Saturday, December 30
Ethan

After seeing to Monika, I encouraged Andrew and Lia to dig in on the pizza while I put the last touches on the map. I tried to fill in the shading like Monika had, but, honestly, she was out of my league on that count. I felt a little bit of pride at that, actually. It definitely was way better than my usual fare.

Andy stared intently at the map, with a look in his eye that I'd long since associated with gears spinning in his brain.

"She okay, dude? Everything alright?" he said after a moment.

"She will be. Don't worry too much about it, Monika's just a little overwhelmed. First time meeting you guys and all. She'll be out in a bit." I paused in thought for a second. "Buuuut, speaking of her, I did have a proposition for you two."

"Yeah?" Lia asked.

"I'm mostly gonna be focused on DMing and stuff. See if you can figure out how interested she is, and if she is, give her some pointers if she asks about things, and maybe make sure you get some ideas in her head about stuff she could play. And if she's really into it, I have an idea..."

Andy and Lia both sported wicked grins between bites of pizza as I explained.

A couple minutes later, the rest of our buddies filtered in. The first was Tsuki, a tiny Japanese girl playing a Gunslinger/Rogue multiclass. She was a little quiet and barely ever drew attention to herself, which, really, I was fairly sure was just a facade to let her get away with being a goddamned powergamer. Not that I minded too much, because she was at least the good kind that knows their limits and turns in their character sheet last after they know what the rest of the party's playing, but her characters tended to be a lot stronger than you'd expect for their classes – which was probably why I'd never once seen her playing a tier 1 caster. About a minute later, in waltzed her polar opposite, Shaheed, a full-on college jock with almost zero concept of optimization, repping the Psychic Warrior. He really did play his character exactly like his personality: straightforward, loud, and guileless, with all the subtlety of a battleship... but smart as a whip. And with him was his older brother Louis, the Cleric of Desna. Out of game, he was a lot like his kid brother. Once the dice started rolling, though, he submerged almost scarily into character – a passionate but extremely careful and meticulous plotter who pretty much immediately took charge and made sure nobody but the baddies died on his watch. Louis' devotion to his character had a disturbing tendency to rake in bonus roleplay XP for sheer awesome, to the point that if everyone else hadn't picked up their game and followed his example since he'd joined, he'd probably have two levels on everyone.

The crew helped themselves to some el primo oven pizza, cheese balls, and soda (not everyone in the group was over 21, so, even though it wasn't likely to happen, I really didn't feel like having to convince a cop that nobody'd gotten any booze that shouldn't, ergo, no booze period). All involved took their usual spots around the table in the middle of the kitchen, broke out the dice and character sheets, and then noticed there was an actual map today – granted, most of it was covered up – and dutifully fished out their minis. Tsuki pulled out her iPod speakers, too, and handed them to me; it'd become something of a tradition for somebody to hook in their music and play something quiet in the background for atmosphere, and it was my turn this week. The rules were "no complaining," so I just threw down some quiet Billy Joel and let it go.

"'Ay, fam, what's the occasion?" Shaheed asked, after everyone'd gotten their crap out and ready. "We got a real map!"

"Yeah, dude, we all gonna die today like you keep threatening or what?" his big brother cracked at me.

"I expect today's game to be a little tamer than that, unless y'all do something stupid. So, you're all gonna die, yeah. No, but it's nothing special happening, I just had some help today."

"Oh yeah?" Louis asked, curious, leaning back and crossing his arms.

"Yeah, my girlfriend helped... or, well, really, did everything except the linework. Some good shit, eh?"

A brief moment of stunned silence as Andrew and Lia threw a knowing glance at each other, followed by a cacophany of whistles and raucous laughs. Louis was the first to actually say anything, though. "My guy. I never thought I'd see the day! How much did it cost?" Shaheed smacked him on the back so hard he almost fell off his chair before shooting back, "Yo, more than your broke ass can afford, I bet!" I ignored both of them.

