Ever since they left the farm, something inside Nell has been feeling wrong. She doesn't know how to explain it, but it's been eating away at her for a little while. Her whole situation just feels wrong.
There is so much running through her mind at all times, and it drives her insane that she can't tell anyone. She feels like a balloon, being filled with more and more thoughts and emotions that she might just explode if she tries to bottle it all up one more day.

But she must stay silent. If people know about her emotions, then they can use it to their advantage. If people know about her feelings, then she may find herself forming friendships.
And friendships form trust.
But even worse than trust, friendships make you care for someone. And maybe it'll hurt a little less if she doesn't.

As hard as Nell is trying to push down these emotions, the more she pushes them away, the more they show. All she wants to do is burst out in tears, sobbing over the loss of her little brother, her dad, and her mom, which she still hasn't gotten over.

People are going to eventually catch onto her odd behavior, even though Nell thinks that none of them care enough to even notice.

Nell doesn't like not being able to get close to anyone, but if it means that she will never have to go through another death of someone she loved, then so be it.

• • •

It is completely silent and dark outside, the only source of light and sound being the crackling fire at the center of the rock structure that Rick found for the group to spend the night in. Everyone is sitting around it, Nell sitting slightly further away than the rest.

"We're not safe with him," Carol says quietly to Daryl, even though Nell can still hear her. "Keeping something like that from us?" Then Carol looks behind her to make sure nobody is listening.
Nobody is. Except for Nell; she has good hearing and her curiosity can't help itself sometimes.
"Why do you need him? He's just gonna pull you down," She says even quieter than before.

"Nah," Daryl shakes his head. "Rick's done a'right by me."

"You're his henchman," Carol starts again. "And I'm a burden. You deserve better."

Daryl looks at the woman for a moment and takes in what she's saying, even though he clearly doesn't agree.
"What d'you want?" Daryl asks in a grumbly voice.

"A man of honor," Carol says it like it's a question.

"Rick has honor," Daryl says as he throws more sticks into the fire to keep it burning.

"I think we should take our chances," Maggie says to Glenn in a tone a bit louder than Carol's.

"Don't be foolish," Hershel says to Maggie while having an arm around Beth. "There's no food, no fuel, no ammo."

That's exactly the reason why Nell decided to stay with the group. If an entire group of people are struggling to survive, then how long would she last on her own? Not very long.

She also senses some tensions between people in the group that she hasn't heard of before. Some people don't like Rick as the leader. Others want to leave the group altogether. Maybe this group isn't as close-knit as she originally thought.

Then, a loud noise of rustling leaves from somewhere nearby startles everyone. Nell quickly sits up and pulls her knife out of the back pocket of her jeans. She looks around for anything that could have made the noise.

"What was that?" Beth asks softly, still resting in her father's arms.

"Could be anything. Could be a raccoon. Or a possum," Daryl says as he stands up and takes his crossbow off from his shoulder.

"A walker?" Glenn adds.

Carol also stands up.
"We need to leave. I mean, what are we waiting for?" She says, eager to do anything but sit there in the rock structure and wait.

"Which way?" Glenn asks. Everyone is standing now, so Nell slowly gets up too, still clutching her knife by her side.

"It came from over there," Maggie says and looks towards the entrance of the structure.

"Back from where we came," Beth says.

"The last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark," Rick speaks up, standing away from the rest. "We don't have the vehicles. No one's traveling on foot."

"Don't panic," Hershel says, attempting to calm the group.

"I'm not- I'm not sitting here, waiting for another herd to blow through," Carol says, once again disagreeing with Rick. "We need to move. Now."

"No one is going anywhere," Rick immediately says, shutting down any ideas that Carol had. Nell thinks that he sounds a bit angry.

"Do something," Carol begs Rick.

"I am doing something! I'm keeping this group together. Alive. I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this!" Rick finally snaps. "I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!"

Everyone falls silent. Carl looks the most surprised out of everyone. He looks at his dad with wide eyes and a quivering mouth, almost a look of fear. Even Nell is surprised at the fact that he finally revealed what had happened to Shane. She hated knowing the truth behind such a big secret.

"You saw what he was like. How he pushed me. How we compromised us, how he threatened us. He staged the whole Randall thing, led me out to put a bullet in my back. He gave me no choice!" Rick tells the group.

Carl starts crying and Lori hugs him in her lap. Daryl barely has any emotion on his face, but Nell can tell that he's surprised by this too.

"He was my friend, but he came after me," Rick says. Carl's crying grows louder, even though it is muffled by Lori's flannel. "My hands are clean."

Rick looks around at everyone's faces. T-dog looks disappointed, but Carol looks horrified.
It was probably a mistake to tell the group about Shane, it only adds to the tension that was already there.

"Maybe you people are better off without me. Go ahead," Rick says and points behind him, towards where they came from. "I say there's a place for us, but maybe- maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe- maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you- why don't you go ahead and find out yourself! Send me a postcard! Go on, there's the door. You can do better? Let's see how far you get."

Once again, no one says a word. No one even moves a muscle. Nell can tell that most of the group is afraid of Rick. She sure is.
None of them had ever seen Rick act this way and it was obvious on their faces.
The apocalypse changes people.

"No takers? Fine. But get one thing straight— if you're staying, this isn't a democracy anymore."