• ~ (Y/n)'s Perspective ~ •

I drove back home, still tense and thinking about the situation from earlier. A part of me was enraged, while the other was terrified. My brain felt as if it was shutting down, just cowering and returning to its old ways.

I should know better. I should know how to make myself feel better. I studied to be a psychologist or therapist after all! All I ever do is panic though. It was my worst trait and it's hard to control. I was surprised with myself in the recent kidnapping that I could keep so calm.

I feel like I need someone to hold me and tell me I'm alright, but I'm not a child anymore. I don't have a lover either who I can spill my woes to. Only June who I'll be seeing tonight for a dinner that I don't want to ruin.

Ratchet said I could talk to him, but he's a busy bot. Not to mention he's in a war, my problems are so minuscule compared to that. He's lost maybe hundreds of friends and family, not to mention his home; while I've only lost select few, but not in such a violent way. I don't want to burden him. It just wouldn't be fair.

Arriving home, for the first time in forever, the panic hit me hard. Tears. They burned my eyes and I couldn't see anymore. I'm so happy I turned off the car before hand. My breathing turned heavy and quick as I began to hyperventilate. My hands cupped my face and I cried into them.

I could taste the sliver of salt from any tear that managed to get past my palms to my lips. Anytime I momentarily moved my hands away from my face I saw the black accents of my now ruined mascara. And when my hands were permanently away from my face, I started picking and prodding at my skin.

I pinched my arms, with the pads of my fingers and then the nails. I swore I was bleeding, but in this moment I was scared and pain was something I've taught myself to embrace so it doesn't hurt as bad... but it still does. The more jiggly parts of my body got my claws dug into them, leaving red marks but not blood. I heard a honk and my body jerked so bad that I hit the wheel on the part of my thigh just above my knee.

I flipped my mirror down quickly and tried to clean myself up a little. You could probably guess I had been crying but you couldn't 100% tell. My door unlocked as I opened the door. My feet became the platform for my heavy panic-filled body. I saw Ratchet, he had seemingly just pulled up.

I stared at him for a minute, a fear in my eyes that I could feel strongly in my mind. I was so out of it, I didn't even notice his Holo form was soon in front of me. He snapped his fingers and I flinched.

"(Y/n)? Are you with me now?" He asked, snapping his fingers once more. I looked between his eyes then his hand. I then shifted my gaze to the ground and brushed my fingers through my hair.

"I-I-I... uh... y-yea—yes... sorry..." I stammered, feeling embarrassed. He gently grabbed my chin and made me look at him, the contact made me blush, but my guard was still up and I instinctively shoved him away and backed up into my car.

He seemed momentarily taken aback. He looked at me for a moment, a part of me wondered if he was angry or offended.

"(Y/n) are you alright?" He asked, kneeling down to look at me. I had slumped to the floor and took a deep breath before answering that I was fine.

I felt so embarrassed. I should be able to handle this, I'm an adult, I'm panicked over something that isn't still happening and I can do something about if I just clear my head. I quickly got back on my feet, and went to head to the ambulance, since I already had my bag.

"(Y/n). Stop." He said, making me stop. I looked to the ground, feeling like a teen that had been caught sneaking out. "You should stay home and calm down. Clearly something has frightened you or something triggered something. I understand that you don't want to tell me, but you shouldn't scare the kids because you want to prove that you're fine when you're not."

I stared at him, shifting my gaze, trying to find some excuse, but my brain was having a meltdown. A part of me felt like I was going to fall. A part of me felt like I could break down right there. Another part felt offended that he would accuse me of being so emotionally weak.

I wasn't thinking when I made my next move though. My arms wrapped around him and my head rested on his shoulder as I unwillingly gave a soft sob.

"Th-thank you Ratchet..." I mumbled into the cloth. He awkwardly patted my back and I moved away and sniffled, feeling even more embarrassed but glad he didn't shove me away like I did to him. "I'm sorry you couldn't catch me in a better mood..."

My fail at having some light humor in my voice made him frown even more than he usually did. He sighed and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Take care of yourself and be careful. If you need me you have my com link." He said in a gentle voice which seemed unusual for him, but nice. I wiped my eye and nodded, muttering more thanks before his holoform disappeared. He didn't actually leave until I was actually in the house though.

