"I need to fix them, Logan, I-I need to fix them all!" I felt myself slip into a state of hysteria because my body started trembling and I started laughing in pity. "It's all because of me, I have to-to fix them all! How can I die peacefully w-when my family's falling apart like that? How can I Logan?"

Something snapped in me because I erupted into fresh tears and I couldn't help myself. I buried my face in between my knees and started weeping, my entire body shaking. I could taste the salty tears in my mouth as I tried to wipe them against the fabric of my yoga pants but to no avail. I couldn't stop my tears.

I could feel Logan sitting stiffly beside me and I stammered, "I-I'm s-sorry for being s-so pathetic--- "

"It's okay . . . Hush now," Logan hushed me and I could feel him rubbing my back, trying to soothe me. I didn't know he was capable of providing me with comfort since he was such a bum most of the time, but my body actually relaxed. I looked up from my knees and turned my neck towards him, to see him gingerly, hesitantly and awkwardly rubbing my back with his knuckles, his hand was balled into a fist while his other hand was resting on his thigh.

"Thanks. I'm fine now, you don't need to do that," I said while smiling, my tone hinting amusement and he immediately withdrew his hand like I was on fire.

I grabbed the water bottle and unfastened the lid to greedily gulp water because I felt parched. I was so exhausted with how today's events had turned out, but I never expected for a tranquil day considering the growing tension between Shaun and mum.

"What am I going to do now? My family's a mess . . . I-I can't leave knowing it's because o-of me. What should I do?" I asked almost to myself, fidgeting with my t-shirt and Logan started rubbing my back again. "You don't have to do that, you know right?"

"I know," he mumbled, but he didn't stop. I could feel myself getting calm under his touch and he said wistfully, "When I was little and threw fits or cried, my mum used to rub my back."

"Oh, it works though," I said with a wily grin and he dropped his hand. "What's your mum like?"

He swallowed hard and I noticed a glint of sadness in his eyes, but it disappeared almost immediately.

"Your name's Joy?" he asked, completely ignoring my earlier asked question, but I didn't push the topic further.

"Yeah, noticing the irony of my name, huh?" I snorted and tapped my feet on the road. We were sitting on the elevated footpath right in the middle of the street. "I wonder what made my parents name me Joy. I mean-I'm always making everyone sad with my disease and all, not to be self-deprecating, but I'm just-I guess a-a little bit of Joy."

"Joy," he reiterated, almost breathed like he was savouring the feel of my name rolling off his tongue and his lips curled into the faintest smile. "Joy Jones."

"Yeah, yeah, I prefer JJ. Don't be my mum and call me by my name because it looks like you're being sarcastic and constantly reminding me of how I failed my name," I said bitterly while shaking my head and got up. "Now, let's go back home for dessert. In spite of whatever happened, we don't want to miss dessert since mum made Bánh Flan. It's basically caramel pudding."

He stood up, dusting his pants and murmured something like "Joy"---- as if he still couldn't believe and I laughed.

"Alright, now stop. I'll start hating my name more if you keep repeating like that." I turned around and started walking while he followed close behind me, his scrutinizing gaze burning my back.

* * *

"Go out for a lunch break," grandpa told Logan and me, but both of us had already eaten three hours ago when grandpa wasn't looking at us because we were starving and our usual lunch break was at four which didn't make sense since it was actually tea time. However, we didn't have the courage to enlighten grandpa.

"Yeah, we'll go," I replied and pulled at Logan's sleeve. "Come let's go."

"Where?" he asked as I ushered him out of the shop.

"To the ocean," I said blithely and bounced ahead, my feet were feeling like there was a spring underneath. "I need some fresh air and get my head out of all that garbage."

"It's the same?" he asked quietly while shoving his hands deep in his jeans pockets and I sighed.

It had been three days since my grandpa's birthday lunch and events at home hadn't settled. Shaun was out of the house most of the time avoiding my mum while my mum didn't seem perturbed by the entire ordeal. I was dreading the upcoming lunch which my mum would make for the summer festival's cooking competition of our town and Shaun and every one of us would be obligated to sit together and taste the samples. I wondered if Shaun would sit considering the feud and anyway mum wouldn't be bothered if he was absent. This was supposed to be our family tradition kind of thing and I could already see it crumbling down, all because of me.

"You're coming this weekend for lunch?" I asked and he nodded. "Well then, bring popcorn and tea for some family drama. You don't really have to take my mum's invitation seriously and come to torture yourself with lots of uncomfortable silence, bickering and wailing."

"I'll come, I just like your mum's food," he admitted coyly and tugged at his long sleeves, a habit of his when he felt uneasy. He didn't like to talk much because talking more would slowly unravel his secrets. The secrets that lay under his sleeves in the form of severe bruises and cuts. I was determined to know more about him and help him, but I couldn't push or force him to spill the beans, it would startle him and he would distance himself more from me. I had to take baby steps.

"As you wish," I muttered with a frown, but I knew that he didn't have delicious food of my mum's every day. I had seen his lunch box and till now, all he bought was Mac and Cheese with the exception of a banana which he brought occasionally.

