Have tissues ready for this!!! i hope you like it and don't send an angry mob with pitchforks!!! I also recommend listening to Baekhyun's OST on the road as you read this ...

...Hides behinds the sofa ❤️

A lone figure stands under a huge white flowering magnolia tree, the very same magnolia tree where he met his best friend! His hands shake as he tries to hold his phone, a phone he will always keep, as it holds the last precious words, his best friend spoke to him! A voicemail of soft whimpers and pleas for him to give that beautiful voice, just 5 minutes for a last goodbye and then he will be out of his life, the final words of if that is what you want, will haunt him for life. He has played that message on loop for the last week, he looks upto the sky, tears freely falling, it's a cold dreary grey afternoon, fitting giving what has just happened! The service was beautiful, lily of the valley, and soft white roses everywhere, he remembers how those tiny flowers, were always a favourite of his best friend. He wished he was lead mourner, sadly he wasn't surprised when his request was met with a furious no, they all knew he lost that right 12 months ago, when he broke that most beautiful fragile heart. A sob escapes him as he falls to his knees, letting the memories of happier times assault him, as he fists the earth beneath him. He doesn't deserve to grieve, not after what he did, how can he, when he let the brightest of lights die without the one thing he wanted most.

12 Months ago, Baekhyun's POV
Baekhyun stands in the kitchen humming a tune as he makes a hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs and tofu, smiling as he knows it's a favourite dish of the beautiful man currently sleeping in his bedroom. The twinge in his back, and limp a happy reminder of what occurred last night. He  can't believe he finally has had sex with Chanyeol, it's been a dream ever since he developed a crush on his best friend the second year of university. He has been best friends with Chanyeol since the taller boy had saved his lunch from a bully. A firm friendship had formed and they became inseparable,  yes they were as different as chalk and cheese! Baekhyun the quiet bookworm, where as Chanyeol was the life of the party, loud, and in  Baekhyun's opinion devilishly good looking. He was the one always making sure the giant studied.

Memories of a stacked torso, lean muscles, and tall athletic legs! Beakhyun blushes at the stamina and impressive length, he had no idea was hiding underneath all those loose pants of Chanyeol's. Giggling like a school girl,  he shivers at the memories of last night, no wonder he is so sore.  Chanyeol clearly has  had many lovers, judging how he expertly plowed in to him. Baekhyun blushes at remembering how loud he screamed. Chanyeol's dirty talk could make a sailor blush, that hungry alpha male look in his eyes, only served to heighten what he hoped was mutual longing, yet a complete contrast to his soft always respectful  Yeollie. Chanyeol never gave him reason to believe they would ever be more then friends, that all changed when Baekhyun had thrown caution to the wind, wanting to show Chanyeol exactly what he meant about being more then friends!  Baekhyun was  overjoyed when his innocent kiss turned into Chanyeol slamming him against a wall, claiming his mouth in a more heated kiss, before practically dragging him to his bedroom. Hearing movement behind him, knowing it to be Chanyeol, as Yixing his roommate is most likely passed out at his boyfriends. Baekhyun turns to face the man he is so desperate to confess his love to, however on turning around his smile falls, the man who worshipped him last night and has been replaced by a stranger, who body language screams devastation! Baekhyun raises his eyes and comes face to face with almost feral,  angry eyes, and guilt written all over his best friends face!

"Why does your bedroom smell like sex Baekhyun?" Baekhyun can feel his heartbeat speed up, he has never been called his full name by Chanyeol! Hearing that tone makes his chest ache, any hope for them finally becoming a couple is slipping, the more that he looks at the confusion on Chanyeol's face. It hurts as he notes all the clear disbelief vibrating from his best friend. "Yeollie!" "Don't Yeollie me, tell me that I wasn't coerced in to helping you loose your virginity" "Yeollie, I kissed you first, but" "Save it Baekhyun I know about your little crush, I love you Baekhyun" Baekhyun gasps "But as my best friend, you have been by my side since we were 5 years old, I don't see you as anything more then my best friend!" "Yeollie please don't say that, especially after" Baekhyun can feel the tears forming in his eyes and the clenching of fists, as he is dismissed by a wave of Chanyeol's hand, and his next sentence. "Why Baekhyun, why would you do this to me, I leave for Tokyo in 3 days." Baekhyun lets one tear slip down his face, as his heart shatters.

3 Months ago & Baekhyun's POV
Crystalline tears fall freely from somber amber eyes, the memory of that morning seems like a lifetime ago, and yet feels like yesterday all at the same time. Baekhyun can feel how his hands are shaking, he remembers how Chanyeol wouldn't hear him out, even after he begged on his knees to just be heard. How all Chanyeol could do, after dropping the bomb about leaving, was ask not to be called or texted! He then just left, leaving him kneeling on his hardwood floor, still there two hours later when Yixing came home. Baekhyun closes his eyes, he remembers how Chanyeol left 3 days later, with out so much of a goodbye, even after Baekhyun had left a sobbing voicemail, pleading for just five minutes. Leaving him with a broken heart, and unrelenting pain in his back, a pain that never went away.

