I find Akai where I expect him to be, down by the lake. The rough middle point of the farm, where he can be next to Gacho, west from Riku, southeast from the barn and southwest from the horses. Neither too close nor too far from any of the animals. No wonder it's his favourite spot.

He has his back turned to me, crouched. Hands busy at work – pull out a knotweed, toss it in a waste basket, and repeat. With summer coming into full swing, the garden has simply been exploding with knotweed patches.

"Akai?"

He doesn't turn. My feet, earlier so rushing, so hasty to arrive, now slow down until I eventually come to a halt.

I call his name again. He stops. Then he stands up, dusting dirt off his farm gloves. Turning around to face me.

"Miss Iris," he replies. "How can I help you?"

That voice, cool as a cucumber. Neither friendly nor angry. Neither welcoming nor hostile. I search his face and it tells me nothing.

"I ... I was wondering if you've seen Imelda."

"Why?"

"Just – Tomiichi said you might have."

Something flickers across his face. An expression so brief it couldn't even have filled a nanosecond, and yet speaks volumes.

He knows.

"Akai," I start, my voice almost in despair, "I'm sorry – "

"There's no need to explain anything to me, Miss Iris." The glove is yanked off his left hand and dropped to the ground. A jerky, ugly motion. "I have been well-informed."

"But you don't know the whole story!"

"Oh?" Ice in his words, a solar storm in his eyes. "You want my cousin's money, thought he was me, and chase after me with every womanly wile in your arsenal. The flirting. The innuendos. You didn't think I got the double meanings? And of course, your confession."

Thunder cracks in the distance, but still Akai's quiet voice carries over. "I told you about Niko. Something I never told anyone. Was that also part of your strategy? Telling me the sob story of your life?"

"No!" I cry. "How can you think that? That was real! Me telling you about my mom was real!"

"But your feelings for me were a lie. And that discounts everything we've ever gone through, does it not? So go on then."

There's the taste of salt on my lips. My cheeks are wet, but it's not raining, not yet. I can feel an ache in my chest, throbbing, growing even more painful with every inhalation and exhalation of breath. It takes a moment for me to realize that that pain is my own heartbeat.

Akai is so cold and distant he might as well have been standing on Mount Everest.

"Go find your rich husband. Tomiichi would be more than happy to have you. The millionaire and the gold-digger. What a pair."

Of all the lips that have shaped that word, no one makes it hurt like Akai does.

"I shouldn't have gone to the pub. For a moment, I thought ..." His mouth twists into an almost sneer. "That must have really upset your plans, didn't it? There you are, hitting it off with your man, and some dunce wanders over to destroy things. Don't worry, I won't tell my cousin about the kiss. I'm already trying hard to forget it as I speak. What was that for then – practice?"

"No. Never. That kiss was – "

"A mistake?"

Akai's tone is getting uglier by the second. Like it always does. Every single time we had a fight. He says the worst things. And he doesn't stop.

"Got a bit too drunk and thought I was Tomiichi? Just like how you thought I was the rich heir? Did you wake up this morning and regret it?"

I shake my head. Feeling the despair growing. The hopelessness. "Don't say that. Not when you're the one who called last night a mistake."

"I said I made a mistake."

"Why do you do that?" I burst out. "You just – you just always have to play with words! Why can't you just tell me what you actually mean!"

"It's not my fault you have a low intelligence."

That does it. Calling me out for something I've done is one thing, but stooping into a new level of pettiness is another. I didn't come here just to get attacked by kindergarten insults.

"You can't accuse me of being dumb when you're the one being all Mr Darcy and shit," I retort. "How the fuck do you expect me to know what you're thinking when you don't even seem to know half the time? In case you haven't noticed – I'm not a mind reader!"

"Oh, so now it's my fault? How very typical of you, Miss Iris, to direct the blame on someone else." A sudden, angry rise in volume. "What's next – it's my fault you thought I was Tomiichi?"

"Don't Miss Iris me! This is a goddamn fight, not a professional discussion on farm care!"

A flash of fury in Akai's eyes, and there it is again. That wildness. It's such an out-of-place expression on him, that it takes this second time of me seeing it to suddenly realize what it actually is.

Satoh Akai is being emotional, and for the first time, I can see it all play out so clearly on his face.

"I was wrong," I whisper. "I lied, and that was wrong, and I'm sorry. But I like you. For real. Those feelings were real. And I know you don't believe me, and you don't have to, because I know I've hurt you, but Akai, please ..."

The next sentence leaves my lips in almost a whimper.

"Don't make it sound like you liked me back. Because you don't. Do you?"

Akai stands there, stands right there looking at me. And he doesn't say a word.

"Never mind." I try to let out a laugh, but it comes out more like a sob. "You're just going to give me another riddle. You should have gone into linguistics. You've got a bright career."

Still he doesn't say a word. The thunder crackles, louder and even more ominous. The rain clouds are now directly overhead, turning the sky a moody grey.

We stand there for a few seconds in silence. Jared's voice echoes in my head.

If you turn away from me, you won't have anything anymore. And I mean that. In every sense of the word.

How much must I like Akai, if my ex-husband could figure it out within one day of his arrival, and still had time to concoct a plan for breaking us apart?

Not that, I suppose, there was ever an us. Or ever will be.

"You should go back." My voice struggles to keep steady as I try to regain my composure. Try to pretend I'm not on the verge of falling apart. "Maiko's scared of thunder. The cows too. They need you."

"And you?" Akai's voice is rough. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to leave. That's what you want, isn't it? For me to leave?"

