❝ Ikaw ang pinakamalakas ang loob

Para gawin ang bagay na ’yon.

Mas lalo kong pinatunayan sa sarili kong

Tama ang naging desisyon ko--

Na sumugal sa ’yo

Sa kabila ng pangit na nakaraan mo--

Sa kabila ng kung ano ka sa nakaraan mo. ❞
  

“Solari--”

Napalingon ako kay Mama habang sinusuklay ang buhok ko. Nakita ko pa ang gulat niya nang makita ako.

“Gising ka na pala, hindi ka bumababa!” bulyaw niya. “Nandito na ang kaklase mo! Bumaba ka na at kumain ng agahan, ha!”

I gulped. “O-Oo, Mama!”

Pagkatapos n’on, umalis na si Mama.

Hinugot ko na sa saksakan ang blower na ang tagal kong ginamit para lang patuyuin nang mabuti ang buhok ko. Pagkatapos, nag-apply ako ng kaunting face powder at lip tint dahil alam kong pupunta si Klein ngayon dito. Pambawi man lang sa bawat pagpunta niya dito na palagi akong naaabutan na bagong gising.

Nang matapos, isinuot ko na ulit ang salamin bago lumabas ng k’warto. Sumilip ako sa ibaba at nakita si Klein na kausap si Mama sa living room. Medyo tumatawa-tawa pa ang lalaking ’to! Nagpapa-good shot yata sa nanay ko, ah?!

Tumikhim ako at inayos sa huling pagkakataon ang sarili bago bumaba. Mabilis na napalingon sa akin si Klein nang makarating ako sa kinaroroonan nila ni Mama.

“Oh, halika na. Mag-agahan na tayo, mga anak.”

Nakita ko na nagulat pa si Klein sa narinig kay Mama kasabay ng pamumula ng mga tainga niya. Tumikhim siya bago inaya akong sumunod na sa dining area.

Pinaghila niya ulit ako ng upuan bago siya umikot papunta sa upuan sa harap ko saka umupo.

“Halina’t magdasal tayo.”

Nag-sign of the cross kami bago ipinagdasal ang panalangin na binabanggit ni Mama. Nang matapos, si Mama na nasa kabisera ng lamesa ang nagsandok ng kanin at ulam sa parehong plato namin ni Klein.

“Magpakabusog kayo ngayong umaga nang may lakas kayo sa buong araw, ha?” saad ni Mama.

Pigil ang ngiti ni Klein na sumagot. “O-Opo, Tita.”

Nagsimula na kaming kumain.

Habang kumakain, nag-uusap sina Mama at Klein tungkol sa mga ginagawa namin sa school at kung anong klaseng research daw ba ang ginagawa namin at bakit dalawa lang kami.

Nakakaloka ’tong si Mama, ang dami-daming pagkakataon na itatanong niya sa akin ’yon nitong mga nagdaang linggo pero hindi niya ginawa! Si Klein talaga ang tinanong niya, ha!

“Hindi po kasi broad na research at kaunti lang ang kailangan na respondents kaya po siguro ginawang by partners na lang at hindi by group,” paliwanag ni Klein.

Tumango-tango si Mama bago uminom ng tubig. “O siya, galingan ninyong dalawa at nang makakuha kayo ng mataas na marka.”

Ngumiti si Klein. “Oo naman po, sigurado po ’yon.”

Matapos sabihin ’yon, tumingin siya sa akin nang nakangiti. Inirapan ko siya dahil sa pagpapa-good shot niya sa nanay ko.

Matapos kumain, si Mama na rin ang naghugas ng pinagkainan. Dumeretso na kami sa k’warto ko para gumawa ng research kahit na wala naman talaga kaming gagawin pa sa ngayon.

Katatapos lang ng title defense kahapon. We deserved a rest, didn’t we???

Nang makarating kami sa k’warto ko, inilagay ko ang harang sa ilalim ng pinto para mapanatili itong nakabukas dahil ayaw ni Mama na sarado ito kapag may bisita akong lalaki sa k’warto--kahit marami pa kami dito.

“Upo ka na muna,” nakaiwas ang mga tingin na sabi ko sa kan’ya pagkaupo sa swivel chair.

Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa niya bago naupo sa gilid ng kama ko--bale sa tabi ko. Tumikhim ako bago binuksan ang computer.

