Chapter Fifteen: A Clouded Day

   How I ended up in bed from last night I couldn’t remember; but I concluded that Delrand must have managed to place me under the quilt without waking me.

   I woke up now and looked around. He wasn’t there, same as yesterday morning. I called him by the mind way and he told me that he was with his three friends. I wasn’t looking forward to today if it meant having to use my every bit of mental strength and cunning to get around the upcoming challenges. I knew I could easily beat one of them alone, but how I would fare against all three, at the same time, was an obscurity. Last night I used my magic of free will, today I knew it would be used completely as forced self-defence.

   I wanted to fly again after my unexpected pursuit. I flew out the window and soared once around the castle turrets before landing on the roof tops near the practice grounds. Down below I could see the four figures that were waiting for me. I concentrated on looking inconspicuous, but to no avail. Oscar always seemed to be aware of everything around him. If something looked out of place he would easily notice it. He joined me on the tiled ledge as a pigeon (same as my choice). He was the usual grey plumaged bird, with the green and purple tinge around the neck in a certain degree to the light.

   I watched him for some time, and then flew down onto the ground. I changed back into my natural form.

   ‘Showing off already?’ Delrand teased.

   ‘Just practicing. After all, that is what we’re doing today.’ I stared at them all mysteriously and darkly as I could. Thinking that there was no getting out of it, I decided I may as well start at the first chance (the sooner to get it out of the way). ‘Ready?’

   Harrod and Justin looked at each other and nodded. Oscar had transformed behind me and I could sense the magic from each of them. Knowing I could only focus on one at a time, the best thing to do was just wait and keep up my body shield. Whoever attacked first would become my first target.

   No help, Delrand?

   Nope, you’re on your own from here.

   Not even a clue or tip?

   Movement.

   I looked over at him shocked, he just smiled. ‘That doesn’t help.’ I turned my attention back onto the other three.

   ‘I didn’t intend to hurt any of you,’ I apologised.

   ‘No, but that really did hurt. Ow! Watch it, Justin.’

   ‘Sorry, but you’re the one who keeps moving. Hold still.’

   ‘I’ve seen worse; you’ll be alright,’ I reassured him.

   ‘What could be worse than a broken arm?’

   ‘How about bleeding uncontrollably and having broken limbs, hmmm? Here.’ I took his arm and moved my hand over his skin to find the break. On finding it, I healed the bones back together. ‘Better?’

   He tested his arm by bending it at the elbow. I smiled and backed off.

   ‘When did you have time to learn healing in detail?’ Delrand asked, quite amazed.

   ‘I wasn’t always remembering the lessons you were giving me. I like being able to heal injuries. Magic has just helped it along,’ I explained simply.

   ‘You seem to have more than even I accepted to see.’

   ‘Why the politeness? You don’t have to speak like that when they’re around.’

   Apprentice still, remember.

   Then show me your way of fighting.

   May be some other day.

   Why not now? You won’t harm me in anyway.

   It’s... it’s not because of that.

   Then it could be because you can’t have me being  more powerful than you, even though I always have been. Or it could be because, as he had a quick response to mind thoughts, he didn’t want to risk dealing with me not being able to trust my own mind strength. He smiled at my quick insight. ‘Does that stop the questions against my ability to fight?’

   ‘Sure, but not the questions on whether you can defeat him,’ said Harrod. I had spent most of the day preventing his spells from breaching my shield. Though I was willing to forgive him for his attempts, I was still unwilling to forgive him for what he did to me in our first and last ‘private’ meeting.

   All our ‘brothers’ know you are the most powerful of us ever to exist. It doesn’t need to be proven, just clarified on the last day, Delrand added to our secret conversation.

   The last day? What did he mean by that? And I couldn’t find the courage to actually ask him. There were many things I still had to try and work out by myself. You’re too charming. I also need to ask you a favour.

   Go on.

   Can you not see me tonight? I want to spend sometime alone with Beth; I don’t want her to think I’m ignoring her as a friend. Before you came along we always spent part of  some nights chatting.

