Listen to Scars to Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara

Tristan's eyes were impassive as I stared into them, I couldn't believe what he just said. He saw it and he called it hideous. Did it look that horrifying?

I gave him the meanest look I could muster up and turned away. I ran out of the kitchen with tears blinding my vision as I ran up the stairs to get to my room.

I shut the door and leaned on it then slid slowly to the ground, I tried to stop the sound escaping my lips but I couldn't.

Hideous mark? 

I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly as the tears kept falling, I sat there crying for a long time.

I stood up and walked to my closet, I brought my clothes out and pushed them inside my suitcase.
Why did I even agree to help him? Ohh yes because I was dumb and believed I had a good heart. All I could think about right now was proving him wrong. First by getting a pregnancy test and getting a lawyer but I had a problem, I was broke.

I stopped and slumped on the bed with frustrated tears, I felt so helpless. I zipped up the suitcase, I still had three more suitcases. I was too angry and couldn't spend one more minute here. I dragged the suitcase to the door and stepped out of my room. I rolled it all the way downstairs with tears falling down my cheeks.

"Go to hell!" I yelled as I opened the front door and walked out, pulling hard at my suitcase that didn't want to move. I let go of the suitcase and kicked it only to be rewarded with a harsh pain on my toes.

I dragged the suitcase with me, all the way to the gate and down the street. It was dark and quiet outside, a cool breeze danced in the air. I looked back at Tristan's mansion as I put a great distance between us. I stopped and let go of the suitcase.

I sat on the suitcase and cried. Where was I even going? I didn't have a dollar to be proud of. I buried my face in my palms and sobbed. It wasn't up to ten minutes before a black range rover pulled closer and parked on the side of the road. I watched as Tristan stepped out in haste and a worried expression plastered on his face.

I shot him a glare and ignored him. I wiped my tears away and tried to put on a tough face. I played with the trap on my sandals as I waited for an apology and an explanation. I saw him from my peripheral vision sit on the sidewalk. He said nothing for a while only a quick glance and crickets.

 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of that. I said it in a heat of a moment, I shouldn't have said that" he said and I stayed silent.

"You have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have come at you like that or say anything about your scar, I have no idea what you went through and how you got it. You don't have to accept my apology or forgive me right away, I just want you to know I'm sorry for what I said."

Wasn't planning on it.

I took a glance at him and said nothing.

"Is it really hideous?" I asked as his words replayed in my head.

"No, it's beautiful. I didn't even get a good look at it, ignore everything I say. I was an asshole trying to avoid conversations about my problems. I don't like people telling me to control what's happening like it's that easy."

"I wish I could forget or erase those words but I can't, they sounded so true," I said and broke into tears again.

"Cassie," he said pulling closer, I looked away trying to hide the tears wetting my cheeks.

"Here," he said bringing his hand closer for me to see. There were tiny scars spread on his wrists and on the back of his palm.

"Go ahead, say whatever you want about them, call them whatever you want if it will make you feel better," he said and I gave him an incredulous look.

"Seriously, Tristan?" I asked and pushed his hand away.

"I'm not gonna stoop to your level, I can't believe you will even consider that. Is that how you make yourself feel better? By preying on people's insecurities?"

He said nothing but look away, his expression hardened. He bit down on his lips and looked ahead like he was fighting his emotions.

"I'm sorry," he said in a voice I could barely hear. I shook my head and stood up. I grabbed my suitcase and headed back to the house. Tristan stayed back not returning to the house. I tossed my suitcase aside and slumped on the bed ready to cry out all the pain.

I felt more insecure about the mark on my back now, he called it hideous.
I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

☆
My clothes were all over the floor when I woke up. I groaned and stayed back in bed arguing with myself if I should leave the room, my stomach grumbled.

I skipped dinner last night, maybe he ate it all alone while I cried my eyes out. I stared at the ceiling like it could tell me what to do, my door opened and Tristan walked in with a tray packed with breakfast.

He was already dressed for work, the grape juice on the tray was calling on me to pick it up and pour on his nice suit. It was tempting but I planned on ignoring him till I felt better.

As much as I wanted to jump and dance in joy for the treat, I stopped myself and glared at him as he approached my bed.

"Morning."
He said with a smile that looked fake to me.

I eyed him and got down from the bed, I left the room not saying a word to him.

I was sad Morris was not back, I wanted him to fix me something to eat. I wasn't that good at cooking, I rubbed my stomach as I opened the fridge.

I grabbed the strawberry jam and four slices of bread, I made myself some coffee which tasted very bitter.
I sat at the Island and put some jam on the bread.

Tristan walked into the Kitchen and dropped the tray in front of me. I shall not fall into temptation.

"I made you a proper breakfast."
I pretended not to hear him.

"Cassie?"
I held the table knife tightly when he called me that.

I wasn't planning on talking to him, he should try harder. I ate the bread and jam pretending to enjoy it as I hummed and moved my head side-to-side.

"Seriously?" He asked.

I moaned as I took a sip from my bitter coffee I badly wanted to spit out.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. I snapped and I said awful stuff," he said leaning on the counter but I said nothing in return.

"Please say something," he groaned.

Go away.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean to," he said and took a glance at his wristwatch. He looked impatient as he waited for me to say something.