“A-Ano bang gagawin natin ngayon, bakit ka nandito?” kinakabahan kong tanong habang hinihintay na lumabas ang Welcome, Solari! sa screen.

Shuta, ang tagal-tagal!!!

“Uhh, we won’t be doing the research for now.”

I know! I cleared my throat. “S-So, a-anong gagawin natin ngayon?”

“We’ll talk about what you said last night.”

Pinananatili ko pa rin ang paningin sa screen na hanggang ngayon, naglo-loading pa rin at hindi pa bumubukas! Pilit kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko na huwag lumingon sa kan’ya, gaano ko man kagusto, dahil once I did it, my heart will really explode!

Argh! Papa, I think I need a new computer!!!

“H-Huh?”

He chuckled before pulling the swivel chair, making me face him. I looked away that made him laugh once again.

“Sol . . . look at me.”

And in an instance, I glared at him because of what he called me. He laughed.

“Now, tell me what you were saying last night.”

I cleared my throat as I face down on my lap. “W-Wala akong matandaan, nananaginip ka lang yat--”

Mabilis na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ang labi niya sa labi ko. It was just a peck on my lips but it already gave me a lot of emotions I shouldn’t feel!

Nagpa-panic akong tumingin sa kan’ya bago sa pintuan, tapos sa kan’ya ulit. Hinampas ko siya kaagad na siyang nagpatawa ulit sa kan’ya.

“Kung ano-ano ginagawa mo, Klein, ha! kapag nakita tayo ni Mama!”

He laughed. “It’s your fault. Why do you kept on painting your lips that way? It’s making your lips more kissable.”

I laughed. Painting your lips, amputek!

“Wala kang pakialam!” Inilayo ko ang swivel chair sa kan’ya at bumalik sa harap ng computer. “’Wag mo akong inisin, ha!”

I gulped as I unconsciously bit my fingernails. Sa wakas naman at bumukas na ’to! Ang tagal-tagal mag-open, eh! Papapalitan ko na talaga ’to kay Papa ng gaming PC!

Nire-refresh ko nang paulit-ulit ang desktop nang magsalita siya.

“Sol . . .”

I sighed violently as I looked at him. “Oh, ano, Justine Klein???” irita kong sabi.

He laughed. “Come on, tell me what you said last night. I want to hear it right in front of my face.”

I looked away. “No. I said what I said  Klein. Kung ayaw mo, bahala ka d’yan. Binabawi ko na.” He laughed louder as he pulled my swivel chair once again. Pati ako natawa na. “Ano ba, Klein! Parang ewan ’to!” I laughed.

His smile is still on his face as he stared at me. 

“Solari.”

He held both of my--now--trembling hands. Sinubukan ko namang pigilan ang panginginig ng kamay ko pero hindi ko na talaga magawa, lalo na ngayong magkaharap kami at ganito kalapit sa isa’t isa.

A few seconds later, his smile fades as he becomes serious. I gulped as I tried to look away but he gently squeezed my hands to stop me . . . to keep me from looking at him.

“I like you. I like you so bad. Not hearing your voice in a day feels like an empty day. Being with you makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable because you made my heart this way.”

He put my right hand on his left chest and I immediately felt his heart, beating so fast . . . like mine. Ibinalik niya rin ’yon kaagad sa tabi ng kaliwang kamay ko.

“And from the moment I kissed you yesterday, I knew that I had fallen hard . . . deep. And I couldn’t sleep soundly because of that.”

He chuckled, looking down as I saw his ears turned red. Then, he looked at me with his genuine smile once again.

“You’re the first thing I remember the moment I woke up in the morning . . . because you are Sol. The beautiful sun that lights up the world--that lights up my day whenever I see you. There is not a day that I was never reminded of you . . . may makita man akong araw o wala. Umuulan man o hindi, ikaw at ikaw pa rin ang naaalala ko kasi . . . iniisip ko, what were you doing at that time? Were you enjoying your hot coffee on these cold rainy days?”

I smiled a little as I looked down on my hands that he’s holding tight. Why is he like this? Kumukuha lang naman ako ng tamang tiyempo para sabihin sa kan’ya ang mga sinabi ko kagabi, ah?