   Whatever you ask.

   Aren’t you going to argue?

   Why should I? You asked me instead of just telling.

   Sometimes you can be a bit too lenient.

   Later that day, Beth and I were sat on my bedroom floor (as we used to do when we were much younger). She was telling me everything that I had missed during my time away; considering that it was many months ago, she still remembered all the small details she was able to overhear during her duties around the castle.

   ‘Tristan didn’t trust letting you go off alone with him.’

   ‘I guessed he would see it that way. I tried telling him there was nothing he could do to persuade me out of it.’

   ‘And what about Lancelot? He seemed to stay out of any conversations that mentioned you. I noticed that he would decline any questions they asked him.’

   I had to think about what I could say to her, despite my undeniable trust in her. ‘I had to leave and that was a bad consequence I couldn’t prevent. Either I left and fulfilled what was expected of me or stay and deny my chance of finding my true life.’

   ‘How much different are they to each other?’ she asked abruptly.

   ‘Who?’

   ‘Lancelot and Delrand. Why did you chose him over a life long friend?’

   ‘There is a lot of difference between them. It felt wrong that I loved Lancelot in more than a brotherly way. But I can’t ignore the fact that he loves me more than a close friend. Delrand is... how to put it? He’s just everything that keeps me going. I never believed that I could find my soul mate in a stranger, until the day I met him. As soon as I saw his face I knew straight away that there was something there between us. He was the one that first showed his intentions; I couldn’t go on denying it to myself that I didn’t love him or see him in a romantic light.’

   ‘I don’t trust him.’

   ‘Why not? He was nice to you when you first met, surely that alone is enough to convince anyone what he’s like.’

   ‘I can’t quite put a finger on it, but there’s something he might not be telling you or something he has kept hidden for years deep in his mind.’

   ‘He would only keep secrets from me if he knew I would hate what I found out. I was with him when he said it himself to Merlin.’

   ‘But then he isn’t being truly honest and faithful to you if he keeps things about himself a secret. Can you really be sure, without a doubt, that he is who he says he is?’

   ‘Of course. Merlin wouldn’t have taken him on if he thought he would be a danger to people. And we know that Merlin is never wrong about someone.’

   ‘You can’t always be sure of that either. Everyone makes mistakes, and Delrand seems the type of person who can fool minds to his advantage.’

   ‘Be as cautious as you like. I’m not accepting those possibilities. Anything else you found out while I was away?’

   ‘Not what I’ve already told you or what you might have found out on your own. It’s late, I should go.’

   We got up and headed to the door.

   ‘Thank you,’ I said as we hugged. I was glad she was still willing to forgive me for not talking to her since my first day back. Had I really neglected her for that long?

   ‘Good night,’ she said as she walked through the door. I closed it behind her and turned the key to lock it.

   I got changed and got into bed. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. It was no good without hearing his soothing voice. On cue, he spoke to me through my mind.

   Can I join you now?

   If you must.

   Move up. I thought about what he meant, and then realised he was literally going to join me, under the covers. I shuffled nearer the edge and waited for the sinking of the mattress under his extra weight. I turned over and saw he was on his side propped up on an elbow. I looked up at him. I felt the magic of the room shield go up (that was something he always did at night, though there was no real need for it).

   ‘Can you sit up?’ I asked.

   He repositioned and, when he was still, I shuffled over and lay my head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist.

   ‘What are you doing?’

   ‘I want to be with you,’ I replied softly. He began stroking my hair. I focused on listening to his heart beat.

   ‘Elara, I think it’s time we took things a little further.’ I quietly breathed in deeply at his words. ‘Not in that way. I respect you for holding back on that subject. I mean little differences when we’re together in the day-time.’

   ‘Carry on. What else?’ I probed when he had told me what he had just said.

   ‘Holding hands, being nearer each other and so on. What do you think?’

   ‘May be, but it might make them jealous of your hold on me.’