We arrived at the coast as the familiar rhythm of the waves crashing and the flock of seagulls flying above welcomed us. The weather today was balmy and the azure sky was painted in different hues of pink due to which the sky and the ocean didn't seem one anymore, the horizon became distinct. The gauzy sun was partly hidden by the cumulus clouds and the rays peeking from above made the sky appear mildly luminous. The ocean and Logan's eyes were like always breathtakingly similar and I wondered whether his eyes feigned serenity because I knew that there was a storm within him, waiting to be unleashed at a snap of piercing words which was right at the tip of my tongue.

A plethora of unasked questions which was anxiously floating between us, but shoved into the realms of ignorance. If only he would let me help him to save himself and turn his scowl into a radiant smile. The selfless and conceited, both parts of me wanted him to seek help, wanted him to seek me.

I noticed two familiar figures at a distance and I squinted my eyes, marching forward. It was Jamal and my sister Gemma. Jamal was laughing deliriously and attempting to talk with Gemma while she just sat on the sand with her head tilted upwards to him, hugging her knees and her shoulders slumping.

I jogged forward and called out, "Hey! Jamie, Gemma!"

Jamal stopped laughing and whirled around, only to realize it was me and started to wave enthusiastically. Gemma's head whipped towards me and her eyes widened, a bewildered look on her face. I halted in front of them while trying to catch my breath and Logan stood beside me.

"What are you two doing here?" Jamal and I asked in unison and then we both shook our heads.

"Okay, I'll tell first. Logan and I got a lunch break and since we had already eaten our lunch, we came here for a walk," I replied and Gemma stared at Logan curiously, her eyes narrowing the slightest while Logan mirrored her expression. "Now you tell, why are you both here?"

"I was just passing by and found your sis sitting here so the thoughtful part of me decided to give her some company," Jamal said and glanced at Gemma. "She needed to cheer up. She looked sad, she still is."

"I'm not sad," Gemma quickly mumbled and she could feel Jamal gazing at her fervently even when she was looking at his shirt. Jamal raised his eyebrows in a comical way and continued gazing which made her cheeks flame. She averted her eyes at the sand and said again, this time raising her voice, "I'm not sad."

"Why are you still in your uniform, Gem? Did you skip any classes at the summer school?" I asked warily and she immediately started fidgeting with her hands. "Is anyone bothering or teasing you at school?"

"N-No!" she stuttered instantly and I couldn't miss the hesitation in her tone. She wasn't slick in lying and was still learning it. I had taught her to lie because she was too honest, some people with autism were and this could get her in trouble like when she didn't find a subject interesting, she would blurt it out loudly in front of the teacher and the entire class. This would cause a scene for everyone because the students would start snickering and the teacher would start shaking in fury.

She showed symptoms of autism-like inability to maintain eye contact sometimes, sensitive to blasting music, and misinterpretation of certain words or taking all sentences literally. Most of the days, she did just fine and her behaviour was like any other normal teenager, but some rare days, she would burst out suddenly. All her bottled up emotions were let loose at the most trivial matter. One such example was when Logan was over at my home on grandpa's birthday.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and crouched in front of her. "What happened at school, Gem?"

She shook her head and tried to shrug my hand off her shoulder.

"You can tell me, I won't tell maa," I said softly, almost whispered to make her believe that Jamal and Logan didn't hear and this was our little secret. She blinked at me for a while but didn't reply. I exhaled, giving up. "It's okay, we'll talk about this later when you're ready, right?"

She nodded and smiled, although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes, she seemed grateful that I wasn't pushing her as mum did.

"Okay, now let's skip stones and see who's stone bounces the most and sinks the farthest!" I exclaimed feigning eagerness, but Gemma's eyes lit up. Like me, she loved the ocean and loved to skip stones or go crab hunting because she was very good at it. She gathered flat stones and Jamal and Logan did the same, Jamal deliberately stealing the ones Logan collected to earn a nasty glare from him and then stealing the ones Gemma collected to earn a playful slap on his arm.

I got up while picking up a random rock and threw it in the calm ocean with all my might. "Ha! It has never gone so far and bounced this much!"

Logan tossed a stone casually and it landed a few feet away from mine, bouncing four times more than mine did. The water rippled softly until a wave crashed above it as if to cover the traces of the sunken stone. His gaze diverted to me, his eyes gleaming a little, slyly hinting that he had won.

I rolled my eyes and Jamal seemed to understand what Logan conveyed through his expression, because he said, "Alright, boy, I bet you can't beat me! Nobody can!"

Jamal started swinging his arm in a circular motion rapidly with over-excitement, let out a shrill war cry and just when he was about to hurl the stone into the ocean, it slipped right through his fingers and landed on the sand. Gemma who was watching him intently, burst out into fits of laughter. Logan stared at him in amusement and I started teasing him while he grumbled under his breath,  until he noticed Gemma shrieking with pure laughter and happiness. Although he pretended to be annoyed, a small smile played on his lips.

Jamal had managed to make Gemma laugh yet again.