Tsuki, for her part, had been studying the table through the conversation, and finally made her voice heard. "Ethan, your girlfriend is exceptionally talented. I'm impressed. Where is she at the moment?"

"First off, I agree, this is some good shit. Second, I think she's back in the bedroom freshening up. She should be out soon, I think," Lia answered for me.

And speak of the devil (or "angel," my sappy-ass mind cut in), I noticed the door crack open and Monika quietly and gingerly stepped out into the big room. "Oh, hey! You're out quick! Welcome back" I greeted her, as warmly as I could manage. "Lads and not-lads, this be Monika, my lovely lovely girlfriend. And Monika," I paused and pointed to them in turn, "meet Shaheed, Louis, and Tskui. The first two are a couple of idiot brothers from two floors up that I play pickup football with sometimes, and Tsuki's one of Lia's classmates from, wow, all the way back in freshman year, I think, right? I think she's on the second floor right now. I've known all of these people for years. They're all great, even if the Brothers Dumbass still haven't figured out how to shut the fuck up yet."

"'Ay, why you gotta hate like that, man?" both of them protested simultaneously.

"Don't even try and pretend you don't love it," I fired back. "Anyway, grab some pizza if you're still hungry, pull up a chair, I think Andy and Lia left you some space. Ask them shit when you get curious. Good on you two, you get to pick the music next week." I waited for her to get situated and shake hands with everyone before I continued. "Enough fucking around, I wanna get this game going quick today, we're already starting late. So, where'd we leave off last week? I forget, did y'all do anything after you talked to..."

##################################################

Monika was a fast learner, I was quickly realizing. She'd been inquisitively asking questions all night, and paying close attention to everything. It helped that I'd thrown her my laptop with all my Pathfinder PDFs on it, and the System Reference Document bookmarked, so she had all the books and materials to look at.

##################################################

"So, when you cast a spell, you scratch it off your list? That doesn't make a lot of sense," she whispered in Andrew's ear at one point. She'd waited until Andy wasn't being directly addressed and I was handling Tsuki off on one of her pilfering side adventures.

"It sort of does. A wizard memorizes a set of magic words and gestures in the morning and when he casts the spell, it all leaves his head. It's a little complicated and non-intuitive, I guess, but it's worth it, because if you play a wizard right, and the DM doesn't start throwing books at your head for playing it too right, they can be stronger than just about anything else. So I guess you could say it's balanced by being harder to play."

"Sooo I should probably not be a wizard then. Okay."

"I mean, if you want, nothing's stopping you, but probably not."

##################################################

"Hey, Lia," Monika said, leaning over to her. "What's the deal with paladins, exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like... I get that they're these holy warriors and all that, but what's the point of them? You don't have a lot of skills, so you seem pretty hard-pressed to get any use out of your character unless you're trying to convince somebody."

Lia chuckled a little at that. "Just wait until we get into a fight. I make the whole party stronger just by being around them, as in they're harder to frighten or control, I can heal my friends too, and I can pick one evil guy and smite him and do a shitload of damage. That's what paladins are for. We kick ass in the name of good... and law... and stuff."

"Being good in a fight sounds good, but I don't think I could stand not being relevant outside of it, you know?" Monika looked skeptical.

"Then play something with more skill points to work with. I feel the pain of not having them sometimes, but, eh. There's something about just being able to cut loose and fuck some baddies up."

##################################################

"Andrew, what's the difference between what you're doing and what Shaheed's... psychic soldier?"

"Psychic warrior," he gently corrected.

"Psychic warrior. What's the difference between his spells and yours? Because I noticed he casts spells too, but the way he does it isn't the same."

Patiently, Andy explained. "Yeah. You remember how I said I memorize spells at the start of the day and then spend them? That's called a prepared caster. Louis' cleric is the same way. But Shaheed is a spontaneous caster. He has a list of spells he knows – well, they're called powers, actually – and he gets to pick any powers he wants off that list and cast them until he's out of raw power to do it, instead of having slots to spend. He doesn't get to know as many as a prepared caster, though – we can learn as many as we want – but he gets to be more flexible with the ones he knows."