"I never said that."

"Of course you didn't. Because you never say anything, do you?"

No reply. Akai's lips press into a thin line, and he stays obstinately silent.

Oh, not for the first time do I wish I knew what he was thinking! But I can't. I never will. And most importantly, I shouldn't need to.

Sometimes in life, you don't always get an answer. And when that happens, you have to be strong enough to make the answer yourself.

The ground sinks a little as I turn the heel of my shoe. Blades of grass tickle my ankles as I start to walk. Each step is the closing of a permanent door, and each inch of distance irreversible as the passage of time.

When I walked away from my father, it hurt. But right behind that hurt came relief, a sense of finally being free. Free of all that grudge, and deep-seated resentment. And when I walked away from Jared, there was triumph. Pride at how much I've grown and changed for the better.

But walking away from Akai?

The first of raindrops hit my scalp, trickling down my cheeks to meet with my tears.

Walking away from Akai is nothing but a world of hurt.

£

Anita stares at the resignation letter in my outstretched hand. "Have you told Mr. Satoh?"

"It's all in the letter. Once he reads it, he'll understand."

"You're running away. Just like how you did when you first came here."

I pretend not to hear. "Please tell Mr. and Mrs. Satoh that I really enjoyed my time here. I'll miss them a lot. Chihiro, too. It's too bad I didn't have time to say goodbye."

"But you do. It's only a quarter past ten," she observes. "The young lady's History lesson ends in fifteen minutes."

"I need to make the train."

"Your train is at noon. But very well." Anita takes the letter and slips it into her pocket. "Anything else?"

"I almost forgot. One of the cows – Moona Lisa I think – has a problem with her hind hoof. She's been limping since yesterday. A farrier needs to come in and look at it before it gets any worse."

The housekeeper frowns. "You should be telling Akai."

I shift my grip on the suitcase. Turns out you can survive with a wardrobe smaller than the size of a bathroom. For the first time, all my clothes fit inside one bag. "Yeah, well. Can you pass on the message for me? And thank you, Anita. For everything."

Outside, the rain is coming down strong. Just like that night I left Jared. Once again, I'm walking away from a rich man's house. It's becoming a habit.

A loud honk, and two bright round things pull into view. A familiar head pokes out of the car window and into the rain.

I groan. "Let me guess. You're the night porter, local constable, and part-time cab driver?"

Teddy winks. "You got that right, princess. Man of odd jobs, they call me. Now let's see if we can get you and your stuff into old Betsy here without getting y'all wet."

The inside of the cab is warm and clean, with just the faintest smell of cigarettes. As the cab pulls away down the road, I resist the urge to turn around and watch the Satoh house recede into the distance. Not that I'd have been able to see anything anyway. Not with this rain lashing down in thick sheets.

Rain. Water. Lake. Akai. I shake my head, trying to think of anything else. High heels. Gucci purse. Party dress. Fancy dinner. Cocktails at a bar. Making out with Akai in the toilet.

"You're leaving us, then?" Teddy glances at me through the back mirror. "Thought you'd be here a bit longer. Was going to invite you to me and Rose's wedding."

My hands leap to my mouth. "You proposed?"

"Not yet. Tonight, at my house. I'm making her dinner." The nervousness in Teddy's voice is palpable, and touches me to the quick. "Hope she likes steak. 'Course, hope she likes me better."

"She does," I reassure. My voice drops to a conspiratorial tone. "She thinks you look good riding with the denim shirt. And the cowboy hat. Apparently you look so good she can 'positively gobble you up'."

Teddy roars with laughter. "Ah, Rose! Never one for subtlety, eh?"

A whisper, an echo. You're not a subtle woman, Miss Iris.

Teddy is still chuckling away in the front seat, but the grin on my face has faded. Is this what life will be like from now on? The most painful of memories, burning at the most random of moments? What do you when even the simplest of things can become a trigger, a reminder of what's lost?

And I haven't even left Ryefair yet.

Teddy turns up the radio and the two of us lapse into silence. Outside, murky shapes of buildings go zipping by. We round a curve, and despite the torrential rain, I can still see the large wooden sign of the inn swaying about in the wind. Rose's inn. Where I once sat, quite literally, up on a high horse, in my Cinderella ballgown and broken heels.

Behind that, not two blocks away, is Edlyn's shop. Where the three of us – Rose, Edlyn and I, spent the night before the Ryefair festival mending dresses. Trying on clothes. Parading and giddying about, laughing, exchanging stories. All over a teapot of Rose's handmade tea.

It's not just Akai I'm leaving behind. It's Edlyn, and Rose, and the farm, and Maiko, and – oh – Hoshi. it's Gacho and the cows, Riku and the chickens. It's Chihiro and her bright, always-so-cheerful smile.

Ryefair was my new lease on life. Now it's all gone.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

The car bumps over mud as it comes to a stop. Teddy kills the engine and turns around to look at me.

"I gotta say, I was wrong about you. Thought you were nothing but a spoiled princess. But turns out you're made of much sterner stuff than that."

He sticks his hand out. "Have a safe trip, Miss Iris. Come back and visit us sometime."

I take his hand, and smile through my lie. "I will. See you."

It's a forlorn feeling as I watch Ryefair's one and only cab drive away and out of sight. Two months ago I'd have been more than happy to leave. But now all I want to do – is stay. Funny how life can turn out. After everything, I'm still no better than that woman who walked out of Jared's front door.

I turn to pick up my luggage on the ground, and that's when something rough and distinctly chemical slams itself across my nose.