~ • ~

"(Y/n)!" The voice shouted on the other end of the phone. I felt so out of it. I was hunched over on the couch trying to respond to the call like a normal person.

"Sorry June, sorry..." I mumbled into the microphone. She sighed on the other end.

"We don't have to do this dinner."

"No it's ok, I want to. It's just me and you out at a restaurant. And I need to talk to you June... like seriously..."

"Oh... that's why you're so out of it." Her voice now worried, she sighed and paused momentarily. "Just get ready and meet me at the place. We'll talk more about this there. Please don't be hard on yourself."

"Yes ma'am..." My thumb lazily slid over the end button, ending the call. A feeling of burden, weighing in on me, almost not allowing me to get up. I used whatever lazy strength I had and managed to get on my feet anyway.

Getting ready I felt pathetic and disgusted. A part of me wishing I didn't look the way I did so I wouldn't get that kind of attention. Though I knew it doesn't matter how I look, I'll get that attention either way.

I brushed my hair and redid my makeup. I threw on something nice, but nothing super fancy and headed out to the restaurant. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to drive, but either way I made it there without getting pulled over. Soon June pulled up next to me as well and we both exited our vehicles.

"Nice to see you dressed up for once June." I smirk at the nurse whose usually in scrubs. June rolled her eyes and smiled at me.

"Hello to you too, now let's get in and talk." She said, grabbing my wrist as per usual and we went inside. "Reservations under: Darby."

We were escorted to a booth in the restaurant and took our seats. We ordered our drinks and appetizer and sat in an uncomfortable silence for a minute.

"So what happened this time?" June asked, trying to be straightforward and hide her worry.

"I have to file a report of harassment in the workplace..." I spat out quickly and at a fair volume. June's eyes widened then she scowled.

"People are so disgusting." She scoffed, venom in her words. I nodded and slumped in my seat. "But that's not the only problem... is it?"

"Nooo... I panicked on Ratchet. I full on just shoved him. I feel so bad and so pathetic..." I whine quietly. "I feel so alone June... and the only person I feel comfortable talking to is you, but I'd feel selfish to try and steal your free time just to help me feel better."

"Why not talk to Ratchet? Jack says you and him are getting... well... close... to each other." June said, a small suggesting grin on her lips. My face was probably bright red now as a squeaked out a small confused "what?!" "Well... besides him being your guardian, Jack says you two talk a lot— at least a lot for Ratchet— and that he's heard Ratchet talking about you to Optimus."

My face felt like it was burning. I was quick to start drinking when my (alcoholic/beverage) when it arrived. This is becoming even more childish. He's a robot for crying out loud. A strangely adorably grumpy robot. Gosh... This is so weird.

"A-are you implying something...?" I ask nervously, shifting in my seat. June smirked then laughed.

"No, but clearly you are."

"Wh-what...?!"

"Do you like Ratchet?" June asked. My face was probably as red as Optimus' paint right now.

"NooooOoooOoooo..." I pout, not quite sure myself. I've never really had romantic feelings for someone before. Plus my last relationships didn't turn out well. He also might think I'm hard to manage if he knew of my past and my PTSD from it.

"Sure. So anything else we need to discuss?" She asked, I shook my head.

Soon tensions fell and we got our appetizers and ordered food. We talked normally and I enjoyed having a friend again. Things have felt lonely without her around and Ratchet I only tell so many things to.

"The patient next to him passed out and while still on anesthetic he yelled 'He needs to go the the Chocolate Factory! Does someone have a golden ticket?'" We both laughed loudly. I've had a few (a/b) and was probably too drunk to drive at this point. June knew it too.

• ~ Third Person Perspective ~ •

While June was telling stories, she had contacted Ratchet to see if he could come get (Y/n) and maybe do something about her car. Oh and June made very clear that he can't tell (Y/n) what happened while she was drunk or she'd be so embarrassed she'd probably move back home.

