My bicycle screeched into a halt as I climbed down and held it. "Hey, Marilyn!"

Marilyn was striding briskly on the opposite side of the street and when she heard me, she turned around. Recognition flickered in her grey eyes as she crossed the street, her freshly dyed blonde hair swaying. "Hey JJ, how are you?"

"I'm alright," I replied and shifted uneasily. The break up between her and Shaun created a sort of unspoken awkwardness between us. I added helplessly, "M-My brother's alright too."

The moment I mentioned Shaun, she seemed more upset, but she didn't show it. She only smiled. "That's good. How's France for him?"

"Marvellous! The French are friendly, not too cold and he claims their towns are more beautiful than ours. Although, I don't think any place can beat where we live," I said airily. "He says his mentor is strict and he misses peanut butter. Apparently, you don't get it there much."

Marilyn's smile widened, her plump lips ajar in amusement. She certainly enjoyed hearing about him, but I couldn't fathom how. Weren't people supposed to feel desolation when their lover was out of reach? Was their love so powerful that they were okay being apart and silent? Or was it a load of bullcrap and all of it was merely a façade?

"Marilyn . . . Shaun said he called you numerous times, but you didn't pick up. He . . . Well, he wanted to speak to you," I said nervously. "Has your number changed or something?"

Her lips pursed into a thin line, her grey eyes hard like moonstone. "Tell your brother to stop calling."

"Did he do something wrong?"

"He's a nice kid- your brother JJ, but we broke up. It's the end of the story," she said bitterly.

"Surely you can be friends?"

She laughed- that musical, deep laughter of hers.

"I don't do friends JJ."

I asked almost spontaneously, "Then what are we?"

She gazed at me thoughtfully for a long minute and I waited expectantly. Shaking her pretty head, she then said, "I have to go. Tell your brother to give up, I don't like getting pestered." With that, she whirled around and left without a wave. I watched as she walked away sharply like she owned the entire town.

I tried not to be bothered by Marilyn's aloofness and headed towards Logan's apartment. Once I went through the terrible elevator and arrived at his place, I started banging his door. "Logan, it's Joy! Open the door!"

I was welcomed by silence. Absolute silence. But I knew Logan was in there.

"Hey, open the door! I know you're in there! Come on now!"

Still nothing. He almost convinced me that he wasn't in there until I heard the faintest of a thud, followed by a series of colourful words. I suppressed a giggle.

"Come on Logan, it's obvious! Open the damn door! Logan---"

The door flung open and hit me right on my poor face. I was livid- not because he did that deliberately, but because he didn't look a bit apologetic. I gingerly massaged my face and glowered at him.

"I hate you Logan---" I was rudely cut off with a large hand clamping my mouth shut. He pulled me in by my waist and slammed the door. "What the hell? You can't hurt me and then grab me like that. You-mmph!"

I almost bit his hand and wrenched free from his hold with all my strength. I was breathing heavily and Logan watched me wearily, running a hand through his hair. He was acting like a douche all because I asked him to go on a date with Rosemary. Well, she asked him out two days back through text messages and I peeped at his phone in the flower shop. I texted a 'yeah cool' for him because he had preposterous plans to refuse. The aftermath of my innocent actions was Logan getting absolutely furious and raving.

"Just this one date Logan, there's no harm. Rosemary is super gorgeous, super sweet and super adorable. She clearly likes you and I'm sure you'll feel nice---"

"You don't know what I feel Joy," Logan interrupted harshly. "You shouldn't have sent her that text. I don't want to go on this-this little date thing. I'll just tell her it was a mistake and if she's like-like 'super sweet' as you say, she'll understand."

"No! Don't do this, come on," I whined. "It's a date, nothing else. Don't make a big deal out of it, you got to live your life."

"What if I don't want to live my life the way you're asking me to? What if-what if I like someone else? What if I get to live the way I fucking want and not in the way you're fucking dictating me to?!" he snapped aggressively, making me flinch.

I licked my dry lips slowly and asked in a timid voice, "You-you like someone else?"

"That's not the point, Jesus!" His nostrils were flaring and his hands were clenched into fists. For a second, I did believe he was going to punch me. Instead, he gripped my shoulders, leaned down so we're eye-to-eye and continued in a wavering voice [trying hard to be calm] "You want me to go on this date? Fine, I will. But get this Joy, you can't decide what other people want or not. You may be right, but people-they like to do their own shit. Don't force them to do your shit, nobody wants to."

These were the exact words I sometimes wanted to tell my mum, so it hit me hard. I was unknowingly or even knowingly turning into a control freak. God, I suddenly felt immensely guilty and foolish and naive for pushing Logan to hang out with unsuspecting Rosemary.