"I think I like that better. I don't know, it just makes more sense to me," Monika replied.

##################################################

About two hours into the game, right in the middle of a combat, Lia's phone went off. She looked down, then looked back up, visibly upset. "Guys, I'm really sorry, but I gotta go. My mom's stopping by tonight and I totally forgot about it and I can't just blow her off. Shit. I'll be back as soon as I can, but if I'm not back before the game ends, Andy, could you take my stuff back with you? Actually, play my character too while I'm out. If she dies I'm gonna kill you."

Naturally, I was pretty upsetti at this turn of events, but life is life.

Lia got up and left, and then Andrew got a queer look in his eye and gazed over at Monika.

"Hey, you sounded like you're really into it. You wanna take over for her?"

"I... uh... ah... what?" Monika sputtered.

"You heard me! Play her character for her if you want! Wizards are a little complicated to run anyway, so you'd be doing me a favor!"

"Uhhhhhh..." she looked around for opinions and/or help.

"Go ahead, Monika!" I urged, gently. "I heard you asking all those questions. You oughta get in on it! It'd be fun!"

"Yeah, girl, go for it!" Shaheed cheered, practically bouncing in his seat. "You can't be worse than this dope-"he said, pointing to his brother "-was on his first day. It's not that bad, really."

"I dunno... what if she... you know... dies?" she demurred.

"Not that she'll actually be that mad about it, but I'll take the blame for it," Andy replied.

Tskui's quiet voice piped up from the back. "I would vouch for that."

"Wellllllllllllll... alright!~" Monika decided, with a sudden, peppy cheeriness I wasn't expecting.

##################################################

Monika, to nobody's surprise, took to it look a fish to water. Everyone went out of their way to answer any immediate questions she had, to the point that I never got to get anything in edgewise. Happily, she didn't look even remotely worried once she got into it. The game was obviously a pretty good distraction for her. Which, admittedly, was part of the reason I was so keen on getting her involved.

Anyway, she even got really into character, maybe even a bit more seriously than Lia usually did, based on what she'd seen. Monika was having a blast... and so was I. Seeing her come out of the shell she'd partially retreated into was downright heartwarming. My girl was all smiles tonight.

And then the night's boss encounter happened at the end of the dungeon. Everyone was exhausted, a little scratched up, and running low on spells (well, except for the rogue, obviously), and not expecting to run into a drow full caster and her minions at the end. Archers herded the pally, the cleric, and the psywarrior into a corner behind cover, and then the mage hit them all with Black Tentacles and removed the latter two from the fight, though Monika's paladin managed to make her save thanks to Divine Grace; paladins usually have bonkers charisma, and getting to add that to saves was just dumb if you were trying to kill one. "Shit!" Louis yelled. "I already dropped my Freedom of Movement for the day. You dick, Ethan, you baited it out earlier with those webs!" All he got in return was an evil grin from me.

It was all Tsuki's gunslinger/rogue could do to just shoot back and keep the archers pinned down, and in return the boss was free to pelt the group with spells from behind a Wind Wall and a burly polearm-wielding undead.

Monika's turn rolled around, and she just looked over at Andrew with the most intense look in her eyes that I'd ever seen. "Andrew. Do you still have Enlarge Person?"

"Uhh... yeah, I've still got one."

"Ethan, can I go after him? Can I do that?"

As is typical of wizards, Andrew was first on the initiative order, and Monika's slow-ass paladin was last, meaning his turn came immediately after hers, which I told her. "Yeah, since he goes right after you, you can hold your turn."

"Okay, good. Andrew, do it."

"Do I not get a choice in this?

"No," she replied shortly.

"Um, alright, I caste Enlarge Person on Monika and then back up as a move action, I guess."

"Alright! Ethan. Swift action, smite evil on that witch! Full action, charge!" Monika half-shouted.

