• ~ (Y/n)'s Perspective ~ •

~ • Flashback • ~

"(Y/n)! Come downstairs! You're going to miss presents!" New mommy called through the door. I pressed my body firmly against the door, begging for it to not open if she tried the handle.

"N-no! Daddy said bad girls like me get stitches and broken teeth for Christmas! And the tooth fairy doesn't even exist!" I cry, terrified to go downstairs. My body was trembling and it wouldn't stop.

"Sweetheart..." Her voice melted down into a sugary sweet and sympathetic tone. "Your old daddy isn't here anymore... he can't hurt you. I promise if you come downstairs you'll be ok."

Minutes passed. We were silent and still separated by the wood. Everyone was waiting patiently downstairs, knowing the newer child, me, had come from an abusive home. A four year old that could barely walk correctly from a year and a half of harsh abuse.

"Your sister Jolene is down there. You can sit in her lap." The woman suggested to my younger self as I cried and sobbed.

"W-will you hold my hand on the way down...?" I asked in a trembling voice. New mommy hummed and said a yes. I felt reassured and a little safer. Standing up, I got on my tiptoes and opened the door. "Mommy..."

"I will always be here to hold your hand. No matter what. Don't be afraid to ask. I will always protect you." She said, holding my small hands in hers. I sobbed and smiled. She held my hand downstairs as I struggled to walk. When I made it downstairs, I almost fell when my new dad caught me.

"Careful my little warrior, you might hurt yourself." A stoic man known as my father gently hushed. New mommy smiled at him and he took me to my older sister. I trusted her the most. I took a seat on her lap. At the time I was still unsure about her boyfriend and always tried to hiss at him to go away.

When presents came around, my younger self calmed down. I got some candy and stuffed animals. As well as a rubix cube and a book for bedtime. When we did the white elephant gift exchange, I ended up with a book about self care and respect. Though new mommy was unsure, Jolene assured her she'd read it to me wisely.

After that, the young me grew a little more confident about myself. Though sudden movements still terrified me, I was much happier than I had been when I first came to the home. I will forever be grateful to my family for making me feel welcomed.

~ • End Of Flashback • ~

"Hey (Y/n). What are you doing over here?" Raf asked as he sat beside me with his laptop. I look over at him. He reminded me of my younger sister. Glasses and brown hair.

"Oh uh, I'm just getting some work done, figuring out bills for next month. You know, adult stuff." I answered with a slight playful tone. He smiled and nodded.

"Ugh! What is it with adults and working all the time?! Don't you have time for an actual life?!" Miko whined. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Yes. But I don't have much else to do besides work. Plus I'm almost done and it's better to do it now than later." I reply simply. She huffed.

"You couldn't wait till you got home? I mean you could be playing video games with Raf or Jack or even me! We could jam out! But you're just sitting there working! Being as boring as Ratchet!" She complained. I smiled and shook my head.

"Well, if you really want me to. I can take a break from work." I replied. She smiled at that. I placed my laptop down beside Raf and asked him to keep an eye out for new emails. He agreed, with a polite smile and I thanked him.

Miko scooted over on the couch. Jack was on his phone. I took a seat and Miko handed me the controller.

"You steer with this—" She began but I quickly interjected.

"You don't need to explain, I know how to play."

"How?"

"I have younger siblings."

"How old are you?"

"30"

"You're kidding?"

"No."

"There is no way you're that young!" Miko practically yelled, I just shrugged.

"I grew up too fast. You take your time." I reply calmly and nudge her gently with my elbow.

"I can't believe that. You would've met Jack when you were 14." Miko responded. I set the remote down.

"Well... yes. He is 16." I reply, looking at her. "Is there a point to your disbelief?"

"I just thought you were older. I mean you look like you're in your 20s but I thought you were at least mid 30s, not early thirties." She said, I shrugged.

"I finished high school at 13 and went to college where I met June who was 18 at the time. We were friends during school, but outside of it I was never available. Something happened and the next year she gave birth to Jack. Things happen."

"You started your teens and graduated high school. How'd you accomplish that?" Miko asked, still sounding dumbfounded.

"Her sister is a nerd and wanted to prove she was responsible enough to have a kid so she raised (Y/n) and taught her a bunch of stuff which made her jump grades and graduate." Jack said, clearly trying to get Miko to stop prying on me.

"Did she have kids?" I nodded and held up 3 fingers. "3?" She asked before I put up an extra finger.

"Might be four soon. She's pregnant again." I respond back.

"Sweet!" She said, sounding happy for my sister, which I appreciated.

"What happened to playing the game?" Jack asked, sounding annoyed for me. Miko shot him a glare.

"I don't mind Jack." I comment calmly. "She's allowed to ask."

