in it that it's not recognizably coffee any more, which means that it doesn't matter which coffee it's based on, and he knows it. So, the stuff we had was all cheap and frankly pretty crappy, and I wasn't going to stand for it. I demanded that we fix that immediately.

Ethan grabbed some more things for the apartment, too. More pillows and towels, a couple of weird plastic guitars and drums and stuff (he said something about "Rock Band" but I didn't quite get it), an armful of what I noticed were all vegetarian snacks and foods (!), a bunch of plates and tableware and cookware, that sort of thing. "The kinda stuff that you never needed, or, hell, even knew you needed, when you're just in a bachelor place by yourself, but when you've got a roommate or a family to deal with, you realize you really need it," he explained to me.

I could definitely see that. When I was, ah, making myself at home in his place the morning before, the cupboards were surprisingly bare. Like, a step above "I just wash off one cup and one plate and one pot and one spoon every meal and call it good enough" bare. It really was like Ethan became an entirely different man when I showed up.

You know, I'm still not sure just what it was that I fell out into the day before, but I get the feeling I got pretty damn lucky all things considered. And, honestly? I could tell he felt the same way. This was the sort of thing I'd dreamed about for so long stuck in that God-forsaken computer. And... I had a whole new life like this ahead of me; to be perfect straight with you all, it really shouldn't be a surprise that I got emotional about it pretty often, ahaha.

And then, and then, Ethan took me to the last store on our list. I hadn't been entirely sure what it was, but I honestly felt a little ashamed to ask. I was, however, surprised when he handed me his card and told me to go in and get absolutely whatever I wanted, cost be damned, and then to text him when I was done. He said he didn't want to spoil the surprise for either of us, whatever that meant. And so I walked into Victoria's Secret totally unprepared for what I saw. The skirts and dresses at TJ Maxx may have been a frilly paradise, but, man, this place….

As Ethan would have said, I went nuts. I mean, my goodness… so much lace!

A whole hour later, I'd assembled a massive hoard of absolutely wonderful pickups. I'd never felt so… feminine in my life. The bill was obscene, of course, but I didn't even slightly care. This was all so, so very worth it. And the best part was that I may have pretended to forget what he said about not spoiling any surprises, and that was even more worth it. I couldn't help it, I felt so good looking in the mirror (even with those unrealistic-looking models hanging about). Yeah, let's just say that the high-definition camera in the phone that I'd heard the girl at the Verizon store talking about got a lot of very productive use in the changing room...~

Predictably, and very rewardingly, Ethan showed up outside the store absolutely red in the face. I'd never seen anyone so obviously flustered in my life, and I'd seen Yuri.

"Hey, babe?" he began.

"Yeeeesssssss?" I chirped back at him.

"Not that I'm complaining, but… you are the worst. I was not expecting that. I almost hit somebody! And I was parked!"

"Wellllll, you've been so good to me today, I just couldn't help myself, ahahaha..."

"...Monika?"

"Yeah?"

"You're perfect. I fucking love you. Don't ever change."

"Love you too~" I paused for a second. "So, what were you doing while I was in there..."

"Figuring out how to destroy my brain? Being a goddamned tease?" he cut in.

"Ahahaha! No, seriously, though. What did you get?"

"Oh, just a couple things for tonight. It's New Year's and all, there's just some traditional stuff."

"Alrighty then! Where to next?"

"Well, I think we're just about done shopping… I don't think we can jam much more in this thing, to be honest. And I don't think my wallet can take much more of this, either!" He laughed and put a hand on my shoulder, then continued, in a low, conspiratorial tone. "But I do have one idea, Monika…."

"And what's that?"

"You'll see!" he sing-songed at me.

#############################################

The sentimental goober actually did it. He actually took me to see a movie.