   ‘That is something they can live with; and I don’t have a hold on you,’ he added stubbornly.

   ‘Not that they know that. Their minds don’t perceive things as we do, they’re not personally involved.’

   ‘They’re still your friends. You should still care about how you make them feel when you do things.’

   ‘I do, but it’s something that they will have to deal with in time anyway, whether it be sooner or later.’ I lifted my head to see his reaction. As ever, he held a calm expression; that was another thing I had learnt about him. When it came to hiding emotions, Delrand was really good. I raised my head a little further and kissed him on the lips. In automatic response to my current position, my free leg moved over his to a more comfortable position. He stopped straight away, receeded his head and looked away. I didn’t relinquish my limb from where it now lay. He would have to come to terms with what I didn’t want to do.

   ‘Elara, don’t start something you’ll regret tomorrow,’ he said as he turned to face me again.

   ‘I wasn’t, it feels better this way.’ I held my position by tensing my muscles in place. ‘It makes me feel comfortable to kiss you while I’m leaning on you.’

   ‘As long as you promise to take better control of your impulses...’

   ‘I have none at this time,’ I interrupted him. ‘Didn’t last night give you enough assurance that I’m not willing to try?’

   ‘I’m not questioning your intentions, just the hold you have on your sub-conscious thoughts and feelings.’

   ‘I realise that.’ I paused to allow myself to relax again. ‘This is getting a little out of hand. First, you want to try, then after I tell you why we shouldn’t, you hold back immediately. Yet when you think I want to start, you contradict yourself by rejecting. Even though I wasn’t intending to do it in the first place.’

   ‘It’s complicated.’

   ‘No, it isn’t.’

   ‘Can you forgive me for assuming?’

   ‘I forgive you.’ I smiled sensitively at his worried expression. ‘Cheer up. I love you.’

   ‘I love you too,’ he said and continued to kiss me. I hadn’t moved from my previous position and he relaxed as soon as our lips met. His hands roamed down my spine. And I must have convinced him a fair amount, as he moved down onto my over-lapping leg and smoothly ran his fingers across my skin. It seemed the ‘taking it further’ nonsense didn’t just occur to the day after all.

   When I woke up, and saw that he was still under the covers with me which he had only ever done once before. As usual he was awake already and I wondered if he really did ever sleep. Before he could say anything, I swiftly leant over and kissed him. Just as soon as I pulled away, I leapt from off the bed and into the washroom so he couldn’t ruin my blissful feelings. I came out while still brushing my hair and noticed he was stood just by the door.

   ‘Morning,’ I said as I walked past him towards the screen.

   ‘I see you’ve cheered up a lot.’

   ‘And I’m not the one who was worrying last night,’ I said as I poked my head around to speak to him.

   ‘Be that as it may.’ And he began to walk towards the door.

   ‘Where are you going?’

   ‘Outside.’

   ‘Wait. Not without me, you’re not.’

   He shook his head and turned back around. I continued to get changed into my ordinary clothes. It never took me long to get into the cotton jerkins and shirt. It was strange to know that I was always expected to wear dresses and stay indoors all the time. However, I was really happy that I ended up being the person I am now. Glad that I was brought up with the freedom of doing what I wanted rather than always being told what to do. Unfortunately, it all came down to the fact that I had no mother. No matter how many times my father told me how much I was like her, I refused to believe that I was more my own person because she died giving birth to me. Sometimes it continues to scare me so much that I break down into tears and realising that it was partly my fault she died.

   Back in the open of my room, he held out a hand for me to hold. I accepted the offer and walked to his side. We spent a lot of time smiling at each other, even more than kissing. He pulled me through the doorway and into the corridor. We continued downstairs and into the Table Hall. It wasn’t exactly early but they were still inside. I noticed that the knights were all along one side (or rather closer together than normal, as a circle had no sides), and the other three were on the opposite side to them. Mostly, they were lounging around. I looked up at the nearest high window, the small patch of sky outside I could see was covered with dark grey clouds. Falling from them was a heavy downpour. Rain wasn’t a common forecast for this area of the kingdom, but when it did turn up it wasn’t a drizzle. Tristan gestured for me to sit by him. I let Delrand’s hand fall out of my grip and walked over to the empty seat.