June stopped (Y/n) from getting anymore (a/b) and made sure she drank water so she didn't end up getting hung over. They finished up their dinner as planned. (Y/n) said a few silly things or talked about nice memories she's made with the kids at the school or she ranted about the bitchy guidance councilor.

Soon though, they were outside, standing by the cars waiting for Ratchet and Jack to show up. Arcee and Optimus had to go out to an abandoned Energon mine with some Energon signatures still there. Bulkhead was still at base and because Arcee was out Ratchet decided to bring Jack with him so he could drive (Y/n)'s car.

"Hi mom." Jack said, hopping out of Ratchet's alt to greet the two.

"Hi honey. Can you drive (Y/n)'s car home? She's kind of drunk." June said, handing him her keys.

"Yeah, as long as I get to see Freckles." Jack said before going to (Y/n)'s car. Ratchet's holoform approached the two women and (Y/n) visibly got shy.

"Come on (Y/n). It's time to go home. Why'd you let her drink so much?" Ratchet asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"She's had a bad day and I forgot we drove in separate cars. I'm sorry if it's a problem, but she's really not that bad." June apologized, realizing how ridiculous that must've sounded, especially considering she is a doctor.

"No no... it's fine. I know she was having a bad day. I just wish she'd talk to me." Ratchet admitted with a sigh. June nodded in agreement, wishing her friend would open up more, because she knew there was still so much more that (Y/n) hadn't even told her or her family.

"Yes, well, it's (Y/n). She'll come around, I promise. She's already very upset about shoving you." June commented with a small shrug. "You should get her home. I'll meet you there so I can get Jack home."

Ratchet nodded and June convinced (Y/n) to get in the ambulance. Ratchet's holoform had disappeared after their conversation and the drive was pretty silent, despite small hiccups every now and again from (Y/n). She seemed embarrassed and scared. Ratchet felt worried, but he knew he couldn't really do anything.

"Hey Ratchet...?" (Y/n) called, a small slur in her words. The mirror adjusted to look at her. She frowned slightly. "I-I owe you an apology... and an explanation..."

"No (Y/n), you don't."

"No I think I do... I should have a better control over my emotions, but I guess even that can't compete against instinct..."

"(Y/n), June told me." He lied, (Y/n) smiled slightly and shook her head.

"No... she didn't. She'd never do that to me knowing what I've been through..." She whispered, but it was still audible. "Ratchet, someone I work with got me alone and cornered me... as a result I continued to panic a-and when you grabbed me I relived every moment of every time someone tried to grab me and hurt me, so I shoved you and I shouldn't have..."

"(Y/n) it's ok. I'm not mad and I'm happy you told me." Ratchet replied softly, slightly surprised she did tell him.

The rest of the short drive was silent, but to (Y/n) it felt like an eternity. When they arrived back, Jack and June were there waiting. (Y/n) got her keys from her purse and June helped her out of the car. Ratchet's holoform going to the door with them.

June took her keys and unlocked and they all went in. (Y/n) and June sat on the couch, Ratchet leaned against a wall with his arms crossed, and Jack was now petting Freckles. June ended up getting (Y/n) some water, soon leaving with Jack home.

Ratchet ended up joining (Y/n) on the couch. It was silent until she rested her head on his shoulder and he glanced at her. She had fallen asleep, now lying against him. Now the room was filled with her soft breathing and barely audible snores.

He picked her up and took her to bed, examining her relaxed features, admiring her. He felt weird for doing so, but also felt warm for doing so; his face specifically. (Y/n) was soon in bed though, but he apparently wasn't ready to leave yet.

"I'm sorry..." (Y/n)'s quiet, sleepy voice muttered. Ratchet sighed, annoyed that she was still apologizing.

"(Y/n) it's—"

"I-I'm sorry mom... I-I wasn't strong en-enough..." She sobbed quietly in her sleep. Ratchet paused and stared in surprise. She was having a nightmare. But what was she apologizing for.

Ratchet sighed once more and brushed some hair out of her face. He stayed with her, quietly whispering comforting words until her body finally relaxed once more.

Once she was calm, he smiled. He didn't like seeing her so upset.

Ratchet went to the guest room with Freckles and got some sleep himself, but all he could dream about was (Y/n).