From what I could tell, he really, badly wanted to show me some movie called Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but since I hadn't seen any of the other ones yet, and it was apparently part of a series, he promised to take me back to see it after he'd showed me the others. So instead we saw some movie called The Post, which was a drama about some reporters for a newspaper called the Washington Post who went against the government to publish some secret documents. The acting was really, really good, and the story was engaging, and, kinda scarily, it was a true story, but honestly? It could have been absolutely any movie and I'd have still loved it. The important part was definitely getting to spend some good time relaxing with my love. I spent the whole time leaned up against him with an arm wrapped around. It was pretty distracting; it's a miracle I got to enjoy the movie.

By the time the movie let out, it was starting to get pretty late and I was definitely starting to feel it. Luckily for us, when we got back to the high rise, Andrew and Lia were waiting at the parking lot for us with a flatbed handtruck. Ethan must have texted them (and probably somebody at the apartment or something, because a guy came up with a key and let us use the freight elevator). With their help, the four of us managed to get our huge haul for the day up to the apartment and offloaded, before they said their goodbyes and trudged back to their room for the night. Man, I really liked those two.

After we'd gotten the dresser set up and everything stored away, it was about eleven at night. I was dead tired, and Ethan looked like he was about ready to keel over dead, but he insisted that we stay up until midnight. "I promise, everybody does something really special for New Year's. It's a tradition."

So, after grabbing some quick showers, the two of us grabbed a blanket and snuggled on the couch for a while. We talked a little, turned on the TV, but mainly it was just good to stay in each other's company for a bit. There's just something so relaxing about that with somebody you love, you know? Especially when the relationship's brand new and it doesn't feel like anything can stop you.

At five to midnight, Ethan turned the TV to a station showing a place called Times Square in New York City, and got up and popped open what looked like a bottle of champagne. He poured himself a glass, and asked if I wanted any. I thought about it for a moment. Was I underage, for drinking purposes? Yes. Did I really care right then? I pondered that, and finally decided that no, it'd be okay to let go a little, so he brought me a glass too and settled back down, his head resting on my chest, my hands practically going to his hair of their own accord and gently running through it.

On the TV, a giant disco ball started falling towards the ground, fireworks shooting out everywhere on the screen. A huge crowd of people began chanting, counting down towards zero. It was… unfamiliar to me, and strange, but I started counting down with them. There was a palpable energy in the air, like I was part of something timeless and powerful. And when the ball touched the ground and the countdown hit zero, what sounded like millions of people all cried out "Happy new year!" and I was one of them. Or I would have been, if my love hadn't sat his glass of champagne down and caught me in a slow, passionate, tender kiss that seemed to last forever, before breaking away, getting out his glass, and clinking it against mine. "To old friends, and new lives. Happy new year, darling." Sentimental son of a gun, he was. For the millionth time today, I held back a tidal wave of emotions.

And then, sitting up and looking off out the window, he started to sing an accented song. Deeply. Softly. Beautifully. Not with training, but with an obvious talent, something that, like the lyrics, sounded old and practiced.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my jo, for auld lang syne!

We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet for auld lang syne!

And surely...

Listening to him, the dam in my heart broke. Before I could stop myself, I was full-on sobbing, quietly at first, then louder and louder, as images of the auld acquaintances of my own flooded into my head, unbidden. Yuri. Natsuki. Sayori. I never let myself think about it, I tried to convince myself otherwise, but… I missed them so much. Even their stupid little quirks. Sayori's incessant sunshine and insatiable hunger. Yuri's impenetrable shell. Natsuki's attitude. I missed every last bit of it. Oh, God, I wished so badly right then that they could be here, experiencing all these wonders with me. All I could think about was how much each of them would have loved all of this in their own, special ways. No matter how much I lied to myself, I'd loved them….

I didn't even realize it myself, but I'd buried myself in his chest, still trying and failing to hold back the flood. His arms wrapped around me, the warmest thing I'd ever felt in my life, as he just kept singing softly to me and stroking my hair, and I never wanted to be anywhere else ev