"There's a skeleton with a polearm in the way, though," Tsuki pointed out.

Monika mulled that over for a second. "Um. Um. Um. Can I just slam into him and shove him out of my way maybe?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, "rule of cool, I'll allow it. He gets an attack of opportunity against you... which missed, I know your AC," I said, rolling a d20 behind my screen. "Make a strength check against mine." The sound of more rolling dice and bated breath. The skeleton's strength score wasn't that high, but I rolled a total 19 anyway. With her strength of 20, she needed to roll a 15 or better. Unfortunately, she rolled a 14, leading to a tie, which the skeleton won. Monika sighed, disappointed.

And then Andrew opened his mouth. "Good news, everyone!" he imitated. "I forgot about this, but Enlarge Person gives a +2 bonus to strength! Monika's strength is actually 22, which means she wins the opposed check. Begone, thot!"

"Very well then. Monika, you pick up the skeleton by a rib with one of your giant hands and toss it out of the way like a ragdoll without breaking your stride. However, seeing this, the wizard does something... Anybody with Spellcraft, feel free to make a roll to see what it is."

I'm pretty sure Monika would have hugged him if she hadn't immediately returned to her original focus of deleting the enemy caster from existence.

This is the part where I mention that I'm a bit of an asshole, and I'm not above plucking spells from Third Edition to use against my players when I want to. This is also the part where I mention that this wizard was packing perhaps the single most broken spell – for the purposes of normal play, anyway – in all of Third Edition: Celerity. This little beauty of a spell lets a caster sacrifice their next turn to take an action – such as casting a more immediately useful spell – right now no matter whose turn it is.

Andy and Louis both passed. "You monumental bastard!" Louis said simply. "For real," Andrew added. "Hey," I shot back, "you know I don't play fair. And now the wizard casts another spell... more spellcraft checks please... yep, it's Resilient Sphere."

"Hold on, what?" Monika said, a little stunned.

"The bad guy cast a spell that lets her take an action right then, and he's now casting Resilient Sphere at you. I need you to make a reflex save, or else you're gonna be trapped inside and out of the fight, and therefore probably dead, unless somebody else can chuck a dispel at it."

"Oh. That's, uh, not super fair, is it?"

"Welcome to high-power casters, babe. Spells are OP." I paused. "...Shit. I did it again, didn't I?"

"Hah, I'll make that up to you later, Ethan. Unless you kill me...~" she said, sweetly, beaming at me.

"Awww!" Tsuki squealed. "New couples are so cute!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and make your roll," I said. "Target's 21. Shouldn't be too hard, what with having Divine Grace going for you."

She grinned at me and dropped the d20, coming up an 8, enough to beat the save.

"The wizard swears at you in Undercommon. Make your attack roll and swing that giant earthbreaker at her face, or wherever."

"Uhhhhhhh..." she said, suddenly not looking so pleased with herself. "2. I don't know what that comes out to, but I don't think it's enough."

"No. No it is not," I replied. And then that fuckboy Andrew leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Her eyes lit up, and she looked back at me with a triumphant grin.

"I'm spending a Hero Point. I'll reroll that, please~" she said, and did just that.

.The d20 clattered on the table.

"I call bullshit. Not that I'm objectin' or anything, but bullshit." Shaheed said. Everyone else cheered.

My face impacted my palm at speeds exceeding Warp 9.95. "Roll to confirm that fucking natural twenty."

"Okayyy!" she lilted and rolled. "Is a 15 enough?"

I did some mental math. "Yes. Yes it is," I groaned. "Roll damage on that motherfucker. Tripled, because your giant hammer has a three times crit multiplier, and don't forget your smite."

A very large number came out of about a minute's worth of rolling and conferring and calculation. I compared it to a number behind my screen, and came to a grim conclusion: she'd just one-shotted my boss.

I relayed the news to my four players and one very excited girlfriend.

"Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SUCK IT!"

And then she flipped the table.