It was month after Chanyeol left, that Yixing found him, doubled over in pain, broken dishes all over the floor! Yixing had forced him to the doctor, it was only after a series of tests, that the cause of his back pain was  discovered. A cancerous mass wrapping round his left kidney, the mass so big it had started to effect his spine, turning his world upside down! Baekhyun knows there is no use in being upset,  he knew when his diagnosis was delivered he was running on borrowed time! He runs a finger over the bruise left by his cannula, he knows if he were to roll the sleeves of his much to large borrowed blue dress shirt up, he would fine more bruising on his fore arm, some from collapsed veins that just cannot cope with dialysis anymore, the biggest and most prominent from a cannula that administered a concoction of pain relief and treatment. A treatment that is  no longer working, just poisoning him! A scar is also present low on his abdomen, where his doctor removed one of his kidneys, in attempt to prolong his life.

Baekhyun knows he is dying, removing one of his kidneys, put more pressure on his remaining one, and left him needing constant dialysis. The  mass wrapped around his spine is cancerous, sadly chemotherapy and radiation have failed to reduce the size of the mass. Beakhyun had hoped for an operation, that's been prevented thanks to the discovery of a secondary cancerous mass in his stomach. Baekhyun can feel a ghost of smile adorn his chapped lips, he can still hear his best friend Yixing's comment on how he resembles a pin cushion, Yixing had tears in his eyes, as neither of them brought up his decision to stop treatment.

Baekhyun can feel the sweat start to build at the back of his neck, he never liked wearing wigs, but doesn't want to stand out! Not today, he just wants to have one last view of the only man that has a place in his heart. It would be funny in different circumstances, it's not like he's recognisable. What's left of his once thick shiny hair, is now just patches of  wiry tuft. He had cried his eyes out on Jongdae, Yixing's partner, when he found clumps of his hair on his pillow, his treatments had finally started to take its toll.  Jongdae had instantly hatched a plan to make him feel better, one hour later, the three them had hair that could resemble a rainbow. Baekhyun keeps that ghost of a smile, remembering the last time he saw all his hair it was  bright aqua blue, sadly Yixing and Jongdae no longer had  their respective pink and blonde hair.

He glances to the end of the empty pew beside him.  There he finds a beautiful setting of pale yellow roses wrapped with a yellow bow, and wrapped with white lily of the valley and baby's breath. He smiles a melancholy smile, his heart shattering even further, yellow roses are Chanyeol's favourite, lily of the valley are his favourite. He tries to suppress  the sob he so desperately wants to let out.  The flowers exactly what he imagines his best friend would choose,  the colour a reflection of the Chanyeol he remembers, bright and happy. Its a perfect setting, a beautiful March day outside too, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, and the sun is shining. It's perfect day for a wedding. Baekhyun wants so desperately to be happy for his oldest friend, but at the same time he remembers just how desperate he was to get in touch with Chanyeol, he remembers the desperate voicemail, the unanswered DMs. Chanyeol had cut the one to one contact, all his attempts to try had been blocked on social media, so he decided Chanyeol didn't need to know about his cancer, he didn't want Chanyeol to talk to him out of pity.

Beakhyun tries to suppress the whimpers and wails, desperate for answers from the man who left him on his knees. He feels so stupid and so so selfish, even sitting at the back of the church, he can see Suho, standing to the side of the alter! Handsome, glowing in happines, his navy, no doubt designer suit, a yellow rose button hole high on his lapel.  The suit and colours a beautiful contrast to his pale complexion. Baekhyun wishes he could kick himself! He never should of made the first move to kiss Chanyeol all those months ago,  and definitely wouldn't of been so bold if Chanyeol had just told him where his heart lied. Is it selfish that he can't bring him self to regret what happened between them, because to him, that night was precious.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, he shouldn't be here, this is too hard, Yixing will kill him when he finds out he left the apartment, in the condition he is in. Yixing and Jongdae were with him when they discovered the wedding announcement in the paper. The discovery of the announcement had shocked all 3 of them, yes Baekhyun admits his first thought was how could they! He was at the time, undergoing his first bout of radiation therapy. Now though as he looks around the church, he is so glad he begged Yixing and Jongdae to let their sudden anger, and resentment go. A sad smile graces his features, it all makes sense now, the secretive glances, the eye contact, and soft smiles between Chanyeol and Suho. Chanyeol always seemed to calm down in the presence of their friend. How on the day of Chanyeol's departure Suho had turned up to the apartment he shared with Yixing, with puffy eyes and red cheeks. Back then Baekhyun just thought Suho had missed Chanyeol, not even twigging when Suho announced to them, that he too was going to Tokyo. The reason why Suho had gone to Tokyo pretty dam obvious now, he was in love! A love Baekhyun knows he will never get to experience, knowing that the tears he has valiantly tried to stop are seconds from falling, he makes a drastic decision!

Baekhyun takes a deep breath willing the tears to stay away as he takes one last look at a very handsome Suho. He can't sit here and watch Chanyeol declare love for him, his heart can't take much more. He has to go, this is his closure he knows now the dream of being with Chanyeol is just that, a dream! Chanyeol will never reciprocate his love, it's time to remember Chanyeol for the friend that he was, he will be happy for the newlyweds for whatever time he has left! With a great ache in his heart, he gets up on unsteady feet and silently walks out of the church.

Completely missing the fact, that Chanyeol had been watching him the entire time.

To be continued.