“I . . .” He sighed. “I know that I was an asshole and I can’t blame you if you won’t believe me easily . . . that I am not the same person as I was, more than a year ago. But, I will prove it to you. Just . . . let me . . . Solari.”

I looked at his pleading eyes as I heard his little sighs. Like, he’s having a hard time breathing because he’s nervous. I can see it.

“I really like you, Solari. I . . . I want you to be mine.” His eyes turned red, like he was about to cry, as he gulped. “C-Can you be my girlfriend?”

I became silent. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kong una kasi . . . may gusto kong hilingin sa kan’ya bago ang lahat. I am sure that I want to be his girlfriend too, but I think I need to ask this one thing from him.

“K-Klein, before anything else . . .” I saw him gulped repeatedly as his mouth parted slightly  waiting for the things I’m about to say. “Can I ask you one thing?”

Umayos siya ng upo bago tumango. “Of course. What is it?”

I gulped, still staring directly at his eyes. “You once told me that . . . you can’t promise me anything. I’m sure that . . . if you’ll have to assure me, you need to promise me one thing. Hindi kasi p’wede ang pure assurance lang at walang promise and actions, Klein.”

He slowly shut his mouth but his eyes are still looking at me.

“Uhh, c-can you promise me anything? Kahit ano lang. I just want one thing to hold on from you. Then I’ll give my answer to your question right after.”

He became silent. He slowly looked down on my hands that he’s caressing. His thumb kept on brushing on it as I heard his sighs.

A minute later, he looked at me once again with his usual genuine smile on his face.

“I can promise you one thing.”

My heart started beating wildly at his remark. I felt excited and happy because this is the only thing that I want from him now.

“A-Ano ’yon?”

He intertwined our fingers on both hands as he talked.

“I promise that I will never hurt you, in any way, intentionally. I will never, ever, try to do something that will intentionally hurt you, Solari. That’s . . . one thing I am really sure of.”

My lips immediately formed a smile upon hearing what he said. I chuckled before I talked.

“Then . . . I . . . I think I can be your girlfriend.”

Right after he said that, he sighed in relief as he let go of my hands to cup my face and claimed my lips. I smiled in between of it as I kissed him back.

After a few seconds, he broke the kiss. The smile is still wide on his face.

“Thank you, Solari.”

I smiled. “Thank you rin.”

After that, he finally let me open Chrome and Word on my computer as we pretended to do something. Sakto lang din dahil a few minutes later, dumaan si Mama sa harap ng k’warto, mukhang tinitingnan kung anong ginagawa namin.

Medyo pinagpawisan ako nang dahil do’n, ah?

I killed the time by editing the chapter one and two of our research habang si Klein naman, tinotono ang gitara kong matagal nang natambak sa k’warto.

“Ayan, okay na,” sabi niya bago nagsimula mag-strum ng random chords. “What do you want me to play?”

I turned the swivel chair to face him as I thought of a song that I wanted him to play for me.

“Hmmm . . .”

Ang dami-dami kong naiisip na kanta pero wala akong maisip na bagay ipatugtog sa kan’ya. Sa huli, I gave up.

“Ikaw nang bahala. You can play your favorite song para naman aware din ako sa klase ng kanta na trip mo.”

He chuckled as he nodded. “Okay. But, do you know Bruno Major?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. Why?”

He started plucking the strings. “This song of him is one of the best I have ever heard. Sobrang gusto ko yung kanta na ’to. I think it can pass as one of my favorite songs.”

I nodded and then watched him play the guitar as he sang the low and chill song I am not familiar with. This is the first time I’ve heard of it and it already gave me chills, especially that his voice suits this kind of song!

“There's not many people
I'd honestly say
I don't mind losing to
But there's nothing
Like doing nothing
With you . . .”

Tuluyan ko nang binitiwan ang keyboard at humarap na lang nang mabuti sa kan’ya habang nakikinig sa maganda niyang boses.

“Dumb conversations
We lose track of time
Have I told you lately
I'm grateful you're mine
We'll watch The Notebook
For the 17th time
I'll say “It's stupid”
Then you'll catch me crying . . .”

W

ow. How can he discover such a beautiful song? I am not familiar with the singer, either, and I am feeling so honored to know such a song because of him.

I’m so glad I have a boyfriend like him who would share his amazing playlist with me.