##################################################

"Good session tonight, guys!" I said, as everyone piled out the apartment with all their salvageable gear and Monika, her hair now tied way up, busied herself with a mop from the closet.

"Yeah, for real, man," Louis said over his shoulder as he walked out.

"Oh, and Andy, tell Lia I said thanks for taking one for the team!"

"Hell yeah! You owe her one though!" he replied, before turning to Monika. "Good meeting ya, Monika! Lia says hi too! You keep that boy straight 'til next week."

She looked up from cleaning up the God-awful mess she'd made of my kitchen. "Ahahaha, I'll try! Sorry about your character sheets..."

"Don't worry about them," I told her. "I make sure everyone's got them on their computers so they can just print one off if they need to."

The door to the apartment closed behind Andrew as he left, leaving the two of us alone. "Want some help with that?" I said, grabbing a roll of paper towels.

"Yeah... ahhhhh, sorry about that..."

"No, no, no, no. I mean, don't do that again, but you looked so damn happy doing it I can't be mad at you! You fit in really well with everybody." I got down on my knees and started picking up Coke-soaked cheese balls.

"Do you think so?"

"Oh, heavens, yes, Monika, they loved you! Didn't you hear them cheering when you critted that chick? They were really into it. Just, uh... not as much as you were, apparently."

"Gee, thanks, babe." She grinned at me.

It took another ten minutes of scrubbing to get the sticky bits off of everything, then put the pizza away, by which point both of us were dead tired, so we crashed on the couch, exhausted. The two of us leaned against each other and enjoyed the moment of relaxation.

"Hey, where are you planning on sleeping tonight?" I asked her.

"Hmm?"she mumbled.

"You taking the couch?"

"...ehehe, I wasn't planning on it, unless you want me to for some reason?"

"Well..." I paused for a moment. "I didn't want to push you or, like, assume that you wanted to share a bed already or anything, you know? We may know each other better than somebody'd think, but it is still early. Not that I'd mind or anything, just. You know."

"You're such a gentleman. A girl really could get used to this!" Monika giggled, and leaned up and kissed my cheek. "But, even if I didn't wantto share, it's wayyy too cold for me to stay out here all night, don't you agree?"

"Well, I'm sure not gonna say no to a cutie like you wanting to climb in next to me. Tell you what, you hit the bathroom and do your whole pre-bed routine, and I'll see if I can rustle up a pillow or two for you to use. If you need something to wear, I've got shirts in the top drawer of the dresser. That reminds me, actually..."

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go shopping tomorrow? We need to get you some actual, you know, stuff of your own. Not that I mind you mooching off of me or anything, but I'm sure you want your own."

She smirked at me. "You're just offering so you can get me into some lingerie, aren't you?~"

I chuckled. "Nah. Again, not that I'd say no..."

"I would hope you wouldn't! Anyway, I'd be happy to. To tell you the truth, I don't really know what shopping is like. It's one of those things that I know about as... like... a backstory kind of thing, but I can't say I could describe it to you. More new experiences for me, huh?" Monika smiled.

"That's part of it. Plus, I really do wanna buy you shit." I yawned. "We really do need to get some sleep, though..."

"Yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes."

##################################################

Two showers and tooth brushings later, Monika and I were curled up next to each other under two heavy comforters. Again, I might be biased as hell, but her next to me might have been the most beautiful thing on the planet. Even if her excessive hair kept getting in my mouth. Really, it was totally worth it. It might have been new, but l felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Hey, Monika?"

"Yeah?"

"You had a good time today, right?"

"Goodness, yes. I can't wait until next week. You'll help me make a character of my own, right?"

"Of course. I'm really happy it worked out for you, though. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right. I always wanted to make you happy, you know? This really is as much of a dream for me as it is for you. Ugh. God, I love you."

She pushed herself up tighter against me and, I think involuntarily, cooed softly, before whispering a gentle "I love you too." I did just about the only I could think of and kissed her forehead, and that's the last thing I remember before conking the hell out.