"I will see you when I get back, right?" he asked looking closely at my face but I said nothing. He sounded scared of me leaving.

"I will be back once I'm finished at the office and we can talk things out," he said.

Do you think it will be that easy?

"Take care, Morris will be back soon," he said and left.

I ran to the sink and poured everything. I rinsed my mouth and leaned on the counter. My stomach grumbled, I glared at my stomach and sighed.

☆
It's been three days since the incident with Tristan. he tried to apologize every chance he got but I shut him out and refused to say a word to him. he tried desperately to make conversations at the dining but ended up talking to himself. Morris felt uncomfortable every time he served us.

I stayed in the garden after he left for work on Tuesday, I forced myself to read a book recommended by my Anatomy professor.

I was surprised to see Adrian walking to the Garden, he smiled at me as he got closer.

"Hey."

"Hi."
I closed the book and sat like a lady.

"Shouldn't you be at work?"
He was dressed in a casual outfit.

"Naa, I'm taking a month off."

"That's long."
He chuckled briefly and sat in front of me.

"How have you been?"

Miserable, I wanted to say but said,

"Good."
Things had changed between us, we didn't talk and laugh together anymore since that night.

"How is Karen?" I asked.

"She is good, she actually says hi."

He looked around the garden before resting his eyes on me, he took my hands that were resting on the table and smiled.

"I have missed you."
He said softly drawing small circles on the back of my palms with his thumbs.
I waited for the butterflies in my stomach and the sparks but didn't feel anything, I guess my feelings for him died that night he proposed to Karen in front of me.

I have had my fair share in love, I wasn't lucky at that department. All my relationships right from my second boyfriend were disastrous. I always fell for the wrong guys, guys I thought I could be happy with.

No matter how awful they were, I kept going back cause I thought I was going to meet the perfect guy and I guess I did, Grey made a big impact in my life.

He was the type of guy you wanna date and get married to and hopefully start a family with, but our relationship ended because of Tristan's lies and somehow what I did in the past.

Adrian was never meant for me, I was the type of person that fell easily, sometimes I wanted to rip my heart out for doing that. I wanted to grow up too fast and it got me in a big mess, a mess that my family now know and a mess that made Grey believe Tristan's lies.

I wasn't so sure about what was going on between Tristan and me, maybe it was lust or maybe we were just two confused people.

"Yeah."
I said, pulling my hands away. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

"I'm sorry about that night, I thought you were already over your feelings for me."

Then I guess you never took math or statistics.

"I am now, so you have nothing to worry about."
He nodded slowly as he understood why.

"How are things with Tristan?"

"We are not cool at the moment."

"What did he do?"
He looked angry all of a sudden.

"Nothing you need to worry about, it's stupid."
I said forcing a laugh.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, so when is the wedding?"
He laughed softly before answering.

"Next year, are you coming?"

"Weddings are now my nightmare but I will think about it."
He threw his head back laughing.

We talked more before he left, I watched the new episode of my favourite show, The Good Girls.
It was almost 9 pm and Tristan was not back.

I told Morris I wasn't hungry before I went up to my room. I had my bath and wore my pajama shorts and a sweater.

I tried to go to sleep but stayed awake for an hour tossing from one edge of the bed to the other. I got down from the bed with a frustrated sigh, I walked around my room stretching.

I was feeling hot when I finished my little exercise, I decided to go for a swim. I wore my black bikini and grabbed a towel.

I stopped and looked at the mark on my back in the mirror.

Hideous mark

I looked for a light top, I wore it over the bikini and left the room. The lights in the kitchen and living room were off. I went to the wine cellar and took one bottle of white wine and a wine glass.

I removed the top and entered the pool, the water was warm and felt so good. I swam for some minutes before pouring myself some wine, I sat at the edge of the pool using my legs to play with the water.

I reached for my top when I saw Tristan walking toward the pool, he was wearing red swim shorts and nothing above. I wanted to feel confident about my body and my scars but I couldn't, I slipped on the shirt and looked at the sky horizon. I admired the moon that stood proudly in the sky.

He came to sit next to me, my eyes drifted to his legs that were now inside the pool. We sat in silence, I sipped my drink staring at the sky.

"Are we really doing this?"
He asked turning to look at me, I didn't say anything.

"Okay, we are really doing this."
There was another silence, only the sound of my legs dancing in the water.

"I shouldn't have said that. You were asking for too much and I snapped."

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it, I wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

"I wanna make things right, how can I make it up to you?"

I stood up with the wine left in my glass and took my towel and left.

"Cassie?"
I turned around and glared at him, he smiled in return.

I went to my room mumbling curses at him, I walked to the tall glass panel facing the pool and the garden, he was staring at me from where he sat.

He waved, I gave him a dirty look and pulled the drapes together.

☆
Morris made my favorite for breakfast, Tristan was already off to work. I studied for the rest of the day and took a long nap.

Tristan was back early from work but he stayed in his room, he didn't come down for dinner.

"Miss Simpson?"
Morris called after dishing out my food.

"Yeah?"

"Mr. Sanchester needs your help, he said it's urgent."

"When did he tell you that?"

"He just called."
I stood up and left for his room, what was so urgent? Should I call Adrian?
I ran up the steps trying not to miss any step.

Don't panic.

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