“So shut all the windows
And lock all the doors
We're not looking for no one
Don't need nothing more
You'll bite my lip and
I'll want you more
Until we end up in a heap on the floor
Mmm . . .”

I

chuckled as I felt my face heated when I realized what the lyrics said. Damn, this guy really likes songs with this kind of lyrics, huh? It’s not that bad, though. 

After he sang the whole song, he looked at me and gave me a sweet smile.

“You’re the only one who heard me play and sing that song.”

I chuckled. “Should I be honored?”

He slightly shook his head as he held my hand. “I’m just saying that you’ll be experiencing more things that other people haven’t yet, with me.” He winked.

Hinampas ko siya sa kalandian niya bago ibinalik ang atensiyon sa monitor.

“Ang landi mo, tumugtog ka na nga lang d’yan!” sabi ko habang pilit pinipigilan ang pagngiti.

He laughed. “It won’t work on me, Solari. You’re just hiding yourself, blushing because of me.”

Tumawa ako nang malakas bago lumingon sa kan’ya. “Kapal nito! D’yan ka na nga!"

Ilang minuto niya pa ako inasar-asar bago ako hinayaan na mag-edit ng research habang siya ay tumutugtog ng iba’t ibang kanta.

Nang mag-6:00 p.m., pinauwi ko na siya dahil medyo mahaba-haba ang byahe niya pauwi.

“See you on Monday na lang!” sabi ko habang pinagtutulakan siya palabas ng k’warto ko.

“Dito na ako mag-dinner.”

Umiling ako habang tinutulak siya pababa sa hagdanan. “Hindi! Sumabay ka sa family mo! Naghihintay sila sa ’yo!”

Nagbuntonghininga lang siya bago tuluyan nang bumaba. Pumunta kami sa kusina para makapagpaalam na siya kay Mama.

“Mama, uuwi na siya!”

Lumingon sa amin si Mama na may suot na apron. “Oh? Hindi ka ulit dito magdi-dinner?”

“Ayaw po ni--” Mabilis ko siyang siniko para matigil ang sasabihin niya. “A-Ahh, h-hindi na ho. Sa bahay na ho.”

Parang may pagdududa pa si Mama dahil doon bago lumingon sa akin! Ang daldal kasi nitong lalaking ’to, eh! Hay, nako!

Ilang sandali pa, ibinalik na ni Mama ang tingin sa kan’ya. “Oh, sige, hijo. Mag-iingat ka.”

Tumango si Klein. “Maraming salamat po.”

Tumalikod na siya at maglalakad na sana paalis nang huminto siya at muling lumingon kay Mama. Nakaramdam ako ng kaba nang dahil doon.

“Uhh, Tita.”

Lumingon din si Mama sa kan’ya nang nagtataka. “Oh? May nakalimutan ka bang sabihin?”

Nanlamig ako habang pilit na hinihila ang dulo ng maroon na t-shirt na suot ni Klein. Alam ko kung anong sasabihin niya! Ramdam na ramdam ko ang nilalaman ng isip niya! Bwisit talaga!

“Klein--”

“May gusto po ako sa anak ninyo, Tita.” 

Napaawang ang bibig ni Mama nang dahil doon, habang ako naman ay napapikit nang mariin.

“At . . . girlfriend ko na ho siya ngayon. Ayos lang po ba sa inyo?”

Sunod-sunod ang paglunok ko habang nakatingin sa sahig. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon ni Mama dahil ito ang unang beses na may nagpakilalang lalaki sa kan’ya bilang boyfriend ko. Wala din naman kasi akong pinapakilala sa kan’ya.

Bakit ba ganito katapang itong si Klein? Where did he get all those courage that he has? I sighed.

“Wala naman akong magagawa, desisyon ninyo ’yan.” Napalingon ako kay Mama na bahagyang tumatawa ngayon. “Ayaw ko lang makikitang umiiyak ang anak ko nang dahil sa ’yo, hijo. ’Yon lang naman ang sa akin.”

Tumingin ako kay Klein na ngayon ay nakangiti na. “Makakaasa po kayo na hindi po siya iiyak nang dahil sa akin. Hinding-hindi ko ho sasaktan ang anak ninyo. Pangako ko po ’yan.”

The song I used in this chapter is Nothing by Bruno Major.