Third Person's POV :

Jamal slipped into Joy's signed Katy Perry sweater, wore bunny flip flops and ignoring his stepmother's incessant pestering to eat his lunch, he headed to his mother's dingy apartment. There he found her sprawled haphazardly outside the door in the empty corridor, wasted. It was one in the afternoon and he wasn't surprised to find her knocked out. He fished for the duplicate keys from his pocket and opened the door. He picked her squirming body up with difficulty and carried her inside.

"Antonne you asshole . . . Fucking that white ass girl would get you nowhere . . . I curse you and that-that bitch---"

"Mamma, I'm your son, Jamal," he said in a clear voice, placing her on the unmade bed. "And it's over now. He's married to her, you can't do anything."

"Fuck you! I can! You know nothing about what lies underneath this . . . " she slurred and Jamal tiredly averted his eyes at the ceiling when she unabashedly pulled her dress up. "Look here Antonne, look what your babe got here."

"I'm Jamal mamma, your son. Not your fucking ex husband."

"Hey! Watch your filthy mouth! Antonne's my husband, don't you dare . . . " She stopped talking and Jamal's gaze flickered to her, to find her eyes shut.

Sighing, he proceeded to pull her dress down and suddenly, she pushed him hard- hard enough to make his head collide against the wall.

"Don't touch me you dickhead!" she screamed as pain shot through his head and he saw black dots dancing in front of him.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he said through gritted teeth, "I'm your son mamma, when the hell will you start caring about me?"

"Antonne darling, don't cry . . . Come here babe---"

"Stop it!" Jamal yelled angrily and clutching his throbbing head, he dashed outside.

At times like these, he always went to Joy's house and hid behind the bushes until he saw her to scare her. She usually would say something sarcastic then they both would end up laughing. Where would he go now?

"Jamal!" He whirled around to find Gemma shouting his name. She stood on the promenade with her long, shiny, black hair whipping her face. As he met her eyes, her face turned bright scarlet and her eyes lowered to the ground.

"Hey Gemmie baby," he tried to not let his voice waver, blinking back his tears. "What are you doing here looking pretty like an angel?"

She blushed furiously now, her eyes still downcast and Jamal felt himself smirk. She said timidly, "I was talking to JJ. Shaun said that she would hear me from here."

He looked wistfully at the shimmering waters of the ocean of which Joy had become a part of. "Sure Blondie would. I bet she's yelling at me to stay away from her beautiful sister." 

"She told me to take care of you," Gemma blurted out. "She told me you aren't as happy as you look and that I should take care of you."

"That's a big responsibility, taking care of me. Are you sure you can do that? I'm not an easy man you know, I make a huge ass mess after I eat, I leave the toilet seat up and I---" he lowered his voice as if he was revealing a secret "---slurp milkshakes and soups. Loudly."

Gemma visibly cringed, she hated when anyone made noises while eating. 

"I will still take care of you, I promise," she declared bravely and he laughed which seemed to offend her. Jamal noticed for the thousandth time that the members of the Jones' family loved fiercely. Gemma slapped his arm. "That was not a joke."

"I know it wasn't girl and I promise I'll take care of you too," he said sincerely and gently grabbed her by the waist. When her stiff muscles relaxed, only then he kissed the top of her head. "I won't fail to take care of you."

Like I had failed my mother.

"Jamal, why is your face wet?" Gemma asked curiously, softly patting his cheeks. "It's sticky too. Were you crying?"

He swallowed, flashing her a quick grin. "Of course not baby. The tears are from too many hot cheetos."

She frowned. "You shouldn't eat too many hot cheetos, you will get diarrhoea."

He stifled a laugh, internally he didn't like lying to her so he diverted the subject, "Look at you queen! Already keeping the promise, taking care of my shit and all. Quite literally here."

She bit her lips from smiling and Jamal felt at ease again, pleased to be himself.

* * *

Gemma walked back home merrily- few things kept her happy these days. One was her art and the second was her Jamal. Her Jamal. That sounded heartwarming to her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, savouring the moments in her mind when he held her close. She only liked his and Joy's arms around her. Joy. She was gone, but everyone said that she was in a better place.

What exactly was a better place? Gemma wondered that a lot since Joy had passed away. Was there no suffering? That would be impossible. There was suffering everywhere, if not from others, then our own minds created suffering for us. Suffering would follow us wherever we go.

Perhaps there were more pizzas, a place with more pizzas would always make a better place.

She entered her deathly quiet house and was immediately overcome by a feeling of great sorrow. Only her mum and she lived here now and the silence became unbearable. They mostly avoided each other ever since Joy was gone, their father back to work out of town and Shaun in France.

Her mum emerged from the kitchen. "Gemma?"

She turned rigid. "Yes maa?"

"You don't tell me where you go these days, is that how you're supposed to behave? Where are your manners?" Her mum said distastefully, approaching her.

Gemma was terrified of her mother as she stood frozen. Her mum had always criticised her and this prevented her from being herself around her. She had to be this living doll who sat correctly, talked appropriately and ate properly. Now, Joy wasn't here either to save her from her mother's wrath.

"I-I'm s-sorry---"

"Why are you stuttering again? You don't stutter when you talk with Shaun on the phone."

"I-I---"

"Quit talking like that and tell me where were you? You're an hour late." Her mum placed her hand on her hip and narrowed her coal black eyes at her. "Is this how you treat your mother by not responding? I have had enough of you being mute ever since our Joy . . . I know it's difficult for you to lose your sister, it's difficult for all of us---"

"I know Joy is gone! I know it and it's not her! It's you who's making me sad! It's always been you!" Gemma burst out, tears spilling out of her eyes and before she could run upstairs, her mum caught her wrist. She tried to jerk her hand away. "Leave me alone please."

"I'm sorry," her mum said quietly.

Gemma's lips quivered as she stared at her mum's chin. "But sorry doesn't erase all those years you treated me differently like-like I wasn't your daughter."

Her mother hadn't treated her like this always, she recalled till her elementary school, she wasn't harassed everyday to sit properly or eat a certain way. That changed when one day she was picked up on for being the way she was born at school. The dynamics of their relationship changed drastically right then and there when Gemma came home crying and instead of consoling her, her mum reported to school and started teaching her ways to fight back and forcefully 'fit' in. Ways which Gemma could never excel at.

"You're right." She let out a breath and for the first time Gemma saw how broken she looked. "It doesn't and I shouldn't have done that. My ways of parenting wasn't the best . . . but I can't keep on living like this. I can't ignore you Gemma, you won't believe me, but I have always loved you equally. I wanted to be in control because you were so small and frail and special right from the beginning . . . I wanted to protect you especially after that day."

"I don't understand," Gemma said truthfully. Protecting her from what? The bullying at school had started and ceased that one day itself. All the rest of her life the only person she wanted protection from was her strict, biased mother.

"Joy was afraid of this- afraid of how we would live together in peace everyday," she admitted with a dolorous smile. "I don't think I can completely change my parenting ways and you would hate me now, but maybe one day you'll understand. I don't expect you to understand now."

"I don't hate you," Gemma said bluntly. "But I'm not sure if I love you either."

"It's okay, I will always keep loving you." Her mum reached for a hug and Gemma didn't move. She didn't resist either. She simply stood there as her mother hugged her even though it was awkward. That hug somehow felt important to her and it was comfortable enough.

On a second thought, Gemma quite liked her mother's arms around her.

If only she had hugged her a little earlier, Gemma would have loved her mother.