"I know..." He mumbled, sounding like he was trying to come up with an excuse. I knew he was interrupting so nothing sensitive was brought up.

Jack didn't know about my darker past and only knew of my younger brother because he met him before he died. They were born around the same time after all with my brother being a year older.

'Sometimes I wonder what things would be like now... He would be 19. Would he be happy? Would he be in love? Would he be on a road to his dream career? Or would he still be confused and refusing to make a definite decision in fear it would tie him down?'

"Yeah. But we should probably play the game." She replied, knowing how Bumblebee would be back soon and usually him and Raf play.

The game started and we were tied throughout most of the game before Miko claimed triumph. I couldn't help but smile as the teen got excited about winning and they played again. I won this time and Miko pouted. We played again and again and scores were pretty back and forth before Miko won three times in a row, beating me. 

I took my loss and playfully said that "I'll beat her next time." Then I went back to my computer and got to responding to some emails, there were no new one's, and I still wanted to talk to June first about the one my friend had sent me.

Bumblebee and Raf took over the games and Miko got to playing her guitar. Which annoyed Ratchet. I smiled to myself and I soon finished with my work. Figuring since everyone else was doing something, I'd bother Ratchet. He's my guardian after all.

"Do you need something, (Y/n)?" He asked, sounding slightly annoyed, but I brushed it off.

"No. I just wanted to see what you were doing. Maybe talk, but I know you're busy. So all I can really do is look at the screen in confusion." I answered with a playful smile. He glanced at me and the screen before he realized what I meant.

"Right. Ha ha very funny." He said, a small sense of humor in his voice. It made me smile brighter, knowing he could humor me.

The base had suddenly gone quiet though. Everyone was looking. Even Optimus seemed to be surprised and staring in our direction. The car game Bee and Raf were playing was only playing the background music and a soft hum of the fake engine in the game; no more soft screeees as the cars sharply turned or dodged things. Miko's guitar no longer shouted into the echoing main room.

Ratchet's metal face suddenly turned slightly blue which made no sense to me, but I wasn't going to question it. I was a little embarrassed and honestly, panicked with all the attention that had been turned to us.

A few moments later though, everyone went back to what they were doing. Ratchet looked at me but quickly put his gaze back on the screen.

"I'm almost done out here actually. You could come to my berthroom with me and help me with a project though." He offered, quietly so everyone wouldn't stop everything they were doing again. I smiled and nodded.

"Sure." I replied, happy he was willing to spend time with me. He seemed to smile a little before turning his complete focus back to the screen. Maybe the other's were surprised that I was still trying to talk to him.

Ratchet seemed like a really nice person. He just had this mask of a grumpy personality because of his experiences and maybe age. Maybe he was afraid to get to know people. Maybe he just needed someone to break through to him, or understand.

But maybe it's wishful thinking to assume I'm the one that has to do it. Maybe Optimus put a little too much trust in me when it came to me and Ratchet's relationship of making him over stress himself. I deeply hoped I wouldn't mess up.

(Warning)

~ • Flashback • ~

(Mature Content)

"You are a terrible excuse of a girlfriend!" A teen shouted at me.

I was only 11 and in a relationship with an abusive 15 year old in high school. I was only trying to be his friend in the beginning. He was the kind of kid that blocked himself off from everyone but was pretty popular, just had no friends.

A teacher had put me and him together and put me on a mission to befriend him. So I did. We talked. And talked. And talked. And suddenly we were on a date.

"You make me feel whole.", "You make me happy.", "I love you.". He would say to me. And I fell for it. I fell for every lie.

"If you break up with me I'll kill myself." I felt stuck. Scared and confused. I didn't know what to do. Every time I did something he didn't like his own death was his threat. I don't know why I believed him but I did.

Whenever I did something it was either that threat or a demand for nudes. I knew better than to send anything, but that didn't stop me from looking up some and sending them to him. He realized pretty quickly that they were fake though.

One night, he tried to force himself on me. It was a cold winter night. Everyone was asleep, so he took his chance. He waited for me to kind of fall asleep. The blankets were suddenly coming off at 2 am. I shifted uncomfortably, but when doing so a pressure was put on my head, making it hard to breathe.

He had pressed my face into the pillow and I couldn't breathe. When I had finally managed to turn my head to breathe, he got upset with me. He started saying things like he was having a bad day and deserved this. That this is what being a girlfriend was and that I was being the abusive one by denying him.

He almost convinced me too, but my oldest sister Willow interrupted right before anything could happen. Seeing the boy I had said was my "loving" boyfriend on top of me while I was crying set something off in her.

When the imaginary smoke cleared in my mind I could only break down as I was taught a new lesson on trust. As I found a new reason to panic. As I found an actual reason to leave.

