For a while I decided not to seek out Mr. Thornton or Belmont after the sudden apparition of my cousin. I had a feeling I could soon exacerbate my aunt's suspicions of my constant outings. So in the mean time I kept to the house since I was still in mourning but I wrote a letter every two days to send to Joshua. Wherever he was at he needed to find a way to let me know he was still fine. He was not the type to go without writing for too long and the soldiers in their beds haunted my thoughts of him. Like a small fear that should I open the door could swallow my heart whole.

"Will you go out again today?" My aunt asked as I looked out the window.

"I'll stay inside and practice the piano."

"It would be better to go for a walk with your cousin in the park."

"Actually I have to go do something on my own."

"Absolutely not. Take your cousin with you. I do not want you to go through another night alone. Every day someone mentions your name I am afraid they'll find out you were all alone for a whole night without anyone there and then no one not even being in the church will cleanse your reputation once people get a hold of such a fact to spread lies of your character."

"What I meant to say is I have to get back to Whitby. There are things to attend to but I'll be back within the week or two."

"What things?"

"Things of the land and tenants that papa taught me."

"You? Do you not have someone to do it? Should it not be someone else's concern? What man will want to marry a lady who has her nose up his business?"

"Joshua. We learned everything together aunt."

"Has he written to you lately?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Come back quickly from Whitby. It's almost Spring and your cousin needs to be here."

"I do not understand the meaning of..."

"I'll tell Angelina to pack too."

"What?"

"Like I said you cannot be out everywhere without a proper companion. The times may have changed for the lower classes but for us things remain the same."

Aunt made sure to point out although it was 1918 she was still living in the Victorian Era and unfortunately too many still were.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow then," I sighed.

*

Whitby coming into view was a grace on its own after the grey smoke constantly surrounding me in London. I could feel the openness in the places Joshua and I had grew up on. My childhood best friend turned into a love one could only dream of.

I missed his lively disposition, always active, up to something and keen on taking me along with him. I always thought it a silly idea that opposites attract because Joshua and I were like fire and fire. How could you ever think people who are nothing like each other be expected to be happy forever? Wouldn't you just want to tear out your hair if you lived with someone who thought everything in an opposite manner than you did? 

It was no wonder Joshua and I became a little too scandalous too soon. Papa had no choice but to approve us yet I knew he dearly loved Joshua like a son for he was treated as such in our house. I knew the luck I encountered in this for fathers were always trying to pass off their offspring to the best match in wealth and title, as for character, personality and dispositions were afterthoughts. This was why I could not be in London for too long, I knew sooner or later London society would come for me. For now I was safe because of my mourning.

"Why do you sulk around this tree every day?" My cousin interrupted my thoughts of Joshua.

"I am not sulking. I'm merely willing and praying for Joshua's return." I said sitting from the swing Joshua and I had put up together.

"Is he handsome? He must be for you to sigh so heavily."

"Any man who is truly kind and genuine is handsome. So yes he's the most handsome of them all."

"That means he is not." She pouted.

"He is!"

"Then how does he look like? What color are his eyes? What about his hair? Does he walk and talk like a prince all dignified?"

"Like a prince?" I chuckled, "No he's not dignified in the least. He's very friendly, he'll make too much eye contact, and he's constantly getting himself dirty with some work of this or that."

"God no, why would you want a dirty husband?"

"Dirty from work is fine. I get myself dirty too. I go out and help with the chickens, pigs, and horses."

"Did you just say pigs?!"

"I'll never be a London lady will I?"

"Did you not have a governess?"

"I did. Joshua and I studied together."

"Wait why? Did he not have his own?"

"No. Papa paid for his studies."

"Uncle was quite generous."

"Yes. So whatever Joshua learned I did the same until he went on to serve his country."

"So your papa really wanted for you two to be together in the future?" She asked unsure of what I'd be claiming.

"Of course."

"Oh I thought you were groveling to get the family to approve the inequality between you both."

"No there's no inequality. He's my perfect match."

"Um," she nodded seeing I was annoyed. "So you two are about the same age?"

"Yes."

"That's good, he's young, it must not make him too ugly or does it?"

"No. He's quite alright but it would not matter anyways."

"I'm starting to think mama will never be able to persuade you out of this."

"What do you mean?" I looked her in the eyes and she quickly retracted her eyes and words.

"Oh I think I spoke too much."

"Angelina tell me!"

"I promise it's nothing that hasn't been through your mind or anyone's else in the current situation." She said apologetically backing up.

"Such as?"

"Mama wants you to marry a Duke or such. You're so beautiful and it'd be a waste for you to live a small life in Whitby like your mother did. Never going to London and such..."

"Is there anyone already set on her mind?"

"No, no. It was just her wishes."

"I will never let go of Joshua."

"He is only a man like any other is he not?"

"No! And I will not betray him like that nor do I wish to. He is the most upstanding person. He is very much like papa. We were blessed by both my parents. It does not matter what anyone else says about us."

"Does it not? I heard mama had a hard time getting married because of what they used to say about her. What if your children have trouble marrying because of Joshua's lowly upbringing. Will you truly be happy for them to go through such a thing?"

"Equality is not money. Equality is character and manners which can be taught by anyone."

"But most are not."

"Angelina! You have a very bad skewed way of looking at the world."

"No it's the truth. I cannot expect the same of type of manners of those not from our class nor education. You are just too romantic. That's why mama says you will never make a happy marriage. Those who marry betting on the grandiosity of love are bound to become unhappy later on she says. So I will bet on good looks and money. I can love anyone if they own both of those."

Angelina talked exactly the way she had been taught by my dear aunt and it was as if the roles had been reversed between us. I was the young naive lady and she was my advice giver. Yet the way my aunt had managed to twist her head was still frightening.

"And if they have no manners?"

"Manners are a given in our society."

"Nothing else matters then?"

"Why should it?"

"What if he gambles?"

"Like I said money, if he does not have it then we won't get married."

"And if he's not handsome but loves you to death."

"How could I kiss him? Wouldn't it make things hard?"

"And if he has a bad character and a beautiful face?"

"Rumors would reach mama no doubt."

"I am out of words for your sake."

"See I told you, you only need these three things."

"Actually you are wrong. What we need is milk. Let's go," I pulled her by the arm.

"Go where?"

"Get fresh milk! From the cows!"

"What?! No! I am lady! No please cousin! Let me go! I am not a country girl! Help me Lord! Help!" She went struggling and yelling like the pretty city girl she was and I had a good laugh for the rest of the day.

Although I was dirty by the end of the work day Angelina came home head deep in mud with stained dress and shoes.

"Oh dear, if your mother could see you."

"I'm going to cry," she pouted and began her melodrama as I left her with the staff to make sure she was going to get scrubbed properly. Even then from the bathroom I could hear her scream from having to get scrubbed harshly.

"Ow! Be careful!" She cried and I laughed. "I hate the country."

Even if Joshua wasn't here to do these things with me at least the house didn't feel so empty anymore. I guess I hadn't only gone to London to look for Belmont. I was hoping for company. It really was not in my nature to want to be alone at all times. I wanted someone there by me even if in silence. Although it was quite alright that my cousin was making me laugh this much. So much so that the next morning I woke up with Angelina in my bed sleeping beside me. She must have come in during the night.

Maybe having just one sister wouldn't have been so bad. I made sure to stay still until she decided to wake up so we could have breakfast together. Just thinking back to the meals I had alone here after mama passed away made me shiver. If only Joshua was already here with me...

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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.