   ‘Bad day for outside,’ he stated. ‘Got anything in mind?’

   ‘Nope, nothing.’ I propped my elbows on the table and cupped my hands around my chin. I watched Delrand, who had chosen to sit with his friends.

   I’m not choosing between anyone here, so don’t comment.

   I wasn’t going to. I’m really bored.

   After five minutes.

   Before you turned up here, I had quite a busy schedule. I just never realised it ‘til we returned. Normally on rainy days we would either practice, same as if it wasn’t raining, only inside we couldn’t do archery, or just laze around and talk. Today was obviously a talking day.

   ‘There seems to be a far lot of bad things happening around here,’ said Tristan quietly so only I could hear him. I turned my head to face him. ‘Why did you have to take up magic, Elara?’

   ‘I had no real choice and I’m glad I did.’ My eyes looked sideways at Delrand. I leant back in my chair and folded my arms.

   ‘It seems a bit suspicious to me. He appears out of nowhere, takes you off to some place secret and, when you both come back, tells you he loves you.’

   ‘He showed me long before we came back that he loved me, Tristan; and I don’t know why you worry so much. If I trust him, surely you can be able to as well. You’re closer to me than any of the others, but you still doubt my choices sometimes and I wonder if I can really rely on you with my well-being.’ I knew he would take it the worse way, though knowing him so well let me prepare for that.

   ‘I’m just saying you should be more careful when it comes to devoting yourself to someone you hardly know.’ This shocked me more than having him actually start an argument. Since when did Tristan ever talk seriously about relationships.

   ‘You’ve been talking to father again, haven’t you?’ I asked rhetorically. ‘Anyway, I do know him well and it’s not as if he’s going to turn sides all of a sudden.’

   ‘I meant that you should make sure you’re personally safe around him. Now let it go; if we ever ended up not talking again, I’d regret ever bringing up the subject.’

   ‘I can’t hold a grudge against my own cousin, Tristan,’ I concluded and we left it at that. I turned my attention back onto the rest of the table. I was sure that none of them could have overheard us, even Lancelot sitting so close next to Tristan; though Gawain was watching me closely. I returned his gaze and he simply stared back. There must be something on his mind or he wouldn’t have remained so quiet. Dagonet was the quietest out of everyone I knew, Gawain happened to rephrase the word ‘quiet’ in the last five or ten minutes.

   At that moment Beth came up behind me and whispered in my ear.

   ‘Arthur wants to speak to you,’ she said. ‘Alone,’ she added. I turned around and nodded. Getting up and walking to the door to one of the connecting corridors, Delrand spoke to me privately.

   Do you need me with you?

   No, I need to be alone, I answered while continuing towards the door.

   Walking to my father’s study was a sub-conscious trail, I let my feet carry me through the too familiar walkways and rooms. To know all the castle’s shortcuts to everywhere was one of my commitments as a younger child. When it came to hide and seek on rainy days, such as today, I was guaranteed to win most of the time; I used to give them some chance of finding me.

   I stopped outside the carved, pine door and knocked firmly on the upper panel. I opened it enough to poke my head through the crack. Looking in, I saw him standing in front of the bookcase to the left of the small room. I walked all the way in and shut the door behind me.

   ‘There are many puzzles and complications to the most simplest things in life,’ he said, while running a finger across the leather spines of his personal library. ‘Can I be sure that he’s not listening?’ He turned around and walked behind his desk.

   I knew straight away that he was referring to Delrand, why else would he have asked for me to come alone. Any room I went in now, I instantly put a blocking shield on the walls, to prevent any eavesdroppers from listening in on any conversation. ‘He’s not listening. Why? Has this something to do with him and me?’