~ • End of Flashback • ~

My body jolted at the sudden movement in front of me. I looked up and saw Ratchet. He was about to talk to me when I did that. I blushed, embarrassed and disappointed in myself for still reacting in that way to movements.

His eyes were now shifty as he glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention. Since everyone was in there, he held his question if I was alright which I could tell he was holding. He put his hand up to me. I raised a brow confused and he rolled his eyes and motioned for me to get on.

'Well that makes sense.' I think before I climb on. 'And good thing I'm not wearing a dress.'

"Bulkhead. Please stay clear of this area. I don't need you breaking anything again." Ratchet said before walking off with me. It was a little weird to me, to be held like this, but there were a lot of weird factors to being friends with a robotic alien that turns into a car.

We entered the hallway and went down a hall. I took a small glance down and immediately regretted it and leaned back Into his hand. 'That is terrifying...'

"I'm not going to drop you." He commented, glancing down at me. I smile at him.

"I'd hope not." I comment playfully, as we entered a room. There was a metal bed, a desk with a lot of stuff on it, a chair and a closet. Ratchet set me down gently on the desk. I got my footing and tried to avoid the edge. He sat on the chair and I went over to him. "So what is it you're working on?"

"This." He held up a container of a green liquid. It was really pretty. Like it could be inside a lava lamp.

"What is it?" I asked, my reflection in the glass of it, my body looking green.

"It's synthetic Energon. A synthetic version of the substance that keeps us online. I had a bad experience with it, but our supply keeps running low. We need it and I have to figure out the rest of the formula." He said before setting it down. "I figured since you wanted to talk, we could while I'm working on this."

I smiled. Glad he was alright with my persistence. He didn't really seem bothered by my persistence either way, but I was happy he was acknowledging it.

"Why do you keep insisting we talk though?"

"Why not? You're my guardian and communication is important. And I guess, I don't have any friends in this area besides June and Jack. The others are nice, but I'm pretty boring. I'd talk to Optimus, but as welcoming his aura is, he also seems like the type to avoid talking about himself and more of the type to talk about things as they are in general. And then there's you. You're nice, just a little grumpy, but that's understandable. You're clearly very smart, so I could learn something from you. Not to mention, we share a similar field of career and usually it's easier to get along with someone you can relate to." I explained myself, maybe a little too much.

"I have to remember that you can read people..." He mumbled, giving a small smirk trying not to laugh to himself. I smiled and shrugged.

"With a bad habit of talking too much." I added, he rolled his eyes. "But on another note of learning. I was hoping you could teach me a thing or two. If not to help, then just to respect."

He paused and glanced at me. His mouth turned to a frown, but not an upset one. More like a thinking one.

"I'll think of something. I'm glad you're willing to learn." He said, small gratitude in his voice.

"Of course. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all." I say with a playful tone once more. He nodded.

The hours went by of just having pleasant conversation. Sometimes going off track to just what he was doing and him talking to himself with me just listening. Things only really got confusing when he started talking in another language which I could only assume was theirs.

A while later, we went back out to the computer and main area. The kids were gone and I went on the couch with my laptop. Checking my phone, I saw an apology from June that she couldn't come over and an invitation for dinner tomorrow night. I told her it was alright and accepted.

It was a school night so realistically I had to go home and sleep. I didn't want to make any demands though. So I just watched some tv, (a good show was on), and eventually I fell asleep.

I was later awoken an hour later, to Ratchet gently nudging me and telling me to wake up. When I opened my eyes, I saw his human form right in front of me. It surprised me and I practically threw myself back against the couch and put a hand over my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He apologized, his human form quickly disappearing. I blushed embarrassed, once again.

"I-it's ok." I say before getting up and collecting my things. He transformed and I said goodnight to Optimus, who, unfortunately enough, saw the whole thing. I went down and got in and we left.

It was a silent ride, of him talking and me trying not to drift off and respond. His voice was nice to listen to though and it made me feel calm.

"If you don't mind me asking. Why do you keep flinching?" He asked suddenly. I tensed momentarily then scratched my head.

"Oh I've just been remembering things and being taken out of those memories through sudden movements startle me I guess..." I respond, too tired to completely understand what I was saying.

"I'll keep that in mind. Remember, you can talk to me (Y/n)." He said, calmly.

"I know, Ratchet..." I reply in a soft voice. My eyes felt heavier as my tears added more weight. "I'm just not ready to accept that right now..."

The vehicle went silent and things felt a little uncomfortable. My wound began to act up and I placed my hand over it.

'I'm such a hypocrite.' I smile to myself as a tear escapes my eye. 'Always serving what I could never dish...'