"Y-You like someone?" That was the only thing I repeated in response to his rage.

He didn't shoot me an incredulous look, but released my shoulders gently. He continued to stare at me intensely, his sea-coloured eyes boring into me. His lips parted like he wanted to say something important. I could see the conflict evident on his face until he shut his mouth, finally giving up. He really wanted to tell me something, then why didn't he? Did he not trust me? Or was he afraid that I would do something stupid like this again? I thought we were in a comfortable relationship and when I was actually forcing him on a date, I thought I had the right to. We were friends after all and it wasn't a big deal, right? Maybe it was, something a dying girl like me who didn't have a chance at love wouldn't understand. It only hurt me more for the repentance of my actions were killing me internally.

I didn't show it though, but grinned as widely as possible. "Come on then, we'll get you ready neat and tidy."

I shoved Logan into the bathroom to shower like everything was alright and normal. It probably was. Perhaps, I was making this all about me and drowning in self-pity. So in the meantime, I picked out clothes for him from his little closet. Black jeans and a beige shirt. Logan looked particularly handsome in lighter coloured shirts.

"Logan, here are your clothes," I said loudly from outside the small bathroom. He opened the door a little and outstretched his wet hand awkwardly. I decided to fool around and let his shirt dangle and brush his hand the slightest, before pulling it back so Logan couldn't grab it. I heard him groan. "Alright, sorry sorry. Take it."

I let him take the clothes and waited for him to get dressed. Once he was out of the bathroom fully clothed, I admired him. His hair was wet as it fell over his forehead, little droplets still sliding down. He wasn't very hairy like some men were when it came to the beard department, so I supposed he shaved once in every week or so. His shirt was tucked unevenly in his jeans, his sleeves rolled up shabbily. But he looked fresh and smelled of soap which was great. He tried to look scruffy on purpose, I could see the difference between his usual dressing style and today's. Plus, he was sulking a lot.

I grasped his hand and led him to the living room-the only room in his apartment apart from the tiniest kitchen like area and bathroom.

I hurriedly unrolled his sleeves to roll it again properly. "It's five-thirty already, Rosemary should be here any minute."

He muttered something under his breath which I chose to tactfully ignore.

"Comb your hair and untuck your shirt. You don't want to look stiff and formal. It's a casual date." I tried to untuck his shirt myself when he didn't move, but he staggered back immediately. He looked flustered and embarrassed. He then proceeded to do it himself. "Now stand erect Logan, don't hunch. No, no, no, stop hunching."

He didn't like getting ordered so he did the exact opposite of what I said only to annoy me. I wasn't going to back down. Two could play this game.

After minutes of telling him to not wring his hands or crack his knuckles or tug at his sleeves whenever he felt nervous, he simply ignored my existence and concentrated on his phone screen. The more I talked, the more his fingers kept twitching. I could tell that he was having a difficult time to not burst out or do something to irritate me.

Ultimately, there was a soft knock on the door [the bell wasn't working] and I nearly ran to open it. I dodged some objects strewn all over to reach it, but somehow I got tackled to the floor. I struggled to get up only to be pressed against the wall right next to the damn door.

"What on earth? Rosemary is here," I hissed as Logan kept me pinned firmly to the wall. "We should open the door. Move away now, she's waiting!"

"I said I don't want to go on this fucking date," he whispered back flippantly.

"Oh no, no honey, you aren't going to ditch her."

"I don't want to fucking go, okay?"

"Not okay, stop cursing so much and why?" I asked in a low voice. We both heard Rosemary's voice from outside, so I lowered my voice even more, "Why Logan? It's only a date, not a big deal."

He gazed at me the same way he had some time ago. His lips parted the same way and the same conflict flashed in his burning eyes. My heart started to race and my hands turned cold in anticipation. What did he want to tell me so badly?

His lips pursed into a thin line the same way it had earlier. No words came out. Our close proximity wasn't helping him. He simply took a step back, let out a frustrated breath and shuffled towards the door.

I heard Rosemary's chirpy voice as Logan stepped out and instantly felt my stomach lurch. I felt my chest constrict a little more as Logan gave me one last almost spiteful look which pained me. He swung the door shut and I heard Rosemary's enthusiastic words echoing in the background. I was still stuck to the wall like an idiot even though Logan's weight wasn't pressing me anymore. A part of me missed him already.

It was only a date, why was I feeling so low? Was I so selfish that I didn't want Logan to go on dates? It wasn't like we were in a relationship, I snorted at that thought. We could never be in a relationship. Our stories were just too messed up. He needed a healthy girl who he could be with forever and I needed a bed of roses where I could die.

He didn't need me anymore, he needed Rosemary.

* * *