   ‘Don’t worry; but yes, it is. Elara, can you persuade me that he is the right man for you? He seems to be rather strange for one so young.’ I found the same weariness in his words as in Tristan’s just before.

   ‘Father, he’s not strange at all. He gets on very well with the knights and I can trust him with my life if need be. Please don’t make me not see him.’ I was almost pleading with him, something I hadn’t done in years.

   ‘I did say don’t worry. I want you to really look at the broader situation with him. He acts more than his age reveals.’ He paused, which told me he wanted to make sure he said the right words to me. ‘I’ve noticed you’ve grown up a lot since the first night he showed up. Though I still see you as my little girl all the time.’ I didn’t really know how to take this. ‘You’ve grown up far too quickly for me and I want to know that you’ll still be reasonable as you always have been. Just because you’ve met someone who’ll take care of you forever, doesn’t mean you have to change who you are.’

   ‘We’ve already discussed that. He told me he loves me because I’m so different than what he originally expected me to be like. He likes me being wild at heart and he wouldn’t like it if I changed because of him. And I’m not willing to give up my knight-side any time soon.’

   ‘Do you keep secrets from each other?’

   ‘I like to believe we don’t.’

   ‘Then he’ll know everything we said?’ I knew it was a question.

   ‘Do you want him to know?’ I asked back.

   ‘I’d prefer you keep this one meeting untold.’

   ‘I won’t tell him anything,’ I promised and I was determined not to break my word. I walked over to him and tightly hugged him around the waist. He patted me on the back and, when I released him, kissed me on the forehead. ‘Can I go now?’

   ‘Yes.’

   I walked out the door and back to the Hall. My father didn’t really make a fuss over non-political business; but he always managed to find out everything that goes on around me. How he found out all the information was beyond my knowledge or understanding. I didn’t mind just as long as he left me alone over serious problems; I liked to sort things out by myself.

   Though I knew the routes through the castle; it still took me years of getting lost and going around in circles to actually remember where each corridor or staircase lead in either direction. That is not including the ways to get from north to south, west to east, top to bottom, etc.

   I was back in the hall and it was quiet but for the pattering rain outside. The patch of sky I could see through the high window had grown darker and more threatening. A sudden roll of thunder sounded and I looked up at the ceiling and the few windows in my view. A flash of lightning lit up the near sky and sent a shudder down my body. It wasn’t out of fear, only an excited feeling. It was only around midday except outside made it seem like after sunset.

   Scared?

   I never get scared of storms. It’s exciting really. I looked over at him. He looked confused at my words, which made me smile and shrug my shoulders. It was unbelievably boring stuck inside, I didn’t have anything in particular in mind, just as long as it was better than sitting here doing nothing. Can you think of anything to do?

   Nope, what do you usually do when it’s raining?

   Sometimes we play a game based on trust.

   And what does that involve? He didn’t sound enthusiastic and it was a good thing he wasn’t.

   Daggers and blindfolds. And being stood with your back to a wall with a pretty overwhelming feeling of insecurity; that’s where the trust came in.

   Not something you’d recommend then. Well, I guess we’re stuck in here with  nothing to do.

   Afraid of getting wet? I knew he would understand the frequent change of subject.

   No, but with this much rain we’ll end up with a bad cold, may be even pneumonia.

   Talk about being a magician.

   Not that I’m really stopping you, just don’t be foolish.

   I’m not going if you’re not willing to come, I said kindly. I wanted something to do, but I wasn’t going anywhere if he wasn’t confident in being out in the downpour. Still, I wasn’t forgetting that I could use magic to protect myself from the chill. Instead, I decided it best to stay inside, under the shelter of the city walls. It grew colder with each passing hour. Outside grew ever darker and the storm continued to slowly pass over the area.

   We were sat on the bed, crossed-legged and facing each other from either end. The door to the balcony was shut and the curtains were closed to block out as much thunder roar and lightning flash as possible. Delrand said he was waiting for Merlin to contact him, about what he never said.

   ‘Don’t bother getting changed,’ he had said. ‘We might end up going somewhere.’